Josh's Journal

Hello readers

I know, I know. I've been a bad Kitten and haven't posted in a while. I hope that you'll forgive me though because I'm pleased to announce that Hero is going to be published!

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Love&Rockets, Kitten2010

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My petition didn't make as big a splash at school as I'd hoped, but I wasn't surprised. Thanksgiving took me by surprise. I hadn't really been thinking about it at all until Mom came to ask me what Ayden's plans were. She seemed really nervous about the whole thing.

"I just didn't want to upset him by asking, but...honey, you know I would love for Ayden to come to Grandma's house with us..." She couldn't quite seem to finish her thought, but I knew what she was getting at.

My mother's mother was probably the strangest woman I'd ever met. I'm pretty sure she doesn't age. For as long as I can remember, she's had wild grey hair, thick glasses, a cane in one hand, and a snifter of whiskey in the other. While she's not particularly hateful, I don't think she has any sort of filter anymore. I could only imagine the things she would say to Ayden.

At the very mention of Thanksgiving, Ayden looked a little sad. "I could just stay here," he said, but he didn't really sound like he wanted that. "I understand it's a day for families."

I immediately had to hug him. "It's not that. It's just my grandma is a lot to handle. I was just going to warn you."

He perked up instantly. "You mean...I'm invited?"

"Of course," I said. "Why wouldn't you be?"

He snuggled against my chest. "I don't know, I guess just the way you said it when you brought it up."

"Well, I mean...I don't know about my grandma. She's just..." I sighed. I couldn't really think of how to describe her. "Old."

He laughed. "I think that's how grandmas are supposed to be."

"Well, she's old to the point that she really doesn't give a fuck. So if she says anything rude to you, don't take it personally."

***

Ayden didn't make any effort to water down his usual look at all. He got there in his tight jeans, mildly frightening band T-shirt, and messy hair. Grandma hugged my mom and me and then started to size him up.

"Grandma, this is my friend, Ayden," I said. Mom and I had discussed it and decided that Thanksgiving was not the time to come out.

Grandma looked at Ayden like she wasn't sure what to think of him. She made a comment about his hair being 'awfully crazy' and he came back with a catty retort about her hair being 'awfully gray'. I didn't know it was in him. Before the meal even started, they were like best friends. Mom and I were both in shock. I'm pretty sure I have been replaced in Grandma's eyes.

By the time we left, Grandma had a few of Ayden's bracelets on her wrist and Ayden had a good amount of whiskey in his system. Mom drove and I sat by Ayden in the back. He was pretty relaxed and laying on me. He seemed so happy, though I could tell the whiskey had him feeling a little frisky (pardon my rhyme). He was feeling up my abs before he just fell asleep. I kind of wished we had been alone because I would have just pulled over and given it to him.

It was easily the best Thanksgiving that I could remember.

***

By the time we got home, it was late and we were all ready to go to bed. Ayden was still in a tipsy state and Mom was worrying about how irresponsible it had been of her to let Grandma get my boyfriend drunk. I told her not to sweat it because Ayden's an adult technically and it's not her job. She still went on a rant about the signs of alcohol poisoning. She went to bed after going on and on forever.

"I wanna be naked," Ayden whispered once we got to my bedroom. He laughed. "I'm really loud right now."

I smiled. "Hush, I know. Let's get your pajamas on."

"No, you listen to me," he said quietly. He poked my chest. "I'm not drunk."

"I know you aren't," I said. "Arms up."

He obeyed and once his shirt was off he fell backward on to the bed. I worked his jeans off and then got him dressed. He looked adorable, but I wasn't going to take advantage of him like that. Once I got him settled in to the bed, I flipped the lights off and slid in beside him.

Ayden sighed. "The dark makes me sad," he said.

"Go to sleep now," I whispered.

"I can't," he replied. He sounded like he was about to cry.

"Why not?" I asked.

"I don't have a family. Not like you do. My dad is dead. My mom killed him and he's dead. He's dead, Josh," Ayden rambled.

"I know, babe. I know." I didn't know what the fuck else I could say to him that would do him any good.

"You don't know. You don't. I shouldn't be happy today. It's a holiday. My little sisters..."

"Ayden, don't think too much. You deserve to be happy. Your sisters are in a great foster home. It's OK to take care of yourself."

"I can't, Josh. I'm not worth it. I'm not. You're gonna say I am, but you don't know. You don't know."

I couldn't think of the words to say back to him. He was scaring me. But I also felt a little bit frustrated. At first I thought it was at him, but I couldn't criminalize him for the pain he felt. I realized I was mad at myself for not being able to just fix it. While he cried himself to sleep, I had an epiphany. I couldn't blame myself either. I was doing all that I could, all that anyone would expect of me. He needed more than just what I could give.

***

"I don't know about this..." Ayden said. He tried to turn around but I took him by the hand.

"Come on, babe. I worked really hard on this."

Finding the right therapist for Ayden had been quite the task and I'll admit it wasn't something I did all on my own, but I had done most of the legwork. I'd called office after office, sharing his story, trying to find anyone who would listen and have enough of a heart to offer to help him free of charge. I was beginning to think I'd never find anyone, when I found Sharon Mancus. She operated her own little private practice office that was apparently just her and support staff. After I'd talked to her, she wasted no time making an appointment for Ayden.

Getting him to go had been harder than expected. Initially, he'd insisted he was fine and it was just the whiskey talking the other night. For about an hour, he was genuinely mad at me for thinking he needed therapy. Finally, he agreed to go and there we were.

