My Fantasies

My Fantasies Ch. 10

by BJ Michaels

The Saddest Three Words

I parked in darkness across the street from the apartment building and saw his lights were on thru the curtains but I couldn't work up the nerve to go inside.

I was paralyzed with fear and doubt...mainly fear - okay, it was ALL fear. I had no doubt whatsoever about wanting to have homo sex with him again, but was petrified of what might happen if I let down my guard...he might, you know, turn me into an actual homo....

The more I thought about that night the harder my dick became. I had crossed the rubicon. I can no longer claim I'm simply experimenting with homo sex -- that it doesn't mean a thing - that I'm just curious about it...no, I cannot honestly say that anymore.

My blinders were crushed and destroyed the night when I stroked him to climax and I had an orgasm so powerful I almost passed out. As the song goes, "I can see clearly now...."

There is no easy way to say this but it's time to confront the ugly truth head-on so here goes: I think I'm a faggot -- a fruit -- a fudge-packer...I think I am one of those guys I used to point at and laugh and call them names whenever I spotted one.

What's worse is I'm not even a manly faggot, no, I'm the lowest of the low -- I'm one step away from being a woman...yup, I get off on being USED by manly faggots...dominated by them -- under their complete control...at least that's the kind of sissy-boy I am in my fantasies when I jerk-off every night.

As I stared at his window the battle inside me raged. I want to go inside -- I really do, but how could I ever look my friends in the eyes again and still insist I'm NOT a homo?

Gimme a break, John, I argued with myself, you've been lying to your friends so long I'm pretty sure they already know you have sugar in your pockets...haven't you seen them all roll their eyes whenever you blurt out, "I'M NOT GAY"?

I checked my phone -- 10:45 -- he'll be going to bed soon. If I don't make my move now I'll miss out again.

I suddenly hear my girlfriends voice in my head:

"Are you sure you're not gay?" she asked me the night she broke up with me. "You know, Johnny, being gay is nothing to be ashamed of -- it's not your fault you like sex with guys more than girls -- you were born that way!"

I regret how enraged I became when she said that to me. "I'M NOT GAY...HOW CAN YOU ACCUSE ME OF SUCH A TERRIBLE THING?"

I looked at the time and saw I'd been sitting in my car for an hour.

"He's going to bed real soon, John, if you don't go upstairs you're gonna miss out again," I told myself.

My blood began to run hot. My hands shook and my heart was in my throat. I reached to open the car door then suddenly his apartment lights went out. I'd waited too long again.

I started the car and took one last glance at his window and said out loud, "Maybe tomorrow night...."

28 Steps

His indifference is infuriating. He acts like I need him more than he needs me. I'm the one who initiates our meetings -- I'm the one who drives five-miles to his building and I'm the one who has to climb those damn 28 steps to knock on his door.

It gets even more frustrating when he opens the door a crack and peers at me as though he has no idea who I am. He gives me a disinterested grunt and just stands there until I have to ask him to let me inside. I can hear two men huffing and puffing on television so I know he's watching gay porn again.

He stares down at my feet. That's his way of telling me to take off my shoes and socks.

I go to the kitchen to uncork the wine I brought. As usual there are no clean glasses so I rinse out a couple of the least offensive ones and fill them half way.

When I turn and see him on the sofa he has already stripped-off his shirt and slacks and wears only boxer briefs. So much for any pretense of romance. He takes the two glasses from me and glares at me expectantly. I quickly remove my shirt and slacks.

I sit beside him in my yellow, string bikini briefs across from the disheveled double bed. We watch the two guys going at it on television.

The room being small, we sit sideways to the tv at the end of the sofa and have to turn our heads to watch. He is closest to the tv which enables me to not only watch the screen, but also sneak glances at the crotch of his thin boxer briefs for signs of his arousal.

I'm beginning to like his very small studio apartment. It's warm and cozy and everything is close by...but if I lived there, I'd take a vacuum to the floor once-in-a-while and maybe throw a blanket over the bed to cover-up the who-knows-how-old, crusty semen splotches.

Just like the last two nights, with his eyes fixed on the television, he reaches towards me and finds my hand and places it high on this thigh. I slowly caress his hot flesh back-and-forth watching the lump in his shorts gradually grow into a manly hardness poking out the thin material. It takes my breath away again.

