Loving Him

I left the bar early in the morning, staggering slightly as my head swam. I kept walking, trying to erase the image of Max below me, naked, his hard rod in my throat and his cum in my mouth. I tried to forget the taste of him, the electricity of his touch. I couldn't go back to the apartment now. I couldn't face him. I had a moment of weakness and had succumbed to my animal instincts, letting my desire control me. I didn't know where to go and I didn't want to go anywhere. I sat down against the building that was next to me and I pulled my knees up to my chest, folding my arms and resting my forehead on them. He was like my younger brother. He was Esran's kid brother and one of the only parts of him left. We had so many memories together.

What else was in the letter Esran had written him? He had told Max one of my most closely kept secrets, and Max had used that to get me to suck him off. Was he using me? I had melted at his words of love, saying he wanted me and he wanted to be mine. Was he just lonely and horny and figured since I'm into guys I was a good place to get laid?

I wished for another shot of whiskey. Maybe one more would make the questions stop and let me slip into unconsciousness. I hadn't slept in twenty four hours, and every time I thought about the soft brown hair and burning hazel eyes I got a raging hard on that strained against my jeans painfully. It wasn't fair of him to do this to me.

There was no way I was going to make that statue of Max. I couldn't imagine even finishing the sketch. There had to be some way to leave this behind, chalk it up to one night of weakness and raging hormones, and leave with the memory of everything he had been still intact. This wasn't going to turn into a thing. He was too young and had been talking about girls incessantly since he was fourteen. Esran and I had spent many nights snickering as we overheard his curious fumblings with the girls from school through the wall. Just because he hadn't gotten any in a while and wanted a blowjob didn't mean he was serious about guys. Everyone gets curious sometimes, right?

Why did he say he loved me?

Of course I loved him. He was like a brother to me. I loved him in a very protective way, and I loved him in a very longing way, the kind of love that develops over movie stars and people that there is never a chance with. He must love me as a brother. He must have just wanted me to do what he asked. He couldn't love me...that way...

Could he?

I sighed as I stood up, teetering for a moment before taking slow steps up the familiar streets to the apartment. As I fumbled the key into the lock my mind was churning, trying to decide whether to ignore him or to play it off as if nothing had happened. I slowly opened the door and the apartment was empty. A sigh of relief escaped me as I stumbled to my bed, throwing myself down on top of the comforter. There was a folded piece of paper on the pillow next to my head, and I unfolded it slowly. My eyes were so incredibly heavy. I scanned the words without seeing them, and sleep took me.

I woke up enough to roll over, my arm tingling and numb because I had been sleeping on it. The paper rustled and I looked at it again, absorbing the words.

"Had to go to Spokane. I'll call you. Thank you for everything. -Max"

Spokane. That's where their grandparents lived. I rolled onto my back and dug into my pocket, taking out my cellphone and pressing the button. The screen glared to life and I squinted, seeing one unread message. I pressed the messaging app, opening it.

Max

Hey gma fell and broke her

arm and cracked her head.

Not sure when I'll be home

cause they need me here.

I'll call you tonight.

I love you, Lexan.

I pressed the volume down button until the phone was on silent, and tossed it onto the couch. I sat up and stretched my tingling fingers, waiting for my arm to regain feeling. As I stood up from the bed, there was a sharp pain in my head and I groaned quietly. I creaked into the kitchen and opened the cupboard next to the fridge, taking out the bottle of ibuprofen and popping four as I got a glass of water. I ate half a banana and drank some of the water, then took the two to the couch and set them on the table. I noticed that the room had been put back to normal, my art stuff was off the kitchen table and it looked like nothing had happened.

Like nothing had happened. That's how it was going to be. I wasn't going to think of the fact that I had sucked his sweet cock until he came for me on the same couch I was now sitting on. I reached for the remote and turned on the television, skipping through the channels until an episode of House caught my attention.

I finished three more episodes of House before I looked at the kitchen clock and realized that it was past midnight. I stood up and stretched, yawning as I went to the kitchen to get another glass of water. I noticed the light on my phone blinking, telling me that it needed to be charged. I took it over to my nightstand and plugged it in, the screen lighting up as it started to charge. One text.

Max

Gma is out of surgery

and it's a waiting

game. I'll keep you

updated. Be good.

Boss knows I won't

be there for work.

I asked to take all

my leave at the same

time. Four weeks.

Four weeks. Okay. Four weeks would be enough time for me to get myself back together.

I took off my clothes and crawled into my bed, my body aching. One of the things I missed most about living on my own was sleeping in the nude. I was glad Max was gone. I lay on my back with my eyes closed, trying to keep thoughts of him out of my head, but I could feel my cock growing. I hadn't masturbated in ages, and my guy wanted to seize the opportunity. No reason not to. I turned on my computer to watch some of my favorites, guys making each other scream in ecstasy. As I replayed some of the better scenes, my mind kept wandering back to his perfection. His washboard abs, his smooth skin, his delicious... No! This wasn't about Max. This was about the cute brunette who was having a fantastic time on the screen. I pumped a couple squirts of lotion onto my hand as the scenes heated up, and started treating myself to a little loving.

I warmed the lotion up by rubbing it between my hands, the computer resting next to me on the bed. My eyes were glued to the screen as I took my shaft in my left hand, rubbing the lotion up and down on my semi-hard member. My right hand spread the lotion onto the head, and I started twisting my hand around the head as if I were opening a bottle, my left hand still rising and falling on my shaft. As I watched the scene, my mind conjured the memory of his heavy sack, and my cock twitched. I shook my head and tried to focus on the computer again, my right thumb came up and swirled in the precum at the tip of my cock, working in circles as a jolt of pleasure went through me. I moaned quietly and continued, biting my lower lip.

I moved my left hand down and began massaging my heavy balls, quickly taking my right hand up and down my shaft in long strokes, feeling myself already on the edge of an orgasm. It had been so long since I had any quality time with myself that my stamina had totally been depleted. The moans coming from the computer were helping to get me there, too, and I closed my eyes as I bucked my hips into my hands, squeezing and working my stiff cock. My left hand came up to work with my right, my thumbs swirling around the head of my cock as my fingers massaged and overlapped. I started moving faster, squeezing just a little harder, loving the feeling of the lotion making my cock slick and smooth. Faster and faster, my breath was coming in gasps, I was moaning out loud and then I was there. My balls clenched and I moaned loud and long as the sudden memory of the feeling of Max exploding into my throat jammed its way into my mind. I couldn't stop. I was cumming, shooting jets of my hot seed into the air, landing on my stomach and thighs. I felt my body trembling as I remembered the taste of him, the feel of his muscles and the look on his face as I brought him to orgasm. Another clench, a final jet, and I was exhausted.

I got some tissues and slowly cleaned myself up, guilt seeping into my mind.

I just came because of Max...

I threw the tissues away and closed my computer, putting it on the nightstand. I shut my eyes and curled up underneath my blankets, praying that exhaustion would keep dreams away. I buried my face into my pillow. I couldn't do this anymore. If I kept thinking of him, remembering him, four weeks wouldn't be nearly enough time to get myself under control.