Left Alone

Chapter 4: "Believe that I would be the one to heal you"

(from Worry About You by 2AM Club)

Liam and Caleb got dressed at opposite sides of the room, convinced that if they were within a few feet apart, they'd never leave the house and get food. The only words spoken came out of Caleb's mouth as he called the older boy, tossing him a shirt and pair of shorts that he thought would fit. He pulled over the shirt and bundled it in his hand, smelling the fabric as Caleb turned away to put on his socks. It smelled like him, as if the detergent wasn't strong enough to wash out the scent of Caleb Torres. Liam let go, letting the grey tee fall all over his skin, hoping he'd smell like him too.

Caleb flipped through Yelp as the car started up, scrolling through pages of restaurants that boasted free flowing mimosas, five course tasting menus and enough Michelin stars to make up a solar system. He didn't need any of that, he thought to himself, while shaking his head at how Lakeshore had become this overly gentrified neighborhood of yuppies- he kind of place that his grandmother or lola as she insisted he call her, would scoff at from her home in an outlying province of the Philippines.

He remembered the last time they visited nearly four years ago. His father loved his family deeply- that was never up for question, but when you grow up with nothing and suddenly find success, going back to the streets you came from is never easy. They spent four weeks there which Adrian Torres used to set his aging parents up in a bigger, nicer home with all of the amenities and enough space for his mother's garden full of oversized mangoes, sugar apples and the shortest bananas he'd ever seen. It was one of the best summers of his life- spending everyday perched at the new kitchen island, watching his grandmother prepare pots and pots of enough food to feed the entire metropolitan area while his grandfather softly strummed his guitar from the recliner he claimed was too soft. He'd even managed to see his parents roll up their sleeves and let their perfectly combed hair down for a bit, getting back to being just Adrian and Jaslene, two kids who fell in love and wanted to make something of themselves.

Lolo didn't make it to winter. He died a few days before Christmas just as Caleb's mom was getting care packages together to send over their way. The three of them were on a plane the next day, traveling hours, mostly in silence. This time around there wasn't any music to be heard or simmering pots on the stove. This trip felt like business. And every night, Caleb would sit in that living room as his parents desperately tried to convince lola to come back with them to California, but she refused. She wouldn't leave her husband or their home, and she knew that her son would never move back. So they were stuck: two roads laid out in different directions with only a hope that they'd someday cross. Caleb and his family left just after Christmas after being reassured for the hundredth time that week that she would be fine. When they returned stateside, the calls and care packages continued to flow, along with promises that they'd visit that never came to fruition. Home meant pain for Caleb's dad, he figured. But as he got older, Caleb realized that pain isn't always something to be avoided.

Things weren't ever really the same after that trip. Adrian focused on work, determined to make enough money to provide for his family and his mother halfway around the world- and in doing so was neither here nor there. Jaslene turned her attention to the many causes she felt strongly towards- a sort of "pay it forward" mindset that stemmed from a childhood barely over the poverty line in Manila. And that left Caleb, the collateral damage of two whirlwinds who blew through the nation, leaving their vacant house, and son, abandoned.

Caleb snapped back just as Liam had turned up the volume to his retrofitted stereo. He'd scrolled through his endless playlists looking for the right song, not wanting to put his faith in any of the Top Forty junk that littered the radio. He eased into the driver's seat, tapping his knuckle against the steering wheel as the intro played through. Caleb's eyes widened as he remembered the throwback track, listening along to the lyrics as the chorus played:

"Broken lover, guess I made you.

Believe that I would be the one to heal you.

And if you go now, out that doorway,

I won't say you're wrong,

But you know that I'll worry about you"

Each of them found some sort of meaning from those words, checking in as much emotional baggage that any airline would allow. Caleb still didn't know Liam's full story- one he'd promised to share when ready. But as he caught glimpses of a happier boy- one who smiled as if his body was finally allowed the chance to breathe, he knew that whatever the boy needed to unpack had to be done at his own pace. He wouldn't be able to heal Liam Holt; he'd have to do that all his own.