My own prick stiffens to its full four-inches inside my briefs and like before, he shows no interest whatsoever in touching my boner...but I understand now how truly selfish this guy is so I don't expect him to reciprocate. I was there for HIS pleasure only!

He swivels his head towards me and gives me 'that look.' I have become good at comprehending his nonverbal commands so I slide my hand beneath the waistband of his shorts and wrap my smallish hand around his hot and pulsating manly cock.

Oh-gawwwd, the heat and texture of his hot pole of flesh almost makes me cum inside my string, bikini briefs like I did last night. I do my best to shut out my excitement and concentrate solely on his.

His upper body suddenly pivots towards me and my heart flutters thinking he's going to take me in his arms, but no, he simply lifts his lower body off the sofa and gives me 'that look' so I yank down his shorts exposing his hard, manly prick to my hungry eyes.

Oh-gawwwd, there it is again - it is soooo beautiful....

I close my hand around his hot boner and begin masturbating him but he stops my arm. I give him a hurt, quizzical look and he presses a finger to my mouth and moves it slowly back-and-forth across my slightly parted lips.

Yes, I am new to homo sex, but I instinctively know what the finger rubbing my lips means.

My heart races as I think, 'It's now or never, John, what are you going to do? You didn't climb those 28 steps to simply feel his cock in your hands again, did you?' But then I tell myself if I go thru with this I am no better than those fags, fairies and sissies I watch online - 'I'll become one of THOSE guys....'

I think to myself: I've got news for you, John - you already ARE one of those guys!

My heart pounds harder and faster as I take a deep breath, moisten my lips with my tongue and slide them over his bulbous, purple cockhead. I involuntarily moan at the softness and heat from his hard, manly penis.

***

I climb those 28 steps three, sometimes four nights a week. He makes me do unspeakable things for him -- homo things. If I utter the slightest protest he barks "GET OUT" and that is threat enough to ensure my cooperation and obedience.

I tell myself I'm not really a faggot, that I'm just experimenting and when the right girl comes along I'll go back to hetero sex...of course you will, snarls my sarcastic alter ego.

I begin counting on the first step up to his apartment. 'One -- two -- three -- four...' and by the time I reach 28 my throbbing boner has leaked so much pre-cum a silver-dollar sized wet spot has formed on the front of my slacks.

A Nice Night with Billy

I have this little problem and it's kinda embarrassing: I have to wear women's panties all day long now instead of only at bedtime...actually, I have TWO problems - the other one is named Billy...he's the little prick who discovered my lingerie fetish and is demanding I pay a steep price for his silence. If I don't masturbate him whenever he wants he will blab my humiliating secret to all our friends and I'll be the laughingstock of our small town.

I don't know how he did it, but the little asshole planted camera's in my bedroom and he's got a boatload of incriminating photos of me wearing bras and panties and garter belts and nylon stockings and sheer negligees and babydoll nighties, and oh yeah, I almost forgot -- he now has photos and even a video of me playing with his dick and massaging his balls -- I am DOOMED!!!

***

Billy is being nice to me tonight. He didn't even make me jerk him off before we went out to dinner. He was smiling and witty and funny and the steak and lobster were delicious, but I had an uneasy feeling the whole time...Billy isn't nice to anyone unless he wants something in return.

Afterwards, in the front seat of his car he tells me to sit beside him and I think, 'Okay, here it comes -- he's gonna demand homo sex from me again!'

I was just grateful it was dark outside so no one would be able to see me stroking his dick.

It surprised me though when he blurted out, "Open my pants and take out my cock!"

WHOA -- where did THAT come from? The meek little twerp has never talked that forcefully to anyone much less me!

It's okay, I thought, I'll play along. He did buy me a nice dinner after all.

My heart leaped in my throat when he sprang a boner while I opened his slacks. Don't get me wrong, I'm not a fagboy like he is, but doesn't everyone experience a certain thrill when they're able to sexually arouse another person?

Like the other times, I fondle and caress his balls with my right hand and begin jerking him off with my left. His balls feel unusually heavy tonight.

He immediately stops me and says, "You're already pretty good with your hands -- it's time to break in your mouth!"

Huh? WHAT? The hairs on the back of my neck stand straight in shock and fear.

"No-no-no-no," I protest, "that's not part of our deal -- you said I wouldn't have to do that if I jerk you off whenever you want!"

In the darkness I hear his smug voice say, "I lied -- so sue me!"

