My Best Friend Is a Femboy

Trigger Warning: This chapter includes themes of homophobia and the use of homophobic slurs

The next couple of days were shrouded in a depressing pall as we did our best to comfort and support Ash as he slowly recovered from what had happened to him with many ups and downs along the way. For the first day after the incident he barely left our bedroom, Mum bringing us up meals, drinks and anything else on a tray. He didn't seem to want to eat anything, however much I implored him, although he did have some toast before bed which I took as a promising sign. I was by his side constantly as he clung to me like a security blanket, even trips to the bathroom having to be accompanied at first as if he was afraid Sheila was going to jump out from a cupboard and start hurling abuse at him again. At one point, only a few hours after she had left, I tried going downstairs to get him a drink but as soon as I rose from the bed he reached out to grab my arm. As I looked back at him his eyes were filled with fear, tears brimming up and threatening to spill over. "Please, don't leave me," he begged, making my heart break as I saw this wonderful person put through so much undeserved pain. I smiled softly, climbing back onto the bed with him and softly stroking his hair to try and comfort him.

"It's okay baby, I'll never leave you, I promise," I cooed softly as I tried to sooth him.

"Really?" he asked between soft sobs.

"Really Ash," I replied certainly, leaning forward to give him a gentle kiss on the forehead as I stroked his hair, "I love you so much."

"I love you too," he replied as I held him tight, wishing I had the power to go back in time and stop what had happened to him. He started to open up a little more the next day, it was slow, but he took small steps, gradually coming out of his shell as I did my best to be patient and understanding. Sadness was with him in every moment, his mothers words ricocheting around his mind like a cancer, poisoning him and causing him to even question what he was doing with his life. It scared me seeing him like this and it made me wonder how we would have coped if he didn't have the loving support network of myself and my parents to take care of him. It didn't bear thinking about.

Finally on the third day he seemed to be feeling much better and he came downstairs to join us for breakfast. Mum was overjoyed, giving him a big cuddle and smothering his face with kisses, the relief she was feeling obvious to us all. Me and Dad virtually had to pry her off him and she apologised for being overzealous, but Ash quickly put her fears to rest by giving her another quick hug of thanks. We sat down to eat and thankfully we were able to talk pretty normally, Dad talking about work and Mum telling us about a new garden centre that had just opened up on the outskirts of town. Apparently there was a cafe attached that did luxurious afternoon teas and she suggested that we could all go together, once Ash was feeling up to it of course. We all looked over at him as he pondered, considering whether he was ready to step out of that big, scary front door and into the wider world. The world that had dealt him such a harsh hand, one he had been battling to overcome ever since. "That sounds really nice Pippa," he replied with a soft smile, "maybe we could go tomorrow?" he suggested cautiously.

"Tomorrow sounds fine to me, what do you think boys?" she asked, turning to myself and Dad as we both nodded our approval enthusiastically, my hand placed on Ashley's thigh under the table to give him an encouraging squeeze.

"It'll be nice to get out of the house," Ash added quietly, looking down at his hands, suddenly feeling embarrassed. "I'm sorry that you've had to put up with me for the last few days," he added sadly.

My Mum responded, quick as a flash, "You don't need to apologise sweetheart," she explained, "you are family and we will always be here for you, no matter what."

"Mum's right baby," I added, "we all love you so much."

"Damn right," Dad added, a single tear rolling down his cheek in a rare moment of emotion. He reached out and took Ash' hand as he continued, "You're like a son to me Ash, you really are..." I could tell he wanted to say more, but he was too choked up to continue, Ash squeezing his hand and thanking him for his words, knowing how hard it must have been for him.

"I'm glad that the two of you are better parents than my real ones," Ash said, smiling happily at them both as we all shared this moment together. It was nice, peaceful and quiet, interrupted by the sound of Dad's stomach grumbling. We all laughed together at it's demands for food.

"I guess someone thinks we should have something to eat" he chuckled as he grabbed a box of cereal and started to pour it into his bowl. "Can you pass me the milk Bruce?" he asked and just as I was picking up the carton from the table we heard a knock at the door. All four of us turned in unison to look in the direction of the hallway, remembering what had happened just a couple of days earlier.

