I hadn't noticed that one of my long time work buddies, Raine Wilmer, had quietly walked in the side door. He'd been to the Spence house enough times to know to come straight to the side door into the kitchen. Raine was clearly upset in seeing one of his close friends and wife going through something every parent dreads. He quietly guided us, his friends, out to the waiting car and took us to the Trauma Center, where the Spence family would be for the next five weeks, watching Jamie fight for his life.
Stephanie was on forward deployment in the Middle East. By the second week, Jamie's condition had started to slip and there were grave fears for him. We were asked to make some preparations for the worst. Hearing that was heartbreaking. Defense arranged some emergency leave for Steph and she hopped on a twenty-eight-hour string of flights and aircrafts back to Australia, heading into the ICU, literally coming off the aircraft. She was still in her Airforce General Purpose Uniform -- GPU.
"Mom, Dad," Steph looked at her little brother -- well, he wasn't small, but in her mind, he was still five years old. Steph broke down grabbing us at Jamie's bedside. The three of us shared tears and hugged into a closed circle. "Dad, what happened? I didn't get much detail?" Steph asked while still clinging to Kate and me, not loosening her vice-like grip on us at all.
I started off. "Jamie and his close buddy, Sean - you know, Keith and Paula's son?" Steph nodded her head, signalling for me to keep going. "The boys were coming back from a weekend away at the beach when they were hit by a pair of drunk drivers drag racing down the highway, slamming into them on a blind bend." Pausing for a moment to take a breath and steady myself, I continued. "The driver of one of the cars was killed instantly, the other is in here - pointing to the beds over towards the other ward - he's in a critical condition, but Sean died at the scene. The accident investigators said that Sean had tried to steer away somewhat from them, taking the full impact to the driver's front of the car, saving Jamie. Sean was killed on impact."
Steph's eyes filled with tears. She started to sob uncontrollably. "Mom, Dad ... does Jamie know what happened, that Sean is ... you know?" she couldn't bring herself to use those words.
"No, he hasn't been conscious at all since the accident," Kate offered, her arm around Steph's waist, looking at her baby boy all wired up and a ventilator helping him breathe. It just started the tears again. We all stood close and hugged each other while looking at Jamie.
After a few days, I walked over to see the parents of the other boy. They knew who I was. Their faces carried their shame and horror. There were many apologies offered. I couldn't hold it against them: the pain they were going through was equal to us, if not more than ours. They were carrying a large amount of guilt for the actions of their son and his friend. Both boys were local hard working junior farmers. They'd just been celebrating their first big harvest. So many lives turned inside out.
Eighteen is such a fraught time. We see so many young boys involved in accidents and over represented in deaths. It's horrible - more needs to be done - not laws and fines, but education and long term change.
..o0o..
Stephanie Spence
I knew some deeply personal details about Sean and Jamie and wasn't sure this was the place or time to bring it up. But before he regains consciousness, I had to tell mom and dad. I always knew they'd be okay with it, as we found out later.
Jamie had come to my place one night about six months ago. As he often did, he'd always swipe some sweets mom had made for us to share. Often, mom would give Jamie crap about it. He'd reply, 'But mom, you said never visit people empty-handed, and I'm only a poor university student. I can't afford store bought goods," smiling sweetly while delivering that line. Jamie's always been one with a smart answer, and, what could mom say? She'd drummed that into our heads from day one, but that night he looked both scared and happy at the same time.
He often asked his big sister for advice, help, which wasn't unusual. "Steph, I'm in love - real love - not puppy love that passes over in a few weeks or months, you know, like an infatuation, but truly in love with... Sean." I could see the fear and joy in his eyes.
"I'm so happy for you, Jamie." I grabbed my not-so-little brother, who was now a few inches taller than me, sweeping him up into my arms and squeezing the life out of him.
Jamie pulled back and bit his bottom lip, fear wracking his face.
