Josh's Journal

I told my mom about what had happened to Ayden's family and she agreed that he could come stay with us if he wanted to. She wants him to sleep in the guest room though and I hate that. Its not like I'd have sex with him when my mom is home. That would be kind of weird. I just liked sleeping with him in my arms.

Ayden still doesn't want to go back to school and I don't blame him. I don't really want to go either.

It's Homecoming Week. And it's annoying.

During the week, I know I can avoid it. What I'm not looking forward to is the damn football game when they have the football players all line up and call their numbers and their 'sweetheart' joins them and everyone poses for stupid pictures. I don't even know when that stupid tradition got started.

Everyone expects me to have some girl come out on the field for me. It's not really a rule that it has to be a girlfriend, I could have my mom or really any female be there if I wanted to. I wish that Ayden could come out there for me and it not be a big deal. In fact, if I got to see him under the lights maybe I wouldn't hate the stupid thing so much.

::::::::::::::

He had a nightmare. I've never been more worried. I heard him from my room and I went from asleep to awake by his side in less than a minute. He was so loud that my mom appeared at the door. We exchanged looks, me showing with my eyes that I had this covered and her showing that I sure as hell better keep everything covered.

He lay against my chest, shaking a bit. He sighed and said, "I'm sorry."

"It's alright. I'm here for you. Do you want to...I dunno, talk about it?"

It was quiet for a while, but I could tell he was still awake. The room lit up and then went dark to the pattern of the lightening outside. I pulled the curtains open and the blinds up and we laid on the bed, watching the sky out the window. Finally, he started talking.

"After it happened, I saw everything. I saw his body his head was...it was bloody and like...splatters everywhere on the wall...I see that every time I close my eyes."

"I'm sorry, baby," I said. I pulled him a little closer. I really just wanted to hold on to him.

"I grew up hating him." Ayden was shaking even more now. "He used to hold me under the bath water for so long, until I passed out. When I woke up, he told me I was weak. I felt weak...I felt ugly. He made me hate myself. I don't even think I'm worth this. I...I don't want to be broken and worthless anymore."

"You're not," I said. My throat was dry. I really didn't know what to do.

He was crying. "I hate who I am, Josh. I don't even know when I started to but I do. I don't want to face it anymore. The things people have said and done to me...Josh, I'm not strong enough."

"You are strong, Ayden. You don't have to be alone anymore, I'll be here for you. I'll protect you."

"I'm scared, Josh. I can't be hurt anymore. I can't take it."

I felt how vulnerable he was just then and how scared. I saw all the effects of the abuse he'd endured at home and at school. It made me mad at the unfairness of it all. I could still see the beauty there though. I saw the caring soul, the gentleness. I held him close to me and kissed his forehead. He was still shaking. "I don't know what to do right now, so I'm just going to hold you and remind you that you're beautiful."

"How can I be?"

"You are strong, even if you don't feel that way right now. You're stronger than me, stronger than anyone I've ever known. It's true, Ayden. You'll make it, I know you will."

"I'm afraid I can't this time."

"You can because I'll be here."

"Promise?"

I smiled because he sounded like a little kid just then. "I promise."

I think that's what it means to be a man. Well, part of it. I have to be true to my word. I'm going to help him through this and anything else that comes his way because that's what he deserves. There's nothing I wouldn't do to make him see himself the way I see him.

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The week was a blur of stupidity. Luckily, people were distracted by homecoming traditions so they didn't talk about Ayden very much. Some of them still did though. I don't understand how people can be so cruel. It just doesn't seem right to me.

I've been thinking all week though, about the stupid tradition at the football game. How maybe I could have Ayden be the one to come when my number is called. It seems dangerous, but maybe I could pull it off.

I only hesitate because if anything happened to Ayden it would be my fault. I'd do all that I can to protect him, but sometimes you just never know.

So its just running circles in my head. Taking a stand versus playing it safe.

:::::::::::::::

I decided I'm going to do it. When they call my number, Ayden will be the one that comes out to greet me.

I went to tell him and walked in on him changing his tongue ring. I'd forgotten he had it because he keeps a clear retainer in it most of the time. He hadn't seen me come up and I watched him maneuver his tongue around, examining the little piece of metal.

"Damn, that's sexy," I said.

Ayden jumped and knocked a hairbrush off the counter. He blushed a bit as he bent to pick it up. I regretted that I was not at a good angle to see his ass.

