Letting Go

Hey guys! I'd like to wish you all a happy holidays. This is my second story submission, and I intend to tell the romantic story of Simon and Reggie over several chapters. Like most relationships, their love develops over a long time, but there is still hot action sex scenes embedded into the story. I hope you enjoy!

*****

Prologue:

I never truly knew who I was for the first 18 years of my life. I might sound pretty delirious, I mean, shouldn't you be the person that knows yourself the most? But life isn't just black and white for a lot of us, there's millions of shades of grey that constitute many of our actions and thoughts about certain things and people. I've been living my whole life in a grey area, I was never the type to easily define myself and my borders. My indecisiveness infiltrated into my aspects of my life, one of the biggest ones being my sexuality. I've claimed I was stick-straight to about everyone I've ever met, when behind the scenes, I was painstakingly confused. I've been intrigued by boys my whole life, I've always wanted one to touch me, I've always wanted one to love me. All the relationships I've had with girls never fulfilled what I thought it would, and I was living with a hole in my heart day in and day out. I've always been afraid that coming out would give me labels like "creep", or "faggot". I know what these people had to suffer through sometimes, and I've been terrified that I would be the next victim.

It turns out, I did become a victim.

My family was very disjointed because my father never really headed us as well as he should have. He always came home late and drunk, claiming that he was at "Church, helping". Much to the pain of my mother, she kept the family tied together. She worked long, hard hours to give me and my sister food on the table and shelter from the harshness of the outside world.

I was about 13 when I really started questioning my sexuality, my father always told me to chase after girls and marry one, and I blindly followed his orders thinking he was right, but it didn't feel right. I was watching gay porn a lot back then, and I dreamed about the day that another man would treat me with care and sensuality. I hid everything about my homosexuality from the outside world because I was scared for myself and what would happen to me. I came out of the closet to my mom and sister when I was 15. I remember the very words she said when I told her "I'm gay, mom."

She gazed at me with her tired eyes and began crying, "Simon, you know that no matter what you are, I will always love you for who you are." She and my sister surrounded me in a gigantic hug, and I felt at rest for once in my life.

My dad threw the door open and caught all of us by surprise. His eyes were bulging and he smelled like whiskey. His veins were popping out of his balding head and he looked furious. He seized me with such great strength I almost forgot to breathe, and he began shouting at me so loudly, my ears started to ring. I couldn't make out everything he said to me, but I could tell there was intense hatred behind it. "NOT MY SON... NO SON OF MINE... PANSY ASS FAGGOT... TAKE IT BACK... FUCK..." and he punched the side of my head so hard that I blacked out. The last things I heard was the screaming of my mom and sister...

I woke up in a white bed, but I wish I hadn't because my whole body felt like one gigantic bruise. I could barely turn my head to see where I was, but it looked like a hospital. My mom gasped, and gently grasped my arm.

"Simon! Simon! Oh my goodness, Simon!" She told me, and then she started crying. "Simon I was so worried! I thought your dad seriously hurt you."

"Mom, what's going on?" I asked. I was so dazed by my pain.

"H-he heard us talking, and he began to beat you for what you confessed." She stuttered. "I tried pulling him away from you and Gina called the police."

I touched my head, and waves of pain travelled all over my body, and I almost fainted again.

"Simon, sit still, you're not in the best conditions to be moving right now," my mom said warmly, "Gina is out in the lobby, would you like me to call her?"

"No, mom," I replied, "but where's dad?"

Her eyes narrowed and grew cold.

"He's at the police station getting what's coming to him, he should be arrested soon," she said sternly.

"But..." I didn't even know what to say.

"I'm divorcing that demon as soon as I possibly can. He'll be in jail for a long, long time. I'm sick and tired of him putting me and my family on the line for his irresponsibility."

My eyes began closing, despite my efforts to open them, because I wanted to ask my mom everything. Before I knew it, however, I was sound asleep.

That was 6 years ago.

Present day:

Familiar faces began surrounding me as someone began lighting the candles on the cake. Today was my 21st birthday, and I was having it in my favorite diner of all time, Milky's. Everyone was here, my sister and mother, all my college friends, Michelle (Milky, the owner), and my cousins.