"I'll get it," Ash said cheerily, getting up from his seat, reasoning that "it's probably just the postman!" As I watched him leaving I felt a pit form in my stomach, a warning that something bad was about to happen, a sixth sense of some kind kicking in, warning me of dangee. I rose from the table without even thinking as I heard my lover open the door, followed by his pained and confused voice floating down the hall.

"What are you doing here, Mum?" he said, his voice quivering, sounding like he was about to burst into tears.

In a flash I darted towards the dining room door and out into the hallway, striding towards the door and more importantly, my boyfriend. As I got closer to the door I was surprised to see Sheila was looking clean and sober, wearing a plain blue dress and a pair of weathered tennis shoes. Her eyes were still distant and haunted, coloured by years of abusing her body and mind with alcohol and other substances, but she almost looked like an entirely different woman to the one that had burst into our bedroom just three days earlier. As much as my mind was screaming at me to push her away and slam the door in her face I remembered Dad's words, instead standing behind Ash. I gently took his hand in mine to let him know I was there, allowing him the chance to deal with this himself before I intervened. Apparently I had gotten to the door so quickly that Sheila hadn't been able to respond and so Ashley took a deep breath and repeated himself.

"Mum," his voice wavered, "why are you here?"

She looked at her son, then at me, then to the floor before speaking. "I wanted to apologise, to you both," she said at a volume barely louder than a whisper

"What?" Ash asked in disbelief.

"I wanted to apologise," she repeated, "for what happened the other day."

"You mean when you burst into our room and called us faggots?" I interrupted, unable to hold down my anger for a second longer. She physically recoiled at the word, a hint of regret flashing across her face as she was reminded of what she had done and what she had said.

"Yes..., yes, for that..." she added weakly. "Please son, could I come in, so we can talk properly?"

Ash turned to look at me, unsure of what to do. "It's up to you Ash," I said encouragingly, giving his hand a squeeze and waiting to see what he would decide.

"Okay, you can come in," Ash replied, "But on one condition. I want you to say sorry to Pippa and Neil too."

"I... I can do that," Sheila said with a meek smile on her face, looking shocked to have been granted her request. I couldn't deny it had surprised me too. After everything this woman had put Ash through, he was still giving her a chance. I pondered whether I could do the same if I was in his shoes? Familial bonds are strong and hard to break, even in situations like Ash'. It was clear he had always wanted his mothers love, giving her chance after chance after chance despite always being let down and broken by her selfish ways. Sometimes I just wanted to shake him and tell him to cut her out of his life completely, but I knew it was his decision to make and that it was my job to respect that decision and support him regardless, even if it blew up in his face in the end. He allowed her inside the house and we made our way down the hallway and towards the living room. Mum and Dad were both standing in the dining room door, looking on as we approached them, Mum looking concerned whereas Dad was on high alert, ready to step in and intervene if needed.

"Do you mind if we talk with Sheila in the living room, Pippa?" he asked softly, pleading with her with his eyes, knowing she had every right to refuse after his Mother's last unannounced appearance and the turmoil it had caused.

Mum looked uncertain, but before she could answer, Sheila spoke up. "Neil, Pippa, I'm really sorry for bursting in here the other day. I know I shouldn't have done it and if I was sober I would have never dreamed of doing something like that. The booze, it just makes me into a different person. I looked at myself in the mirror this morning, finally sober for the first time in weeks and I didn't even recognise myself" She looked down at the floor, seemingly ashamed of her behavior as tears formed in her eyes. "I promise you both that it'll never happen again," she said sincerely, raising her gaze to look them both in the eye. Mum still seemed unsure as she looked at Dad for his reaction before responding.

"It's okay Sheila, we understand that addictions can be very hard to deal with and we appreciate your apology, but if anything like that did happen again, we would have to call the police, do you understand?"

Sheila nodded to confirm that she did, although I was skeptical whether any threat could really work on her. She seemed contrite and apologetic, but I had known her too long to entirely buy it and I suspected Mum and Dad felt the same. Would she be able to convince Ash though? That was the question.

