Little Expenses

That afternoon I waited patiently for Hugh to come home from work, wondering how I could get him on my side. When he arrived, he went straight to Parker's room and stayed there with him for a while, I guess cuddling, but at last he came out of there and into the living room, luckily he came alone. He came over to my cage, as usual, to see if I was short of food or water - fortunately he was still concerned about my welfare, though he was evidently less and less so - and, when I saw his huge face through the bars, I signaled that I wished to speak to him. He made a certain gesture of impatience -bad start- but he opened the cage and, taking me in his gigantic hand, placed me close to his ear so that I could speak to him.

-Hugh, I... I don't want to bother you... but I think we should talk -I said, very afraid of his reaction. He put me back in front of his huge mouth and said:

-Well, if you're going to continue to be a pain in the ass with your moaning, I'd almost better not....

I felt a great sadness that my dear husband was talking to me like that. I signaled him again and again he put me next to his big ear:

-Hugh, I... I really don't know how to tell you this, but... I think we're drifting apart... I think you don't love me like you used to....

-Nonsense! -he exclaimed, contemptuously-, of course I love you as always! And we're not drifting apart. It's just that it's harder for us to communicate now, but we'll work it out.

I realized that he was trying to give an image of normality, as if nothing was happening, but he was visibly uncomfortable and it was obvious that he was lying.

-Hugh, I... I know there's something going on between you and Parker... and I think we should talk about it, don't you?

-No, I don't think so -he said dismissively-, remember, you gave me the freedom to see other guys, and what I do with Parker is none of your business.

I sighed, it wasn't going well at all! I tried to continue:

-Yes, but one thing is sex and another is... well, if there's already another kind of relationship... I'm not saying there is, but... -I noticed he stirred uncomfortably. It was obvious that he didn't expect me to know so clearly what was going on between them. That made me even more nervous. I knew my husband well and I knew that guilt made him aggressive.

-I repeat -he said more and more furious, but trying to remain calm-, that you gave me freedom and I don't think I have to give you any more explanations. If that's all... -He went to cut the conversation short and return me to the cage, but, again by signs, I begged him anxiously once more to listen to me. He brought me to his ear again, with a gesture of exasperation.

-Hugh, please, that boy is evil. He's said terrible things to me, he's threatened me, and he's set out to... to... -I couldn't even bring myself to say it- to make you kill me! Don't let him drag you down, I beg you! -I said in a last desperate attempt.

As soon as I had said this, I realized that I had screwed up to the core. Naturally my husband didn't believe me - how could he believe that from such a charming boy? - and thought I was stirring up trouble to separate them.

-How dare you say such a thing? -he thundered angrily-. I never thought you could be so low as to spread such slander. And the truth is, I've had enough of your attitude these days. I have done my best to make you feel good, to continue to see you as an equal, to try to make this as easy as possible for you, but what I am not willing to accept is this absolute lack of loyalty and respect. As we were told you are no longer my husband, nor are you a human being, you are just a pet, MY pet! And from now on I am going to treat you as such! I am done with you! You are going to have exactly the place in the world that a miserable insect like you deserves! And since you disgust me right now, I'd rather not see you.

In a quick gesture he put me back in the cage, closed it and put it in a drawer. Fortunately he didn't keep me there for long, I suppose that as soon as he calmed down he felt guilty, but the time I spent inside the drawer, plunged in darkness and not knowing if I would see the light again or if I would be forgotten and suffocate or die of hunger and thirst in there, was one of the worst moments of my life. I cried and cried, full of anguish, for having lost my husband, for being insignificant, for not even being able to put the person I loved the most on my side, for so many things....

For the next few days Hugh made good on his threat and completely ignored me all the time. He would only take me out of the cage to wash me, not even to eat. He would barely look at me, and when he did, he paid not the slightest attention to my strenuous efforts to speak to him again, my poor attempts to shout to him that I was sorry, to forgive me... My heart was totally broken, and even more so by the fact that, after that terrible afternoon, my husband and Parker no longer bothered in the slightest to hide their relationship from me. They kissed and caressed each other in front of me without the slightest modesty, and Parker went to sleep in our double bedroom, from which I was banished and began to spend my nights in the living room, feeling more lonely and abandoned than ever.

One fateful morning I was awakened by the voices of the giants, arguing in the bedroom. I deduced that Parker was getting ready to go to work. Hugh had the day off.

-I could just grow him back and get him out of our lives -my husband was saying, clearly talking about me.

-Don't you see, big guy? -Parker replied, very irritated-. The moment he gets back to his size he can claim his share of the flat from you. Besides -he added, tapping somewhere-I'm not going to kid you: I can't stand the thought of seeing him big around here. And I really don't understand you! How many people wish they had a chance like yours to cleanly get rid of their partners just with a stomp, no divorces or problems at all!

-But I can't just kill him -Hugh replied-, I'm not a murderer!

-Of course not, a murderer is someone who kills another human being, not someone who just... exterminates an insect -I didn't understand what my husband could see in such an insensitive and evil person. Parker put him even more between a rock and a hard place: -Look, the only reason you can't do it is if you still have feelings for him!

Hugh must have vehemently denied it, though he didn't say anything out loud, because Parker concluded flatly:

-Well, then, if you want me to believe you, by the time I get back today I hope it will be done. If not, well, if not I'll have to consider whether you really love me as you say you do and I want to be with you...

After this terrible ultimatum, Parker left the bedroom and headed for the street door. As soon as he came out I saw the huge figure of my husband come out as well and head towards where I was, shaking like a leaf and terrified of what I feared was about to happen. Hugh walked over and opened the cage. From the look on my face, he immediately deduced:

-You heard everything, didn't you? -I nodded in terror. My husband, in a soft voice, continued: -Listen, it doesn't have to be like this. Parker wouldn't forgive me for letting you go back to your size, obviously I'm not going to sell you -he could have if he wanted to, I was just one of his possessions- but as it is I could take you to a relative or friend, even to some institution where you could be taken care of....

I shook my head, dejected, as tears streamed down my face. He took pity and, at a sign from me, took me in his hand and brought me to his ear:

-Hugh -I said desolately-, if I can't be with you, I'd rather die. Do what he asks of you. What do I care anymore? I don't want to live like this.

-Well, if that's what you want -he said, and immediately I saw him lower me in his hand to the ground. He looked relieved-. I'll try to do it quickly and painlessly....

As I was carried down and his intentions became clear, a flash of sanity illuminated my mind, and I began to shake and scream violently:

-No! No, please, Hugh! I don't want to die! I didn't mean it! Please don't kill me!

He didn't hear me or simply didn't want to hear me. He put me down on the floor and furthermore, to my desolation, I saw that he had in his other hand a piece of adhesive tape, with which he fixed my tiny body to the floor. I guessed that he did not want to expose himself to a last minute panic that would make him have to chase me and that would be too hard for him. It was clear he had seriously planned it in his head.

I struggled desperately trying to get out of the duct tape. I probably would have succeeded had I had more time, but, after a moment's hesitation, I saw Hugh raise one of his giant feet above me. That foot so adored by me was going to take my life! I couldn't bear the thought!

Although he had promised to do it quickly, the hesitation in Hugh's movements was evident. At last, however, he made up his mind and his huge foot, three times my size, landed on me, enveloping me in its warmth, its sweaty wetness and its incredible smell. My head was going to explode! My dear husband was crushing me like a filthy bug! I felt the weight of the gigantic limb fall on my poor body and the dreadful pressure began to build and build... until everything went black....

To be continued...