So: the funniest thing happened at the game last night.
A bunch of us from work had gone to watch the Warriors in the playoffs. It wasn't one of those workplace bonding things, thank God, just a bunch of friends including Sasha, the co-worker I'd been dating for several weeks, and four other people from my department. It was a Friday night, which meant we could party pretty hard and not have to worry about working the next day.
It sounds like a recipe for a great time, especially since the Warriors were winning. But Sasha had gotten annoyed at me about something -- what it was I couldn't figure out -- and she was giving me the silent treatment.
I was turning toward her, trying to make peace, when I sensed a commotion around me. I looked up and realized they had put us on the Kiss-Cam -- you know, when they flash a couple on the Jumbotron and keep the camera on you until you kiss.
I looked back at Sasha. She was giving me this absolutely icy look that said, "Don't even think about it, Buster."
I looked back up at the camera, shrugging, and turned in the other direction. There was Tony, a guy who sits a couple of cubicles away from me in the office.
I looked back up, and I was still on the Kiss-Cam. I looked back briefly at Sasha, who was looking the other direction, then back at Tony
He looked back at me and shrugged. I leaned toward him and, in front of 15,000 people, gave him a big smooch.
The crowd roared with approval. I mean, this IS San Francisco.
I looked at Sasha. Even she was smiling.
But when we got in the Uber after the game I could tell she hadn't cooled down enough to invite me up to her apartment, and her goodnight kiss was perfunctory.
In a way it didn't matter. I was still thinking about kissing Tony.
*****
It was the first time I had ever kissed a guy.
No surprise, given that I'm straight. But like a lot of guys -- possibly most guys -- I'd wondered from time to time what kissing another guy might be like.
I don't mean that I fantasized about it all the time; it just popped into my head now and then when I saw public displays of affection between men, which aren't exactly rare in San Francisco.
I had always told myself, Nah, not my thing.
The weird thing was that when Tony and I kissed, quick as it was, I had felt some kind of -- how shall I put this? -- some kind of spark. I mean, the spark you feel when you kiss a girl the first time and sense something special.
But while I like Tony, and we'd become friends in the six months we'd worked together, I'd never thought of him -- or any guy for that matter -- as a potential romantic partner.
All this was going through my mind on the way to my place after dropping off Sasha, and it was still on my mind when I got in bed. It was new and confusing to think I might be attracted to a guy.
A part of me was terrified by the idea. I mean, I like to think of myself as open-minded, but after thinking of yourself as straight your whole life, it's a bit of a shock to think you might be, well, something else.
Even so, as I drifted off to sleep, I wondered whether Tony had felt the same spark and, if so, he was having the same troubled thoughts.
****
The next day I met a bunch of guys from work to play basketball at the courts in North Beach, including Tony and two guys who'd been at the game with us, Gabe and Eduardo.
Eduardo told everyone else about the kiss, and Tony and I came in for some good-natured teasing. We laughed along with the rest, but I got the idea he was as unsettled as I was.
He avoided making eye contact, for one thing. And when we wound up on opposite teams -- he played for Shirts and I for Skins -- he bumped me harder in the paint than I thought was strictly necessary. It made me wonder whether he was subconsciously punishing me for the ribbing he had been taking.
On top of that, when we went out for beers afterward, Tony seemed to make a point of sitting at the far end of the table. I went home feeling disturbed, though I couldn't say exactly why.
Sasha and I went out that evening, and I seemed to have been forgiven for whatever it was I did to make her mad the night before. I spent the night at her place, but lying in bed afterward I realized that we didn't totally click sexually and our relationship was likely going nowhere.
Sasha must have felt the same way, because over breakfast the next morning she said she didn't feel we were truly compatible and we should stop seeing each other. I think I surprised her by immediately agreeing. The truth is I was relieved, though I didn't put it that way to her..
At work the next week Tony and I came in for some more ribbing about our kiss, though it died down when people found other things to joke about.
He and I didn't interact much for work purposes, which wasn't unusual, but things still felt strained. It was as if we had an unspoken agreement to keep our distance from each other, if only to keep the teasing from starting up again.
Still, I thought about him from time to time and wondered if I should try to clear the air somehow. I would have done it if I could think of something to say.
On the following Saturday someone from work threw a party for a colleague who was leaving the company, and everyone from our department was invited. About midnight the heat and noise of the crowd got to be too much, so I eased my way through an open sliding door onto the balcony, which had a decent view of the bay.
Someone was already there, leaning on the railing and staring at the water. Not until I got closer did I realize it was Tony.
He looked at me briefly, with an expression I couldn't read, then turned back to the view.
"Hey," I said.
"Hey."
"I was desperate for fresh air," I said.
"Me, too."
A long awkward silence followed. I decided it was up to me to break the ice.
Glancing at the open door to make sure we weren't being overhead, I said, "Look, about the kiss..."
He tensed slightly, but didn't look at me.
"It was a spur-of-the-moment thing," I said. "If I had known it would make things so awkward, I wouldn't have done it."
Still he said nothing.
"It's not like it meant anything," I said.
He turned and gave me a long look. I could see him trying to make up his mind whether to say something further.
"Didn't it?" he asked.
My mouth went dry. So he'd felt something, too.
I took a big swallow of my beer to cover my embarrassment. I wanted to say something but couldn't think what it might be.
"Look," he said quietly. "I'm not gay..."
"Neither am I," I put in.
"It's just that, well..."
"What?"
He gazed at the bay a moment before turning back to me and saying, almost in a whisper, "I liked it."
I swallowed hard. The next words were hard to get out.
"So did I."
We looked at each other.
This time it was he who glanced toward the door. Then he leaned close to me.
When I didn't pull back, he leaned in further and pressed his lips against mine.
It was brief, but it was long enough for me to feel the same spark I felt when we were on Kiss-Cam.
He backed away and looked at me again.
"Was that okay?" he asked.
"More than okay."
He glanced toward the open door. Apparently satisfied that no one was watching, he kissed me again, this time with more purpose.
I felt his razor stubble, noticed the way he sucked briefly at my lower lips.
It was actually kind of sexy. I felt a twitch in my dick.
What the fuck?
He pulled back and looked at me again.
He hesitated a moment, then drained his glass. He seemed to have made up his mind about something.
"I know I'm crazy for asking this, but do you want to get out of here?"
I did not hesitate.
"Okay," I said. "Yes."
He looked relieved. Maybe he had expected me to punch him.