Longing for You

Much like they had for Thanksgiving, Theo went with Hop back home for Christmas. It put Hop and Theo staying in the same room, with the expectation that Theo would take the mattress that slid out from underneath Hop's bed like he did when they were teens. This time they would be home for around two weeks, though, so it felt a little different for Theo. He hated being an inconvenience to anyone, especially when he knew how upset his parents were right then, and the Petersens knew it.

Hop had suggested pajamas for this trip, but had also suggested they forgo the trundle bed and just cuddle up like they did at home. "If there's any fallout or shenanigans from my parents, I'll deal with it, but honestly, it's not a terrible time to happen if it does."

Theo looked like he wasn't entirely sure about that. It wasn't like Thanksgiving where they really only stayed over for a few days. This was two weeks, at least, under their roof, which meant there was far more time for them to be caught like that. Theo didn't want Hop's life being blown apart for something that could easily just end up being a failed experiment. For that reason, when they would go to bed, Theo would still pull out the trundle bed so he could slip down onto it just in case.

The visit went pretty smoothly, with Hop's parents either not noticing or choosing not to notice that Hop and Theo tended to be in much closer proximity to each other than they ever had been as kids. Perhaps they chalked it up to the fact that they lived together and were used to being in each others' vicinity constantly, or found some other excuse that made sense to them. It was Hop's cousin who first voiced an observation of what everyone else was ignoring.

While they were setting the table for Christmas dinner, Emily spoke up quite loudly, as teenagers tended to do, "God, you guys, get a room! I've been watching you make goo-goo eyes at each other all week and it's getting annoying!"

Theo's face turned red as he looked down at the plate he had just set down, hoping that everyone would just laugh that away as a teenager being silly. He couldn't even bring himself to look at Hop because he was afraid of what everyone else would see in his actions. He felt like he was barely breathing while he waited for someone else to respond, hopefully Hop with something that would make it seem like Emily was being ridiculous.

Hop cleared his throat and continued setting the table as if Emily hadn't even said anything. But then he saw that Theo seemed to be frozen, red-faced, as he stared at the plate he had just set down. "Emily, that's ridiculous. Let's just focus on getting the table set, ok?" Hop retorted. Theo didn't think his response was very smooth, but it seemed to at least have allowed the family to move on for now.

After dinner, Hop's parents pulled him aside in the kitchen for a quick "family chat" as they called it. What followed were hushed whispers about how everyone knew "that Jameson boy" was gay and how it was pretty obvious that he was into Hop. Hop rolled his eyes unconvincingly at their "concerns" and told them that Theo was free to love whoever he wanted to and that Hop refused to judge him for it.

It was at that point that they got interrupted by some well-meaning family members who were helping to clear the table. Hop took the opportunity to exit the conversation. Hop found Theo sitting on the trundle bed when he came into his room, staring at the wall while he silently pulled at the loose strings on the sheet.

Hop sat next to Theo and breathed a quiet sigh of relief. "Saved by the crowd. I don't think I'll be in the closet much longer at this rate, though. You okay?"

Theo shook his head at that question. "Not really, no. I mean, how could I be? My own family hates me, and now your family is starting to freak out over us, and we aren't even an us. We're just...an experiment that could easily fail at any time, and that's not fair to you. You shouldn't even be out of the closet if there is no closet to get out of."

Hop shook his head, "No, the person it's not fair to is you. You deserve to have a partner who is a real partner, not to be tied up in an experiment that could leave you hurt at the end of it. I think it's time I let you off the hook. When we get home, let's do the sex so we can at least work out whether this thing has a shot or not."

Theo looked at Hop for a moment, seeing how determined he was, and finally nodded his head. It seemed as good a time as any, and it would give them time to figure out what to do if it didn't pan out. "Just promise me you'll tell your family that it was all my issue, and not yours, if it doesn't have a shot. So that you don't have to deal with any fall out. I'm okay being the fall guy there. Everyone already has an opinion on my being gay."

Hop shook his head emphatically, saying, "Absolutely not! No matter what happens you are still my best friend. I will not use you to keep things comfortable for my family. If they somehow find out about us before I'm completely ready for them to, they can just live with the knowledge that I tried something with the one person who could convince me!"

