I parked my car in the lot and sat staring out into the dark park. I started thinking about what I planned to do and considered leaving.
During high school, I never seemed to fit in. I dated a few girls, but the dates never developed into a relationship. One of the girls kissed me goodnight, but it was the extent of my contact.
I never participated in sports or any of the other activities while in school. I wasn't overly shy but wasn't outgoing either. I had a few friends, but they all went off to college or into the service after graduating. I went to work for my father's networking company and began learning about the business.
While the work was challenging and fulfilling, I felt my life lacked something. I wanted to meet someone and enjoy the things other people did. Over the past few months, I began questioning my sexuality. When I looked at porn on the internet I divided my time between heterosexual and homosexual sites, finding both intriguing.
The videos and pictures served as a stimulus for my masturbation. Images of men with women, women with women, and men with men, engaged in sexual acts excited me equally. I never felt guilty watching any of the explicit acts. At first, seeing men engaged with other men unnerved me, but the feeling soon gave way to stimulation.
I read about the park in a news article and learned it was known as an area where same-sex couples could go without too much trouble. Ferndale was also known for its liberal attitude. Small bars, coffee shops, art galleries, and boutiques lined Main Street. Same-sex couples walked hand in hand, showing their affection for one another. There were as many, if not more, heterosexual couples as there were same-sex couples.
I lived with my parents and my younger sister in a suburb about ten miles from the area. Our home was in one of the better northern suburbs. My dad's business was very successful and our large five bedroom home on a small lake was the fruit of his efforts. Like me, my sister went to work for Dad's business when she graduated in the spring. Mom worked with him since he started the company.
Before heading to the park I ate in one of the trendy bistros. I observed the other patrons, wondering if anyone noticed me, or cared. I watched the interaction between the people, realizing nothing I saw put me off.
I spent many nights thinking about this day, the day I would come to the park to see if what I read was true. I was nervous because I had no idea what I was doing or what I wanted except for sexual contact with someone other than myself.
Reaching under the seat, I pulled out a half pint of whiskey. Keeping the bottle in the bag, I removed the cap and took a mouthful of the amber liquid. The whiskey burned as it rushed down my throat to my stomach. I didn't want to get drunk but felt a little liquid courage wouldn't hurt.
I took another drink, screwed the cap on the bottle, and slid it back into its hiding place. Taking a deep breath I opened the car door and got out into the warm evening air. After closing the door I walked to the front of the car and leaned against the hood. I scanned the surroundings trying to see if anyone else was in the park.
After about a half hour I stood up and took a few steps toward the path. I paused and almost turned back, thinking I wasn't ready to venture any further. Moving slowly away from the car I walked along the blacktop path and into the park. I saw several picnic tables and headed toward one. Sitting on the top of the table with my feet on the seat, I kept my head moving from side to side. I fidgeted while rethinking the idea of coming to the park in the first place. I sat on the table for what seemed like an eternity but was actually only twenty minutes or so. Deciding what I'd read was inaccurate, I got up to leave.
"Hi," a voice said from behind me.
I paused, wondering if I should turn around or run to the car. I slowly turned around. A dark figure came out of the shadows and moved toward me. I began to shake and felt running would be my best course of action. Before I could take off the dark figure came into the light.
"Is that you, Vince?" a familiar voice said.
Squinting, I recognized Dave, a guy I went to school with. Dave came up to me and extended his hand. I felt my mouth go dry as I shook hands.
I knew Dave from school but didn't hang around with him. Dave was one of the nerds and, like me, kept to himself. I released Dave's hand, cleared my throat, and said, "Hi, Dave."
Chuckling, Dave said, "What are you doing here?"
I shrugged my shoulders and looked at the ground.
"Is this your first time here?" Dave said.
"Yeah," I replied.
"It's my first time too. This is uncomfortable, isn't it?" Dave started moving toward the table and I followed him.
"I think it's a bit weird," I said.
"No kidding. So, have you ever been with another guy?" Dave said. Before I could answer, Dave went on. "I haven't been with a guy or a girl. Girls scare the crap out of me so I thought I'd check this out."
"Girls don't scare me, but they don't seem to like me either," I said.
"I guess most of your friends left for school too. I didn't have many friends and the few I hung around with aren't around or are too busy."
"Yeah, it's same here. I didn't have many friends either."
"Do you want to go get some coffee or something?" Dave said.
"Coffee sounds great," I replied, feeling relieved Dave wasn't going to hit on me. "Do you have a car here?"
"I'm parked across the park. We can meet someone where."
"I'll give you a ride if you want. I'm parked over there," I said as I pointed.
Dave and I headed toward the parking lot. We got into the car and Dave asked if I wanted to go to the coffee shop and then bring him back to his car. I nodded and followed Dave's directions to one of the coffee shops on Main Street.
"You seem to know your way around here," I said.
Dave laughed and said, "I've been here several times."
"I thought you said it was your first time."
"It's my first time in the park. I've been downtown a few times. I like people watching."
