"That's awesome!" Rachel exclaimed, and I smiled back at her, missing Sophie's similar enthusiasm. "Have I heard of her?" Rachel asked.
"I doubt it," I told her, "She's only 22, she's in her last year at RISD. But maybe someday," I said grinning, and Rachel laughed.
"That's crazy, I went to RISD too! Well, for undergrad. But I graduated seven years ago, no chance of knowing your sister. She must be really talented though, RISD is really hard to get into!" Rachel exclaimed, and I felt my head swell a little with pride. I remember how damn excited Sophie was, and how I picked her up and swirled her around, and how my parents had told every single person they knew, and put all her application portfolio pictures up in the house. Back when we were happy, when we were okay, and when Sophie laughed, and when I believed in happy endings.
I looked up to find Rachel staring at me, looking concerned. "Oh yeah, she's an amazing artist," I said feeling my heart begin to cloud over.
"Your parents must be really proud," Rachel said, and I nodded, not wanting to speak a lot.
"They were," I confirmed, looking down into my beer. I took a swig and felt someones eyes on me. I looked up and Laurie was looking straight at me, eyes boring into mine, and I just knew he could see my sadness and heartache. I stared back at him, challenging him to say something, because he wouldn't stop staring at me and I didn't want him to. He dropped his gaze and I turned back to Rachel, changing the conversation topic.
The music swirled around me, as did the chatter, and I sipped my beer and only listened half-heartedly to the conversation. What am I doing here? I wondered to myself, and couldn't answer the question. Laurie looked in his element, surrounded by talented, glamorous, attractive people, and I was very far out of my own. I needed solitude, and silence, and buildings, and not too much human interaction. All of a sudden I stood, mumbled something to the people around me, and walked to the bathroom. It was down a hallway secluded from the rest of the party, and it was what I needed.
I was about to open the door to the bathroom when I heard someone behind me.
"Vaughn." I liked the way Laurie said my name, and I felt shivers go up my spine.
I turned and Laurie walked up to me, standing close in the small hallway. He looked great in a maroon v-neck sweater that made his eyes look even more gold than usual, and the same black pants I was admiring the other day. He looked like the beautiful, cultured, intelligent, smart-ass that he was, I felt like a big oaf next to him. I was all too conscious of my fraying grey t-shirt, and unruly hair, and gruff exterior. I hadn't shaved today, and there was stubble on my chin.
"Hey," I said uncomfortably, and my heart sped up when I saw Laurie still looking at me funny. God he looked great, and I felt something start to pool in my stomach. "Sorry for crashing your party."
He grinned and made a motion like it was nothing. "Oh no it's great, Rachel's like that sometimes. I mentioned you broke your leg and she felt bad for you. She kept going on about how lonely you must be, and how she wanted to make you soup or something." I frowned and shrugged, not liking the pity these people were feeling for me.
"That's very nice of her, but I like solitude sometimes," I mumbled, and Laurie laughed.
"Yeah I know you do, but I'm glad she made you come in here." He watched my face carefully, with something in his eyes that made my heart thump erratically. "I think she knew how much I wanted to see you." The laughter stilled in his eyes, and I could feel my heart thumping awkwardly. Surely he could hear it.
I blinked at him, amazed that he'd just come out and say something like that. Who just says exactly what they're thinking? I looked down at my beer, unable to meet his eyes for fear of what I might see. God, I think I was actually blushing, and that hadn't happened since about third grade.
"Vaughn." Laurie said softly, and I think I visibly shivered, and cautiously looked into his eyes.
He stepped closer toward me, and I could see the determination and the lust in his eyes. My heart was pounding and my palms were sweating, but I wanted to grab him so badly I almost shattered the beer bottle I was clenching.
"I don't know what you want from me," I said softly, finally looking into his eyes. And it's true, I didn't know, and I also didn't know what I could give him. I needed to deal with a lot of things, and I needed to be alone to do that, and I didn't want my life to change. But I wanted Laurie, I wanted him more than I'd ever wanted anyone in my life, and I knew that ignoring what I felt wasn't an option anymore.
He looked into my eyes and smiled slightly, saying, "Yes, you do. And you should stop denying that you want it too," At that moment, there was nothing else I wanted more than to take him right there on the floor.
"You're used to getting what you want, aren't you" I whispered, and my voice was rough and harsh.