"Are you going to the football game?" I asked.

He bit his lip, playing with his snakebite. I'd never thought I'd find piercings so sexy, but now there's just something about that shiny metal against his skin that makes me go crazy.

"I was thinking about it."

"I want you to be there," I said. "You know tonight is homecoming?"

"Yeah."

"Well its tradition for all the guys' numbers to be called at the end and their date or their mom or whatever come out onto the field with them..."

His eyes got wide when he realized where I was going with that. "Josh..."

"If you don't want to, I understand. I'm just tired of hiding. I'm not ashamed of you."

"I know you're not," he whispered. He had his hand pressed over his heart and he still looked so surprised. "I'm scared of what might happen."

"Me too," I admitted. "But I want to take a chance. You in?"

He was silent for a moment. "Yes."

::::::::::::::

It was fourth quarter, a minute left, fourth and goal. We trailed by two points and we had the ball. It was all on that moment. First win or another loss.

I don't remember exactly what happened. I took the snap and was looking for my man. I was in trouble. And then I blacked out for a minute. When I finally snapped out of it, an EMT was poking at my shoulder.

There was applause when I was able to make it up, but the game was over. We got to retry fourth down, but the second string guy is a moron. The other team took a knee and it was over.

I felt awful. We were so close. So damn close. And I was on the sidelines getting my arm put in a sling.

The guys lined up and numbers started. I tore away from the paramedic and took my place. I was not going to lose twice.

Finally, "Number twenty-three, Joshua Willis."

Ayden hesitated at first, but I saw Kitty was with him and she gave him a shove. There was a murmur of confusion as he walked onto the field.

He looked so amazing. His hair moved a bit as he walked, revealing both his eyes in their mismatched beauty. His piercings glinted in the light. Finally he was in front of me.

"We're gonna get killed," he whispered.

I smiled and silenced him with a kiss.

The crowd was silenced too.

The guys around me stared in disbelief. Everyone in the stadium was staring.

I took Ayden by the hand and led him off the field before pandemonium broke out.

I know there will be hell to pay later, but I've never felt more alive than I did right at that moment.

We climbed into my truck and I drove off. I was still high from the experience, but he seemed a little nervous.

"That was stupid," he said. "They're going to kill us."

"We'll be fine. I can take care of myself and you."

"We're dead..."

I pulled down a dead end road and sped to the end of it, parking in a little gravel turn around. I grabbed him and pulled him toward me, kissing him roughly. "I love you," I growled, pulling him even closer. "I don't regret it. I'm glad they know you're mine."

"I love you too," he whispered.

We made out there for a while. My cock was about to crack through my cup. I wanted him bad. I jumped out of the truck and clumsily got myself out of my football stuff. Cows stared at my exposed junk so I was quick about it.

His hand wrapped around my cock as I kissed him, playing with that little barbell in his mouth. It felt so cool and I couldn't wait to see how it felt other places. He darted down and kissed at my stomach, my thighs. He gave a playful bite and I threw my head back. "Damn, you're amazing," I said.

He paused. "You're the amazing one. Josh, thank you."

"What for?" I asked.

"For not being ashamed. For showing me that I'm worth love."

"Baby, you are worth it." I put my hand on the side of his head and pulled him up so I could kiss his cheek. "I love you," I said again.

Ayden replied, "I love you too." Slowly, he lowered his head back to my cock.

He took it into his mouth, that little piece of metal sliding against all the right places. His mouth was unbelievably warm and wet and he sucked perfectly. I looked down at his lips, that pretty metal lightly touching my balls as he took my entire cock in his mouth. My eyes nearly rolled back in my head and I could feel my toes curling. "Damn, baby, that's amazing," I grunted out as I felt myself going over the edge fast.

I emptied into his mouth and he made a wet slurping sound as he tried to swallow it all, but still it covered his lips and that pretty metal.

I pushed him back across the seat and pulled his zipper down, rubbing my hand at his groin as I kissed him. I kissed his neck, leaving two marks right next to each other. "You're worth it," I whispered into his ear. "You're beautiful and you deserve the best."

He arched his back and softly replied, "Thank you."

I pulled his pants and underwear down, looking up at him as I started to lick and suck him. I reached up and put my hand over his heart, feeling its frantic beating. It ended up being more like my hand around his neck, but he seemed to be into that. He was moving his ass around and I kept sucking him till he came with a soft cry.