Josh's Journal

I wasn't as nervous about returning to school until that morning. I spent the entire drive mentally kicking myself. Ayden was beside me and I could tell he was watching me, so I tried to keep my fear hidden. After all, I was the one who got us in this stupid situation so I had to be the one to stay strong through it.

It's hard to say what I felt. I'd never regret letting the world know who I am and who I love, but it really felt a lot like regret. I guess mostly I was just scared for Ayden. My real regret was possibly endangering him. I had to put on my best brave face asI parked my truck and we went inside the school.

It was like that moment in the movies, where a character walks in and the buzz of conversation just stops and everyone stares. I used to think those scenes were so fake. There was no way that could actually happen. Well, I was wrong. Turns out, that does happen.

"I think I'm gonna be sick," Ayden whispered.

I put my arm around his shoulders and curled him in to my chest. I wanted to protect him from all the stares. There were a few gasps at me hugging him, like that was some horrible thing. I thought about flipping them off, but Ayden was more important.

"I can drive you back home," I said. "You don't have to be here."

"No," he said. "I should be here for you."

I could have kissed him right there. I would've too, but the school bell rang. I sighed and looked at him.

"Good luck today," he said, but he didn't move away from me.

"It's gonna be fine," I said.

He smiled at me, but I could tell he was still terrified. I watched him reluctantly turn and leave. I stood there until I saw him enter the administration office. It had been decided he would still be doing his classwork there, for his own safety. I was definitely glad for that.

I went to my first class and the looks I got made it clear I wouldn't be welcome to sit in my usual seat surrounded by my friends. I went to the creaky, broken desk in the back corner and put in one ear bud. Ayden had put a bunch of new songs on my iPod and I really needed to keep him on my mind so I wouldn't do anything stupid.

Chelsea was in my class and through the music I heard her sobbing. Though I knew I would regret it, I turned off the music just in time to hear her saying, "He doesn't even care! He doesn't even care that our baby is dead!"

At that point everyone turned to glare at me. I should have known Chelsea wouldn't have been able to stand not being the center of attention. The looks on everyone's faces made me pretty sure if there had been any spare wood on hand, they probably would have burned me at the stake. I knew I didn't deserve it, but it's pretty damn hard to stay confident in that when the people you grew up with look ready to kill you.

I guess I'm not completely innocent. It was wrong of me to use Chelsea to figure out my sexuality. Maybe my coming out shouldn't have been so public. But I don't think any of that should have earned me an old-school Catholic punishment.

Luckily, the teacher came in and started the lesson. I put my music back on and doodled in my book. I thought about going all Cartman on the situation. Just saying, "Screw you guys, I'm going home." That's what sucks about growing up. That's not an option. I'd have to face it eventually.

After the bell, I waited for everyone to clear out. I half expected there to be a group waiting for me in the hall, but there wasn't. That should have been my first clue something was wrong. In fact, after that, the whole day felt surreal. I got the angry looks and the whispers behind the back, but I kept expecting something worse.

"Are you OK?" Kitty asked at lunch.

I sighed. "Yeah. I just feel weird about everything."

"Well...I don't know what to tell you, Josh. You pretty much shocked a lot of people. And I'm sure you've heard what Chelsea's been saying..."

"You know that's all bullshit!"

Kitty patted my shoulder. "I know, Josh. But people are on edge. Mr. Harvey had a heart attack yesterday and some people are—"

I cut her off. "They're fucking blaming me for that? I didn't even really know the guy!"

"I know, but people are saying he was really shocked at what happened."

"So what else am I being accused of here? All I fucking did was kiss my boyfriend!"

Kitty looked around. "Lower your voice, Joshua," she said in a stern tone. "Look, surely you knew that coming out like that would shock the town and if not then you're a dumbass."

I felt my eyes go wide. She never talked like that.

"You're a brave dumbass, though," she added. "And I'm proud of you." She patted my shoulder again. "And you know I'll always be here for you and Ayden."

I sighed and rubbed my forehead. "I have a really bad feeling about today," I admitted.

"Well...obviously."

I smiled at her attempted humor. "Just make sure Ayden's alright. I don't want anything bad to happen to him."

"Josh, it's sweet that you want to protect him, but you have to realize he knew just as well as you what could happen if he walked onto the field...and he did it anyway."

I left the cafeteria feeling very lucky to have Ayden, but still incredibly stupid for making my political statement in a stadium full of bigots.

***

I texted Kitty and asked her to take Ayden home for me. I had football practice and I didn't want him to have to hang around. As soon as that text was sent, I got one from my mom. She was worried about my day and I told her everything was OK.

I went into the locker room and everyone was there waiting for me. No one was changing or anything. I felt like my heart had jumped into my throat. Of course, I'd expected this, but there was no way I was missing practice. I wasn't going to give the coaches any reason to kick me off the team.

I looked around awkwardly. "Uh...hey," I said. I was proud my voice didn't crack.

"Hey, faggot," Cameron said. He spat at my shoes.

"Guys, we need to get going. Practice starts soon," I said. I went to my locker, but I was careful not to turn my back on them.

"Yeah, you would want us to get naked," Eric accused.

"Fucking queer!" Laramie added.

"Guys, chill the fuck out. None of you are my type," I said. It was getting harder to keep my cool.

