Myth of Masculinity

The first time I had seen Ted was at the local YMCA. Renovations had forced the general membership crowd into the confines of the newly refurbished membership plus, where the locker rooms were carpeted, and a sizable steam room and hot tub took up residence near the showers. I had just finished my work out, and was headed back to my locker when I noticed him shaving at the sinks.

Standing about 6'5", Ted would have been a hard man to miss, but it was the fact that he was standing there in plain view totally naked that drew my eye.

Granted, it was a locker room, and there were plenty of old dudes wandering around with drooping ball sacks, and sagging asses, but Ted was an older guy that took care of himself. His arms were thick, and his pectorals barely showed any sag. The only thing that drooped on him was his long uncut cock. He had caught me staring at it while he shaved, looking over at me and giving a slight nod.

I was a bit embarrassed, and turned to my locker to undress. On the other hand, there I was, younger than the guy I had eyeballed, having just turned thirty-one, and in a death match with middle age pudge. I was 5'10 and although not overweight, a little soft and self conscious. I had a thatch of hair in between my nipples, a moderately hairy little belly, and an unruly nest of pubic hair under my shorts. From behind, I had a small patch of fur above my butt crack, and two hairy cheeks. Alas, nobody but my wife was a witness to any of this, as I never dare go bare around strangers- not even in the relative safety of the locker room.

That day I had spied Ted, casually naked- I meagerly dressed, and headed home to shower. It was back at the condo where I would see Ted next.

* * * * *

You see, me and my wife, Pam had just recently moved in- it was our first home that we bought together, a little love nest we figured on staying in for a couple years before we started having kids. As a new resident, I always seemed to be going down to the front desk to sign for something, or submit a form and deposit. On one such occasion, I had set the property manager off on a search in the back room and stood there by myself, when I felt a looming presence beside me. Turning my head upwards, I was a bit shocked to see the man from the gym. There was a brief fear that he had followed me home, thinking I was some sort of pervert.

"Hey there," he said, in a deep, gruff voice. "Is Yannis not here?"

Stuttering, I gestured towards the back room. "Uh, uh, he's getting my package,"

There was the briefest of smirks, before he reached out with his giant hand. "Sorry, I forgot to introduce myself- my name's Ted,"

I took his big paw in my hand and shook limply. "My name's Rick,"

"Hey, don't you go to the YMCA down the street?"

I gulped. He did remember me. "Uh yeah, I do. I think I've seen you... Um, around. I've seen you around... Me and my wife just moved into the building,"

"Is that so eh? Well welcome, I hope you like the place. I've been here a few years and know all the ins and outs, so if you've got any questions, feel free to ask,"

Just then, Yannis, the property manager stepped out from the back room.

"Suite 1704- here's your package, just sign the screen please,"

I turned away from Ted to sign for my package, starting to feel a little warm. Ted chuckled.

"Well I'll be. 1704 eh? I'm in 1705," I froze. "Looks like I'll be seeing more of you... Neighbour,"

I turned and smiled at this giant of a man, and headed towards the elevators. Safely as the door shut, I exhaled and started to wonder what freaked me out about this guy so much. He caught me looking at his cock in the gym, that can't be so uncommon, especially with a dick like his...

The elevator dinged and the doors opened, breaking my train of thought. I shook off the whole Ted situation and told myself it was nothing, before noticing a little discomfort, and adjusting my half hard cock in my shorts.

* * * * *

That night, Pam and I had finished dinner, and I washed up the dishes in the kitchen while she read a book in front of the tv. It was more or less our standard routine., had been since we moved in together. I started thinking about Ted, wondering why he had put me on edge. There was something about his attitude that I was attracted to- no, not attracted to- just fascinated by. I dried the last dish, and felt myself rubbing along the edge of the counter, stiffening at the mere friction. Pam walked in and hugged me from behind, and I nearly shot my load in my pants.

"I think I'm going to go to bed babe, early night," her hand crept around and caressed my chest while I calmly put the bowl in the cupboard. I turned and drew her closer, kissing her passionately, and inadvertently jabbed her in the stomach with my hardened cock. I looked down at her and stated very matter-of-factly-

"I want to fuck you,"

Pam eyed me suspiciously, before a warm grin lit up her face.

