Montana Winter

ALL CHARACTERS IN SEXUAL SITUATIONS ARE OVER 18.

Characters are fictional.

*

The next day with my morning students Lore showed me some of the techniques he used with his clients back in Chicago. They were amazing and totally different from mine. It was easy to tell he was really knew what he was doing. Between clients he told me that he had a masters in social work, a masters in physical therapy, and was debating going back to school for his PhD in physical therapy.

"I is impressed," I said, and smiled.

That night, as soon as we got to his cabin, he gently removed my hat and jacket and looked me in the eyes. "Love making tonight, Noah."

I felt like I swallowed a mouth full of flax flowers, but I smiled.

He went to turn on music. "So, smooth R & B. No urban funk this time."

Lore turned on the R & B station and the opening notes to "Let's Get It On," by Marvin Gaye filled the room.

We cracked up.

Lore tilted his head. "Gotta listen to the man," he said.

Then he whipped me around and shoved my torso face first down on the bed.

"Well, maybe we could get a little fucking mixed in with it."

I smiled over my shoulder. Fine with me.

Lore stretched my arms over my head on the bed. He grabbed my hips and moved me around a little, until my legs were open and firmly planted on the floor. Then his body was pressed behind mine, head to toe contact, and I felt it everywhere. The weight of his chest on my back, his hips snug against my ass, his arms stretched over mine, the palms of his hands pressed firmly over the backs of my hands. He was like a living, personal, cut to fit you, warm, heavy blanket of love and comfort—but better.

"Oh, Lore," I said on a sigh.

"That's it, baby."

I expected him to do something right away, but he didn't. He just seemed to pour his heat into my body. Then he moved his hips against my ass, a slow grind like we were dancing. Lore grabbed my wrists and used his whole body to stretch my torso out on the bed. I felt vulnerable, and trusting, and aching, and romanced all at the same time.

I closed my eyes. Don't get hurt again, Noah. Just don't. He's only here for another few days, and then he's going home.

The song changed, and the new song was "As Long As We're Together", by Al Green, I think. I decided it was a sign I should be grateful for the moment and stay in the present.

Lore kissed the back of my ear.

"Whatya thinking about, baby?"

"How glad I am to be here with you. How amazing it feels to be underneath you."

"Yeah?" He ground his hips into me, and this time I could feel that he'd gotten hard.

"Oh yeah," I whispered. "Better than anything."

"Well then," Lore said. "We'll have to just keep moving in that direction."

Lore shoved my shirt up, nipped my side. "Keep your hands there," he said in a husky whisper.

He reached under me, undid my jeans. Pulled my jeans and underwear down.

He palmed my ass, caressed it.

"You've got such a beautiful ass," he said.

Lore got up; I thought he was reaching for a condom, but he seemed to change his mind. I turned around to see him stroking himself, just a few times, so magnificent.

He laid his body back over mine, his cock bare against the valley between the muscles of my ass he just caressed. I couldn't believe he did that. It should have made me nervous, but it didn't.

I trusted him. I trusted him completely.

The next song was "I Wanna Be Your Man". I didn't know who sang it. I'm not really much of an R & B guy.

He stretched my arms out to the sides, like a cross, rubbed his cock more in the same place, nuzzled his nose into my hair, kissed behind my ear, kissed the back of my neck.

It was intimate. Maybe too intimate.

Lore moved away again. Just the sensation of him backing off me for a second was like being robbed of something precious, and it took an act of willpower not to cry out like a baby deprived of a favorite toy. He hadn't gone far. I turned my head to look. He was reaching for a condom with one hand, and stroking himself slowly with the other. And looking at me with a mind-blowing hot lust like I was the only man in the world.

I closed my eyes.

Oh God.

"No, not like this," Lore said.

He pulled me up and laid down on top of me, rubbing his hard cock against mine.

"God, that feels fantastic," I said.

"Yeah, for me too. Noah, open your eyes. Look at me."

I did.

"I want to make love to you face to face, so I can see every expression on that beautiful mug of yours."

"What? What?"

"Will you let me make love to you this way?"

"Um, I thought only straight couples made love this way."

His eyes went with wide in an incredulous expression and then he blinked, stopping to see if I was serious. I was.

"I mean, uh, how could that even work? I don't have an entrance in the front."

In one fierce move he grabbed the back of my thighs, rolled my hips up, slammed his shoulders forward. He pressed the underside of his cock over my entrance.