Theo turned worried eyes to Hop, but he knew he wasn't going to talk his friend into what he was asking for. Hop's tone of voice and body language showed that it was completely out of the question to use Theo as the scapegoat. Theo let out a sigh and rested his head on Hop's shoulder.

"I just want to protect you," Theo whispered.

"I understand, but part of all of this questioning is an effort to live my life more authentically, and I can't do that if I'm hiding behind lies and half-truths," Hop explained.

"You're right," Theo agreed and looked up at Hop again, his eyes seeming far lighter when they were wet like they were then. Theo looked so handsome as he looked up at him like that, with worry and love in his blue eyes.

Hop smiled and leaned in to kiss him sweetly. Theo kissed him back, and some of the stress melted away at that; like Hop's mere presence could calm the worst storm inside of Theo. Kissing Hop always left Theo wanting far more, but he wasn't sure whether Hop felt the same way or not.

Hop leaned into the kiss, enjoying it in the moment while tuning out the noise in the rest of the house. They pulled away from the kiss before too long because Theo still didn't want to risk Hop's family finding out about them prematurely and spent the last bit of the kiss in an increasing amount of anxiety about being walked in on. Hop smiled and apologized again, "I'm sorry you have to stay in the closet with me. I promise it won't be like this forever."

"It doesn't feel suffocating or anything when it's with you," Theo admitted quietly. "And I know that you wouldn't want me to live in it forever, so that helps."

Hop smiled, then stood, offering a hand to Theo to help him up. "Shall we get back into the fray?"

Theo let out a breath and then took Hop's hand and stood up, giving a nod to say he was ready. The rest of the visit went without further incident until the last day. Hop later blamed himself, feeling that he had gotten too cocky when they were getting ready to leave. He and Theo were in the guest room gathering their things when Hop shared an elated kiss with Theo. All of the pressure of keeping things under wraps was beginning to unravel and he gave in to his desire to celebrate.

It was at that moment that his parents walked into the room without knocking to see if the boys needed help getting their luggage out to the car. His mom's audible gasp caused Hop and Theo to jump apart as if they had been caught doing something inappropriate. Theo was internally kicking himself for not being more careful, as if he'd had the ability to keep this storm away from Hop and thus, the blame fell to him. He looked between Hop's parents, waiting for their reaction while he tried to think of something to say to make this better.

Luckily, Hop's parents didn't make a fuss about what they had witnessed. They recovered quickly, though Hop's mother continued clutching her imaginary pearls through the goodbyes in a manner that left Hop pretty certain that this was not the end of the subject. When they were in the car headed back to campus, Hop let out a huge sigh and said, "Well, that went better than I expected."

Theo nodded his head slowly. "I expect they'll take some time to process before they speak with you about it. I just hope they don't talk to my parents about it. I don't imagine they will help yours much with this, unless you think panicking is helping."

Hop chuckled. "I doubt they'll call your parents. They were upset with them over how they treated you once you were out."

Theo gave him a wry smile. "You mean, cutting all funding and claiming I'm definitely not his son was the wrong way to handle that? Mauricio says that the Santiago clan all agree with dad's side, but dad's pissed because the Jameson side is staunchly against him. Dad claims it's proof they never liked him and are racist, apparently."

"So homophobia is a racial trait?" Hop asked incredulously. "Ok Boomer."

"He's claiming they are against him because he's Latino. Nevermind that their grandchildren are all hispanic too, but he's claiming they've always favored me," Theo replied. "That's not true, though. Mom's family has tried to make up for the blatant favoritism he has for the kids that didn't come out with odd hair and eyes, but especially Mauricio. Dad views that as them favoring me because I look less Latino."

When Hop glanced over, Theo was playing with the ends of his platinum hair. "You know, I used to think in elementary school that I should dye my hair dark brown and get dark contacts."

Hop looked at him critically. "You'd rock any look, but I'd rather you didn't dull your shine in an effort to fit in. You were never meant to."

'Theo let go of his hair and looked over at Hop, his cheeks reddening as he took in what he had said. Even with the slight embarrassment of being given such a compliment, he couldn't help but smile at that. "Well, hair dye doesn't last in my hair long anyway. It's why I've taken to just dying the tips constantly in bright, fun colors. It was because of you that I didn't try to do that though, in fourth grade. You said it was cool, and I started to like it after that. You make me feel like there's nothing wrong with who I am, even if other people have issues with me."

