Jay's Loelife

chapter

twenty-one

loe

[NO SERVICE]

I glance at my phone again, then drop it in my lap. My battery is seriously low. For such a sprawling subdivision, this area of Waukesha, Wisconsin, has terrible service. There is nothing to distract me from Jay driving us in circles.

Except the cows. Only in a Michigan subdivision do you find cows.

Jay can say what he wants, but I know his parents don't like me. In their eyes, there's only one reason he's barely been home, and that reason is me. It's fine. Jay is staying and training with his brothers for an entire month. I just need to get through a few days.

Their house is every HOA's wet dream. Three stories, beige, generic white fencing keeping one average size yard separate from the next. Perfectly manicured lawn, brightly painted gnomes playing sentry over the flowers sitting pretty in their beds. It's intimidating. No one looks for the missing boyfriend under the back porch of an HOA house...

Jay parks next to two other trucks and smiles. It's bigger than his Super Bowl winning smile. You'd think we just pulled up to his own surprise party. "My brothers are here." He rushes around the front of the truck and opens my door.

I straighten my jacket and smooth my jeans with my hands before Jay grabs me and pulls me toward the front door. His family is waiting, barely holding themselves back from attacking. I think they would have descended on us before we hit the porch if they hadn't been ordered otherwise.

I've seen tons of pictures, but there's something different about seeing people in person.

Take his dad, for example. I know he carries a few extra pounds and has ever since his boys were little, but in person, it's almost alarming. It's definitely shocking how a man who raised three NFL bound boys has so little regard for his own health.

His mom is every suburban mom I've seen. She's a few inches shorter than me, average size, professionally done blonde hair in a mom cut, friendly smile, smart clothes; like she's about to board a yacht. Very St. James.

Mom and Dad Petermeyer go straight for their son while his brothers hone in on me. Jay is the oldest of the three, the tallest by several inches, and the only blonde. Derek is the middle child and the shortest at only six-feet. Taylor is the baby, having just finished his third year in the NFL. He's a smaller version of Jay. Same golden retriever vibe.

Taylor sticks his hand out, when I take it, he pulls me in for a hug. "Goddamn. I never thought my loser brother would land himself someone this cool."

Only a brother would refer to Jay as a loser. I laugh. "Even losers need to be loved."

Derek sticks his hand out. Unlike his bubbly brother, he's fine with a regular ol' handshake. Which is great. "Jay gets plenty of love. He needs someone to keep him humble."

Taylor puts his arm around Derek and grins brightly. "That's what we're here for."

Mom and Dad interrupt, playfully shooing the brothers away. "It's our turn. Let us in." They stand in front of me and stare, taking stock of their next kill, planning how to chop my body up so I won't be identifiable. Jokes on them, I've had several broken bones, lots of x-rays to confirm identification, even a few fillings.

Their faces say I'm two seconds from being the meat in a Petermeyer parent sandwich. Which doesn't sound appetizing at all. I don't know what terror they see on my face, but they refrain from making me their lunch and shake my hand instead.

"It's really nice to meet you, Loren. I'm Donna, Jay's mama."

"And I'm Robert."

"Nice to meet you both. I'm Loren--but you know that."

They smile kindly. "We've set up lunch. I hope you're hungry."

While everyone rushes to the kitchen, I look at Jay and blow out a nervous breath, making him chuckle. He puts his arm around my shoulder and leads me to the kitchen. "It's going great. My brothers are really excited you're here."

****

I stand next to Jay and watch Robert as he plays tetris with the meat. He's got everything you can possibly cook on two side-by-side barbeque grills. He grins when he sees me watching him. "It's the off season. The boys can eat freely."

Jay shoots me a look. That's not true. They do have more freedom but it's hardly a free for all. No one argues and, in the end, everyone under forty fills their plates with grilled veggies and a mix of meat and seafood, where those over sixty fill up on red meat and creamy pasta salads.

Jay and his brothers are relentless in their teasing of one another, but Mr. and Mrs. Petermeyer are kind. They ask a lot of questions, mostly to Jay. My questions come from Derek and Taylor.

****

"There's a football field," he tells me, as if that particular enticing feature will reel me in and make me love his cabin in the middle of Nowhere, Wisconsin. "My brothers usually crash here, but since you're here, I told them to get lost. They'll show up with their bags once you head back. Unless you want to stay..."

