Chapter 16 -- Merry Christmas
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The rest of the week at Brandon's was pure mocking hell. He wouldn't give me a day without some mention about my chest hair, and he saved the video from our call safely so he could show it to me like five times a day, pointing out how cute I looked when Thomas laughed. I didn't tell him that the mere sound of Thomas's laugh was worth his teasing, and I watched it willingly each time. Of course, pretending I am furious about it.
It was hard to admit I missed Thomas, but I knew I did. I worked from Brandon's, but it wasn't the same. We exchanged emails and texts with Thomas and attended meetings this way, but it felt cold and distant. He didn't even want to speak to me over the phone much.
But that wasn't the worst part. I hated the fact that I couldn't even jerk off. I thought it would be fine, and at first, it was manageable, but then, once, in the shower, I couldn't stand it and started fingering myself, remembering him fucking me after he waxed my ass. Thomas was so fucking horny then, rough and caring, switching it so I couldn't tell what to expect the next minute. As I was thinking about it, I felt so close to shooting that it hurt. I had to turn the shower to cold out of desperation.
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My phone rang. I jumped like a teenager and frowned upon seeing the caller ID. Bran looked at me, seeing the screen and my troubled look.
"You not going to pick up again?"
"I don't know what I should tell her."
"I understand, but this is cruel, man."
"Fuck... okay."
I answered, feeling sick to my stomach... I am the worst.
"Hi."
"Hi, Mattew."
We were silent for a moment. I didn't want to be mean to her. She didn't do anything wrong, and I felt terrible.
"Hi... Look, I am sorry. I shouldn't have run like that." I palmed my forehead and tried to find better words...
Natasha sighed. "No... but I understand that sometimes life is just too much."
Damn, woman... don't be so understanding. Can't you be a bitch so I can be mad at you more than I am at myself?
"Yeah, I suppose you are right."
"I was talking with Grace."
I had to think there, who the fuck is Grace...? No idea...
"What did you talk about?" Not that I care, but what should I say to that?
"She told me that Mitch did the same a few months before the wedding. Like he had cold feet but didn't want to do something stupid, she told me he also went to his friend and stayed there for nearly a month. Grace almost broke the engagement. She was so hurt and furious... " I started to drift away as she kept talking... "And now they are happy. He just needed the time. It was just too much for him."
"Right."
"I want to give you that space, Mattew, but I miss you."
"Yeah..." I didn't think of you the whole week. I am bad as can be for you, woman.
"You know, with the wedding coming up and your work, I know it can be stressful, but we should try to deal with it together. I want to be there for you."
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Guilt. Enormous guilt was all I felt. Promises I feel like I am supposed to keep, yet I couldn't stand the thought of what that means in real life.
"Natasha, I don't even know if I want to go through with this."
"I understand. I have the same thoughts sometimes."
I doubt that very much...
"Could you just come home?" she continued.
"How long did Mark stay at his friend's?"
"Mitch?"
"Yeah, Mitch."
"About a month."
"Could you also give me a month?"
"What about Christmas?"
"You going to visit your parents, no?"
"You won't be coming?"
"I will spend Christmas with Brandon. You know so that he won't be alone."
Brandon looked at me with eyebrows so high it would look nearly comical if I didn't feel like shit. I really didn't want to deal with her.
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"Mattew... did I do something wrong?"
"No. I know it sounds clichΓ©, but it's me, not you. I have things I need to deal with by myself."
"I don't understand..."
"I am sorry I cannot tell you more now."
"Is there some other woman?"
"No, no other woman."
Brandon facepalmed. Natasha was quite obviously hurt. I knew she would cry soon. I couldn't bare it.
"I am sorry, Natasha. I will hang up."
"I love you, Mattew."
"Bye now, say hi to your parents..."
And the award for the biggest, cruel dick goes to...
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Fuck! My life is screwed. Nothing makes sense now. Will I now start wearing sneakers and colorful shirts at 37 like Bran? Damn... if I become like Brandon, I will kill myself.
"If you are staying here for Christmas, you are getting pair of pink clamps as a present."
"Fuck you!"
"Man, seriously?"
"What will you do at Christmas?"
"Obviously, getting drunk with my best buddy."
"Thank you."
"Man..."
Brandon just patted me on the shoulder.
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I started going over to my office. It was better that way, as we were in that loft all the time. I bought new clothes and got into my usual routine. Even went back to the gym. It was a good thing that I loved my work.
Monday morning, I got a message from Thomas.
T: Hi, Matt. Can we talk for a minute?
M: Sure, what's up?
T: I will have time off from the 23rd and return to the office on the 13th. I will prepare everything for you so that you won't have a hard time with the administration.
M: Fuck the administration!