My Awaening

This story is but one of the many fantasies I've built in my life. I have decided to put this on paper, because I used to get quite a bit of pleasure out of it.

I hope you do too.

Spelling is as it's supposed to be... Australian/UK English. LOL

All sex is between persons over the age of 18.

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My Awakening

At 30, I was a broken man. My wife of five years had left me for another guy, as it turns out, another asshole with a lot more money than me. I swore to myself that I would never be hurt like that again. I was so devastated and got in a real slump. I swore off women, sex - yes and even masturbation.

I wondered what it was that had turned her off me? I thought,

I have a decent body, am considered pretty good looking and have never had any trouble finding sexual partners before we got married. What the fuck

?

I never did get an answer and frankly I'm not unhappy that I didn't, because I found something more important - I found out who I really am.

After being single for a couple of months, I started to regain some of the drive for life, that I'd had earlier in our relationship. I think I went about two and a half months without even touching myself. That's' amazing, even for someone with a history of a relatively low sex drive, like me.

I have always had very detailed fantasies, that develop in storyline and actions of the participants to allow me to maximise my reward.

As I gained a renewed interest in life, my fantasies changed, taking a turn that I had never expected, including a scenario I had never explored before - the inclusion of another man. This wasn't anything that I was concerned about initially, as the guys weren't any that I recognised and there was no interplay between us. At first the guy in the fantasy was detached from the action, like me watching neighbours go at it, or another guy watching me have sex with a woman.

They quickly developed to the other guy being part of a threesome. They were still heterosexual and so, I felt, no cause for alarm. Soon the occasional verbal interaction found its way into the story, like an encouraging word.

Shortly after, fondling then small kisses appeared in my fantasy. As I explored these newfound interactions, I found that it made me even more turned on. I imagined my lips rubbing against another face with a days worth of stubble. I didn't really worry about this either and saw it as harmless - our dicks still found themselves in a woman and not in each other.

The level of involvement escalated, always at a pace that I was psychologically comfortable with, gradual but consistent.

My imaginings went from light kissing, to deeply and passionately kissing, adding things like having my arse fondled. Being in a sixty-nine with a woman and having another guy taking her from behind was the next development. I'd imagine watching the other guy's cock sliding in an out of the woman's pussy. Seeing the cock covered in the woman's juices and imagining the mixed smalls of precum and vaginal fluid.

Shortly after my fantasies including men started, I had my first gay fantasy.

I was imagining me being part of a threesome. I was in a sixty-nine with a woman, with me on the bottom and looking up at her pussy, as a guy with about a seven inch dick fucked her doggie style. I was playing with her clit, and rubbing her pussy lips with my fingers, when I reached out with my middle finger, tentatively touching the rib on the underside of the guy's cock. It was so silky and smooth from her juices.

Direct sexual contact followed, as my fantasy took on a deeper and far more intense pace. I imagined moving my face closer to her pussy and then licking the underside of the guys cock. I limited it to just licking for a while, before allowing my fantasy guy to pull out of the woman and aim his cock at my mouth.

I fantasised that I would open my mouth, taking his cock into it. Slowly at first, just the tip, extending my tongue and swirling it around his glans. It progressed to him fucking my mouth - slowly at first, then with more force.

I imagined extending my tongue, opening my gullet (like you see people swallow a whole glass of beer in one quick gulp), and having his cock slid all the way into my throat. I would hear an imaginary moan and have him reach down and putting his hands behind my head to support it, he would start to fuck my face.

These fantasies got so involved and so detailed, that I didn't notice the disappearance of women all together for probably some time.

As the scenario developed in my imagination, my guy would grunt and thrust deeper than ever before, giving me a nose full of pubic hair and eye full of balls. The doubts I was having about fantasies with guys going that far disappeared altogether and they became the exclusive subject.