Laurie nodded, and moved one final step closer, so our mouth were inches away.
"Yes," Laurie whispered back, and I felt his breath softly on my face. My body itched to be pressed over his, and his mouth on mine. It had never been this way with anyone else, and I couldn't really believe what was happening to me.
Laurie licked his lips. "And I've wanted you from the first moment I saw you." His eyes were full of desire and truth and anticipation, and my heart was about to explode. I couldn't resist him anymore; it's a fucking miracle I ever could.
I cursed and grabbed his shoulders roughly and pulled him to me. Our mouths met in a bruising kiss, and it was hot and hard and breathtaking. His mouth was firm and soft, but not at all like a woman's, and my mind was spinning. How had this never happened before? This kiss was unlike anything I could imagine, and I knew it was because it was Laurie, not just because he was another man. My heart was clenching and Laurie's lips were married to mine, and he was kissing me like I was the last man on Earth. And he was so good at it. His lips coaxed mine open and I grasped the back of his head with one hand and tilted mine to deepen the kiss. Laurie's hands threaded through my hair, and I held his body to mine in a death grip. I kissed him back with passion I didn't know was in me, and I distantly heard Laurie moan, and it was like fire rushing through my veins. I could feel his erection against my thigh, and was positive he could feel mine, and if someone hadn't called his name from the other room, I don't know what would have happened.
I tore my lips from his and looked down at him, panting like I'd just run twenty miles. He had a semi-shocked look on his face, and I knew he'd been affected by the kiss just as intensely as I had. He was breathing heavily and his perfect lips were red and swollen. I did that. His beautiful gold-brown eyes bored into mine, and he moved one of his hands to rest on my chest, sending more shivers down my spine.
"You--", Laurie tried to say, but his voice was husky and he couldn't articulate. I couldn't help myself: I dropped my head and kissed him again, softer, and bit his upper lip with my teeth. This time Laurie shivered, and I smiled to myself, and slipped my hand underneath his sweater to feel the soft skin of his back.
"LAURIE!! COME PLAY FOR US!" The voice cried again, and we broke apart, startled. I pushed him toward the other room without looking at him, scared I'd pounce on him again if I looked at him, and turned into the bathroom.
I heard Laurie's steps walking away from me, and leaned against the counter, breathing hard. What the hell was that? It's like my body has been completely overtaken by another person. I never acted like this, like a fucking teenager in heat, and I never kissed men. What was happening to me?? I sure as hell didn't know, but I did know with absolute certainty that there had to be a reason behind everything, and there had to be a reason I felt so strongly for Laurie. I shook my head to clear it, but my heart was still pounding and I could still feel Laurie hot, skilled mouth on mine, and his body pressed flush against me, and his hands, with their long, beautiful fingers, in my hair. My dick was still hard and if I kept thinking about Laurie, it wasn't going to go down. I ran some water and splashed it on my face, and sighed. What was I going to do about this? I didn't know how to be this person who had taken over my body and still be the man I've been for 28 years.
Then, the piano began to play. I opened the door, and walked down the corridor into the living room, where everyone was watching Laurie playing the piano. His dark head was bent slightly, and his eyes were closed, and there was no sheet music in front of him. His fingers flew over the keys, in the most beautiful and erotic way--or maybe it was just the music he was playing. I watched his hands, mesmerised, as they moved swiftly and skillfully over the keys. I didn't know human hands could move like that. I couldn't stop my brain from imagining what they could do to my body.
Suddenly, I couldn't take it anymore. What had just happened with Laurie, I would deal with in my own private solitude, where I could think clearly and logically. I quietly let myself out of the apartment without anyone but Rachel noticing, and I didn't look at her. Laurie didn't see me.
I limped into my apartment, my mind reeling, and petted Bear absently as I tried to work out what had happened. I had just had the most intense, explosive, unbelieveable kiss of my life...with another man. I didn't know what to think; I didn't think I was gay, but at this point I didn't know if I was completely straight either. And I didn't like to think about it that way--my parents had always told me and Sophie that love is love, and that's all there is too it. What people do in their private lives is their business, and I wouldn't want anyone trying to tell me how to live my life. I sighed and sat down on my bed. I couldn't think about this anymore tonight. I pulled off my clothes and got under the covers, and fell asleep, dreaming about Laurie's mouth and his fingers.