Everyone but Adam, I told myself. I shrugged off my thoughts about him and tried to enjoy myself. Everyone began singing happy birthday, and they video taped me blowing out the candles on my special day. "Thank you everyone for sticking by my side, and giving me a hand when I needed one. I'm so lucky to have a support team made of special friends and family like you guys!" I told them. They cheered as we sliced the cake. We all had friendly conversations around the table, it was such a merry setting, but something was really bothering me. Someone was missing, it was Adam.

Adam was my first... everything. Adam was my first real friend when my family moved to Maryland, he was my first real crush, and he was my first real boyfriend when we found out we both liked each other. Adam was my boyfriend for 3 years. We did everything together, and I never knew I could love someone so much. He was so kind and genuine, and he made me feel cared for. He took me on countless dates, and made me laugh until I felt like my gut would explode. I would run away with him in a heartbeat and I trusted him enough to let him take away my virginity. I lost him to cancer 2 years ago, I was only 19.

Not a day passes by where he doesn't cross my mind. I see him in between dreams, his vibrant green eyes, his pearly white smile, his blonde ragged hair, his broad shoulders. I still hear his carefree laugh echoing in my ears, and his deep voice that would comfort me when I was stressed. I should really stop thinking about him, I always end up crying.

People started leaving, and Milky told me that the diner would be closing soon. I gave her a kiss on the cheek, "Thank you for everything Milky!" I yelled as I was leaving.

"Oh, anything for you Simon! Come on back tomorrow!" She laughed. Everyone needs an old, red-haired woman like Milky in their life.

The snow was falling gently tonight, and the night sky was a bit clearer. Adam and I would probably be looking at constellations through his telescope on a night like this. I quickly shook the thought off my head.

"I'll see you guys later," I kissed my mom and Gina, my sister, goodbye.

"Happy birthday again Simon, we love you!" My mom yelled back, as they disappeared into the crisp coldness of the night.

I began making my way to my car, the parking lot was pretty empty this late at night. My breath was foggy, and I checked my pockets to make sure I had everything with me. Crap! My phone was missing! I probably dropped it somewhere while walking to my car, and just as I was about to look for it, a voice shouted "Hey!"

A man encased in a brown jacket and a black beanie came jogging towards me with my phone in his hand. "I think you dropped this."

"Oh thanks, you're a life saver," and I looked up so I could properly thank him. I was met with warm brown eyes and a gorgeous grin. This stranger had tuffs of sandy-brown, wavy hair escaping from his beanie, and beard stubble shadowing his strong jawline.

"Happy birthday...?" He said questioningly.

"Simon," I filled in for him.

"Alright, Simon, I like it," he said playfully. "I'm Reggie, nice to meet ya." He extended his gloved hand out towards me, but I couldn't shake it because my arms were full with gifts.

"Oh sorry, didn't even notice," he laughed, "want me to help?"

I took up his offer, "That'd be great Reggie!"

He followed me to my car, and we quickly put all the stuff in the trunk. We made small talk about the perfect weather, our jobs and such. Reggie was about 27, and he worked as a part-time owner of a successful cafe downtown.

"You should drop by when you have the time, I'll give you a discount." He said.

"I'll consider it," I replied. I enjoyed our small talk, and Reggie was good looking and all, but it was getting late. "I think I should start heading home, Reggie, I'll see you next time."

"Wait," he abruptly said.

"Yeah? What is it?"

"Since its your birthday, I thought I'd, maybe..." he seemed shy, "give you a present." He handed me a slip of paper with a phone number on it.

"Oh, Reggie, I..." I didn't know what to say. I was happy Reggie was interested in me, but my heart ached and cried for Adam. I didn't know if I could start talking with other people when I haven't even had full closure yet.

"Oh I'm sorry, I didn't mean to offend you or anything, you don't have to..." He trailed off sounding a little disappointed.

"No, it's not like that Reggie, it's just..." I explained. Thoughts of Adam flooded my head and I almost cried in front of him. His voice resonated in my head and I was hit by the many memories we made together. I didn't want to ruin Reggie's night though, "I'll give it a try."

His lips extended into a contagious smile, as we said goodbye to each other. I couldn't stop thinking about Adam the whole, lonely way home.

It was about midnight by the time I got to my apartment, and my roommate, Kyle, was sound asleep in his room. I set all my stuff down and took a quick warm shower to wind down a bit. Once I was comfortable in my bed, I couldn't sleep at all. I felt like Adam was looking down upon me because I was interested in Reggie, but I knew Adam wasn't that type of person. I couldn't get him out of my head, so I did what I always did when that happened: I masturbated to the first time we had sex.