Next, I imagined the guy yelling that he was about to come, imagining him slammed his cock all the way forcefully, and holding it there. I wouldn't be able to breathe. I imagined feeling his cock swell and spasms rippling down his cock, as he would shoot his juices into my throat. I imagined loving the sensation of his orgasm, the taste of his cum and I would regularly lick him clean after his erection had deflated and his cock was withdrawn from my throat.

Every time I got to that point, I too would cum. Regularly, I would open my eyes, to see my cum all over my belly, chest and neck. I would put three fingers in my mouth, simulating my fantasy cock and I would always slobber all over the fingers and hand.

I thought about how turned on I got about that fantasy. Before the fantasy started, I'd never tasted my own cum, but now I always licked myself clean all over. I loved the taste, and while it was a little salty, my desire for it grew to be something that I had to experience at least five times a week. I loved the texture and smell and thoughts of both would often be enough to get me hard.

Often, after these fantasy sessions, I would drift off to sleep, still sticky with dried cum that I couldn't lick all of myself.

I did have doubts at times. 'Was this just fantasy? Had they turned this way because of my marriage break up? And why did this get me so hot? Does this make me gay? And what do I do now?' I mean just the thought of my fantasy during the day, would give me an instant hard-on. I became almost totally preoccupied by the thought of having a sexual encounter with another guy.

I rationalised though, that I couldn't understand the veracity of the fantasy, until I was put in a situation with another guy. After all, it was still just a fantasy.

But as Pink Floyd said, "The show must go on."

So, I continued on with my life. I really didn't think anything would come of it, so I just let it sit in my life as a fantasy, for a while. I was happy with that status quo, until one day I caught myself checking a guy out.

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I was sitting at a cafe alone, eating lunch, when I saw a good-looking guy walk past, with a stunning woman in tow. I had started looking at the woman, but then found myself looking at the guy. He was clearly from Eastern Europe. His face was chiseled, he had strong muscular arms and after he passed me, I saw that he had a really nice ass. At the point I checked my thinking 'Nice ass? WOW

... hold everything... what the hell are you thinking... nice ass

?'

It took me a little while to admit to myself that I had psychologically made the transition from fantasy to action. I have always believed that we are judged by our actions, not our thoughts, and this premise gave me cause to reexamine who I was and where I was going in life. I thought a great deal about it and resolved to allow something to happen if the situation presented itself.

I had been approached by guys a couple of times when I was in my late teens and early twenties but had always been more interested in women at the time. The guys that had hit on me were either clumsy or too direct, for me to consider any sort of sexual relationship with them. It wasn't helped by the fact that I wasn't friends with the guys that approached me - who knows, that may have caused me to consider such an approach. At the time, I remember being a little flattered, not disturbed or revolted.

As I explored my feelings for men, becoming more comfortable with them, the depth of my fantasies dramatically increased. I started to masturbate at least once a day, sometimes twice, my fantasies now exclusively gay.

I think, in retrospect, the reason that I also started at my local gym, not just to get fit again (which I had needed to do for some time), but because it gave me a good opportunity to 'look around' and maybe to present myself as available. Not that I knew what that entailed, or how one went about "letting the message out", but it was all part of what I sought to explore.

More and more, I felt I wanted to get involved with another man, even just a fleeting sexual experience. Even something as small as a kiss or mutual fellatio, would have been acceptable. At the start I wasn't confident in whether I'd be willing to "go all the way". I was happy to wait until I was really comfortable with any guy that I was going to allow to fuck me, or that I was going to fuck.

Because I couldn't bring myself to go to a bar or actually approach someone, I substituted my insecurity with other items, providing a more realistic edge to my fantasies. I started to use a finger in my ass, quickly progressing to two then three. Then I started to use other things around the house, like candles and before long I thought of using and then bought a six inch vibrator. All the while my fantasies expanding to include new characters and slight variations on the same scenario.

I started to experiment with enema's, using the bath tap or spa jet from my spa. My fantasies continued to expand and I bought a seven inch life-like dildo. I was really got off on sucking a cock, even though it was plastic one (and left that sort of taste in ones mouth that only latex can), and then fucking myself with it, suction cupped to all sorts of things.

