Nate & I

This chapter of the Nate&I story is told from Nate's point of view rather than Oliver's. It'll alternate between them for the duration of the series.

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*****

My head was still in a haze from the weekend. I couldn't what had happened actually happened. I don't know if I regret the whole thing or if it just scared me. Everything happened so fast. Did I really sleep with Oliver? Or was it all just some dream? Either way, it was enjoyable. It's been on my mind since I left Saturday morning.

Now, being Monday morning, it's still lingering in my thoughts. I buried it with other thoughts just so I could function without zoning out every five minutes.

I got to school and proceeded to go to my first hour, math. When I walked into class, Jake and Brent were sitting where they always sat. I felt a rush of guilt run over me. I swallowed hard and sat down next to them. Brent turned to me, and Jake was talking to some other guys on the team.

"Hey, Nate," Brent said casually.

"Hey, man. What's up?" I responded trying my best not to sound so nervous. It was ridiculous. How would they have found out? They read minds or smell Oliver on me.

"Not much, but guess who's taking Heather out this weekend," he continued.

"Who?" I asked not even thinking.

"Me! We're going to the movies and then I'm gonna take her out to the back roads if ya know what I mean," Brent suggested as he pushed on my arm. I was feeling too uptight to act normal.

"Nate, what's up with you? You're acting like you've got a stick up your ass," Brent commented. My stomach turned.

"Nothing. I'm fine. I'm gonna go get a drink before the bell rings," I told him, and I stood up and left the classroom.

I walked quickly through the crowd of people to the restrooms. The room was dirty and smelled awful. I hated going in there, but it provided some much needed privacy. No one else was in there.

I rested my hands on the sink and stared into the mirror at myself. I needed to calm down. No one was ever going to find out about me and Oliver. It just wasn't going to happen. Nobody could've seen us. I turned on the faucet and splashed some water onto my face. The cool water was refreshing and helped me get a grip. I was gonna be fine.

I made my way back to my class. I managed to get myself through whatever conversation Brent brought up. The bell was still a relief though. I didn't have second or third hour with Brent or Jake. That didn't stop me from tapping my pencil constantly. I guess you could call it a nervous tick. I think I did it subconsciously because I had been told to stop multiple times. Oh well.

Lunch that day made me want to throw up for a number of reason: guilt, anxiety, the food.

"What color do you think Heather's gonna look like naked?" Brent asked us. I had to keep myself from making a face.

"I bet she's pretty fucking hot. I saw she's got a belly button piercing," Jake commented.

"I'm more interested in what's below that," Brent joked. Jake laughed and I forced a smile to them.

"Yeah, that'll be great," I said.

"Hey, Nate. Have you heard back about that football scholarship yet?" Jake asked. I had to think for a second about what they were talking about before it hit me.

"Oh. No not yet. I'm kinda nervous about it though. This is really what I'm relying on," I confessed.

"Nah, don't be. You're too badass of a player for them to pass up," Jake said elbowing me. I cracked a smile. God, I hope he was right. I don't know what I'd do if I didn't get it. I don't know what my dad would do if I didn't get it.

"Dude, I can't even tell what that shit is," Brent commented as we got closer to the food. I had to admit, it looked pretty disgusting.

"You said it. Shit," Jake laughed. The two of them snickered like a couple of immature kids. They kinda were when you thought about it. We got our trays and made our way to our table.

I toned out Brent and Jake's talking as we walked. The cafeteria was full of mindless chatter, screeching chairs, and that annoying guy who never stopped playing the guitar. On top of it all, the smell of my lunch was pretty unpleasant.

"Hey, Nate," Oliver said to me. He had come out of nowhere with a bag of chips and a soda. His lunch was more appetizing than mine already. I stopped dead in my tracks and felt my face get hot. He stood for a second waiting for my response. We all stood in silence long enough for an awkwardness to take place.

It wasn't me to break it though. Brent and Jake's laughing did. I wish it had been me though. Oliver's attention went to them. I looked over to them too.

"What is this? The school fag thinks he can come over and talk to us?" Brent laughed. Jake laughed along with him. Some of guys already sitting did too. Oliver gave them a cold look.

"If you weren't so narrow minded maybe you'd see we aren't so different," Oliver defended. This only made them laugh more. I could see something in him though. There seemed to be something of a new kind of confidence in his eyes. Believe me, I'm glad he was confident in himself. I just don't want him to get himself hurt, and I know that Brent and Jake would make that happen. I knew he wasn't that ready.

"We're alike? I don't think so," Jake said, but Oliver still gave them that hostile look.

"What do you say we show this freak who he really has things in common with?" Brent suggested as he turned to Jake. They both say their trays down at the table and turned to Oliver. I didn't know what to do. I really liked Oliver, but I couldn't do anything without getting outed and given the same treatment.

"What are you-" Oliver began. His newfound confidence had turned back to insecurity as they forcefully pushed him out the doors. I followed them.

