The year anniversary of Esran's death passed quietly, I ordered his favorite Chinese food and sat on the couch next to Max, watching The Big Bang Theory as we ate in silence. He was almost twenty now, and he was starting to grow into himself. His shoulders have filled out and he had gotten taller, but he still stood several inches shorter than me. At 6'5", not many people are taller than me, so it wasn't a big deal. I had been moving up in the company, as had Max, and he had just been appointed to my assistant. I was proud of how far I had come in my short 26 years, only 4 of them at this company, and I loved going in to work every day.
I wouldn't admit it to myself, but I loved coming home to Max every day even more than that...
So as we sat on the couch eating our sesame chicken and watching the show, I felt myself drawn to him as if by a magnet. I kept my eyes glued to the screen, knowing full well that nobody but Esran had known that I was gay, and knowing that he wouldn't have wanted me feeling so attracted to his younger brother. I couldn't tell Max, of course. While he was stable now, he had still suffered because of the loss of his brother, and I didn't want to change his opinion of me. I was practically his older brother, and I didn't want to scare him off or make him feel uncomfortable. A couple times he asked why I never brought girls over, and I said that I always went to their place because I didn't want to make our studio apartment too crowded. He left it alone after that. I never thought to ask him the same question.
As the show ended and commercials began to run before the next episode, I glanced over at the gentle boy sitting next to me. I had just recently begun to admire his beautiful hands, so strong and capable. His soft brown hair swept lightly over his forehead and his hazel eyes were trained directly on my face.
"What's up man?" I asked, startled.
"Nothing. You just look older is all."
"I look older, have you seen yourself lately?" I joked, pointedly glancing at his tight arm muscles.
"If you came to the gym with me you'd have 'em too!" he replied, flexing his bicep.
I laughed lightly and propped my feet up on the table, running my fingers through my hair. Suddenly I felt his hand on my knee and I looked at him, startled. He blushed and took his hand away almost immediately.
"I was just wondering if you ever work on your sculptures anymore."
I laughed again, taken aback.
"Max, how did you know I sculpted?"
He gave me a sarcastic look, the green in the center of his eyes burning into my light blue ones with such incredible intensity that I had to look away.
"Dude, Esran talked about you all the time. You were his best friend! He told me about that sculpture you made of him when you were a senior in university."
"Yeah, that one took a while."
"Can I see it?"
"I don't know man. It's kind of..."
"Nude. I know. He told me!"
I sighed and stood up, walking into the kitchen area and taking a box off of the top of the cupboards. I set it on the counter and opened it, gently reaching inside to take out the figurine that I had pored over, poured so many precious hours into. I smiled as I saw the familiar face of my best friend, missing him as the last words he had ever given me echoed through my mind. That letter was still sitting in my nightstand, I hadn't opened it since that day over a year ago.
"Wow, man.. you were really good."
I turned to Max with a slight smile on my face, gently handing him the little statue, 11" tall, every feature painstakingly etched to bring out the life that had emanated from Esran so powerfully. His eyes scanned the features, traced down the sculpted body, and back to the face.
"That's him."
"Yeah."
He handed it back to me and silently went back to sit on the couch as I put the figure back in the box on the cupboard. I looked back at Max, and his face was buried in his hands.
"You okay?"
He looked up at me, pushing his hair away from his eyes.
"Do me."