I was in this frame of mind, when I first met a guy at work - Matt. Matt started working in our organisation at the same level as me and we quickly became friends. Although he didn't have a girlfriend, I was sure that he wasn't gay - after all he wasn't effeminate and didn't look at other guys, not that I knew anyway - but hey, you can always tell right?

What I didn't connect at the time, was that I wasn't effeminate either, so why should that exclude him being bi or gay? We worked closely on a number of small projects and quickly developed a pretty good friendship. We often finished a hard week in a bar or having a drink and pizza at work. He never gave me any indication that he was gay, I never caught him perving at me and he never turned the conversation sexual, least of all towards being gay.

After three months, our friendship had developed to the point that I didn't think anything of his suggestion that we go on a holiday together. We both had one coming up in a month or so.

We started to look around for holidays that we might enjoy. We looked at Island resorts, cruises, group adventure activities, but nothing really appealed to both of us. One day Matt came in to my office with a suggestion for a holiday that I agreed to instantly.

He said that he knew of an outback tour company that offered a 'drop and leave' holiday experience in the outback. When he explained that he had been on one a few years ago and the type of things that were on offer, I was convinced.

We picked one that Matt hadn't heard about - a new one. I couldn't wait!

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Jump to a month later...

We arrived at the airfield early on the first morning of our 10 day holiday. The company offering the holidays was to provide all the gear that we would need, except our clothes. Taking off at about 7, we flew for about two hours in a small twin engine plane, before landing on a very isolated, small, bumpy strip, which was really the remnants of an old road.

During the flight the pilot had given us a detailed map of the area we would be in. The map indicated several landmarks and points of interest. We were told that we would be living in a cave, located in a depression. There was no risk of flooding at that time of the year, plus we would have a short wave radio and emergency beacon if anything did happen.

I was amazed. There was a small permanent pool inside the cave that was fed by an underground river. The water was drinkable and would be our main source for the duration. The pool led to another cave that had stalagmites and stalactites and several other pools and caves were available to explore in the vicinity. Amazingly he also said that there were no mosquitoes or flies in the area. I had no idea why, but I wasn't complaining, because I usually get eaten by mosquitoes.

The first thing I noticed when we got out of the plane was that, at ten in the morning, it was already about thirty degrees Celsius and very dry. Unloading the gear, we started to carry it the three hundred meters to the edge of the depression. We would be required to take it down a path, about another 150 meters, to the cave.

Matt had spent the whole time that morning, constantly raving about the location and saying that we would have a great time. On about the third trip carrying our gear we were both sweating heavily, in shorts and tee shirts that were sticking to our hot bodies. I couldn't help but notice how good Matt looked - especially his ass. "Shut-up" I told myself "There can't be anything between Matt and I. But he does have a really nice ass. Shut Up!"

After we had unpacked all the gear, set up our beds and the remainder of the camp, we sat down and I made coffee. We both sat for about an hour cooling down and talking about nothing in particular. Matt said that he was going for a swim.

He took of his boots and then, standing, took his shorts and shirt off, walking into the earth fed pool. He was between me and the water and he had faced away from me. As he undressed, I got my first look at Matt naked. I was still sitting in a chair and couldn't help but perv at his ass and wonder what it would be like to kiss it and wondered what his cock looked like. Matt was in great shape.

I looked down from his shoulders, to his waist (no fat there), and then to his ass. His ass was absolutely fantastic. His ass cheeks were small and tight. I had a little - and only a little - more junk in my trunk. I started to get a bit of a hard-on. Then I realised that he would probably expect me to also strip and join him. I quickly turned my attention to the site-seeing map, and concentrating on the sites and layout of the area, achieved the desired result.

After finishing my coffee, Matt asked if I was getting in. I stood and took off my clothes. Looking up as I walked into the water my eyes met Matt's and he then looked down my naked body, stopping at my soft cock.