Caleb led them to a French-inspired eatery that stood unassuming from the rest of Lakeshore's boutiques. As they got seated at the small wrought iron table, Liam breathed a sigh of relief in looking at a menu with at least a few items that weren't foreign to him. Caleb ordered a simple eggs benedict while Liam struggled at the French words "un deux trois" which was their name for a single pancake, two eggs and three strips of bacon- all while Caleb snickered in the background.

Finishing his second glass of freshly squeezed orange juice, Caleb asked, "Hey. Can I ask you to be completely honest with me about something?"

Liam leaned in closer with a concerned look washing over his face, "Of course, man."

"Where's your head at with everything we've done so far? From last night to just before we left?" He asked, turning red in the process. "Do you have any regrets?"

Liam looked for the boy's brown eyes, seeing fear hidden between his pupils. He took Caleb by the hand, feeling the trembling boy in front of him. "Last night, when I had you in my arms- it was like everything that used to hold me down became weightless." He rubbed at the tender spot between the boy's thumb and his wrist. "I felt like I could do that for hours."

Caleb beamed, pouting his lips slightly as if the words "thank god" were about to be set free. "And what about what we did before we came here?"

"Oh, That." Liam said with a snicker. "I mean I've definitely never done that before." He looked around, hoping the bustle of the morning crowd could drown out their conversation. "You're the first person I've been with." He said, placing emphasis on that last word.

Before Caleb could respond, Liam admitted, "When everything around you is messed up, the last thing you want is to bring someone into that storm."

"I get it." Caleb exhaled, "I haven't been with anyone either."

The two of them sat there for a few seconds as the volume in the restaurant seemed to fade in their minds. It was just the two of them, sitting across each other with two stupid looks on their faces.

Caleb broke first, laughing as he reached for his juice. "We're so bad at this. The first inkling of a relationship and we're acting like middle schoolers passing out candy grams."

"Relationship?"

Liam raised an eyebrow to which Caleb stopped right in his tracks, "Oh. Sorry. I didn't mean to jump like that, we're only just hanging out and we haven't-"

The younger boy's face turned to worry, realizing what he'd said just as Liam snickered, stopping his premature panic attack. "Hey I'm messing with you dude.' He looked over at the boy who'd just sighed in relief, "I like seeing you squirm."

"You're an asshole" Caleb said, half glaring at the boy but failing miserably.

Their laughs ended just as the server came by with two large plates hot to the touch. Caleb dug in quickly, barely waiting for the plate to be set down before digging his fork and knife into the poached eggs. Taking a bit, his eyes lit up, grunting in affirmation as he ate. Liam meanwhile took his time, cutting up his pancake into perfectly even pieces which got a drizzle of maple syrup that looked like a precise geometric pattern.

Once their plates were clean, the two sat back into the iron chairs, going on about how the place was such a great find considering they were surrounded by restaurants charging three times as much. Liam swiped his wallet from his back pocket and stared at the few bills he hoped could last him until his next paycheck. He'd been saving what he could from Sal's, apart from the sums he gave to his mom to help with the rent and groceries. That only left a small amount that he'd reserved for his personal spending, which up until Caleb's return consisted of makeshift lunches from local deli's and gas for his restored Charger.

Caleb called out, "Hey brunch is on me, man" as if reading the boy's mind.

Just before he could refute, the younger boy corrected, "You must've spent a lot on me yesterday, so it's my turn" wearing a face that said he wasn't to be questioned.

Liam gave in, pushing his wallet back into his pocket as he replied with a "Thank you."

***

The boys strolled down the sidewalk, finding shade in the low trees that dotted the street. Liam had his hands in his pockets, fumbling the stray lint in his fingers as he felt them start to sweat. He watched Caleb beside him who had his head turned in every direction, taking in the neighborhood they'd been walking through. Liam moved a little closer, with only the grout line of the tile pavers separating them.

"At the restaurant, you talked about the inkling of a relationship."

Caleb turned, "It was just a poor choice of words."

"No, I don't think it was." He said, feeling beads of sweat form at his back. "We've only been hanging out again for a week, but it feels like the two of us have been dancing around this idea since that first day." He looked over at Caleb whose brown eyes shimmered in the afternoon sun. "At least I have."

"What are you saying?"

