My heart stopped, then seemed to swell in my chest until I thought I was going to explode. My eyes drooped, then shut, and I felt my whole body relax. My brain went fuzzy, and warmth spread from my center to the tips of my fingers and toes. I was in complete ecstasy. Cooper's lips felt soft against my own, and I was distantly aware of a hand on the back of my neck, pulling me in.
Suddenly my eyes shot open. What was I doing? Letting a MAN kiss me on the lips? And ENJOYING it? I put my hands on Cooper's chest and shoved as hard as I could. He was so caught off guard that he fell off the log we were sitting on, landing on his back with a grunt.
I was speechless. I opened my mouth to chastise him, but just couldn't find the words. Cooper looked hurt and embarrassed as he lay unmoving on the ground, propped up by his elbows. His wide eyes stared up at me, and his mouth agape, but he too was silent.
I stood up and stormed to the edge of the clearing, where I stopped, breathing heavily. I didn't want to walk off into the dark forest, especially without a light. Instead I just stood there, my back to Cooper. My thoughts were still muddled, and my heart was racing.
"Preston..." Cooper sounded miserable. "I'm so sorry. I thought..." He faltered and let out a shaky sigh.
I just shook my head sharply. I knew that if I spoke, I would probably start to cry. I turned back to face Cooper, then changed my mind and walked over to my tent and crawled inside, zipping the door shut behind me.
It was a long time before I heard Cooper move. Eventually, the dying firelight created a silhouette on my tent as Cooper walked over and stood outside its door. He stood there, completely still, for what felt like an eternity, then I heard him sigh again, and go into his own tent.
I lay there, awake, for a long time. My mind was clearing now, and I felt much more calm. But underneath that calm feeling, I realized I felt sick, but I couldn't figure out why. At first I thought it was the kiss, but I told myself that hadn't been my fault, and that didn't make me feel any better. No matter how I tried, I couldn't get the memory of Cooper's lips out of my brain. The warmth in my body, the look in his eyes, even his scent, masculine and comforting, all sat in my brain and refused to leave.
I listened for Cooper's snoring to start, but the quiet clearing remained silent. I knew I wasn't likely to fall asleep either, with the way my mind was racing. It was strange; my head was clear, but I couldn't seem to focus it on anything except the man laying mere feet from me.
Eventually, sleep found me, but it was far from restful. When I woke the next morning, I knew I had dreamed of Cooper. I couldn't remember much, but I knew it had ended with him kissing me, both of us completely nude.
I could hear him moving around outside, apparently packing up his tent. Anger (or was it embarrassment?) swelled inside me. I thought about refusing to go with him, then sighed, knowing I couldn't hide in my tent forever, and forced myself to get up and confront him. He needed to know that I was still mad about what he'd done.
He looked exhausted. He must have slept worse than I had. Seeing him brought the events of the previous night sharply into focus in my mind. My face flushed, and I opened my mouth to tell him off, but no words came. Instead, I stepped towards him and punched him as hard as I could, right in the mouth.
The punch barely moved him, physically at least. He put a hand to his lip, presumably to check for blood. It came back with a spot of red. He looked totally dumbfounded.
"What the fuck, Preston?" He started angrily. He then closed his eyes and took a long breath.
He continued, this time in a level tone. "Dude, I'm so sorry for last night. I don't know what I was thinking." He paused. "Well, I guess I wasn't thinking. The point is, I think you're a great friend, even though we've only known each other a few days. I don't want to mess that up. So I hope you can forgive me and we can move on. I know you're kind of stuck with me for now, so even if we never talk again after this, please just don't make it awkward for the rest of the week. Not that I don't want to see you after this, because I do. I just... sorry, I'm rambling."
His voice faded off at the end, looking at me with his brow furrowed. Those worried green eyes did something to me. My anger faded. I had intended to make his life hell for the next few days, maybe even refuse to speak to him. I tried to hold onto those angry thoughts, but I just couldn't.
I just looked at him for a long time. He fidgeted, but didn't say anything else.
Finally, I gave in. "I overreacted. I shouldn't have been so upset." I punched him in the shoulder (good-naturedly this time). "Good thing you're so persuasive. I was ready to beat you to a pulp."
"You WISH you had a chance in a fight against me" He winked. We laughed, and finished packing up camp.
It was another long day of hiking, and although we tried to forget the night before, there was a palpable tension between us. We avoided touching each other, and even the conversation lagged. We walked in silence for most of the day.
The silence was painful for more reasons than one. It left me alone with my thoughts, which was not a comfortable place for me to be. I knew deep down that the anger I still felt wasn't actually directed at Cooper. That's where it was finding an outlet, but the source was somewhere else. I was angry at myself. Angry for how I'd felt the night before, but also angry about how I had responded.
That same longing to be close to Cooper that I had been feeling for days now still rested in the pit of my stomach. I tried to sneak glances at him as we hiked among the rocks and trees. He was walking behind me as usual, and each time, I found him staring at me.
By the time we found a campsite, evening was approaching. I was exhausted, emotionally, physically, and mentally.
"I don't think I have the energy to set up a tent tonight. I'm just going to sleep under the stars," I told Cooper.