Hi...this is not a true story, just a fantasy of mine. I've written it in a sort of stripped-down, masculine style...if you'd like to hear more, please let me know.
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I don't know where the curiosity began, really. I can't put my finger on the moment but one day, out of the blue, images just started popping into my head when I made love to my girlfriend.
One moment I was on top of her, taking her from behind - slow and sweaty on a Saturday afternoon. She was moaning and bucking her hips and a sheen of perspiration covered us both. I closed my eyes, relaxed and immersed in my own pleasure...and realized that I was picturing a smooth, muscular man beneath me.
My eyes flew open, shocked. What the hell was that, I wondered.
And it kept happening. While she was going down on me. Next, when I was going down on her. That one really blew my mind, but even more surprising was how hard the image made me. In time, I just started going with it....a fantasy is a fantasy, after all. I wasn't uptight about a homoerotic aspect to my own sexuality, just startled.
Then one day, a year or so after that relationship ended, I found myself in a gay chat room watching messages fly by.
Nothing really struck my interest, to tell you the truth. I felt awkward even watching the messages scroll by. Lots of semi-literate, one-handed typists eager for attention, it seemed to me.
I went on my way, a little disturbed by own behaviour. Was I bisexual?
I found myself masturbating to gay porn on occasion, or fantasizing...playing out scenarios in my head while I jerked off. I kept hitting gay chat rooms, sporadically. Men would hit on me, but it didn't go anywhere until Jake.
Jake worked in downtown Toronto, just like me. He was slightly older - 35, and very well typed. Call me a snob, but nothing kills the mood quite like a punctuation or grammatical error in the middle of some good cybersex.
Jake and I hit it off in a chat room, and began chatting on a semi-regular basis over the period of a couple weeks. He was much like myself in terms of orientation...much more into women, but with the occasional....urge. He had had a partner before, but wasn't into the scene and was very careful.
I had cybersex with Jake - hesitantly at first. We would exchange porn links and talk about what we were doing to ourselves...then about what we'd like to do to each other. Lacking experience, I found myself resorting to my fantasies for material and imagery. He didn't seem to mind. The upshot was that it was good, and Jake asked if I wanted to exchange photos with him.
And so I found myself up against a boundary. Should I? Shouldn't I? I declined, but Jake said he felt comfortable enough to show me a pic on MSN. In short, he looked exactly how he had described himself, to my relief. Short, salt and pepper hair. A lean, muscular frame. Smooth. The next time, we had phone sex and I don't think I'd ever been so hard in my life. We just talked for awhile, warming up to each other and letting the anticipation grow. By the time we started talking dirty, I was hard as a rock.
Afterwards, I decided to show Jake my own pic...and he was similarly relieved. I lived up to my billing - 5'11", 170 lbs. A lean frame, with some chest hair. I was also packing the cut six inches I had told him about, but he didn't know that.
The next time we had cybersex, we found ourselves fantasizing about meeting up in a hotel room in downtown Toronto. He talked about how he wanted to rent a room for an afternoon and spend the day watching porn and teaching me everything I wanted to learn. Good lord, that got me going...and he could tell. We quickly took the action to the phone and exploded on each other verbally.
In the aftermath, I had time to toy with the idea...where was the line, here? How much was fantasy, and how much would I actually enjoy it? By the time we had the conversation, I had already made up my mind. He brought it up when we talked on the phone.
"So...you know that fantasy we had about meeting in that room?", he asked.
"Yes."
"Do you think you'd like to do that for real?"
With a slight pause I replied "When and where?"