Adam was a lot stronger than I was, and I remember him pinning me down on my bed half-naked. Our mouths were inseparable, and his beautiful body glowed in the lamplight. "Are you ready? I'll start slow," he was smiling like a lunatic, "don't want to hurt you or anything."

His dorky grin was so adorable, "I'm ready when you are." I replied. He rolled a condom onto his 8 inch love muscle, and he placed my legs on his shoulders. We kissed as he stuck his dick tip into my virgin asshole. I moaned excessively loud, it was such a weird sensation having something enter your exit.

"Are you okay?" He asked.

"I'm about to get fucked by a hunk like you, of course I'm okay." I replied jokingly. He blushed at what'd I'd said and began slowly pumping his hips in and out. The feeling was indescribable, it felt electrifying. The pleasure was intoxicating, and just the mere sound of his deep moans and groans were enough to get me off. I came in less that 5 minutes of his entry, and I could feel his cock throb as he filled up the condom that was inside of me. We wouldn't stop kissing after that. That would probably have to be the best night of my life.

Just as I was about to cum from stroking myself, I saw an image of Reggie, and a raging boner and his trademark smile. I came all over myself suddenly, I had never seen Reggie naked but this image was so vivid. I was so distraught, I've never masturbated to anyone but Adam and it felt like I was mentally cheating on my late boyfriend when the thought of Reggie invaded my head. It wasn't the image of Reggie that disturbed me, it was the fact that I enjoyed it. I thought about it all night before I slept. I dreamt about a white wood fence.

Kyle made us omelettes as a "late birthday gift, sorry bro", breakfast. He added ketchup smiles on the side of the plate, this guy was absolutely ridiculous. Kyle was a pretty chill dude. He cleaned up after himself and never played music too loud. We'd been roommates for 3 years- ever since I was a freshman in college. We've been pretty good friends ever since. I was about to eat when I saw Reggie's phone number lying on the table. I decided to call him this early in the morning, to see if he was the morning person type. He quickly picked up the phone, "Hey, what's up Simon?" He greeted cheerfully.

"Nothing much, just checking in to see if you were up this early."

"Oh yeah, I usually am," he replied, "I open up the shop and prep up the food at around 5am."

"Wow, that's pretty impressive, so you are a morning person."

"Yeah, the work calls for it. Good food takes effort and time to make," he said, "you should come over in the evening! We can have our first date here! I take the morning shift, so I'll be free. I can even pick you up if you'd like."

I thought about his offer for a while. Adam was the only guy I'd let drive me around, but Reggie didn't seem like a bad person, "Sure! Sounds great, I'll see you then," I answered. Who knows? Maybe Reggie could fill up my void.

"Who was that?" Kyle asked.

"Oh, no one, just a friend," I lied.

"Oh no, I don't think so," he wittingly grinned. He poked my side, "I think that was a date!" He looked completely idiotic right now, and I knew there was no point in hiding it from him, I did live with him after all.

"Yeah, yeah, it's just some guy I met last night. I'm just interested, I'm not desperate to get in a relationship with him."

"Finally getting some closure on Adam?" He questioned. That easily could've been too much for me, but I didn't want to be an ass to Kyle right now. I just told him I didn't know yet, and that was the end of our conversation.

I spent hours trying to seem appealing before Reggie came to pick me up for our date. There's not a lot of nice outfits you can wear when it's snowing inches outside, so I settled with a flannel and snow jacket. I was nervous, I haven't been on a date in 3 years, did I still have my game? Reggie called me at around 7pm to tell me he was outside. I walked down the stairs to see that he drove a pick-up truck, I laughed to myself. This guy was super rugged. "Hey what's up?" He greeted as I buckled my seatbelt. He let his wavy hair free this time, and he was wearing a really nice cologne. His lips looked perfect, almost like Adam's...

"Oh nothing, just my first date in years," I answered. He laughed like it was a joke, "No seriously."

We drove for about 10 minutes talking about nothing in particular, until we reached our destination in downtown. His cafe was gorgeous! A wooden sign that read "Rosemary" stood proudly outside. Rustic brick made up the entire building, and wide windows revealed the customers enjoying the food inside. I stood in admiration as Reggie laughed. "It's pretty nice isn't it?" He patted my back, "let's head inside."

