Adam ran into the elevator just as the doors began to close. Struggling to keep his grocery bags from getting trapped between the sliding metal, he pulled himself further in and stopped when he felt resistance on his left.
"Sorry Mrs. Sipper." he could feel his face heat up as the older woman glowered at him. He sidled towards his right, making sure not to knock into her with anything else and managed to push his button without further incident. Ignoring the glare still aimed in his direction by his grumpy old neighbor, he focused instead on the meal that he was planning on preparing.
The game would come on at seven so that gave him just over three hours. He had more than enough time to prepare the lasagna for the oven. He'd chop up the salad while it baked then make some garlic bread.
He waited for Mrs. Sipper to step out of the elevator on their floor then walked out behind her. His thoughts turned from food to clothing; he'd wear the faded blue jeans that Sean liked, maybe the--
He froze as he opened his apartment door and came face to face with something out of his nightmares. Sean stood in the middle of the entrance, his arms dropping from an embrace with his ex-lover. The other man still held onto Sean, his head dipped low where Adam imagined he was whispering into Sean's ear.
The tightening in his chest was so stupid he wanted to punch his own face. This shouldn't have come as a surprise. He knew Sean was still in love with that jackass. This arrangement of theirs was only temporary; at least for Sean.
"Sorry, I'll leave." he managed to choke out as Sean's eyes came up to meet his. He was placing the bags by the hall closet, uncaring that the cheese would be spoiled by the time he returned, when Tyler turned to face him as if he'd just realized anyone else was there with them. Adam was momentarily surprised at the hate that was aimed at him in that stare, but really shouldn't have been; it was no secret that Tyler didn't like him. The two men had never gotten along no matter how much Adam had tried to pretend for the sake of his best friend.
He turned and walked out of his apartment, all but running down the hall. Forget the elevator, he turned into the staircase and sped down the stairs; the exertion made his chest burn. Or maybe that was just from trying too hard to keep from crying. He was so stupid. He knew Sean was still in love with his ex. Knew it was only a matter of time before Tyler realized his mistake and begged Sean to come back to him.
He walked aimlessly once he finally reached the outside of the building. The crisp air did nothing to cool his emotions, and he forced himself to breathe calmly, to unclench his fists. The problem was that he'd never felt this way before. He'd always been the one who kept calm, thought rationally, came up with clear-headed solutions. Everything about this thing with Sean made him crazy, to the point where he began to question if his feelings were healthy for the pair of them. This burning jealousy whenever Sean spoke of Tyler, the brimming joy when Sean kissed him, when they made love. The ups and downs were too much to handle and for the first time in his life Adam was struggling to keep contained.
He wasn't sure when he started looking at his friend as more than just someone to laugh and hang out with, but somehow one day he'd been watching Sean animatedly describing one of his new project ideas and he just knew. He'd wanted him, and not just because he was sexy as hell with his tousled blond hair and tan, muscular body. That had been before Tyler, and sometimes Adam wondered if he'd have saved Sean the heartache that jerk had caused if he'd spoken up sooner. Or would Sean have turned him down kindly and had his whirlwind love affair with Tyler anyways? He'd never know and he wasn't sure whether he regretted keeping his mouth shut.
He'd never liked the smooth-talking lawyer, and that was before Sean started dating him. After, well, it was just that much worse to have to deal with him knowing how badly he treated Sean.
Not wanting to return home to find that asshole still there, he made his way to his favourite coffee shop and found a secluded table at the back. He nursed his black, no sugar java and tried not to think about why his careful plans had gone out the window. He had been planning on coming clean to Sean about how he really felt tonight, for better or worse he'd been prepared to come clean with his friend about the fact that he was completely, irrevocably in love with him.
He knew he couldn't do that now. Not with Tyler back in the picture, and man every time he pictured that scene in his living room he wanted to throw up. He'd let his opportunity slide, again. He supposed he'd always have memories, and it wasn't like he was completely losing his friend but that wasn't enough for him anymore. Just like their frequent lovemaking wasn't enough anymore.
Although he supposed it wasn't lovemaking to Sean, so much as a way to scratch an itch in a way that didn't involve him putting his feelings on the line. He was grateful for that, at least. And for Sean's suggestion that night so many months ago. We could take care of each other, Adam, he'd said, climbing onto Adam's lap and shocking the hell out of him. He'd looked a little vulnerable even in his forwardness, as if worried Adam might turn him down. Like that was even a possibility in Adam's mind, at the time all he could think of was getting the guy undressed before he thought things through and changed his mind.
Deciding that taking shelter in a place that was soothing and conducive to quiet thinking had probably been a bad idea, Adam abandoned the rest of this coffee and headed back out into the chilly fall air. He walked aimlessly, making a point of reading every single storefront, street sign and advertisement in sight to try and take his mind off the turmoil in his heart.
It took hours for Adam to feel like he was human enough to return to his apartment. Feeling slightly more like himself, he climbed his way slowly back up the stairs and knocked loudly on the door. When he was certain he'd given enough warning—just in case— he slipped his keys into the lock and took a deep breath before opening his way in.
Sean was the first thing he saw. His sometimes lover was sitting on the couch at the end of the hall, his elbows on his thighs, his head resting in his hands. He looked up as Adam walked in. "Hey." He tried to keep his voice casual, but had to turn to face the door as he locked it to slow his heart rate down.
"I tried to call you," Sean told him from his spot in the other room.