I drop my head back and laugh. There's no fucking way I'm staying here for an entire month.

Jay frowns. "Can't wait to get back to Washington?"

"No."

Yes

. "But I hadn't planned to be gone for a month. I have a ton of work at home. What would I even post about for an entire month?"

"You can post anything. Film all you want. My family doesn't care."

I think they do care, but if they're okay with it, it might be worth a shot. A Day in the Life of the Petermeyer family would be a big hit.

****

It's barely light when I feel a nudge on my side. A moment later there's another one, then a hand on my shoulder and a warm body pressing me into the mattress. "I'm horny," Jay whispers in my ears. "We have fifteen minutes before my brothers show up."

Despite wondering how the fuck he's awake this early on a three-hour time change, I spread my legs. Jay mounts me, working me over quickly but languidly. When he's done, he pulls my hips so I'm on all fours, then presses my shoulders down. "I like you like this," he says as he runs his hand down my back before pressing himself into me.

It's over embarrassingly fast for the both of us. There's something about morning sex that's quick and satisfying. Jay flips me over and collapses on top of me. He sings the jingle, "

The best part of waking up...

"

"Is bein' in Loe's butt?"

Jay cracks up. "Well, yeah." A second later, his phone beeps. He reaches towards the nightstand, dragging me with him so he can read the message. "The guys will be here in two minutes. Better get up." But he doesn't get up. Not until I push him off.

"I'm not keen on your brothers seeing me naked."

"Why not?" His eyes go straight to my lower half. "You have nothing to be ashamed of."

I cup my junk. "I know."

"

Hello!"

Taylor hollers. "

We're here. We're walking through the living room. We're heading towards the bedroom. We're almost to the bedroom. I'm opening the door."

After a long pause, the door slowly opens.

Jay's sitting on the end of the bed, pulling on a compression shirt when his brother's head pops in. "What if we were boning?"

"I gave you plenty of time to wrap it up."

"You gave me less than a minute."

Taylor waggles his brows. "Like I said, plenty of time."

****

Jay's gym is a giant converted garage equipped with everything your gym-heart desires. It's better than other professional gyms I've been to. The workout itself hits different. Something to do with three competitive brothers who moonlight as NFL players. It's no joke.

Taylor's at the plyo boxes, murdering himself on the tri level. When he finishes his round, he puts his hands on his hips and bends over next to me. "I'm surprised you're not filming."

I adjust the weights in my hands then begin my second set of Bulgarian split squats. "Everyone's entitled to their privacy."

"For sure, for sure," he says, intentionally not looking at me. Then he stretches a little too casually, like he's buying time. "If you want to film, we don't care."

I laugh. The guy is not smooth at all. "Did Jay tell you to say that?"

"Jay? No man, I was just..."

"Taylor wants to be in your

stories

," Jay teases.

Taylor flips him off, but he's a bit red in the face and I don't think it's from all the vertical jumps.

"If you're cool with it..."

Taylor lights up. "Totally. Just let me catch my breath and we'll show everyone what's up." The

what's up

had a gangsta twang to it, making me laugh at this Wisconsin raised country boy. He hasn't been playing in Pittsburgh long enough for street clout.

Derek comes from the other side of the gym, pretending to be casual, but I'm pretty sure he and Taylor are in cahoots about strong-arming their way into my social media. While Jay has five-million followers, Derek has a pickle shy of five-hundred-thousand and Taylor has a respectable eight-hundred-thousand. They're not bad numbers considering they only post about football. Not exactly riveting content unless you're a diehard fan.

I don't know what they expect from me, it's not like I was prepared to post content. I look to Jay for help. He re-racks his weights and comes over. With a barely contained smile, Jay sets up the plyo boxes side-by-side. "Alright, we're going to run ourselves a little competition."

They stand on Jay's invisible start line and we spend the next thirty minutes busting our asses trying to come out on top. In the end, we each have our wins and losses. Much to their surprise, they're up fifty-thousand followers by the end of the workout. That gives them the momentum they need. By the time we arrive at their parents' house for brunch, they've taken over as producers. They're a lot like Jay in that way.

Donna watches her two youngest fondly as they set the table with a mastered precision they somehow picked up out of thin air. "If this is what it takes for them to put brunch on the table, then you're welcome here anytime you'd like. If only they mopped."

