He held my head firmly in place as he dumped his load in my hungry, willing mouth. I savored the texture and stale/bitter flavor of his seed on my tongue. This is my favorite, and least favorite, part of giving head. My favorite, because I did this, brought so much satisfaction to the man in front of me, he rewarded me with his cum. Least favorite, because this was the second to last bit of fun for me. All that remained was a hot wank, giving myself the pleasure I had just given to the man who just left.
After that, guilt and shame would set in. I would strip out whatever lingerie or panty I was wearing, brush my teeth and shower immediately after cumming, purging the dirty deed from my head, trying to "wash away the gay". It never worked, I always hated myself, cursing myself out for what i had done. I would long for the days I had before I sucked that first cock all those years ago. The days of racking notches on my bedpost of the women I fucked, not that there were many, but I did okay back then. I would swear off cock forever, resolving to get back "in the game", find a girl and get laid. At least until I woke up the next morning.
As I awoke, despite brushing and rinsing, I could still taste last nights adventure in my mouth. I never remembered their name, just a random one off from the gay dating site I belonged to. I only had one regular, Tim, but meeting with him was maybe once a month or so. My hated desire for cock could not be limited to once or twice a month, I needed it when I wanted it.
I know what you're thinking, this guy can't possibly hate sucking cock that much, he belongs to a gay dating site, wears lingerie, has a regular cock to suck, blowing random dudes and you're probably seriously doubting that I have ever had sex with one woman, let alone several. I get it, even I find it hard to believe sometimes.
Anyway, I woke up, still resolved to set myself "straight". I busied myself making breakfast, doing some cleaning, hit the yard to do a much needed spring clean-up and the first mow of my lawn. Anything I could do to stay away from my laptop and temptation. It was early afternoon, drenched in sweat and tired I hopped in the shower. The hot water felt great, washing away the dirt and soreness, I started to feel good. A little too good though, I started playing with myself, stroking my cock to hardness.
I needed relief, so I hopped out of the shower, dried off and hit the couch. I opened up my laptop, hit my favorite porn site and started edging myself looking for something to watch. Starting with some lesbian porn, what could be straighter than that, no "triggering" cocks, just sweet, beautiful vaginas and boobs. That worked for a little bit. I needed more though, dicks be damned, I needed to see some sucking and fucking... to the straight stuff!!!
While that was fun for a little longer, in the back of my mind I just wanted to see the sucking. That tickle grew and I switched to blow-job compilations, which quickly spiraled into gay blow-job compilations and finally hypno vids. Pulsing images of cocks and cum, rhythmic female voices telling me how great sucking cock is, c'mon, like I didn't already know.
Not even 45 minutes had passed since I first opened my laptop and started watching porn, now I was opening another window to log onto my gay site. After logging in, I checked my messages, none, and who viewed my profile, a couple prospects, and then hopped into the group chat. The chat was busy, so I narrowed it down to statewide prospects, with the hopes of weeding that down to someone local.
I'd come this far, might as well fall all the way down that rabbit hole and panty up. I slipped into a pair of blue boyshorts, spandex and nylon, I loved the way they felt, the way they cupped my package. My cock couldn't get much harder.
"In panties looking to suck cock, maybe more... southeast XX..."
I hit enter and sent my request out into the chat. I would send it out again when the page filled up, keep it circulating. There were a handful of guys after narrowing down my search area, so I sat back and waited. I scrolled through the guys who viewed my profiles, not much to look through, a couple hot guys that were somewhat local. Most were blank profiles, I hated those. I left messages for the profiles that piqued my interest, and just starting clicking on random profiles.