Hop smiled, "That's because there is nothing wrong with who you are!"

"You're the first person who seemed to feel that way, outside of mom's side of the family," Theo commented. "There have been so many times I've wished I was different. More typical, more boring. Straight, with the right features, and interested in being a lawyer or 'proper doctor' like my dad wanted. Around you though, I wouldn't change anything."

After he said that, Theo looked away from Hop and back out the window, because if they kept looking at each other like that, he was going to just tell Hop how much he loved him. It wasn't like Hop was unaware of it, but Theo hadn't said it out loud, and he didn't want Hop to feel pressured to say anything back.

Hop noticed Theo stopping himself from saying more, but didn't want to assume the reason. "I wouldn't want you to have to change yourself at all, much less to be around me."

Theo reached over and put his hand on Hop's thigh as he drove, enjoying the closeness between them. They spent the rest of the drive enjoying talking and laughing. Once they got back to their house, they put their things away and then Theo flopped down onto his bed with a groan.

"I love your family but it's so nice to be somewhere where we can just exist as we want without worrying about anything," Theo said as he looked up at where Hop was putting his clothes away.

Hop smiled and voiced his agreement, if a little distractedly. His phone had begun to vibrate in his pocket with the pattern he had set for his text alerts. Whatever texts he was getting, he was getting a lot of them. He didn't want to keep anything from Theo, but he had been acting very unsure lately and Hop was concerned about overwhelming him so he decided to wait to check his messages until later.

They ordered some fast food and then Theo kissed Hop before he went to go take a shower. He decided to take some extra time to get clean, just in case, and that gave Hop time to check his phone. Hop read through the texts and there were a lot of them. The first several had been from his parents. His mother was generally disapproving that Hop hadn't told her and allowed her to make a proper spectacle of herself. Hop's father said he was proud of him and a couple of other awkwardly dadlike things. The rest of the family had sent mostly accepting things, but the onslaught of supportive messages only served to outline to Hop the people he didn't receive messages from.

He decided not to dwell on it and put his phone away just in time to answer the door for their food and get it set up on the table. He stepped into the bathroom just as Theo turned off the water and pulled back the curtain. "Oooh, good timing!" Hop exclaimed happily, taking in the sight of Theo's naked body still glistening with water.

Theo wasn't an incredibly hairy man, but where he did have hair, it was the same platinum color. His arms and legs had only ever really grown peach fuzz, as did his chest. He had the platinum hair around his crotch but he kept it trimmed and neat. His swimmer's physique made Hop think it would be easy to cover Theo's body with his own, as Theo was much thinner and smaller than Hop was. Hop couldn't deny that the sight did things to him, though.

Theo had grabbed his towel and started drying himself off, telling Hop he would only be a moment. Hop smiled at the sight of him. "Do you need privacy? I have to admit I've been wondering about this for a while."

"About what? My bathroom habits?" Theo teased. "My nakedness? You're welcome to stay if you want."

Hop leaned against the doorjamb and smirked. "Yes. I've been curious to see where you pee from."

Theo laughed as he used the towel to dry his hair as well as he could. He turned to Hop once he put the towel back on the towel wrack and walked over, stopping a few feet away from him. Theo motioned to himself, in particular to his half chubbed dick, like he was presenting himself to Hop.

"Just the ordinary dick," Theo replied. "Much like yours, only slightly smaller I believe. You're built like a Greek god, though."

Hop scoffed at that, looking down in embarrassment. "Your dick is perfect," he said, almost shyly.

Theo took in a deep inhalation of air at that, his stomach feeling like there were butterflies trying to fly out all at once. "You really think so?" he asked quietly.

Hop nodded without making eye contact, suddenly nervous, but still determined to go through with this. "Do you want to eat first or...?" he asked, blushing.

Theo knew that eating greasy food before sex was probably a bad idea, and he found that standing naked in front of Hop like this was making him nowhere near as hungry as he had been. "After," he said, his voice only a little above a whisper. "The food can wait."