Liam took his palms and wrapped them around Caleb's wrists. He held onto the boy that way, as they stood partially covered by the afternoon sun. In the middle of Lakeshore, with dozens of people surrounding them, Liam shut the door on the outside world so only Caleb existed with him, tethered together by the rubbing of his thumbs.

"I wanna be with you." He said, finding the boy's eyes. "This thing between us is the most nerve-wracking feeling I've experienced in a while, but I cant keep pretending around you."

Caleb lifted his face, nearly standing on his tip toes as he closed the few inches of height between them. He found Liam's lips, soft and supple, and pressed his against them. He held onto the boy by the hem of the grey shirt he lent him to wear, deciding that he didn't want that shirt back anymore- it looked better on him anyways.

"I don't want to be alone anymore." Caleb said, pulling away after a few seconds and biting on his bottom lip, knowing that he wouldn't have to be.

***

The drive back to the house felt surreal, with only the warmth coming off Caleb's hand telling Liam that he wasn't dreaming. He didn't know the last time he'd been so unbound- as if the past few years of his life was spent in a straightjacket, being critical of how he should act and what he could do. He felt open around Caleb and talked to him without repressing any of his emotions in fear that he'd be judged. It was strange to say the least, but like every other foreign feeling he'd experienced this past week, he knew he'd go along with it if it gave some promise of being happy.

Once they got back, the two boys planted themselves on the couch with Caleb's head unintentionally falling into Liam's lap. He enjoyed the closeness of their embrace without any signs of awkwardness or doubt. Liam felt the boy's weight on him as he ran his fingers through the jet black hair and began to survey the room. Stacks of boxes along with stray sheets of bubble wrap and miscellaneous packing peanuts cluttered most of the kitchen and spare walls of the living room that hadn't been unpacked. Just looking at them made him feel overwhelmed, not to mention that every room of the new house had a similar unfinished quality.

"You know what we should do?" Liam asked with a newfound excitement.

"Lay around all afternoon and re-watch The Office?"

"No." Liam got on his feet hearing the younger boy groaning as he repositioned his body, trying to get comfortable once more. "We should unpack all of this stuff and finally turn this place into a home."

Caleb shook his head, "Dude, do you know how much stuff we moved over here? That's two floors of boxes and miles of bubble wrap."

Liam flashed that winning smile, "Come on, there's two of us. If we focus right now we can have everything unpacked and put away before dinner." He looked over at the boy who was still unconvinced, "Caleb, you're still living out of a suitcase and have only unpacked a few blankets and some utensils. It only looks daunting because you would've had to do it on your own, but you got help now."

Caleb let out a sigh, knowing he couldn't question the boy's logic. He scratched his head and glared at the older boy, "Fine. But if I get lectured about things not being put in the right place, you're coming back here and moving it all by yourself." He said, with a fake whine.

A half hour later, Liam was knee deep in dishes with every cabinet door open, trying to figure out where every piece should go. He was sure all of the kitchenware in his house could fit into two, maybe three of these cabinets with room to spare. Caleb meanwhile was at the opposite end of the living room, standing atop a footstool as he hung various picture frames while calling out to Liam to check if they were straight. Each boy was in their zone, jamming out to one of Liam's Spotify playlists as the stacks eventually turned into piles of flattened boxes and trash bags of crumpled up newspaper.

A little while later, Liam was carefully cutting through the shrink wrapped cherry barstools, mostly because he didn't think Caleb would use an X-acto knife and not cut through the polished wood. When he got to the base, he unwrapped the chair, pulling off the plastic in one fluid motion without so much as a scratch anywhere to be seen.

Caleb walked over and gave the boy a high five, taking note of the thin blanket of sweat that formed on his body. He could smell the faint scent of musk that wafted around the taller boy- something that had him biting down on his bottom lip and feel his cock start to stir.

"Uh, why don't we continue on upstairs?"

Caleb led them up the stairs into one of the handful of rooms left untouched. They started at the guest bedroom, fitting the newly purchased mattress with fresh sheets and enough pillows to safely land a skydiver if needed. Liam got to work in the en suite, emptying all of the name brand shampoo and conditioners into glass dispensers by the shower, all the while Caleb scoffed, telling him how they never have guests over anyway.