"Jamie, Mom and Dad will be fine with it. You're not worried, are you?" Jamie nodded and hugged me again. "They will be totally fine with it. We all bitch about our parents, right, but they've always got our back."
"Thanks Steph, you're the best."
..o0o..
Robert Spence April 19, 2006
Three days later, Kate, Steph, Mason, Katie and I came together to attend the funeral of Sean. Sean's parents were heartbroken. On top of the pain we felt for Keith and Paula in losing their son, the Spences were feeling an additional level of loss - the unknown loss for Jamie, the uncertainty of his prognosis, and that fact that he was still in a coma and couldn't be there to bury his boyfriend, or that he didn't even know what had happened to Sean.
Steph had filled us in on the relationship between the boys, as told by Jamie that night. She knew it was a breach of Jamie's trust in her, but we, his parents, needed to know so that we could handle telling Jamie about Sean's death when he woke up. As his parents, we're completely okay with him seeing Sean - you want your kids to be happy, find someone that can make them happy. Steph knew we would be. It's who we are.
Kate and I brought the kids up to believe that 'you love who you love.' We were happy that Jamie had found love, but were equally crushed that he'd now lost it. Now our thoughts turned to profound worry about how Jamie would take the news when -- if - he ever recovers.
At the funeral, Paula saw Kate from a distance and made a beeline to her, throwing her arms around Kate and crying onto her shoulder. They'd been friends since the boys were in Prep class together.
"I'm so sorry, Paula." Kate tried to put on a brave face, and was failing. "Kate..." Paula pulled Kate in closer and cried into her friend's shoulder. After their shared tears had been exhausted, Paula stepped back a little, holding onto Kate and looked her in the eyes.
"Did you, do you know, Kate? About the boys?"
"Yes," Kate nodded. Tears were streaming down both moms' faces again. "It's just not fair!" Paula whaled. Keith and I stepped forward wrapping our arms around our wives, two grieving mothers, with shared anguish. Paula asked, a short time later as she led Kate over to the seating area, holding her hand, "Kate, does Jamie know?"
"No, he's still in a com. They're not sure when he will come out. Oh Paula! They've asked us to make preparations!" Kate, couldn't hold on, Paula's shocked look conveyed the horror of what we were all feeling. Kate tipped her head forward, lowering her eyes and silently cried.
Both moms sat holding hands at the funeral service, comforting one another. The entire congregation was enveloped in tears listening to all of Sean's achievements: his known goals, he'd been accepted into university on a full scholarship to study law and environmental sciences, he was, is, a smart boy. When Keith gave a short speech on behalf of them all, he told of his joy when Sean came out- telling them about him and Jamie only a short time before his death. Keith looked into the congregation and challenged them, "How could you not find happiness when your children find love?" It was a very powerful and heart-warming moment. I thought of how we've changed as a society, and how much more we need to still.
Then, the video montage rolled to Amy Winehouse's 'Back to Black' - Sean and Jamie loved her sassy style. Paula had asked that the final image in the video was of Sean and Jamie laying on the beach side by side, leaning back on their elbows and smiling at each other, not a care in the world, looking happy and relaxed. What a fitting final image!
The sadness of burying a young nineteen-year-old boy was hit home with that photo - his life and that of them together, lost forever. Even the hardest person couldn't help but shed a tear. There wasn't a dry eye within one hundred yards of the chapel. That photo had been taken the day before Sean's death by one of their close friends amongst the group they were staying with, down on the beach. We never know what's around the corner, do we?
Four days after the funeral, Jamie started to come out of the coma. The swelling to his brain had reduced, he had turned the corner. We have never been so grateful. When he finally woke up, he didn't speak - he couldn't. He'd not asked any questions about what had happened, his memory was pretty much shut down. In the early-hours of following day he asked one of the nurses, "Where is Sean? He was in the car with me. Is he ok?" The nurse called Kate, and both Paula and Kate went into the ICU to deliver the sad news. Sitting down next to each other, the moms steadied themselves.