"This is new-"

I cut her off with another kiss, scooping her up in my arms and carrying her off to the bedroom. For the next couple of hours, I was a man possessed. I tore clothes, bit at her breasts, and nearly fucked her with my whole hand, before pushing her face first into the pillows and pounding at her from behind. Her ample ass rippled and shook with every thrust, and she cried out in building pleasure as I came inside of her. I continued to fuck her until she shuddered and relaxed into a sweaty heap below me. I pulled my softening dick out of her pussy, and watched as my sperm oozed out. Suddenly, I felt a twinge of guilt and regret. What had I just done? I collapsed in the blankets beside my wife, who was slow to move. I had no idea what had come over me just then. Pam turned on her side to face me, her eyes wide and face aglow.

"what the hell was that?!" She exclaimed, scanning my guilty face. Up until now, our sex life, -which I had felt was pretty decent- had consisted of missionary, sideways, and a little of her on top when I was tired. I had never been so brutally aggressive before. I looked away and went to apologize before she cut me off. "I swear I had four orgasms! FOUR!"

I looked at my wife again, with a trace of relief and surprise. She kissed me, and I slowly let my worries fall away.

* * * * *

The next day, I was wrapping up at the gym, and was about to change into my street clothes when Ted walked over and opened a nearby locker. He was dressed in a tank top, shorts and lifting gloves.

"Hey Ricky," I nodded back in his direction.

"Hey Ted," he took off his shirt in one fell swoop, and I shot a sideways glance at his muscled torso. He must live here I thought to myself, as I removed my own shorts, revealing a full pair of white briefs. I caught him looking, but for a brief second, instead of feeling ashamed, I opened my legs.

"Y'know kid- you should come have a steam with me. How about it?"

"I dunno Ted, I really do have to get home and make dinner for Pam and I," I tried to busy myself, shuffling things around in my locker as he pulled down his shorts and underwear. I tried not to look, but found my head turning and staring at the long uncut cock directly in my line of sight. It was pink and looked a bit worn, the foreskin puckered at the end, and I could just barely make out the head of his cock. For fucks sake, I'm studying this guys cock! What the hell am I doing?

"Well hey, if you change your mind- I'm heading in there now." He began to walk away, and I got a good look at his ass as he grabbed a towel and disappeared around the corner. "This place is dead, it'd be good to have someone to chat with," I heard the whoosh of the steam room door off in the distance, and sat there in my t-shirt and underwear confused at my urges. Finally, I tore my shirt off and flung it into my locker, closing the door and grabbing a towel. I stood and wrapped my lower half, looking around at the quiet change room before sauntering off behind Ted.

I opened the door with another whoosh, and tried to look around the steam filled room for other bodies. Nothing but fog. I could only see the deeper I walked into the tiled chamber, and every step I took made my pulse race, and my body sieze with fear. Why was I doing this? What if this guy tried to rape me? What the fuck was wrong with me?!

One more step, and I found myself stepping on someone else's foot. I looked down and as the steam cleared, found Ted, sitting on the bench with his legs spread and his cock limply stuck to his inner thigh. I gulped and excused myself as I took the bench across from him, holding the knot in my towel tightly.

"Good man there Ricky. The steam's good for you, I promise." His hand went to pull his cock from his leg, letting it fall onto the bench. I watched the simple move and felt my own dick twitch in my briefs. For the next few minutes, we made idle chit chat about the neighbourhood, our condo building, sports. I felt myself relax as the steamed opened my pores, taking my hand off the towel, and spreading my legs.

"Yknow Ricky, those walls back home are pretty thick, which tells me, you must have really been giving it to the missus last night for me to hear it."

I froze and instantly felt horrified as Ted chuckled across from me. His hand seemed to absentmindedly fall to his cock, moving in what was either a slow scratch or a full on stroke. I tried to play it cool while scrambling to my feet.

"Shit man, fuck. I totally forgot about Pam. I've really gotta go," I grabbed at the knot in my towel and headed for the door. "Thanks for the steam man, but I've gotta jet,"

The cold air hit me outside like a shock, and I sped to my locker drying myself off as quickly as I could. I flung my clothes back on and was almost out the door when I saw Ted leaving the steam room, his cock stiff and red, his hairy body covered in moisture. We exchanged waves, and I was out the door headed back home.