We were half an hour early for his appointment because he needed to fill out paperwork. I sat beside him while he scribbled in the required information and then held his hand when he went to give the clipboard back to the receptionist. The doctor came out to greet him before we'd even had a chance to sit down again. She was a short woman, with tightly curled blond hair. She wore a bit too much make up and cat-eye glasses and was dressed in all green. Honestly, she kind of looked like someone's kooky aunt, but that made her seem a little more trustworthy in my eyes and I hoped Ayden would feel the same way.

He stood up and started to follow Dr. Mancus to her office. He turned and gave me a look that I couldn't quite read. I grinned at him to show support. I was really hoping this would be good for him. I had a feeling it would be.

I spent most of the time playing a rousing game of Angry Birds, but when my battery started to die, I had no choice but to stare at my surroundings. She had some pretty paintings, but I know nothing about art so I lost interest in those quickly. The next thing to catch my eye was a fake potted plant. For some reason, that fake plant made me think of the summer football workshop and the hotel room Ayden and I had shared.

It was funny, seeing how it all worked out, how what had started as me just trying to be a decent person had led to falling for Ayden. It was pretty amazing just to see how much I'd changed since then as well. There were so many things I used to care about that I just don't any more. For the first time, I'm kind of glad I started writing in this stupid journal. Now I see why people do it. If I weren't so lazy, now would be the time that I looked back at the first entries and got all nostalgic.

While I was wrapped up in my thoughts, the door opened and Ayden stepped out. He was dabbing at his eyes with a tissue. Dr. Mancus hugged him and said something I couldn't quite hear. He wiped his eyes for a final time before tossing the Kleenex in to a wastebasket.

"How was it?" I asked.

He smiled and took a deep breath. "Actually, it was great. She's really nice."

I took his hand and we stepped outside, both squinting at the unseasonable sunshine. "I'm glad it went well."

"We talked about ways to change how I think about things. I really want to stop being so negative. I don't have to let what happened in the past get to me. It's like...I keep myself from being happy most of the time and I want to change that."

I hugged him and opened the truck door for him. "I'm really glad to see you smiling again."

"It's just so great to figure this out," he said.

I went to the driver's side and as I started the truck up. Once I was on the road, I took his hand. "So, I was doing some thinking in there and I have a confession."

"What is it?"

"You remember that time we had to share a hotel room?"

He nodded.

"Well...and this was totally an accident, keep that in mind!"

He smiled. "Tell me! Now you have me all curious."

"I kind of saw you...you know...having private time."

Ayden was silent for a moment. "You watched?"

"No! I totally didn't. I just...saw." I was genuinely afraid he was upset until I saw the smile cracking through.

He had a good laugh about it. "I can't believe you saw that!"

"I promise I wasn't perving on you or anything. I swear." I had to join in on his laughter.

He was still giggling and clutching at his sides. His face was flushed and he looked absolutely beautiful. "It's OK, I just...I really had no idea." He started cracking up again. "Did you enjoy it?"

I chuckled. "Well...I mean looking back, hell yeah I did but at the time I was all sorts of confused."

"Well, you aren't confused now, are you?" He leaned in close and nibbled at my earlobe.

"Definitely not confused," I replied. I parked my truck in front of the house, pleased to see that my mom's car was missing. I killed the engine, jumped out, and ran to Ayden's side. I easily pulled him over my shoulder and gave him a few playful spanks as I carried him to the front door. I set him on his feet while I fumbled with my keys. He didn't make the task any easier with his soft bites at my neck.

The door slammed as I kicked it shut on our way to my bedroom. I loosened his belt and ran my fingers through his hair while his hands dove in to my back pockets. We stumbled to my bed. I wrapped my arms around his waist and fell back on the bed. He kissed me, his tongue probed in to mine. I liked the feeling of his slender hips grinding on mine and the little squeak sound he made when I slapped his ass.

We both seemed to be in agreement that clothes were in the way and pulled our shirts off quickly. I caught his nipple between my teeth. His back arched and he dove down to kiss me again. He caught my bottom lip between his teeth as I pulled away to leave my mark on his neck. His skin was always so soft and I loved it.

We parted long enough for him to ditch his pants and me to wiggle out of mine. He was back on top of me quickly and we kissed for a while longer. Our cocks were hard between us, rubbing together, slickened by a bit of pre-cum.

I easily guided him in to a sixty-nine position and while his delicious mouth worked on my cock, I craned my neck to lick at his hole. I eased a finger in and he moaned against my erection. I tried to stretch for the lube, but couldn't quite make it. He noticed what I was doing and reached for it himself. I tried to sit up, but with one hand he pushed me back on my back.

He lubed up his fingers and prepared himself, then dribbled the cool jelly over the head of my cock. I watched him ease down on it. He bit his lip and moaned softly until he was completely filled. I gripped his hips and helped him along as he started to move up and down. After a minute or so, he didn't need my help anymore. He planted his hands on my chest and increased his speed. He let out a whimper and then a moan. I grabbed on to his hips once again and started to pound in to him.

Ayden threw his head back and his cock twitched. Cum spurted up in the air and landed on my chest. He let out a ragged sound, almost like a scream. I buried myself in him and shot my load. I made some sort of alien sound as well. He collapsed forward and we held each other. I felt my cock shrink until is popped out of his tight hole. Still, we held on.

"I love you," he panted.

"I love you too," I replied.

Finally, I had the strength to move. I got up and threw him one of my T-shirts. He pulled it on and snuggled up on my bed. I pulled on my boxers, wiped the cum off of my chest, and laid down beside him for a nice afternoon nap.