It had been just a couple of days since my night time rendezvous and the realisation of what I was embarking on was ever present in my mind. The thought of the sexual encounter was tinged with the mixed emotion of doubts over my orientation.
Did the enjoyment of that encounter mean I was gay? I had no inclination or overt attraction to men, other than I liked having the sex contact, I didn't fancy them and I could never see myself falling for a guy.
It was the uncomplicated sex that was the attraction, the being able to say and do as you liked, without pretence.
Was this cheating? Was I embarking on affairs, the matter weighed heavily?
I rationalised that I wasn't gay for I still was attracted to the female form, I didn't think of guys that way. Was I cheating, honestly the answer had to be yes but was it ever going to lead to more, doubtful, in my mind.
I spent my days in the office doing partly work and partly surfing, the surfing now was more looking at gay porn, why, because I wanted to know if I was attracted to it. Yes and no I suppose, yes, as in the acts were exciting and no as to it didn't excite me in the same way, I wasn't ogling cocks, great bodies but looking at sexual practices that I might want to try.
I came to the conclusion that the act of sex with a guy wasn't in the same league of cheating as it would be with the emotional side that would come with sex with a woman, I knew also that I wanted to try another fling and again I supposed I pushed the cheating thoughts aside to achieve this, after all, surely if I kept them to one offs no one would know.
In my draw were the six condoms I had brought to use in that first encounter, I knew that I had been both stupid and irresponsible to engage in sex without using them and this I would never do again.
With resolve gathered from talking myself into it I started surfing for a meet, I didn't want to revisit the couple I had been with as this would be a continuation and in my mind that would be an affair, so I looked for other possibilities.
The swinging site I had started with offered little else, there were the usual array of guys seeking what seemed to be anything to get off, those that pretended to be bi in order to gain access to the woman in a couple, those that obviously only wanted the thrill of online sex, and the myriad of cock wankers that just wanted someone to watch them jerk off.
I thought the only way I'm gong to find new partners for a sex only encounter was to join a gay site and this I did. The world opened up. There were 100s of guys seeking sex and to be honest the first few days of looking through the site was a bit overwhelming, so many men. I did wonder if this was for real and who on earth would advertise for sex like this, the thought also occurred that I was one of these.
Late one morning I stumbled upon an advert for a third to join, I had restricted my search to an area far enough away from the office so as, hopefully, not meet anyone I knew and close enough that I could drive there in under an hour. This advert was asking for a third to make up a threesome. I replied. The location for this meet was 35 minutes away and the time for the meet was now. Could I pop out of the office, have sex and come back, like going for a long lunch, well there was no one to stop me. So I agreed to the meet, said I would be about an hour and sat there again a little shell shocked that I could be so brazen.
My heart was pounding, the excitement of the sheer illicitness of all this and the mixture of sexual desire were nearly too much, I was nervous, excited and a little scared. What if these were people luring unsuspecting people to some terrible end, what if they ....... The what ifs just seemed to add to the excitement, but I'm not completely stupid, I knew I was taking a huge risk, with myself, my job, marriage and how others view me. The excitement won, it was like being on a roller coaster that you like and hate at the same time. I was going to go through with it.
I drove the relatively short distance to the address I'd been give, the house was rather nice, new and there was a BMW parked outside. Funny how your mind works, I thought if I park a few doors down then my car couldn't be associated with this house, as if it mattered, outside or two doors away, but at the time it did to me. I walked up to the front door and rang the bell.
The guy who opened it was, tall, well built and fit looking. He was 30-35 in age, short very well cut hair and seemed normal. He smiled and asked me inside. Once inside the house was beautiful, the cliché of gay guys having taste seemed true, it was tastefully furnished, very well kept and had expensive looking art work on the walls.
There was another guy there, sitting on the sofa, it became instantly apparent that these two had just met, this was a very different set up to my last encounter, here we were all strangers.
