Main Character Energy

This one is a slow burn, so yeah.

Ryan

I knew of Leon Gatwa more than I knew him. Even though we had been in the same schools all of our lives, we sort of gravitated in different orbits, near, but not within reach. Leon was this larger than life character, and everyone knew who he was. It was hard not to. He was bold, colourful and outgoing. Even though he was gay, and had been out all his life, he wasn't the cliché bullied gay kid. He was part of the drama kids, always dressed in colourful prints that popped out against his dark, shiny skin and showed off his long, lean, dancer frame. He was also the boyfriend of one of the football wide receivers and, as a couple, they were pretty much royalty. They were prom kings together, this golden, shiny power couple, better than us mere mortals.

I, on the other hand, was always unremarkable. I was an average student, a solid B and C student, pale and quiet. I wasn't exactly a geek, I wasn't sporty and I wasn't a drama kid. I also wasn't a stoner or fit in another cliché niche you see in every high school movie. I was just me, a little dot in the crowd, whereas Leon was a star. As I said, I knew of Leon and I'm sure I my face was a familiar one for him, but we didn't really know each other.

The end of summer after senior year came as a huge relief for me. I packed my stuff, got in my car and drove into the sunset. Well, not really, just three hours away to a nearby college, but it felt like an ending and a new beginning all at the same time. My home was not a happy one. There was no yelling or neglect. My parent's marriage, however, was not a huge success. There were days I was the buffer between them, delivering terse, passive-aggressive notes. There were days I heard their muffled voices argue through the night. There was a tense peace most of the time. I avoided them as much as I could, going to friends houses or the library or whatever. So I always faced my going away to college as a starting point. I was just too fed up with my home life to come back regularly, and my high school friends were all going in different directions. Even with the promise of keeping in touch, I knew I was starting a new chapter in my life and I was starting it all alone.

I was surprised to see Leon in the crowd at orientation. His boyfriend had gone to a huge college in the south to play, and I , like everyone else, expected Leon to follow him. What was he doing here, near our hometown, and all alone? No all alone, but also so, I don't know, subdued? Even though he still had his exuberant afro, he was dressed as unremarkably as I'd ever seen him, jeans and t-shirt in solid black, no jewellery, no makeup, no colour. I stared at him for a few minutes i was so surprised, but eventually did my own thing and went to my dorm. I was supposed to room with a kid from Detroit, but I got a mail saying he had dropped out due to a family emergency, so my roommate was just someone random I didn't know about yet.

I stretched in my neatly made bed and messed with my phone. The other half of the room was still bare and empty. I heard a quiet knock and when I opened, Leon was there. Leon's serious expression gave way to a small smile.

"Ryan, right? Hi." he said friendly.

"Hi Leon" I said, not bothering to hide the surprise I was feeling. "What are you doing here?"

"Well..." he sighed. "That's a long, miserable tale. Mind if I come in? I think we are roommates now."

"Oh, yeah, ok". My awkward self didn't quite know what to do. "Come on in, I guess"

Leon came in with a couple of boxes. I offered to help him carry his stuff and he accepted, but we did so quietly. The energetic, flamboyant Leon I knew was now this quiet, sad boy.

After Leon made his bed and put most of his stuff away, we both stretched in our beds. There was silence and I looked at his long, sleek body stretched in the bed, like a cat. He was, objectively, a very beautiful man. He was also a very sad one, there was no doubt. The silence stretched and I couldn't find the words to ask the questions in my mind. Leon was messing with his phone; I started doing the same and eventually turned off the light and tried to sleep. Even though it was dark, I could see Leon´s body facing the wall, shaking with silent sobs.

The first few weeks of college were a blur. Around me people were going to parties, forming lifelong friendships and getting laid right, left and center. I, myself, was getting my ass kicked by college. My awkwardness was worse than ever, and combined with the feeling that everyone around me was smarter, sexier, and worldlier, I was feeling pretty low. Surprisingly, Leon was there for me. I expected Leon to slowly go back to his social butterfly self, but it was slow going. We mostly went to our classes and had our meals together. Not on purpose, of course. That would mean more communication than our polite good morning and see you and hi. But we looked for each other in the crowds and ate together in comfortable silence. We were study buddies in our dorm, helping and quizzing each other when needed. We were friendly moving rapidly toward friends.