***

I'm not sure what's worse: Is it when he crudely orders me to go down on him or when he's cumming in my mouth and yells out loud "SWALLOW IT, BABY -- SWALLOW IT ALL?"

No, I know what's worse: it's when he makes me watch the full videos of me sucking him off and he won't let me look away. I simply cannot explain the blissful, dreamy expression on my face as I eagerly slide my lips up-and-down his beautiful, manly cock.

Self Awareness

"All ya gotta do is give Eddie a handjob after your photo shoot -- that's all -- no other homo stuff, I swear!" said Little Larry trying to convince me to model for his boss, a professional photographer.

I was skeptical to say the least. "I'm a scrawny little shit -- why would he want ME as a model?"

"Stop putting yourself down, you're in great shape, Johnny," argued Little Larry. "I know you don't like hearing this but you're a very pretty boy, if anyone was meant to be a model it's you!"

"I can't be naked in front of people, Larry, I'd die of embarrassment!" I protested.

"It'll only be me and Eddie and you -- that's it...and you're not gonna be naked -- you'll be modeling bras, panties, garter belts, nylon stockings, negligees, babydoll nighties - it's FUN, Johnny -- you're gonna have a blast!" he said enthusiastically.

"Yeah, what's up with that?" I asked my friend. "Who wants to see a skinny kid in women's undies? Seems pretty strange to me...."

"Don't be naive, Johnny, there's a whole lotta weirdo's out there willing to spend money on stranger stuff than photo's of boys wearing sexy lingerie," he explained. "Trust me, you're gonna make more money in three days than you make in TWO WEEKS at your crummy job!"

And there it was. The crux of his argument. The only reason I would EVER consider posing in women's undies -- MONEY!!!

Ugly thoughts swirled thru my head: You work fifty-hours a week, John, and still can't afford to pay your bills. There's never enough money left over to have a good time. When was the last time you treated yourself to a steak dinner, John? When?

"...and I already told you," added Larry, "...no one you know will ever see the photos...Eddie sells all his pictures and video's to some magazine in Saudi Arabia -- it's perfect, Johnny, you'll make a ton of money and your friends and family back home won't ever find out what you're doing!"

I told myself, You've never done anything 'outside the box' in your life, John, why not try something different? Good gawd, man, how can you pass up this kind of money?

Little Larry turned out the table lamp leaving us in darkness.

He sat beside me on the sofa and I heard him say, "Why don't YOU take it out of my pants tonight, sweetie, you may as well get used to doing that for men...."

And there it was. This was NOT going to be a onetime, homo-sex thing. If I do this for him now I'll be trapped into doing it for him whenever he wants...money, John, I said to myself, think of the money you're going to be making as a 'Model'....

Little Larry suddenly grasped my hand and pressed it directly on the bulge on the crotch of his slacks..

OH MY GAWD -- what the hell does he have in there? Cold shivers raced up-and-down my spine as he moved my hand back-and-forth over his manly hardness. I couldn't help it -- I sprung a boner.

I frantically blurted out, "Whaddya think you're doing?"

"I'm HOR-NY, Johnny," he whined in that sing-song voice he uses to annoy me. "Open my pants and take out my cock!"

Before I could push him away he added, "Eddie won't be back in town for three days...you got three whole days to convince me to introduce you to him...."

Convince him? Huh? WHAT?

"Sweetie, I need to shoot a load so badly I'll take it out myself," he said, "but after tonight you're gonna take it out of my pants for me!"

What did he just say to me? I outta punch the little twerp! What the heck is going on here?

When I heard the unmistakable sound of his zipper being lowered the hair on the back of my neck stood straight - my flesh covered in goose-pimples and my boner began to throb trapped inside my white Jockeys.

I let him take my hand and I let him wrap my fingers around his pulsating, manly hard-on.

My head starts spinning. Oh-my-god-oh-my-god-oh-my-god-oh-my-god....

He moves my hand up-and-down his hot boner a few times then let go and I was on my own. I couldn't believe I was willingly masturbating my new friend's hard penis.

Don't misunderstand, I have never considered doing homo-stuff with any guy, but if it ever happened, I assumed I would be the stroke-ee not the stroke-er - boy was I wrong!

Auction Night

He was standing close behind me but I never thought he'd put his hand on my ass right in front of a customer. Sure, the counter top prevented Mister Benson from seeing my boss pinch and rub my butt-cheeks but that didn't stop me from blushing a deep red anyway.

