*** Disclaimer - the events related below occurred when I was a senior in high school. I, as well as the other students mentioned below, were at least 18 years old at the time. ***
Throughout high school I was a shy kid. When I was in 9th grade, I was just 98 pounds and the only male in my class who weighed less than 100 pounds. The wrestling coach begged for me to join the wrestling team, despite my not really having an interest in wrestling. You see, our team had to forfeit the 106-pound bout, because the lightest guy on our team weighed around 110 pounds and thus competed in the 113 pound weight class. Coach Russo persuaded me to join, "Even if you get pinned, the outcome is no worse for us; we'll just lose 6 points the way we are now. And even if you lose the match but can avoid getting pinned, then we would essentially earn 3 more points than we're getting now." He also spoke of camaraderie, of making friends, of school spirit, and other things. Eventually, my arm was twisted and I joined the team.
Wrestling really didn't turn out to be the positive experience that Coach Russo had said it would be. While I did actually manage to not get pinned in a few competitions against other schools, I never really got embraced by my teammates as a 'winner.' Furthermore, during practice, there really wasn't anyone 'my own size' to wrestle against, so I was always wrestling my classmates who were in the 113, 120, or 126 weight classes. During one simulated match in practice, I briefly had my 'shining moment' as I was wrestling Henry Korpusik and held a 7-6 lead in the third period. But, rather than cheering me on, my teammates were ridiculing Henry, "Come on, Henry, you can't let Shade beat you." "Come on, Henry, you can't lose to a guy 20 pounds less than you."
I guess there's two things I need to explain here. First, my nickname. 'Shade.' So, I grew up on a farm. If I had had my way, I would have spent the summers of my youth on a beach working on my tan. However, growing up on vegetable farm, summers were obviously the busiest time of a year. I would spend my days weeding cantaloupe and watermelon vines, or bent over picking cucumbers from sprawling vines. Generally my dad spent the mornings picking corn, and he would be in a different part of the farm, such as the tomatoes in the afternoon. I was basically given my own sector and expected to complete the work in it. I figured if I was going to have to work, at least I was going to get a tan while doing it. So, I would get to my isolated part of the field, then take off all my clothes (yes, all of them), and then work naked the rest of the day. My parents were none the wiser, although I'm not sure they would have cared, as I wasn't hurting anyone and no one could see me. Over the course of a summer, I developed a pretty dark tan, especially on my backside that was most exposed to the sun. Anyhow, after one of the first practices after I had joined the wrestling team, Coach Russo saw me in the shower, and hollered out, "Hey Hovan, how come your front side is a shade lighter than your backside?" Needless to say, my teammates found Coach Russo's observation to be hysterical, and shortly thereafter I was no longer referred to by my last name, but by my new nickname, Shade.
Getting back to that match versus Henry. I had him under my control, with my legs confining his head and his arm pulled behind his back. While I didn't have the strength to pin him, I could simply hold on to my position and ride him out for the last 30 seconds, and I would have won my first match. But Henry couldn't face the embarrassment of losing to the '96 pound weakling.' I felt a sudden, piercing pain in my testicles. As an uncontrollable, natural reflex, my legs loosened their grip, and my hand let go of Henry's arm. In that one instant, as my instincts directed my body to grab my balls, Henry surged out from my control, flipped me onto my back, and pinned me. And, like that, it was over. The bastard had bitten my testicles. But, no one believed me. The next day, I quit the wrestling team.
Over the next year, I finally put on a growth spurt. By 10th grade I had put on about 40 pounds. The hard physical labor of farming was beginning to provide secondary benefits. I had always been well tanned, but my chest was no longer flat; it had distinctive curves that formed the outline of my pecs. My arms were no longer 'sticks', but had distinctive bulges to them even when I wasn't "making a muscle." I had to laugh one day after gym class when a classmate Vince said, "Oh my god, Shade, you have abs!"
"No, I don't," I responded. My brain had not yet caught up and processed the transformations that were occurring to my body. In my head, I was still a 96-pound weakling, and I was still shy, in part, because of my perception of myself in relation to others.