We sat at stools near a window. Reggie said he had made me something special before he picked me up and went to go retrieve it from the kitchen. This place was gorgeously decorated with vintage and rustic furniture that complemented the brick. It was a pretty big cafe, with many people bustling in and out while others sat down and enjoyed their food. "Here ya go," Reggie said. He gave me a pie, and had one for himself too. "That's my special-recipe chicken pot pie, you're guaranteed to fall in love with it." He took a bite out of his, "I'm obsessed over it, and I make these!" He laughed.

Adam never cooked for me before, this was new to me, so I slowly took a small bite. It was the tastiest thing I've ever eaten! "Where'd you learn to cook like this?" I was blown away.

"I took up culinary school and business for 6 years," he grinned, "I opened up this place about 3 years ago." Wow! Reggie was so young, yet he was successfully running his own business. It blew my mind that he could achieve all of this just as he as he turned 27. We continued to eat our food happily.

******Reggie's point of view******

I glanced over at Simon, who was clearly enjoying the food I made him. I looked at the way his lips gently met the fork, and how he savored each bite slowly. It took up all the might in my body not to grab him and just lick him into oblivion. Simon was my perfect man: he wasn't as tall as me, but his shaggy blond hair gave him a mature but boyish look. His blue eyes were brilliant, and his lips were just begging to be used. He didn't look like he worked out too much, but he wasn't skinny. I decided to change the subject before I became turned on too much by his eating.

"My dad never really supported the idea of me owning a cafe," I said. Simon looked up from his food and I could tell that somewhere deep in his eyes, he related. "He wanted me to be a doctor like my brothers. But it wasn't what I had wanted."

"How did he take the news?" He asked.

"Oh not at all lightly," I chuckled, "I nearly got the boot, but my mom came in and helped. I was homeless for about a week."

He looked surprised, "Wow, but look at you now! You're so successful! You don't need a negative force like your dad in your life."

"Yeah I know," I said. I gazed off into the distance, I thought about my dad and what he had done to me 8 years ago. It bothers me that I never really got to see him after saying goodbye.

"I had a similar experience," he confessed abruptly, "it was when I told my parents I was gay."

"Really?" I was intrigued. Did his parents take it well? "What was their reaction?"

"I was beat and hospitalized."

I nearly spit out my food, this was a lot to take in on the first date. He looked down at his plate and he could probably tell by my reaction I was shocked.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to scare you, it's just the thought of unfair dads gets me a bit upset," he explained.

I reached over and touched his shoulder, "Hey, we're fine now, we don't need them!" He grinned when I said that and I nearly melted. This was my first time seeing him smile, and it was all that mattered to me that night.

We talked for hours on end until it was nearly closing time. I baked him some quick brownies and we closed up the shop, we were the last ones to leave. Once we were in my car, I could tell he really enjoyed himself tonight. He opened up to me about a lot of things and I did too.

"Here drink this, you look freezing," I told him as I handed over a thermos of warm milk I prepared for him earlier. He drank it and sighed.

"Is this warm milk?" He asked me.

"Yeah, why? Are you lactose intolerant?"

"No it's just..." His voice trailed off and he was sound asleep. I laughed to myself at how cute he looked right now, he reminded me of a kid.

By the time I reached his place, it was close to midnight. I woke him up, and he looked dazed. "You only slept for 10 minutes!" I chuckled. He laughed a deep laugh that I could listen to all day. I walked him over to his entrance. "I had a really good time tonight," I told him.

"Me too," he smiled. "So I guess this is goodbye until our next date?"

"Sure thing," I said.

We just stood their looking at each other like we needed to say something. He was about to turn around to leave when I leaned into to give him a kiss. It was a small kiss, and he tasted like sweet milk. He shyly smiled, "Well, I'll see you around Reggie..." I waved goodbye as he disappeared behind his door. Was it too much for him? I kicked myself for what I had done.

****

Simon and I had gone on multiple dates since we had met, dates at the park, at the aquarium, at the lake, but I felt like we weren't moving in our relationship. We held hands, only sometimes, and we had those rare occasions where we would kiss, but not passionately. I was very confused, I felt like he wasn't his full self when he was around me, and I mentioned it to him a few times, but he just brushed it off and said something generic like, "Oh, I'm just stressed about school". I wasn't suspicious or anything, but I felt like he was losing interest in me. What was I doing wrong? I put my full effort into trying to make him happy and comfortable but I just wasn't seeing the results.