The two men were engaged in a conversation about something but my heart was pounding so hard I didn't hear what they were saying. Instead, I was thinking seven o'clock couldn't come soon enough.

I glanced at the clock on the wall and saw I had three hours to go until the bus to Tampa arrived. I was three-hours away from freedom and independence. I was three-hours from finally getting out of this goddamn town and away from this lecherous and depraved old man.

My boss suddenly pushed me out from behind the counter. I wasn't expecting it and almost fell.

I heard my bosses booming baritone say, "Lower your jeans, boy, and show Mister Benson what you're wearing underneath!"

The hair on the back of my neck stood straight. A jolt of fear and dread shot up-and-down my spine.

My boss suddenly yelled at me. "GET MOVING BOY - you want me to spank your bare-ass in front of Mister Benson?"

I knew he would do it too so I quickly opened my jeans and pushed them down to my knees. My face burned red as I stared at the floor thru teary eyes and waited for the laughter and crude insults.

Instead, I heard Mister Benson whistle and say, "Nice touch with this one, Earl, pretty panties for a pretty boy -- how much do you want for him?"

Huh? What does THAT mean? I wondered. I can't wait to get out of this town!

Suddenly it felt like a bee had stung the back of my neck but when I tried to swat it away there was nothing there.

The last thing I heard before my world went black was my boss saying, "I'm gonna start the bidding at five grand...."

"Shhhh, MEN are talking here...."

A violent shiver shook me awake. Damn, it's cold -- why is it so cold?

I bolted upright on the sofa. Ohhhhh, my shirt is unbuttoned, no wonder I'm cold...why is my shirt unbuttoned? Why am I on the sofa?

I shivered again. Damn, it's cold...uh-oh, why are my jeans and Jockey's bunched around my ankles? Oh my God, what's that sticky stuff on my stomach? What the hell happened last night?

A flickering image on the television screen suddenly caught my attention. I had to blink several times before I recognized what I was looking at...noooooooo....

I frantically searched for the television remote and when I found it instead of turning off the tv I must have hit 'Play' because suddenly the two guys on the screen came to life and were giving each other handjobs...nooooooo, why was I watching THAT last night? This time I found the right button and turned off the tv.

Huh? Wait a minute, what was I looking at? I wondered.

I turned it back on and my jaw literally dropped open when I saw - there on my own television, right before my very eyes were me and my neighbor Timmy feverishly masturbating each other -- NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO....

I quickly turned it off again and sat frozen in place.

Oh-my-God...OH-MY-GOD!!! I'm going to have to move -- I gotta get outta here -- I can't live next door to that little homo -- look at what he made me do last night!!!

I don't know why but I suddenly turned the tv back on.

OH-MY-GOD -- look at the size of his dick! The thing's a monster compared to mine! How can LITTLE Timmy be hung like that? It's not fair....

I suddenly heard Timmy's voice behind me say, "Good morning, lover" and I nearly leaped out of my skin with fright. "Calm down, baby, it's only me...I see you're re-living the fun we had last night...."

Ohhhhhh-noooooooooooooo....

When he came around the sofa I saw he was wearing my robe and HOLY CRAP -- it was open in front and he was naked -- not only that but he had a hard-on and it was mere inches from my face.

He smiled down at me and said, "You wanna give it a kiss for me, baby? I know you want to...."

I lashed-out at him. "What the hell did you do to me last night, you little faggot?"

He insincerely pouted and said, "Ohhh, don't be like that, baby, you had the time of your life - if you fast-forward the video you'll see yourself cumming-and-cumming-and-cumming -- I gotta say, those tiny hamster balls of yours sure hold a lotta jizz!!"

Ohhhhhh-noooooooooooooo....

He sat beside me and fully opened the robe exposing his nudity to me.

I was too stunned to say anything -- or even move a muscle.

"You don't have to take it in your mouth just yet, baby, we'll have plenty of time for me to teach you how I like to have it sucked, but I DO have to shoot a load so be a dear and use your hands like last night...."

I exploded. "ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR MIND? I'M NOT DOING THAT, YOU LITTLE FAGGOT!!!"

I couldn't believe how calm he remained -- it was infuriating!

"You're starting to make me angry, baby, in fact, after you bring me off I'm going to take you across my knees and give you a good spanking," he softly said to me. "You need to learn your place in our relationship!"