As soon as we were all out of view of any teachers, Jake and Brent grabbed Oliver by the arms. They dragged him, and all his efforts weren't enough to break free. I couldn't help my distressful looks, but I was behind them. I then realized what they were doing.

Jake and Brent were taking him to the dumpster. I hated myself for not growing a pair and standing up for him. All he had done was say hi to me. I didn't even give him a word.

Brent and Jake turned him around and slammed him against the nasty metal. Oliver was scared. I could see it in his eyes.

"Guys, don't waste your time on him. It's not worth it," I said trying to convince them to just let him go. They ignored me.

"Now this is who you have a lot in common with," Brent snarled at him. Oliver looked at both of them, begging with his eyes for them not to do it. He then found me. His eyes were filled with fear and a sense of betrayal. I couldn't bare to see him like that any longer. I looked away. I couldn't watch it.

I heard Jake and Brent lift him off and shove him into the garbage. I heard Oliver's scream and Brent and Jake's laughter. They brushed off their hands and walked back towards me. I wasn't even close to smiling. I looked back at the dumpster. Oliver wasn't emerging. No doubt, he was just laying there. I wanted to go help him. I really did, but that would destroy everything I had worked almost four years for. Everyone would bully me for being gay whether they thought I was or not. I've seen how bad Oliver got it. Surely he wouldn't wish the same for me, right?

I walked back to lunch with Jake and Brent. I couldn't even eat, let alone talk. When asked about it, I just blamed it on the food.

Later, all of us were walking back to our classes. Brent and Jake were talking about who knows what. It seemed like all they talked about were girls, football, and first person shooter games. They were like a bad stereotype in a high school movie written by an undereducated adult. I resented them partially for their stupidity and partially because I wish I was that blissfully ignorant.

"Hey. I forgot my uh, bag. I'll meet you guys there," I told them.

"Alright," Jake said half minded. They didn't care.

I turned around and jogged back to the cafeteria. I really did forget my bag. My mind's been somewhere else for a while now. I came out of the cafeteria doors and gazed over at the dumpster. The scene replayed in my head and my guilt got even worse.

I heard something move though. I saw a hand come over the edge. Oliver was still in there. I looked ahead and saw everyone disappear into the building. I ran over to him. Oliver emerged from the fowl smelling place. He was looking down, probably watching where he stepped before he threw one leg over the side. That's when he saw me. His face got red.

"I... I'm sorry. I just-" I began, but I was cut short when he held his hand up.

"Save it. I don't want to hear whatever excuse you've come up with," Oliver snapped at me. He brought his other leg over too. He reached down and grabbed his bag. He dropped to the ground and slipped. He landed on his butt.

"Here," I said quietly and held out my hand to help him up. He just looked up at me like he had look at Brent and Jake earlier. He got up himself.

"Please, Oliver," I said getting more desperate. I just wanted to apologize. I hated seeing him so hurt, but I didn't know what to do.

"No, Nate. All I did was say hi to you. And you let your 'friends' throw me in the goddamn dumpster. You didn't even try to stop them," he said. Each anger filled word was like a stab.

"I'm sorry. I couldn't... help. I would've...," I tried to explain.

"You would've what? Lost your popularity? Is that what you were worried about? Didn't you say you didn't even like those guys?" He shot back. I was at a loss for words at that point. He stared at me, waiting for an answer. I let my eyes drop, and he walked away. He smelled putrid. He wasn't going to class. He was going home.

I could only stand there for a few minutes. I didn't want to lose Oliver. He's the first guy I've ever liked. He was also the first guy I've ever been with. High school is too damn complicated.

The rest of the week was even more stressful than usual. Oliver wasn't talking to me. He wouldn't even answer my texts. I knew I was gradually becoming even more reserved than usual. My friends noticed but never bothered to try and find out why.

I mainly released all the anger and sadness in my seventh hour; athletics. Since it was my final semester, I liked to work out. I lifted weights and did pull ups. I ran laps around the field and did push ups.

The year has been all too stressful. With finally coming to terms and accepting that I liked guys. It was still weird to think about. But really, I had known since sophomore year. I just pretended I wasn't. I tried dating a ton of girls because I thought maybe it'd make things go back to normal. Nothing worked though. This year, I just gave up and accepted it.

Honestly, I don't hate the after school rush either. I'm usually the first one to leave. I had had too much on my shoulders that day in particular day. I was in a bathroom stall trying not to cry too loudly. When I gathered myself together to leave, Oliver was sitting there. When he asked me to take him home, I was nervous. I wanted to kiss him there, but I controlled myself. I felt that I could trust him.

It was Thursday when I cornered him after school. I saw him talking to the drama teacher and I waited outside the door. Everyone else was gone before he came out.

When he did, I stopped him and he rolled his eyes. He tried to go around me, but I stepped in front of him.

"I don't have anything to say to you," he said sounding tired.

"Just listen... Please," I said. He relaxed and stood there.