I'm no stud with a big dick. I have a pretty average, circumcised cock, at just on six inches. When it's soft it isn't more than an inch and a bit long. The thing that shocked me was that Matt just stared at my dick. The blood instantly started to flood to my cock, but, luckily it was hidden by the water as I walked in up to my chest. We both swam around the pool, which was about 10 meters across and a little longer. At it's deepest it was about five feet. All the while I had a hard on and did my best to hide it, while trying to sneak a look at his cock.

After a while we moved and sat in waist deep water. I still had a hard on and was worried about a message that I might send Matt. The last thing I wanted was for him to think me weird on day one of a ten day trip.

Matt said 'come on, let's get a smoke'. Without thinking I got up with him and as we turned Matt looked directly at my hard on and then up at me. I blushed from my ankles to the top of my scalp.

Matt put a hand on my shoulder and said, 'Hey Mate don't worry about getting hard here. We're friends and we shouldn't be afraid to let things like that happen. OK'. I nodded and felt much better about it. I looked from his eyes, down to his soft cock.

'Holy shit!!' I thought. His cock was about three and a half inches long totally soft and about as thick as mine is when it's hard. I quickly looked up at Matt and he was looking directly at my face. He smiled and walked away.

'What was that look about', I thought to myself. 'Was that a sign or was he telling me that I was being childish?' Well, at least in the sudden embarrassment I had lost my hard on. I walked over to the chairs and sat and had a smoke - lost in my own thoughts.

During the smoke Matt looked over at me and said, 'I hope you don't mind but when I did the last holiday like this, I didn't wear clothes, only shoes when I needed them. If you're not comfortable with that then I'm happy to change and wear clothes when we are together.'

Smiling weakly, I replied, 'No, no. I think that's a great idea.' I said, sounding much more confident than I actually was.

Matt said that at about six-thirty we should head up to the top of the hill about one kilometre away to watch the sunset. That sounded like the perfect end to the first day. It sounded like a great idea to me. We spent the rest of the day settling in, having a mid-afternoon nap and another swim.

When it came time to go we got our boots on and started to walk out of the river bed, further up past the unloading point, to the hill to watch the sunset. As we walked I couldn't help myself but look at Matt's body again. He was lean, but looked very fit. He was, like me, about six feet tall and medium build. He was a good-looking guy, and the way he walked and talked exuded confidence. He had dark brown hair and a decent tan. For the first time, I realised that his piercing blue eyes, were quite an attractive feature.

As we got to the top of the hill, I was just starting to get another hard on and no matter what I tried to do or think about, it wouldn't go away. As we stood there and watched the sun start to go down, Matt pointed out to the front and asked if I could see the Kangaroos moving across our front. They were about two hundred and fifty meters away and I couldn't make them out in the fading light.

Matt moved over to me and pointed to them, but I still couldn't see them. To help me more, he put his left arm around my left shoulder and moved in close behind me and using his right arm to guide my eyes. There they were. I said that I could see them.

I had expected Matt to immediately move away from me, but he stayed there for about another twenty seconds before moving slowly away, slowly sliding his hand across my shoulders.

I was in shock. 'Matt's just given me a sign - hasn't he?' I asked myself. 'Was he making a pass at me?' My head was swimming and as I came back to earth I realised that I was in pain and that the pain was being caused by my body trying to pump too much blood into my cock. Matt said that we should get going before it got completely dark.

As we turned to go I glanced over at Matt and saw him looking at my raging hard on. He didn't look up. He had a blank face and he just turned away and started down the hill. I was confused again. 'Was he interested, or was he just thinking that I was weird and unable to control myself? Was he offended and did he expect me to stop getting a hard-on every time we were near each other? Would this ruin our friendship and cause him to accuse me of being a queer or something?'

I was in full tilt self-doubt mode and I started to get worried about my constant erections.