Steven
"Do you want to tell me why you turned Luke down when he asked you out? Would you like to explain to me why the bloody hell there was a beyond-shit-faced-drunk man on my porch waking me up at two in the damn morning with wet eyes, telling me how he'd been rejected before, but never 'like this'? The way I see it, you have a lot of explaining to do to one very, very angry black woman."
I looked into the intense dark brown eyes that stared at me from across the table, eyes any model would give anything to have. But that's not what I was thinking about—my mind was on Luke. He had gotten drunk. I had turned down one of the most sought-after single men around. He had been so interested. Wet eyes, for goodness' sake—after getting pants-shittingly drunk, yes, but still. Damn. I seemed to have a knack for cutting people to the quick. "Ev, I'm sorry."
"I said explain, not offer a half-assed apology," she fired back. Boy, she was a mother hen: when she was mad, she was
mad
. Her eyes blazed as she took a sip of her latté, clearly still waiting for an answer. I gave her the succinct response that had come to me every time I had asked myself why I had turned him down so quickly.
"I don't deserve him."
She just stared at me. The fire in her eyes died to a kind of puzzlement, then returned to their intensity.
"Oh, my god. You're serious." She rolled her eyes. "Steven, that is such crap."
"It seems like it at first, doesn't it?" I countered. "Think about it, though. He can find younger, he can find fitter, he can find more attractive, he can find a man in better shape."
"Steven—"
"He could find a man who could give him what he wants. He could find someone who isn't so anal and who would make him happy. He could find someone who doesn't worry as much as me, who isn't so structured, who isn't so damn type A. He could find a man who wouldn't disappoint him in bed. He could find a man without so much damn baggage. He could find a man who doesn't have a kid, a man who he doesn't have to share with that child. He could—"
"Shut up!" Ev interrupted, almost shouting. "Do you hear yourself? Honestly! Honey, I can spout bullshit as much as the next person, but this is ridiculous. Cut yourself a break. You are funny, you are intelligent, you are the best dad I've seen in my entire life, and the fact that your daughter is so amazing is a testament to that. You are beautiful, you are genuinely nice, you are sweet, you are absolutely adorable. You are you, Steven. Everyone has baggage, that's what makes us, us! And as for disappointing him in bed: sweetie, don't take this the wrong way, but Adam told me long ago what an animal you are." I blushed.
"That's not the point, though. The point is that Luke knows some of that stuff. He can tell, Steven. He's not stupid. He's interested in
you
." She pointed her finger at me and waved it up and down, pursing her lips. "All of you. He is aware that you have your problems just like he has his. Dating someone and having a relationship is about helping each other with the insecurities, not reinforcing them.
"He knows you have a daughter, and he is crazy about her, and he's crazy about how crazy you are about her. Being a good dad is
so
attractive, Steven. But we're getting way beyond ourselves, though: it was just a date, for God's sake! He wasn't asking you to marry him!"
I didn't have anything to say to that. For once, my smart-assed quick wit couldn't think of one damn sarcastic comment to say. She was right.
"Oh, my god. Strike the bells and ring up the chorus. Steven Abernathy is speechless!" Ev practically shouted. We were drawing looks and giggles from some of the other customers in the coffee shop. She looked back at me and smiled, lowering her voice again. "It was just a date."
"You're right," I responded.
"I'm sorry, what?" She gaped at me, dumbfounded.
"You're right. It was just a date. Being myself, I completely overanalyzed things and made a huge deal out of something that really shouldn't be so monumental." She stared at me, surprised, and then smiled.
"Silenced and apologetic, all in the same day. Wow. Good deal." She took a smug sip of her latté. "See, that wasn't so hard. So, now you can go down to his shop and ask
him
out."
"Now wait just a minute, Ev. I said I made a big deal about something that
shouldn't
be. You have to remember that this still remains huge for
me
."
"Ohmigawd, Steven," Ev breathed, clearly done hiding her exasperation. She spoke to me as if I was a toddler, drawing each syllable out. "You are interested; he is interested; it's a date. Go on a date." I just sat and looked at her for a few moments, and she returned my gaze. "A date. One. And if you don't like it, you don't have to go on another. What's the worst that could happen?"
I actually had an answer to that question. "I could fall hopelessly in love with him, he could realize that he'll never feel the same, and I'll not only be single again, but heartbroken, as well."
"You're a stubborn ass," she said bluntly. "Well, here's this before I leave and get to my errands, because I'm done beating around the bush. You need to decide what's more important to you: staying safely lonely, or taking a risk for happiness. It's totally up to you."
Well, poop. Ev had a gift for putting it into simple words that cut to the quick, didn't she?
Luke
"Luke, you have got to stop acting like a 14-year-old girl," I said to myself as I put the door panel back in place on a faithful customer's Ford. "It's been over a week. He said no. Let go of that dream." Even though I had said something like this to myself many times a day for the past ten days, it still didn't help. What was it about Steven Abernathy that had me so hooked?
Yes, he was good looking. To be honest, though, I'd had more attractive men in my bed, with abs that belonged in
Men's Health
and faces better than most models in management agencies. So why was Steven more attractive to me, more enticing than even the hottest hunk?
"Because he's real," I said to myself, twisting a screw into place. I'd also had attractive men who also looked like actual people, though, so it wasn't just that. So what was it? The answer came simply, wrapped up in one word, in one name: Ana.
I'd always had a thing for men with a fatherly way about them, men that I can tell will just make amazing dads some day. Steven, well, he was all that and more. He loved his daughter. He spent time with her. He made sure he was involved in her life. Ana turned out an amazing young woman because of his love and his discipline. He had his life together, his priorities balanced: that's part of being a great father. His being a dad gave him a more mature, selfless disposition that attracted me to the very core, like it was the perfect scenario. He sacrificed himself for Ana and everyone around him.
I wanted to be the one to give
him
something, plain and simple.
I pulled the switch on the inside handle of the car door and the window went up without a hitch. I ran my hands through my hair and walked from the garage into the office.
"Candi, call Delores and tell her her Taurus is ready to be picked up," I said as I walked through the door.
"Already done, sweet-cheeks," she replied, "and I told her about the window and we gossiped about how nice you are for fixing it." She cracked her gum loudly. If there was one thing about Candi that needed to stop, it was the gum popping.
"Must you do that?" I said, feigning irritation.
"If I didn't need to, I wouldn't," she smiled sweetly, batting her seemingly-eighteen-inch-long eyelashes at me.
"Yeah, yeah, yeah," I said, turning around and walking back out. I glanced sideways to the tall garage doors and saw Steven standing there, hands in his pockets, looking every bit his role as a suburban CPA. This suit was a very light tan, and I usually think tan suits are tacky, but it was clearly rather new, fit like a dream, and set off his dark hair. Clearly, I would be thinking differently about tan suits from now on.
"Hi," he said nervously.
"Hello, Steven," I returned, a bit more coldly than I had originally intended. "What can I do for you?"
"Listen, Luke, I'm sorry. I didn't really know what to make of—"
"Steven," I interrupted, "if you came here to give me a lame apology or some sort of explanation as to why you turned me down, I'm not staying here to listen. I beg your pardon, but I am at work and have things to do. To be quite honest, I'm not even sure why you showed up now, over a week later, just to explain yourself." Wow, I sounded frigid, which was a feat since my insides were melting.