It was around this time I started noticing Leon. I mean, really noticing Leon. I didn't think of myself as anything in particular, like straight or gay or bi. Straight was the default I guess, but I was shy, breaking up in sweat at the thought of talking to girls. I mostly concentrated in staying afloat my school work and developing totally unrequited feelings for pretty girls. But sex, other than a few awkward make out sessions in parties and jerking off alone in bed, was a foreign concept to me. It just wasn't a priority. With Leon near me, however, sex was much more present. I was hornier, jerking off quietly in bed so Leon wouldn't think I was perving on him. Which I was, obviously. I looked at his beautiful, full lips, his dancer's body, his lovely smooth skin and I wanted to taste him. The first time I got hard for him, I was totally freaked out. He had just came from one of his dance classes and was wearing dance tights and a loose crop top that exposed a little of his abs. He was sweaty and his hair was held back by a black headband. I looked at him and suddenly had the urge to lick him all over. I looked at his graceful movements, his long torso, his strong arms and I wanted to fuck him. Or have him fuck me. Whatever. I just wanted his body in the worst way.

My poor, confused cock was also confusing my usually logical mind. It wasn't that being so attracted to a boy was terrifying. It was being so strongly attracted to someone period.

As a geeky lit major I liked to think of myself as an E.M. Forster character, as someone who watched life happen to others, like someone looking from the outside in. Like watching Leon as school royalty, living loudly and boldly, proudly making out in the school hallways. Now this wave of lust took me completely by surprise. I had never thought of guys sexually, but I guess I was just a late bloomer. I wasn't thinking of long term hurdles, like coming out or holding hands with a guy, being in public, dealing with my family. I just worked on being ok with my own lust for Leon because the idea of this inconvenient lust being reciprocated was so improbable, that those ideas were irrelevant. Watching Leon was in short, like touching a livewire, electrifying and terrifying at the same time. I was nervous around him and yet I couldn't get enough of him. This, really, was ridiculous and hopeless. Why would he look at the quiet straight kid with freckles and mousy hair?

We never ended up talking about the reason he was here. That topic was firmly off the table. He never talked about the past, about high school or about his boyfriend and their plans for a shinny, happy future. I mean, I connected the dots. His boyfriend was playing ball in the South and being openly gay could be a career killer, so I guessed he went out to college leaving Leon behind. But he never talked about that part of his life. I also knew he was heartbroken. Even if he didn't cry every night, he was quiet and withdrawn. He was not the same Leon I knew. He was tamer and quieter. Like his light had dimmed. He was flamboyant ever since he was a little kid, rocking outrageous colours and jewellery and makeup. I liked him, of course, everyone liked Leon, but his popularity and social status intimidated me. But this version of Leon, this serious, subdued version of Leon was breathtaking, at least to me. The pure lines of his body, the perfection of his face shone through the blacks and earthy tones of his dancer wardrobe. I lusted after the perfection of his neck, the cut of his abs, the bulge of his cock snug in his leggings or tights.

I started looking at gay porn obsessively. I found that the thought of fucking another man was not icky or strange. My cock agreed completely. There was very little in there I found gross or strange and, if given the opportunity, I wanted to try it all. It turned out I was pretty open-minded.

There was this clip in particular I went back to time and again, where a white skinny guy worshiped the body of a sleek, black man. It was by no means a coincidence the guy looked a bit like Leon. I would pretend I was watching us two in bed, sucking his beautiful cock, worshiping him with my mouth and being fucked by that t beautiful cock until I came. I would imagine these scenarios where I would join him in his narrow bed and fingered him from behind until he was ready and then fucked him until I had to muffle his screams with my hand. But other times I didn't think of sex at all. I just wanted to hold him and comfort him until he wasn't sad anymore and went back to his former self, even if, selfishly, I preferred this version of him where he spent most of his time with me.

Then, one day, when one of my classes got cancelled, I went back to the dorm to jerk off. Leon had had breakfast with me. We talked a little and he joked around a bit because he was rehearsing this duet which involved super difficult lifts and his pair was not cooperating. A smiling Leon and my active imagination were hell on my cock. I kept imagining me and him instead of his partner dancing, his powerful hands grabbing me and I got hard immediately. Was it pathetic of me to get so turned on by his smile? Yes. Would I keep on doing it? Also yes. My cock didn't care about silly things like reciprocation or plausibility.

I almost ran to the dorm to j get rid of the boner I had since breakfast. I turned on my favourite clip, and started to jerk off slowly, just enjoying the sensations, building my orgasm slowly. To my horror, I saw the door handle turn and the door open and in comes Leon just as I my orgasm was hitting me full force. I turned beet read as Leon looked at my hand in my rapidly deflating cock and my come covered chest with surprise. The porn clip just kept going and there were the sounds of two very vocal, very male voices going at it. I shut my laptop immediately so that my humiliation was not complete and he couldn't see just how much the main characters looked like us. Oh God, what next?