Pam had already started dinner when I arrived, and I apologized profusely, explaining away my lateness with tales of an extra long workout. I excused myself to the shower, and locked the door behind me. Stripping naked I turned the water on cold and stepped backwards into the stream, furiously jerking my obscenely hard cock. I came in a series of six thick and violent spurts that painted the tiles and dripped crudely. Even after cumming, even with the cold water, my cock took its time going down. I was at a complete loss for what was happening.

* * * * *

That night, Pam had complained of soreness, and begged off of sex for a day or two. While still riled up, I almost felt relieved at not having to give into the animal urges, and perform up to some new standard. I was confused and listless though, and found it hard to sleep. After tossing and turning, I stared at the clock- 1:30am- and decided to go for a walk.

The night air always helped me clear my head, but I still found myself confounded by all that was going on with me. All of these feelings, the urges and weird desires that seemed to pop into my head now- they didn't make sense. All of my life, I had been completely in love with women. I adored every part of the female anatomy, I worshipped their bodies. I enjoyed sex. Though perhaps that was where the crack lay, thought to myself.

Did I love it? Like, absolutely go apeshit over it? I mean sure, the other night with Pam felt incredible, like I had reached an untapped well of... Passion, I suppose- but, I knew it felt like only the beginning. Where was this new side taking me? What was the missing piece of the puzzle.

Maybe I WAS gay, I allowed myself to consider. Yes, Ted's body was attractive to me, but I had initially figured it was my jealousy, part of my desire over wanting to look as good as him. Until I allowed myself to imagine sucking his cock, I hadn't once considered it as something I wanted to do. I walked another couple of blocks pondering my own sexuality. Was I bisexual maybe?

I found myself heading back home, and still without decent explanation, but I was at least, thankfully tired. I saw myself passing out as soon as my head hit the pillow. As I walked around the corner of my building, I looked through the glass, and caught a shocking sight. Standing there completely naked in the mailroom, shuffling through junk mail was Ted!

While I was alarmed, Ted looked to be completely casual in his nudity, as if his were just another part of his day. I was aghast, almost embarrassed for him, and I walked up to the window waving my arms trying to get his attention. I looked all around for people who might walk up on him, and catch him, trying to help warn him about oncoming threats. Finally he looked up and saw me, giving a polite smile and wave back. I was amazed, and was practically yelling at him from the other side of the glass "what the actual fuck?!". He waved over at me again, as if he was inviting me in. I raced around the corner and keyed my entry, noticing the night security guard was half asleep on the job. Turning down the hall, I ran smack dab into Ted's naked body. I shoved him towards the elevator and hit the button.

"What the fuck are you doing? Are you some sort of fucking pervert?"

"Hey Rick, just came down for my mail,"

"NAKED?!" I hissed, looking around for anyone who might catch us. Wait, US, I thought, no, no, this is all him. I'm not with Ted here, not like this. The doors opened, and we stepped inside. I prayed that no one was awake at this hour, and that those elevator doors would remain closed until the seventeenth floor. Ted just stood there, smiling and watching me do a slow burn as his cock bounced with the elevator. The bell dinged, and I stuck my head out in the hallway to see if anyone was out there. I turned to give Ted the "all clear" but he bounded past me, striding down the hall with his long legs. I watched his ass flex as I scrambled to catch up.

"Is this your thing? You're a fucking creep who likes showing off to people, see what happens?"

We reached our respective doors, and I stopped him from going inside before I got some sort of an answer. My blood pressure had risen, and my fatigue all but gone. I needed to know what was going on.

"Ricky, it's just something I do... Something I do to feel alive." I scanned his face for something clearer. He stood there unflinching. "Don't you like to feel alive?"

With that, he pushed past me into his apartment, leaving the door slightly open behind him.

"Come on in Ricky, we can talk."

Faced with an insane choice and a regular life, I made a move towards Ted's door, glancing around before sliding inside and shutting the world away behind me.

I had to know.

* * * * *

Ted's condo was very much laid out like mine and Pam's, except his was decorated sparsely, but with more expensive stuff. It also had a smell about it, a combination of wood and a light floral scent. It smelled fresh, yet strong. I walked a long hallway of art before finding Ted standing out on his balcony, still naked.