"You're welcome to talk in the front room, make yourself at home Sheila," Mum said kindly before taking Dad's arm. "We'll be in the kitchen if you need anything, okay boys?" She gave us both a reassuring look before turning towards the back of the house, Dad following close behind her. As he turned Dad flashed me a look as if to remind me of what we had talked about a couple of days earlier. I needed to keep my anger in check, even when I was face to face with the cause of the pain my boyfriend was going through. I gave him an understanding nod before following Ash and Sheila into the front room. We took our places, myself and Ash on the big sofa and Sheila on the smaller one across the room. My instinct was to go on the offensive, giving her a real piece of my mind. How dare she invade our private space? How dare she insult us? Worst of all, how dare she hurt the man I love more than anything else on this messed up, confusing, and frequently violent planet? As much as I wanted to protect Ash, I knew that this was his battle to fight and ultimately his decision to make. My job was to support him, whatever the outcome and as we all sat awkwardly, tension hanging in the air I softly rubbed Ashleys back to try and help him stay calm.

"So, you were saying that you wanted to apologise?" Ash asked meekly, unable to even look at his mother as she sat across the room from him nervously wringing her hands in her lap.

"Yes, I do...," she replied before trailing off, seemingly unsure of what to say next.

"Go on then," I interjected firmly, still fighting the urge to explode on her.

"I don't want you to think I'm making excuses," she started, my eyes rolling upwards as I waited to hear how she was going to justify her actions this time, "but I had actually been clean for a couple of months, up until a couple of weeks ago," she explained.

"Well that's good," Ash said softly, trying to encourage her, "so what went wrong?"

"My boyfriend, Dave, dumped me," she explained, "because I wouldn't give him money for drugs."

"Doesn't that sound familiar?" I asked sarcastically, shooting Sheila a dirty look and remembering all the times she had come to Ash begging for cash to fuel her drink habit. She looked hurt by my comment, but took it in her stride, clearly realising that she had no right to protest.

"That's fair," she admitted before continuing, "I got really depressed and started drinking again. I was on a five day bender and I don't even remember what happened before I got here. I can't believe what I said to you Ashley, to you both," she added as she looked over at me, still stone faced and unimpressed by her apology. "I just need some help to get back on my feet," she explained, "I've been staying in a shelter lately, but if you can help me out I could try and get a deposit together for my own flat" she explained, her voice quickening as she finally got to the real reason she had come to visit her estranged child.

"Well, how much would you need for a deposit?" Ash asked apprehensively as he held my hand, squeezing it a little tighter as I felt his little body tensing up next to me.

"I think five hundred pounds would be enough," she explained excitedly, "then once I'm in my own place I can find a job and pay you back! I already have a couple of interviews lined up and a flat I'm looking at." She looked at her son expectantly, hope sparkling in her eyes as she awaited his response. My immediate reaction was that she was still lying. I didn't know what exactly she needed the money for, but I didn't believe for a second that she was trying to get her life back on track, this was just another trick to take advantage of her son and milk him for everything he was worth. I looked to Ash, who was deep in thought. I could see the internal battle within, the young boy that still wanted the love of his mother fighting with the man that knew how many times he had been deceived by her in the past.

Finally, he spoke. "I need to have a think about this," he explained, " would you mind giving us a few minutes alone Mum?"

She was quick to comply, standing up from her seat and reaching into her coat pocket, pulling out a pack of cigarettes and a lighter. "Of course Ashy," she said warmly, using her pet name for him, another manipulative tactic that she had used to great success in the past. "I'll just go and have a smoke outside and you can come and fetch her whenever you're ready!" She walked across the room so she was standing in front of Ash, reaching out her hand and softly stroking his cheek affectionately. "Thank you for hearing me out," she said softly, before leaning down to kiss him on the forehead. Ash looked a little uncomfortable, but I could tell there was a part of him that was loving this, finally receiving the maternal affection he had missed out on for virtually his whole life. She gave him a big smile, glancing at me before making her way outside, closing the front room door behind her and leaving the two of us.

"What do you think baby?" Ash asked nervously as he turned to me, crossing his legs on the sofa so we were facing each other and taking both of my hands in his.

"Do you really want to know?" I asked apprehensively, still wary of how sensitive of an issue this was for my partner and not sure if he was ready to hear my blunt feelings on the matter.

"Don't hold back," Ash said confidently, stroking my cheek softly to thank me for my concern as he waited for me to speak.