Hop smiled and took his hand, leading him to the bedroom. Theo kissed Hop as he started to help him get out of his clothing, wanting to not be the only one naked and vulnerable right then. Once he had gotten all of Hop's clothing off, Theo took a step back to really admire the view. He had snuck plenty of peaks over the years in locker rooms, but it was different to actually be able to gaze at him as long as he wanted like this.

Hop struck a Superman pose, fists on hips, chest out, staring majestically into the distance with a serious look on his face. It didn't take long for him to laugh at himself, though, and he winked at Theo before sitting on the bed with a quick belly laugh. Even with his silliness, taking in Hop's furry chest, heavy balls, and thick cock was enough to get Theo completely hard.

He smiled at Hop and then got down onto his knees in front of Hop, pushing Hop's legs apart so he could fit between them. Theo looked a little nervous now, because if Hop couldn't even get it up with him, then all of this would be over before they really got started. He used his hand to stimulate Hop to start, getting him halfway chubbed before he used his tongue along the glans. Hop was still nervous, and that definitely affected how likely he was to get fully erect, but he leaned back onto his hands on the bed behind him and closed his eyes. He basked in the sensations Theo was giving him.

He steadily rose to the occasion, much to Theo's delight, and opened his eyes as his breathing quickened. He watched Theo work him over with a familiar darkening of his eyes. Theo let out a hum when he got the flavor of precum on his tongue. It had a slightly salty taste to it, and he wanted more, but he also didn't want this to be over too soon.

Theo let Hop fall out of his mouth and smiled at him while he used his hand to keep Hop stimulated. "I'm gonna get addicted to that taste if we aren't careful."

"Oh, well, we can't have that, can we?" Hop said with a smirk.

"That remains to be seen," Theo replied and then got up and shifted on the floor so he could get under the bed to pull out a small safe he almost never kept locked because Hop never went into it. He pulled out a condom and lube from it, then pushed the safe back under the bed before he climbed up onto the bed with Hop.

Now that he was up on the bed, he looked into Hop's eyes and held out the lube and condom. "Do you know what to do, or do you need some direction?"

Hop affected a vacant expression, saying, "Gee mister, I don't know! Maybe you'd better show me? I don't think I've ever chewed that kind of gum before!"

Theo gave him an amused look. "I didn't know if you ever did anal with your girlfriends. It's not like a vagina, you can't just stick it in immediately, especially since it's been a couple months now for me."

"I mean..." Hop responded, "You really can't just stick it in with vaginas either. Most folks appreciate a bit of warm up ahead of time. I've never done anal with anyone but I do know it doesn't exactly lubricate itself."

Theo chuckled, because he'd had sex with enough women to know you needed to warm them up a bit. "Yes, and they also don't easily loosen to let you in. Thus, you need lube, and you need to use your fingers to slowly work it open. Once you get up to three fingers comfortably, we should be fine. It will feel like too much lube as you go, but trust me, there's no such thing."

With that explanation given, Theo laid down on the bed on his back, giving Hop a full view of his naked body, his cock hard and shiny on the head from precum. Theo let his legs fall open and he brought them up to give Hop access to his most intimate place. Hop squeezed some lube onto his index finger and then smeared it gently on Theo's puckered hole, blushing in embarrassment when Theo gasped at the sudden coldness invading his crack. He was determined to warm up any subsequent attempts as he slowly worked his fingertip in and out of his lover's sphincter.

Hop could feel the smoothness of Theo's insides as he explored with his finger. When he brought his finger around to the back, he ran it over a small, harder bundle of nerves, which caused Theo's back to arch up as he let out a loud moan of pleasure. The next time Hop ran over those nerves, Theo moaned out Hop's name.

"More," Theo pleaded breathlessly. "Add another finger. I need you so badly, Hop."

Hop smiled broadly, sort of like a schoolboy being praised for getting something right. He complied quickly, remembering to add more lube and warm it up by rubbing it between his fingers and his thumb for a moment first. Theo gave some breathless direction here, mostly to tell Hop the best ways to use two fingers to loosen up the muscle there. Eventually his words went quiet as he let out little moans and gasps. Hop could tell he was doing well because Theo began to move his hips against Hop's fingers, clearly wanting more.