"Yeah, you prefer to take it in the ass from faggy emo kids," Cameron said. Everyone got a good laugh out of that.

"Fuck off," I muttered.

"What was that?" Cameron said, playing to his audience.

"Fuck off," I repeated, louder. "It's none of your business what I do or who I do it with."

The three of them were circling me now, with a few other guys behind them. "We don't appreciate queers in our locker room," Eric said. The others nodded in agreement.

My shirt ripped a bit as I was forced to the ground. They started kicking me. Most of the blows landed against my stomach, but a few hit my head. It seemed like the guys that weren't kicking me were cheering the ones who were on. It was clear no one was going to help.

I wasn't going to let them get away with it. I grabbed one guy's ankle and held on. It was futile, but there was no fucking way anyone was gonna say I didn't fight back.

At some point, I guess I blacked out.

***

Next thing I knew, I was in the emergency room. Ayden was holding my hand. I was definitely glad to see him. I tried to sit up and kiss him, but pain stopped me.

"You have a broken rib," he said. He gently pushed my hair back and kissed my forehead. I loved the gesture, but it felt kinda weird being so helpless. "They really hurt you." He looks like he might cry.

"I'll be alright, babe. Did anyone hurt you?"

"I'm fine, Josh. Don't worry about me. Are you in pain? I can get the doctor. He's outside talking to your mom."

"No, baby, just stay right here," I said. I winced and tried to sit up.

"Stop that," he said. "You're really hurt."

"I'm fine. I've had a broken rib before." My tone was harsher than I intended. I guess my pride was hurt. Any guy's ego would be wounded after losing a fight like that. I sighed. "I'm sorry, Ayden."

"It's alright," he said. "I know you're hurt, but I'll take care of you." He smiled and leaned closer to me. "I love you," he whispered.

"I love you too," I replied. Just hearing those words from him helped me so much. I was distracted from the pain. I was too caught up in looking at him. His hair was a black mess like always and his beautiful eyes were shining for me.

***

I was cleared to go home. My mom was very upset. Unfortunately, her boss was adding to her stress and she was on the phone with him the entire time. He wanted her to go on a last minute trip to take care of an emergency. He wasn't taking no for an answer. In the end, I heard him telling her that if she wasn't there tonight, she'd lose her job.

Mom and Ayden helped me inside even though I didn't really need it. Or at least, I wanted to believe I didn't need it.

"I don't want to leave you," Mom said. She was stressing out bad.

"Mom, I'll be OK. I have Ayden to help me and if there's anything he can't handle, I can call Kitty's mom."

Mom still looked mad but she packed up and left. "I'll call to check on you," she said. "You take it easy. And take the medicine the doctor gave you. And you boys make sure you have enough to eat. Do you need money?"

"Mom, I'll be fine."

She drug out the good bye for a while longer, before she left. I did wish she could have stayed home, but I understand how her job can be, even if I'm not always sure exactly what it is she does. Something with banks, I guess.

Ayden helped me to my bed. "I'll make you some dinner," he offered.

"I just want a drink. Water is fine."

He walked away and even though I was in pain, I still noticed how damn good his ass looked in those jeans. He brought back my water and I gulped it down. I couldn't help but take a swipe at his cute little ass when he was taking my glass back to the kitchen.

He laughed. "Josh, you need to rest."

"I know something that'd help me get to sleep faster."

"We shouldn't...you're hurt."

"Come on," I said. "Just give me a little something."

He blushed. "You're crazy."

"Only because you make me that way," I said with a grin.

"Josh..."

I threw the blanket back and pulled my half-stiff cock out of my shorts. "Please."

He laughed a bit and blushed even deeper. "How can you even be horny right now?"

"Have you seen your ass today?"

He sighed and rolled his eyes at me. "I guess you win this time," he said.

I gestured for him to come over, but he didn't comply right away. Instead, he slowly took his shirt off. He instantly had my attention. He dropped his shirt on the floor and ran his hands over his exposed stomach. He bit his lip when his hands brushed over his nipples. My cock was fully hard and almost aching for him.

He unbuttoned his jeans and pulled the zipper down. He gave me a shy smile before he turned around to give me a full view of his ass as he pushed the tight denim down his legs. He stepped out of his jeans and turned to look at me.

"Get over here," I said.

He dropped his underwear down and lost them on his way over to me. He was above me on all fours, careful not to rest any weight on me. I reached up and played with his nipples as we made out. He was sort of humping the air and after a while he started to work his way down.

He took my cock in his mouth and I tried to push my hips towards him, but he kept me from doing that. He continued working my cock and not letting me help at all. I grabbed a handful of his hair and tried not to pull it when I came. He moaned at that, which just added to it all.

I wanted to return the favor, but he made me stay laying down. He settled in the bed beside me and slowly pumped his cock. I put my arm around his shoulder and whispered in his ear, "Baby, you're so sexy right now."

His toes were curling and he was biting his lip. He let out a soft little moan.

"You're beautiful," I whispered. "I love you."

His breath hitched a bit and cum spurted onto his stomach. "I love you too," he replied softly.

"Thanks so much for that," I said.

"Are you still feeling good?" he asked. "No pain?"

"I feel great," I said. "All I need from you is to stay right here beside me."