"She's a habitual liar baby," I explained softly, "how many times has she done this? Coming to you with some tall tale about getting her life back on track and being a proper mum, if only you'll give her some money?"

"More times than I can count," Ashley admitted sadly.

"And how many times has she stuck to her word?"

"None," Ash added, a tear welling up in his eye as he thought back on the years of lies and heartbreaks he'd had to suffer through.

"Look sweetheart," I said as I held his hands tightly, "It's your decision to make. I know that she's your Mum and it's hard to say no to her but whatever happens, I'll have your back, okay?"

"Okay," Ash replied, smiling and taking some time to consider his options. "I think I'll give her the money." He looked at me, seeing a flash of disappointment on my face that I quickly tried to cover up.

"You think I'm stupid, don't you?" Ash asked mournfully, looking down to the floor. I reached out to take his face and turn it towards me, planting a soft kiss on his forehead.

"No, I don't think you're stupid," I explained, "you have a big heart and you always try to see the best in people. It's one of the reasons I love you so much, but also why I need to protect you, because there are bad people out there who will take advantage of your kindness and I can't allow that." Ash smiled for the first time since his Mum had arrived, leaning forwards to kiss me softly, hands on my cheeks as we made out quietly. Once our lips parted we stared deep into each other's eyes, our love strengthened by the fires of hardship to make us more infatuated than before.

"Thank you for taking care of me Daddy," he whispered quietly as we savoured the quiet moment and enjoyed each other's presence.

"Do you want me to go and get her?" I asked, "let her know you've made up your mind?"

"That would be great, thanks Bruce," Ashley replied, allowing my hands to slip from his as I stood up to go and retrieve Sheila. I still thought this was a bad idea that would lead to Ashley being hurt, but this was his choice to make, not mine, and I needed to respect that. After putting on my shoes in the hallway I went outside to look for Sheila but found the front garden empty. I checked by the garage at the side of the house and she wasn't there either. Exiting the front gate I looked up and down the street, but there was no sign of her. She surely hadn't left while waiting for Ash to make his decision, had she? Mildly annoyed, I started to walk down the street to look for her. There was no sign of Sheila until I noticed a plume of smoke billowing from one of the back streets that criss-crossed between all the houses. It must be her, I reasoned and so I started to head towards it. As I neared the source of the smoke, I heard Sheila's voice as she talked to someone on the phone, only able to overhear her side of the conversation. Something in my gut told me not to round the corner and to eavesdrop instead and so I pressed myself flat against the wall to listen in to what she was saying.

"Yeah, I asked him for the money and he said he needs to make up his mind."

"No Dave, I don't know how long it's going to take, but I think I did a good job of convincing him that I'm really sorry."

"Listen, tell your dealer that I'm working on it and he'll have his money by the end of the day, okay?"

"There's no need to shout, I'm doing the best I can! You should be grateful that I'm even here, you know how much I hate queers. I can't believe my own son ended up being a shirt lifter. It's probably that Bruce's fault, I never liked him, always thought there was something wrong with him, now at least I know I was right, the disgusting little poofter!"

My fists were clenched tight, knuckles white, face burning red as the rage burned inside me. My instincts were right all along, she wasn't sorry for what she did, not in the slightest. She just wanted to make a withdrawal from the 'Bank of Ash' once again, passing on her problems caused by her own irresponsible nature to her son. I was tempted to go round the corner, confronting and threatening her to stay away from Me, Ash and my family forever right then and there, but a calm, soothing voice in my head stopped me, a voice that I eventually realised belonged to my Father. Maybe this was what Ash needed to get past this I reasoned, to finally put Sheila in his rear view and never look back. He needed to know what she had said so that he could finally see her for the manipulative bitch that she is. I quickly glanced around the corner to see her pulling out another cig from the packet with her back turned to me, discarding the empty cardboard packet onto the floor as she lit up another of the slender white tubes. It seemed like she was going to be busy smoking on the phone for a while, so it was time to go and break the bad news to Ash. I hated having to be the one to tell him, but it would be for the best in the long run. With a heavy heart, I trudged my way back down the street and back into my childhood home. Before I'd had time to work out what I was going to say I found myself standing outside the living room door. I took a deep breath, firm in my resolve, before heading inside.