Silently, I stepped out onto the balcony and looked up at him. He offered me a drink.

"Look, Rick. You're a swell guy, but there's something about you that I recognize. Trust me, I've been there," I accepted a small glass of white wine from him, gingerly sipping it, wondering if he was trying to drug me. "I've watched you at the gym for awhile now, and it's pained me greatly,"

"Is that so?" I muttered non-comittally, trying to see where this was going.

"You see, I have this theory," he took a long drink from his glass and stared out into the night wistfully. "We've been doing masculinity all wrong," he sat in a chair and gestured for me to do the same. I cautiously sat down, and leaned forward as he continued.

"All these years, we've held onto this idea of what being a man is about, this notion of strength and control, power and dominance. We've warred over it, subjugated the masses, raped and murdered over nothing more than a fear of inadequacy. And at its core, we've even twisted ourselves into this idea of self-hatred. Common man pushes to be first in line at work, to be in control in the home, on top in the bedroom- and why? Because they have to, if they don't even make the motions, they are seen as a shame, as a failure."

I listened intently as he spoke, feeling as though he had struck a chord in me I hadn't realized was there.

"I see you come into that gym every day, a defeated person. What are you? A cubicle drone? A desk jockey?" I nodded my head. "You come in there every day, not to feel the rush of the endorphins, right? You come in there because you feel obligated. You do what you think is necessary, then you change your clothes and run back home, right?" Again I nodded. Ted sat forward in his chair. "You won't even go into a steam room without your underwear and a towel on," he shook his head as I stared at the floor. "My guess is, the last time you took your shirt off in public was in grade school, right?"

My face burned as rolled the truth around in my head. Everything he was saying seemed to make sense, it fit my life to a tee.

"You hate your body because you don't think it good enough, you keep your shirt on during the summer because you think people will laugh, you won't take your clothes off in the locker room, lest someone think your dick is too small." The truth hung in the air, and I remained unable to look Ted in the eye. "You don't fuck your wife with abandon because you fear what she might think of you, of your fantasies and curiosities. You fail to be a real person, because you're too busy trying to live up to the idea of being a man,"

Ted practically spat out the word 'man', and I found myself in sync with his attitude. I still didn't understand why I was fascinated with his body, but I felt closer to knowing why his spirit seemed to embolden me.

"For all the power and control sought through masculinity, we take the most important thing about ourselves, our truth, and hide it away out of touch and out of sight,"

I felt numb, but my body slowly lurched forward, until I had pressed my lips against Ted's mouth. My tongue snaked out to touch his, and I kissed him deeply as I closed the distances between our bodies. My hands flattened against his chest, fingers tangling up in his chest hair as I felt my entire body throb. I crawled up onto his lap, awkwardly straddling him as I moved to hug his neck. My bottom settled on his hard cock, and I felt an incredible thrill being so dangerously passionate out in the open where people might see. I felt Ted begin to kiss back as his hands began to lift my shirt up over my head. My upper half exposed to the cool night breeze felt alive, and I suddenly felt the urge to be completely naked.

Scrambling up from his lap, I untied my sweats and pushed them to the ground. My cock leapt out in front of Ted, and I felt proud and unashamed. He helped me step out of my pants and looked up at my face, grinning.

"You're smiling." I was taken aback, but realized that I was indeed smiling. "You're naked as a jay bird right now, and you're loving it, aren't you?"

I was speechless, and tingling. I nodded at him as his big hands went around my back to grasp at my fleshy cheeks.

A thrill shot up my spine as I felt Ted's hands caress my back, his face buried in my pubic hair, sniffing my scent. I was lost in his touch for what seemed like forever, before he broke my trance.

"What would you like me to do for you?"

I found myself perplexed, and at a loss. I had never had someone ask me that my entire life, not sexually. Talking about sex was always weird and uncomfortable, and Pam and I never really did. Definitely not since getting married. All of my previous experiences had been based off- well, expectation. I knew that I wanted to fuck, and get my rocks off. I knew I liked getting my dick sucked, well, I suppose. I mean, it was about cumming. It was about shooting my load. I had really never considered much else, other than getting off.