**This story will continue references to homophobia and violence throughout. Reader discretion is advised**
**Thank you all so much for the love you've shown this story! I'm so glad you're enjoying it and will continue to do so.**
When I woke up the next morning, Luca was gone. His bed was a tangled mess of blankets, his sweatpants from the previous night thrown onto the floor in a heap, and there was no sign of him.
I frowned, a thousand thoughts running through my head that I couldn't make sense of. Had I misread the situation the night before? Had I gone too far when he was a little too drunk to make a coherent thought? He appeared sober enough, hadn't had enough drinks to affect his balance, but maybe he wasn't as sure as he thought he was. I never should have agreed.
"You're an idiot, Cal," I muttered, running my hands over my face and knocking my glasses askew. "An actual idiot."
The last thing I wanted was to ruin our friendship over it, especially if we had to live with each other for the next few months, but maybe I had done just that. I should have said no. I should have stuck to my first reaction and not done it. At least that way, our friendship wouldn't have been ruined and he wouldn't have decided to make a run for it in the early morning.
My mind continued to spiral as I dressed, pulling on the same pair of jeans from the night before and a green shirt. I tried to ignore the thumping of my heart against my ribcage as I sat at my desk and turned on my laptop, swiveling the chair to try to calm my restless energy. My stomach groaned, and I grabbed a granola bar, chewing on the corner of it, but it just tasted like cardboard.
I tried to distract myself by starting the reading before classes started, but my eyes were drawn to the small clock in the corner of the screen. Each minute ticked by with no sign of Luca. I wouldn't have been so bothered by his disappearance if the previous night hadn't happened, but the anxiety and guilt grew as time passed. Did he really regret it that much?
I thought back to what happened; the taste of his precum on my tongue, his soft moans as I sucked his cock, and the way his hand tangled itself into my hair. My cock hardened at the thought of him slowly jerking me off, his begging for me to cum, and the way he licked his lips afterwards. It felt so natural.
The door to the room opened, and I readjusted my pants to cover the small bulge forming. I turned the chair, watching as Luca stepped into the room. His cheeks were tinged red, sweat trickled down his forehead, and his gray shirt was covered in damp patches and clung to his body. He wasn't alone. Behind him trailed Brandon in a similar state and several others I didn't recognize.
"I almost had you, and I would have if my calf didn't seize up," Brandon said, tugging the bottom of his shirt up to wipe the sweat from his face. I spun the chair away from them.
"But you didn't."
"But I almost did."
"Whatever helps you sleep at night."
Luca laughed, and I turned to face him, watching as he took a sip from his water bottle. He looked at me for a moment, our eyes connecting for no more than a second before he turned away. Anxiety flooded my chest, and I took a breath, turning back to my laptop and trying to ignore the conversation behind me. Had he asked the others to come back with him to avoid talking to me? That had to have been it.
He was ashamed.
"Hey, Cal," Brandon said, lightly knocking my shoulder. He spun my chair around before I could stop him. "This is Ethan, Lewis, and Zack. All on the football team."
He gestured to each one in turn and I took a mental note of which one was which.
Ethan was tall, broad-shouldered, with dark skin and a close-cropped haircut. Lewis stood a head smaller, with curly blond hair and freckles covering his face. Zach stood off to the side, his long dark hair pulled back into a bun and his arms crossed over his chest. He was the only one who didn't seem hot and sweaty.
"This is Cal, Luca's roommate."
Ethan nodded, his eyes drifting to the books on my desk. "That's a lot of books."
"So I've been told."
A small, fake laugh escaped my lips, and I dragged the palms of my hands, which were slick with sweat, across my thighs. I glanced at Luca, who continued to not meet my eye,but shuffled from one foot to the other as though he felt the weight of my gaze.
"Were you studying?"
"Hm?"
Brandon gestured to the screen with a slight raise of his eyebrow. "Before we came in."
"Just trying to get some reading done before classes start. I've done most of it already, but the nerd in me won't let it go."
"I think I've been behind on reading since freshman year." He laughed, scratching the back of his neck.
"How have you not been kicked off the team yet?" Zack asked.
"Because Coach loves me and tolerates the rest of you."
"You keep telling yourself that."
Brandon launched himself at Zack, wrapping his arms around his waist and tackling him to the floor as though they were playing football. I spun the chair away and took another look at Luca, but he continued to stare away from me, watching the fight between his teammates. He didn't even look at me. I might as well have not been in the room at all if that was how he wanted to act.
I turned away from him, plugging my headphones in and doing my best to distract myself from the chaos unfolding behind me. The headphones worked to block out the noise, but even the loud music failed to calm the thoughts swirling through my mind. He had been the one to make the first move and yet regretted them the moment he slept on it for a few hours. If he was going to spend the next months refusing to look at me, I wasn't sure I could stand being his roommate.
No matter how hard I tried to concentrate on the reading, I couldn't. My mind couldn't focus on the words on the screen and my heart thumped against my ribcage with so much force I thought it might tear through my chest. I've lived with and gone to High School with people who didn't like me. I thought college would be different, but once again I'd managed to put my foot in it.
Just one of the many reasons I resigned myself to the life of a hermit.
Someone tugged at my headphones, removing them from my ear and letting them drop to my shoulders. I moved the chair a little.
"We're off," Brandon said. "Need to make sure the rest of the team haven't choked on their own sick or something."
Lewis pulled a face, taking a swig from his water bottle. "Don't, you'll make me throw up in a minute."
"Just saying it like it is." He laughed. "See you around, Cal."
"See you."
The three of them shuffled out of the room, leaving Luca and me alone for the first time in an hour. A strong, oppressive weight settled over the room. I could hear my heartbeat in my ears and I wondered if Luca could hear it, too. I spun the chair around to face him, hoping that he might finally meet my eye, but he didn't. Instead, he threw his now empty water bottle onto his bed and perched on the edge of his mattress, his leg bouncing up and down.