"Holy shit."

A completely animalistic smile spread across his face. "You've never done it this way?"

I shook my head.

"Willing to do it with me?"

For a second neither of us breathed. Oh yeah, I was willing.

I nodded. He jumped off me again and got the lube and put on the condom. I watched him begin to roll the condom over his cock, and then I closed my eyes, I couldn't look at him; he was too handsome.

"Hey, baby," he said softly, putting me in the position he had me in earlier. His big, brown eyes stared into mine.

My stomach fluttered.

"You ready?"

I nodded.

With one hard thrust he buried himself to the hilt.

"Oh fuck."

He grinned at me, the cat that ate the canary but more so. The cat that ate the aviary.

"Ready?"

"Yeah," I said.

Lore started moving, slow, sinuous thrusts. God, Lore, on top of me. At this angle everything was different. He pushed my knees up higher, and grabbed both my hands. He pressed my hands back into the mattress on either side of me and threaded his fingers threw mine, lacing our fingers together.

My God, I was having sex and holding hands.

I closed my eyes to savor it all.

"Look at me, baby," he said.

My eyelids flicked open. The connection of feeling him move inside me, his low belly rubbing my cock, our hearts so close, the expression of heat on his face... it was all so much.

I closed my eyes again.

"I'll just look at you then," he said over the music, a new song now, by Barry White I think. "I love looking you anyway, so it's okay if it's just me, looking at you then," he repeated, and then he squeezed my hands harder.

Lore pumped faster, and I bucked up against him. The smells of him got more vivid with the increasing heat of his skin, that cologne, his soap, the pure male, clean sweat of him. He was making this 'mmmn, mmmn, mmmn,' sound, a cross between a groan, a savor song , and a plea.

Lore kept the same fast speed but drilled me harder. My toes started to tingle, and my balls seized up, and I couldn't believe how much I wanted him, all of him.

"Come for me, baby, come now."

And I did. As soon as he said it, like his voice controlled some deep brain command center in my body, I came so hard I saw stars.

And then I saw only one star. Him.

"Close," he said. Then his cock twitched inside me, the kick setting me off again.

When it was done he stayed in me, on top of me, still holding both my hands in his. He kissed me gently.

Then he chuckled. "I think I recall once telling you I thought I could teach you a thing or two. Didn't think it would be that it was your first time at that."

"You can teach me anything," I said.

Oh God. Don't fall for this guy. He's leaving. He lives 1,000 miles away. Or however far Chicago is.

"Come on, handsome," Lore said, rolling off me. "Let's take a shower. If you're a good boy I'll wash your hair."

I smiled a coy grin at him. "I'll be good," I said, and touched my tongue to my upper lip, and then my nose. "I promise."

He laughed and walked naked to the bathroom while I stayed in the bed for a minute, marveling at the intimacy of the missionary position, and ogling his fabulous butt.

*

I woke up with that tune in my head; the one I couldn't place. It played over and over. I couldn't think of any words.

The weather report was mixed. It was supposed to be a clear afternoon and evening in Billings, but on the drive it misted slightly, and then a little bit of fog rolled in.

The drive to Billings is about an hour and half. Lore told me a lot about his family and life in Chicago on the drive.

It's a pretty boring drive to Billings. Flat land, ranches, and more ranches. I saw a buck a good ways up the road.

"Look, a deer," Lore said pointing at the buck.

"Yeah," I said. "We get a lot of them out h—"

A doe ran into the road, right at our car. I saw her from the corner of my eye, the crash a split second away. I did something that went against all instincts; I wrenched the wheel

toward

her, and she went sailing over my hood. Time stopped for a second, as she was suspended in mid-air, her torso seeming larger than it probably actually was—because it was only inches from my windshield.

She landed gracefully on the other side. I had my right hand extended out across Lore's chest. I used all the might in my left hand to correct the car's spin. I pressed the brakes as the right front tire squealed off the road.

"You all right?" I asked.

"Holy fuck," Lore said, watching the deer bound away.

"Lore," I asked quietly. "You okay?"

"Yeah," he said. "What in the hell made you think to swerve

toward

the deer?"

"If I didn't, she'd stop right in front of the car," I said. "Like a deer in headlights. No, not like. Exactly. Frozen. A deer in headlights. I can't bear to think of the accident. She'd crash through the windshield. And I could have lost you two days early. I couldn't stand that."

He stared at me, obviously still startled, and scared, and full of adrenaline.