I put my fingers to my lips and blow. Donna's hands fly to her ears. Hindsight, I should've warned her. I feel bad about that. Taylor and Derek stop what they're doing and look at me.

"Can one of you do a once over with the mop?"

Taylor drops what he's doing and scrubs the entire dining room with the mop while his mom watches in something like a wonder. I take pity and start filming.

"Well, I'll be damned." She gently touches my forearm and smiles. "What else can we make them do?"

She's being kind, but it's not lost on me that she and Robert have spent most of the day glued to Jay's side, a reminder that they're not seeing their eldest as much as they want. But if getting her kids to help out is gonna keep me from rotting under the giant wrap-around porch, then damn it, they'll make this place shine.

****

Donna glances at the plate and silverware tossed about and sighs. Her boys may have been keen to get ready for lunch, but it's clear she's left with the cleanup.

"Hey, let's do a Q&A while you guys clean," I suggest. They go from lounging to collecting plates in less than ten seconds. "Let me know if there are any topics you want to keep off limits."

Nothing X rated. They're serious about a clean family image.

They start scraping off dishes and putting leftovers in their rightful containers.

"So, do you guys have girlfriends?"

"Fiancées," Derek corrects.

"Both of you?"

"Yep."

"Are you having a dual wedding?"

Taylor laughs. "Not a chance."

"Where do they live?"

"In Pittsburgh, but they'll be joining us tonight and staying for a few days."

"What's your favorite thing about your fiancé?"

Taylor stops washing the dishes and looks at me with a familiar dopey smile. "Niki's real. In a world where nothing is as it seems, she's a breath of fresh air. Doesn't hurt that she's a professional dancer."

We go on. Question after question. They start flowing in from followers, people curious about Jay's brothers. Once the kitchen is clean, dishes washed, and everything's put away, we head outside where they do lawn care.

Jay's on the porch, chatting with his parents. He looks up and grins at his brothers as they break their backs for a little screen time. Taylor's pulling the weeds that are growing between the paver wall under the massive deck.

"Do your parents ever use that space under there?"

You know, for dead bodies and such?

"Dad had the landscaper enclose it so it looked nicer. There is a little door on the other side, as far as utilizing that space? Nah. I mean, who's going under there? Dad?" he raises his brow, daring me to say otherwise, which I don't, because I've seen Robert...he's not crawling under anything.

Which is probably why I'm still alive.

Mama Petermeyer smiles at me from said deck like I'm the ultimate mastermind for getting her grown kids to do all the work, but Derek and Taylor gain one-hundred-thousand followers by the time their fiancées arrive, so maybe I'm not the mastermind after all.

"The hard part is keeping them," I tell 'em. We're sitting on the deck. It's sunny but cold. Jay brings me a large black coffee to keep my hands warm and a jacket. Since his brothers and their girlfriends scooted their Adirondack chairs around mine, Jay sits on the other side with his parents. I take a sip of the coffee and resume the conversation. "You should post more than football."

"Football is what we know and love."

Danielle leans in and hugs Derek's bicep as if consoling him. "He's awkward in front of the camera."

"He did fine today."

She looks at him with hearts in her eyes. "Yeah, he was pretty hot."

Derek smiles and wraps his arm around her shoulder until she's pressed against his chest.

It seems that all the Petermeyer men are good to their partners. Robert and Donna must've set a good example. I don't remember how my parents were as a couple, I only remember them as individuals, but I wonder how their relationship might have influenced me differently if they'd stuck around. It's probably because of Isaac's parents that I'm not doing a terrible job with Jay. It could definitely be worse.

****

As great as Jay's family is, twenty-four hours in and I'm not convinced his parents are sold on me. It's possible I'm seeing my own self-doubt. As we inch closer to dinner, Donna kicks Taylor from his seat next to me. She sits and wraps her hands around mine. "I know you do a lot of cooking. How about we make dinner together tonight?"

"Sure." I'm not sure at all. Not even a little, but when I look at Jay for help, he's smiling, quite pleased that things are going so well. I'm a sucker for his happiness. He even gives me a thumbs up as I follow his mom to the kitchen.

"

Okay, he's amazing

," someone whispers from the deck as the screen door closes behind me.