The next two rooms took a little longer than before. The master was left pretty much as is, except for a new set of curtains and clean sheets on the oversized king bed. Caleb pushed the stacks of boxes that held his parents clothes into the walk-in closet and called it a day, knowing better than to try and arrange the fifty or so evening gowns his mother kept on hand- not to mention the boxes of shoes that, if laid out like bricks, could comfortably house a small family in Clover.

He peaked into the shared office space where he left Liam to unbox two matching iMac's and a shelfful of books on finance that Adrian Torres claimed, helped him build his company. The last box, however, proved to have the most value out of everything he'd seen thus far. He picked up a simple frame with a candid photo of a young Caleb and two people he'd assume were his parents. It must have been taken years ago, he figured, as he remembered Caleb's boyish grin from back when they were kids. A young Caleb was being embraced by his parents, both in a contest to see who could smother their son more. Liam could feel his heart ache at the sight. By now, he'd heard enough about Caleb's parents to know that things weren't ideal, but the picture proved that at one point, it was. And that alone gave him hope, for Caleb's sake, that it could be like that again.

Liam cleared the mess and called out for Caleb, eventually finding him hanging up the last few shirts left in his suitcase. He plopped himself onto the bed beside him, feeling the layer of sweat that formed at his back as it pressed against the wooden headboard. Caleb too had developed a slight musk that he could make out over the scent of vanilla that oozed off his hair. It was intoxicating, he thought, as he felt his cock start to harden while the boy had his back turned. He didn't want to seem too eager or give him the wrong impression, so he lay there, taking what he could get from the boy who'd already given so much.

Caleb closed the closet door and curled up against Liam's outstretched frame. Interlocking their fingers, he kissed at the knuckles. "Thank you for convincing me to do this. I probably would've gotten as far as the kitchen and then have an anxiety attack."

Liam brought their joined hands to his lips and copied the gesture, "You shouldn't have to be a ghost in this house anymore."

Caleb responded by lifting his body and sitting atop Liam. He whipped off his shirt and tossed it aside, then quickly reached for the older boy's and threw it along with it. He looked down, seeing that creamy white skin with two pink nipples pointed straight towards him. Liam's eyes pierced him as well, with his pupils so full of desire. He leaned down, cupping the boy's jaw with both hands and kissing him. Caleb started off slow, letting their lips press as if they were molding to each other's shape and after what felt like enough time to remember how they felt, Liam parted them, allowing his boy to explore. Letting himself be tasted, he reached at the back of Caleb's neck and brought the boy closer, running his fingers through that jet black hair like they were pools of leftover maple syrup on a plate.

After holding for long enough, Liam took control, leaving the boy's pouting lips and moving over to his bare shoulder. He examined the caramel flesh and suckled at the corner where Caleb's shoulder met his neck. The younger boy let out a few soft moans that only worked to get him even more intense. When he felt like he'd given that spot the attention it deserved, he moved down to the boy's dark nipples that dotted his defined chest. Caleb cradled the back of Liam's neck as he took one of them in his mouth, circling the tip with the smallest point of his tongue, before taking it whole, one after the other. Liam moaned into the boy's body, pleased at everything he'd tasted so far and knowing that if time permitted, he'd have every inch of that boy in his mouth sometime soon.

Caleb leaned back and unbuttoned Liam's shorts before pulling them and the pair of black boxers off entirely. He bit down on his lip seeing that fat cock pressed against his thigh which had a steady stream of precum oozing off his skin and onto the bedsheets. He made quick work of his own shorts and took his place on Liam's lap.

The two boys sat there for a few moments, finally given the chance to examine each other's bodies in a way that wasn't rushed or completely new. This morning, their actions felt like two boys who'd finally been able to act upon their desires, but right now they sacrificed urgency and let their own curiosity take over. Liam loved the feeling of Caleb's ass pressed against his thighs; he could feel the boy's weight on him as he ran a knuckle up that tanned, hairless skin so sun-kissed, he started to get jealous. Caleb leaned back a bit cuffing his hands on Liam's thighs and presenting himself to the boy: nearly five feet ten inches of amber skin, a half dozen or so abs, and a thick cock that was hard and throbbing.