"Besides," I said. "I don't have my dehydrator with me to make jerky. I'd hate to waste good venison."

"Jerk."

"You sure you're okay?"

"Yeah, I'm all right."

I was able to back the car up, and we didn't have any more excitement on the way to Billings.

I took him to see the 2,000 year-old cave drawings at Pictograph Cave State Park, and then we walked around the city. Lore had looked up a few things on the Internet, and although I'd been to Billings quite a few times, and he never had, after the cave park it seemed more like he was leading me rather than the other way around.

The city boy thing again, I guess.

He suggested the museum, and of course I'd never been; it's not like I've had a ton of time to goof off from the ranch. Truthfully, I'd never been the really 'refined-seek-out-culture' type of guy anyway. But it was interesting; I liked it.

At Lore's suggestion, we went to the restaurant at the Crowne Plaza Hotel. It was posh, slick, and modern, yet cozy at the same time, all done up in reds, and yellows, and gold. There was a wall of almost floor-to-ceiling windows overlooking the city, and we got a table at one of the windows. The sun sank lower in the sky, sending magenta ribbons over Billings.

"Nice," Lore said. "Really stunning."

Nothing compared to you, handsome.

I looked down at my menu.

"Hey, Noah. Would you like to go see the Nutcracker tonight? I could see if they still have any tickets."

"The Nutcracker? Isn't that, like, ballet?" It sounded really stupid when I said it, but then I thought, it could be an orchestra performance, right?

He smiled at me. "Yeah, like, ballet."

"Ahhhh...."

"Men with cute butts in tight tights."

"I have a man with a cute butt in no tights," I said.

He sighed.

"I mean, if you want to," I said. Just another way we were different. How many cowboys see ballet?

"Never mind, I just thought it would be nice, you know, Christmas-y."

"No, no, let's go," I said.

He shook his head. "You're just doing it to please me," he said.

Then I gave him my best version of bedroom eyes. "You betcha. I'm hoping you'll be so thankful you'll want to make it up to me in the—"

"Hi, I'm Amber, I'll be your waitress."

Sigh.

There was sparkling laughter in Lore's eyes. One that said, I know the end to that sentence, and you better believe you don't need to go to the ballet to get what's coming to you.

We ordered.

"So, tickets," Lore said firmly.

"Let's do it," I said.

He took out his phone and bought tickets online.

While we were waiting for dinner I started humming again without even realizing it.

"There's that same tune again," Lore said.

"What?"

"You're humming." He hummed it back to me.

"Oh."

"Remember what it is yet?"

"Nope. "La-La-da-en-er. Swear I've never heard it before. Lah-da-pa-en-er, Lah-la-ah-en-er, da-da-da-da-di-da,-Ooooo-Vivian..."

"You have a cute voice."

"Liar."

The food was excellent. We watched the sun set and lights come on over the city.

"Noah, what happened to you that you keep your heart in a box?"

I choked on my steak.

Lore waited patiently.

I swallowed hard.

"I mean, don't get me wrong, the sex is fantastic—and I'm always up for fantastic sex. But, it's like we're having parallel experiences. I'd like to have one joint experience."

I hung my head.

"Look at me, baby."

I looked at him.

"What happened?"

I shook my head. Maybe it wasn't even as much what happened as what didn't. I didn't really want to get into it. I wasn't much of a talker.

"I know what a disappointment it can be when things don't work out. Hey, when my marriage—"

"What? What?"

Lore stopped and looked at me.

"You were married?" My voice went up a lot at the end.

"Oh, ah, yeah." He waved his hand like it was no big deal. "It was a long time ago."

"Married?"

"Yeah, right out of college. When the same sex legislation went into effect in Massachusetts my boyfriend and I jumped on it. Like, the day it went live we packed up all our stuff, moved out there, and got in line. It was more like we wanted to show Massachusetts they were doing the right thing; support the state, hope other states would follow. We never should have gotten married. We were too young. That was the wrong reason."

I just stared at him, blinking.

"What happened?"

"He left me."

"No. Impossible. No one in their right mind would leave you."

Lore smiled. "We drifted apart. I was his first boyfriend, and he felt he never got to experiment. He wanted to play the field; I didn't want to share. We had a pretty amicable split. We had five good years." He lifted one shoulder slightly and let it drop. "My point is, not everything works out. I didn't turn myself into an automaton because of it."

I frowned at him.

