A/N: Edited version of Chapter 2 - there is a little something at the end that's new - most of the rest of the changes are fairly small and for characterization development purposes.
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Things are a little weird inside my head for a few days. It comes as an unpleasant shock to discover that I liked Alister right at the point it became moot. Sure, I've never had a relationship before, but I already know that kind of betrayal isn't going to wash with me -- I mean, I don't have that much I can have pride about, which may be why I'm so hell-bent on maintaining dignity, so I'm not going to let some guy walk all over my emotions and then expect me to just let it go.
He's tried to call and message a few times, but I've deleted everything as soon as it comes in, including Grindr -- not going back to that shit show.
It's helped that Mad and Tay have been here for me this weekend, dropping their other plans to be by my side, although, now, sitting on Mad's bed, I think I might shoot myself if she doesn't stop sending sad-eyes my way.
"Mad, sweetie, can you stop looking at me like my puppy just died."
Taylor lets out a guffaw.
"Babe, you really are. Stop it, you know Ry is too tough to let this bring him down for long," he turns to me. "You know what you need Ry?"
I shake my head, though I'm pretty certain I know where Tay's mind is heading, because it's where his mind always heads. For a guy who's only ever had sex with one person, he sure is thirsty, and he's probably more crushed than I am that this ended the way it did; he was inordinately proud of me for getting out there.
"You need to wash that man right out of your hair, with a new man."
"Taylor, I'm not sure that's a great idea. Ryan is fragile right now, maybe he should stay away from guys for a while. I don't think Grindr is a great idea."
"Not saying that. Ry, you have plenty of other options. I know at least four guys at school who'd love if you'd pay them some attention."
I sort of want to go off at Mad for calling me 'fragile' but Tay's words have me intrigued. Four guys? I only know of three gay guys who are even at school other than me, and two of them are in a relationship with each other.
"Taylor, I hope you're not trying to set me up with your straight jock buddies. You know how I feel about that, I'm not Robbie."
"Whoa," Mad holds her hands up, "I thought Robbie was your friend now, that was kinda mean."
It was? It was more a factual statement, I thought.
"I am friends with him, but he does go for straight guys -- and I don't."
Taylor shrugs and nods at Mad to confirm what I'm saying. When it comes down to what goes on with the jocks Tay's in a good position -- locker room talk is free and explicit and he's the kind of open book that people share stuff with, but I had no idea Mad wasn't aware of it, as I thought they told each other everything, and he's certainly revealed plenty to me in the past. I kinda know more about Robbie's sex life than I ever wanted to.
Mad is trying to work this out, "So, why does he spend so much time with Alex then, if he goes for straight guys?"
I don't know how to answer that. I mean, Robbie and Alex are hanging out a lot, but they still've never made anything overt about what their relationship entails, and I'm sure not going to ask them. Then my brain catches up with my ears.
"Er, hang on, what do you mean-? "
I'm interrupted by Mad, in full enthusiasm mode, "So, Taylor, who are all these guys that want a piece of our Ryan? You know we've got to vet them after the last one."
"Well, the only ones I know for sure are Hai, obviously- "
"My friend Hai?"
"You know any others?"
No, I don't, but I had no idea Hai swung the same way as me. Although he's so shy I can't be that surprised that he's flown under the radar.
"Anyway, I can't be fully sure about him. I'm basing that one just on the way he looks at you, but it's pretty damn obvious."
"Dude, you just said you were sure, and then that you're just guessing. Can't have it both ways. Are all your amazing options this flaky?"
"Nope, I did Hai first just because I haven't heard confirmation from his own mouth. The others, I know for sure, although I'm not sure I should tell you, you know the locker room confessional is sacred."
Mad throws a pillow at his face, even though he's clearly joking.
"Not to you," she screeches, "you tell me all sorts of stuff, there's no way you're holding out on us now."
There's distraction for a few minutes while Tay and Mad pseudo-wrestle on the other side of the bed. I try to ignore their slightly sickening foreplay by deleting a new message from Alister without reading it. Finally, they come up for air, red-faced and panting.
"Okay, okay, you win, I'll talk."
Taylor throws himself onto the couch in a bid to escape Mad. She does fight like a fucking mongoose, so I'm not surprised he needs a break.
"Okay, the first two aren't that exciting, cos I'm guessing you'll already know, but it's Charlie and Zack."
"Huh, no way - they're not into me, plus they're super into each other."
Charlie and Zack are the two guys who are together and have been since last year. I became pretty good friends with Zack when he joined the school at the beginning of the year -- he's a cute geek with big brown eyes and floppy hair and he'd had to leave his last school because he had such a hard time when he came out.
Miss Melthrop had seen that he was struggling at Lincoln too -- he's very sweet and just had no come-back when people gave him trouble. If you've ever met teenagers, you'll know that they descend like a pack of ravenous animals when they spot a weakness, and Miss M knew that I've never let the pack get into my head, so she asked me to sort of mentor him to help him toughen up.
I did a pretty good job of it, and you wouldn't recognize the Zack of today compared to what he was like then, though he still has a very squishy interior under the much more world-wise shell. Charlie, on the other hand, has always had a lot of spikes and was a total douche the whole of high school. I'm on the swim team with him, he's going to be the captain this year, and he gave me a lot of shit, which got even worse when Zack and I became friends.