Donna gives me a kind look as we walk down the hall. "Those two were so excited when they heard who Jay was dating. He didn't tell us right away. Did you know that?"

"I didn't."

"Jay has always brought boyfriends around, sometimes before they were official. He values our opinion and always wanted to know what we thought before things went too far. When he visited last year, we knew he had a boyfriend but he wouldn't answer any questions about you, and you better believe we asked. It's unlike him to be so hush-hush. It's actually Taylor who figured it out. He's followed you for a long time. He saw Jay on some video with you."

I glance down the hall, hoping Jay has miraculously decided to join us. It would be so much better if he's here. But the hall is empty except for the echoes of laughter coming from outside.

Donna grabs a couple of aprons and hands one to me. Baby blue with wild flowers and lace trim. "I was thinking we could make chicken lazone."

Chicken lazone. I look up to find her smiling at me. She knows this is my recipe.

"I've been dying to make a meal with you ever since I saw your first cooking segment."

"It's nice," I say. Not sure if I'm referring to the compliment or us cooking together...or maybe I enjoy saying awkward things when I'm uncomfortable. I grab ingredients from the refrigerator while she gets everything else.

"Does Jay cook with you?"

"When we're together for meals, yeah. During football, his food is usually prepared for him by professionals."

"That's common for single men in professional sports. Even some of the married ones."

I'm saved from over thinking that last comment when everyone piles into the kitchen.

Jay grins at my sexy outfit and quickly pulls out his phone, aiming the camera my way. "I guess you won't be short on content after all."

Halfway through the meal prep, Jay's brothers huddle around him, laughing. "Jay did a 'who wore it better' poll between you and ma," Taylor says with Jay's signature big golden retriever smile. "You're winning by an alarming rate. No offense Ma."

"Ignore them," she says with a smile and a wink. "They're just jealous. They could never pull off that apron."

"We'd be pulling off the apron alright--" Derek mumbles to his brothers, "--and throwing it in the trash."

They're not talking shit forty-five minutes later as they inhale their chicken lazone. Donna notices the same thing and gives me a victory grin. Since we cooked, the boys clean up. I slip my apron over Jay's head as pay back. Donna does the same for the other two. Now it's my turn to film. It's hilarious watching three giants, who are built for their profession, wearing frilly aprons.

I slap Jay's ass. "You're right. I have plenty of content after all."

He simply smiles and shakes his money maker. This kind of thing has become normal for him. Maybe he loves it, maybe he does it for me.

Jay finishes drying one of the cast-iron pans and then hangs it on the wall. He winks at the camera. "Husband training."

I instantly close my eyes. He knows better than to make those comments on camera. It always sends people into a frenzy of speculation.

"Husband training for my brothers!" He clarifies. "They're both engaged." But it's too late. Not only are DM's coming in, but his family is eyeing us. He looks around the room, then at the camera. "Loe and I are

not

getting married."

"That's not what you said earlier," Taylor says with a smug smile. His tone is exactly that of a predator honing in on weak prey. Or a brother getting ready to pounce on another brother. "You were all '

As God as my witness, I will marry that man!'

It was very Gone with the Wind."

Derek nods. "Very romantic," he confirms.

"I didn't say that," Jay tells me seriously.

"Okay, maybe not that

dramatic

," Taylor admits. "But you did say you'd marry him."

Jay narrows his eyes at his brother. He's about to kill him, a sentiment I fully back. Still, I laugh. It's fucking hilarious watching Jay get picked on by his brothers. I turn off the camera. The last two minutes have already put me underwater, no need to pile on more. "Well, there goes my plans for the night."

Jay put his hands on his hips and glares at his brothers. "Remember when Loren asked if there was anything off limits and you guys said nothing rated R?"

They nod, clearly sensing the trouble they've brewed.

"Well, comments like that are Loren's limit."

"What's the big deal? It's just for fun."

"Fun looks different when you have thirty-eight million followers."

I'm not upset about the comments, but Jay is livid. The easy going, light-hearted afternoon sours. Everyone is walking on eggshells and Jay won't leave my side. His brothers and their fiancées are in the yard playing ladder toss, which is more of an excuse to get away from volcano Jay.

I squeeze his thigh. "I've been doing this for a long time. It's not the first time something like this has happened."