"I didn't mean that the way it came out."

"Can I get you guys anything else?" Amber rested her hand on Lore's shoulder when she asked.

"The check would be great, please. We're in a bit of a rush." Lore didn't want to be late for the ballet.

"You bought the tickets; I'll pay for dinner," I said.

"No."

"Fair's fair."

"I'll get it," Lore said.

I reached for the check.

Lore kicked my legs further open and suddenly the bottom of his shoe was on my crotch, exerting gentle pressure.

"Listen." He leaned forward; his whispered voice was fierce. "You're going to fucking let me take care of you."

Wow. Okay.

He increased the pressure of his foot, ever so slightly. I resisted the urge to squirm.

"I want to devour you, have all of you. You only give a part. Fine. But I'm going to fucking do this. It's a date, damn it. A date we're on together. To fuck we're gonna go Dutch."

Whoa.

He removed his foot. He picked up the check booklet thing and bopped me on the top of the head with it.

Phew. Is it hot in here?

Dang.

The ballet was majestic. I guess I didn't expect such athleticism. And yeah, handsome muscular guys in interesting outfits floating through the air wasn't exactly a hardship to watch. But it was more sitting with Lore in a dark theatre, his arm around the back of my chair, which did it for me. There was an expectant hush in the theatre, like everyone was enthralled, hanging with anticipation of each new step.

I liked it better than I thought I would. I'd probably never go again, but I had to give Lore credit. It was just another gift from him I would never forget.

I sort of wished the date would last forever. But pretty soon it was time to drive home.

We didn't have sex that night. He held me in his arms, first with my head on his chest. We stayed that way a long time, and he stroked loving circles on my back. He pet my hair. Then, later in the night, his arms were warm, firm bands around me when he was spooned up behind me as we fell asleep.

Then it was Sunday again. I don't think I've ever prayed so hard in life. I don't even know what I was praying for. Not to have more pain than I could deal with maybe.

Wah-ta-pa-ii-en-er, Hah-la-ah-en-er, wah-da-in-ah-da-ah-ooo-ah-uh-uh,-Ooooo-Vivian...

Early Sunday afternoon Josh put on a magic show. He'd gotten pretty darn good. He must have spent a lot of time with Johnny practicing to get all those tricks down. I guess while I was spending all that time with Lore, my nephew was monopolizing a Hassim brother of his own.

Afterwards Lore and I went back to his cabin. I was more blue than ever. I hated myself for asking, but I couldn't stop myself.

"Lore, could you possibly extend your stay a couple of days?"

He looked pained. "I can't. Tomorrow's Christmas Eve Day, and we're flying directly to Florida to visit my parents. Every year we fly down to spend Christmas with them."

"Oh."

"We spend a week with them, so taking almost three weeks off this year is a really big deal. So it's not like after I get back to my practice I should really be taking time off right away. But, I could come back here soon, like in two months. You know, for a long weekend or something."

I looked at him.

"If you want to try. I mean, if you want to still see me. We could do the long distance thing. I could come out here once a month; you could come to Chicago once a month. That way it would be like every other week."

I rolled my lips in together.

"Or, I could come out once every other month, and you could come see me on the odd months."

"Long distance relationships don't work."

"You could come to Chicago," he said. "Join my practice."

I shook my head.

"Fine," he said. His voice huffy and hurt.

"I could move here. At least part of the year."

"Yeah. Like you'd be happy in Montana."

"Why not? Plenty of other people are."

"Ranch people. Country people. Not... refined PhD city people."

"Now you're just making shit up because you're too scared to commit. People move from the country to the city or the city to the country all the time."

I stared at him.

"Listen," he said. "When I was making love, that's what I was doing. Making. Love. Maybe that's not what it was for you. But every time I was with you, that's what it was, more love."

Oh God. "Don't make this harder than it already is."

"Fine. Fine!" he said. He threw up his arms.

"You remember when we were out in your beautiful magic circle," he said. His voice was getting louder and louder. "And I said that if I'd known you were here I'd move heaven and earth to come here. I meant it. You say the word. Just say it. And after I visit my parents in Florida I'll come right back. I'll give up my practice. I'll forget about going back to school. Shit. What do you want?"

I closed my eyes. Rip my heart to pieces, why don't you? I spoke very quietly, my eyes still closed. "It's not that I don't want you; I do."

"Then what's your problem?"

I looked at him. "You won't be happy here. I want you to be happy."