"Hey guys, come look. Shade has abs," Vince continued, as he beckoned classmates over to look at me. I wasn't used to being the certain of attention. I tended to hide, or flee, from attention, to be honest. Yes, I desperately wanted to be one of the 'cool kids', but I just didn't think I had the stuff to be one of the cool kids.
Later that year, I decided to run for student council. Each of the top 6 vote-getters would represent one of the 6 homerooms. I knew I needed some activity to show prospective colleges that I was more than just a bookworm. One year on a wrestling team was not going to be enough extracurricular activities to suggest that I was a well-rounded student. Winning a seat on the student council would be difficult, though. Over 20 students ran for the position. Many of them had parents who were doctors and lawyers; thus, the kids had much nicer clothes than I did. And, what I dreaded the most was that each of us as candidates would have to give a speech to a full class assembly, essentially making our plea for votes.
I am not a natural athlete. I am not a natural comedian. These are the types of people who tend to win elections for student council. Let's face it; it's a popularity contest, and I was not a particularly popular kid. I never hung out with the "A-list" kids, but I did have a few friends who were legitimate B-list. I wrote a speech that I felt would demonstrate how I would represent my classmates on the student council. I spoke of my farm background; I spoke of bringing things to life and watching them grow. And I concluded my speech, "Good ideas, like good vegetables, need to be nurtured to grow. Let me be your fertilizer. Vote Shade for Student Council."
It really was an innocent statement. I had no intentional innuendo in my concluding remarks. But, immediately afterwards, I had classmates who had never before spoken to me coming up, high-fiving me, and congratulating me. "Dude, I can't believe you just said you want to fuck all of us, in front of all the teachers and principal. That was so awesome!"
And with that one unintentionally 'brilliant' line, I soared to the highest vote total among all 20+ students running for student council. However, in my mind, I was still unsure of myself. Had I really become one of the popular kids, or was this just a fluke based on a misunderstanding?
Junior and senior year were certainly better to me than my early high school days. I did become more confident in myself. I was no longer terrified of talking to people, although it did still take me a while 'to come out of my shell' in front of strangers. By junior year, I had become close friends with Brendan. Brendan was my first A-list friend. I don't recall what his parents did, but they certainly had money. Brendan lived in an enormous stone house in the Green Ridge part of town. He had a in-ground pool, a game room, and even a mini move-theater in his basement. Brendan was also blessed with good looks. He was your prototypical 'California surfer boy' (despite that we lived in Pennsylvania). He had dirty blond hair that always seemed to be perfectly tussled in a 'messed up' look like a movie star. His blue eyes seemed like they had been cast in crystal from the waters of the Caribbean. Brendan was one of the few A-listers who wasn't terribly athletic. He didn't play on a single sport team for our school, other than being on our swim team, where he was a mediocre diver.
From my perspective, Brendan 'had everything'. But, it was interesting as our friendship grew, and I got to know Brendan more and more, I discovered he had his own insecurities. To me they were irrational, but I suppose everyone has something about themselves they wish they could change. Brendan's insecurity was that he was a pale, heavily freckled white boy who could not tan. He would turn red within 15 minutes of going out in the sun. Brendan revealed that he wished he could get tan the way I do. This naturally led to discussion about "how did i get so tan?"
Brendan had noticed in gym class that my butt was nearly the same color as my back, and that my back was nearly the same color as Hitesh's skin. Hitesh was the only (male) Indian in our entire grade. And, Brendan was right, in the fall semester, after I had been working on the farm all summer, if Hitesh and I were standing back to back, our skin was essentially the same shade of golden brown. Brendan was very curious what my 'natural color' was, and commented, "your ass is too brown for a white guy."
Brendan was the first person I told that I worked in the nude on the farm. It seemed natural to confide in him. He was coming from a position of weakness, having revealed his own insecurity to me. And, frankly, I didn't think there was anything all that 'odd' about working naked. It wasn't like I was parading around in front of a bunch of people. I was on a remote farm, where no one could see me. Brendan asked a lot of questions. "Aren't you worried that someone's going to see you?" "Doesn't your dick get sunburned?" He even asked me, "Do you get a boner?"
The answer to all those questions was, "No, no, and no."