"I know I fucked up. You have to believe me when I say I feel really shitty about what happened Monday. I was just under so much stress, and I couldn't think of anything I could do to actually help you. I would've just ended up there with you. I see now that that would've been the more noble thing to have done. I just... I'm not ready to come out, Oliver. I'm scared of it. I know you already are. I dunno if it was easy or not for you, but it scares the shit out of me. I really like you though. I really really do," I said. I sounded stupid because I tripped over my words and felt my hands get sweaty.

He stood there for a few moments silently. I let him process everything. He sighed and looked at me less coldly.

"I know. I can't out you. That'd be wrong of me. And in hindsight, it was a bad idea to try and talk to you in school. Especially in front of those asses," he said. I sighed in relief and smiled.

"Does that mean you can forgive me?" I asked. I never thought I'd be the one asking forgiveness from anyone.

"I guess so," he went on.

"What if you come spend the night with me? Would that make things better?" I asked him, taking his hand in mine. I smiled at him and looked into his eyes. He looked back at me and couldn't contain his smile anymore.

"Yeah, that would make things a little better," he said. I smiled and hugged him. He hugged me back, and we walked to the front of the building. I was still weary of anyone seeing us together.

I called my dad and asked if I could have a friend stay the night. He didn't really care when I did, even if it was on a school night. I'm pretty sure there's been a few times when he never even saw my friend. Hopefully this would be one of those times.

It took a little more convincing of Oliver's parents. They were a bit stricter on him. He managed to do it though. He just had to get a few things from his place which wouldn't be too bad since it's within walking distance.

We went over to my house and found that it was one of the days that my dad got home late. It was a relief.

"I get to see your room now," Oliver said with a smile.

"Oh god. Don't judge me when you see it. It's not nearly as cool as yours," I told him. I guided him to my door which had an engraving that said "Nate's Room: Do Not Enter" on it.

"Oh how cute," Oliver said with grin.

"I did that when I was seven okay," I said and just opened it. He stepped inside and looked around. My walls were pretty plain. A poster of a football player was up. I had a small TV and really minimum decoration.

"I know it's pretty plain," I said before he could comment.

"True, but it has enough potential. I bet we could do something that could really reflect you," Oliver said turning to me and touching my chest when he said it.

"Thanks for the offer, but with any luck, I'll be out of here soon," I said with a smile.

"Awe too bad. I guess I'll just have to help you decorate your apartment then," he remarked. We smiled.

"Sounds like a plan," I said and leaned in to kiss him.

He immediately kissed me back, and we embraced each other. I was the one to pull away.

"We can't do anything here. I don't wanna risk it," I explained to him.

"I understand. I'll be straight for a night," he said with a really cheesy wink. I couldn't help but laugh. He could not pull off being straight. I'd just have to make sure my dad didn't talk to him.

He turned around and walked to my bed. I actually had a bed frame. I stepped to him and slapped him on the ass. He jumped and turned around to me with a smile.

"Good game, man," I said referring to a sports game. We smiled to each other. Oliver cleared his throat.

"Yeah, you too, dude. I guess we have to go get in the showers now, don't we?" He said in an unnaturally deep voice for him. I laughed.

"I wish," I told him breaking the sports talk.

"Same though. I would not mind that one bit," he commented sitting down on my bed. He unapologetically checked me out and bit his lip in a dramatic way.

The house beeped. It always beeped when a door opened. I felt a blood rush. My dad was home. He didn't take long to get home. I heard him walking our way. I looked at Oliver who was sitting with his arms behind him and legs crossed at the ankle.

I went over to him quickly and uncrossed his legs and pulled him forward. I put his hands in his lap and had him slouch. He just went with it. My dad opened the door and looked in to us.

"Hi. We just got here. This is Oliver," I said introducing the two of them. My dad looked skeptically at the two of us for a moment.

"Mhm. Hi, Oliver," he said flatly.

"Hello," Oliver replied about as flatly as he did. His voice changed from his regular way of talking too. He didn't talk like one of the overly flamboyant gay people, but it didn't sound straight. He sounded straight with that hello. My dad left and closed the door.

"Am I sitting straight enough?" Oliver asked me, back to his regular voice.

"Sorry, but I know a thing or two about how to act straight. I've been doing it for a few years now. But nice touch with the voice thing," I told him with a smile, making sure my voice was quiet enough so only we could hear.

"I am an actor after all. We don't do plays with gay characters after all. I've had to learn," he explained.

"Ah, I see," I said.

With that, we turned on the tv. We didn't last long with that though. We ended up playing a cartoonish racing game. We were both pretty good at it, but Oliver was better. He just barely beat me.

In our second round at playing, I beat him. It definitely didn't have anything to do with the fact that I reached over and made him turn off the course. After that was over he tackled me from his sitting position and we fell to the floor with our faces inches from each other. I kissed his nose before getting back up.

We played some other games too, but he didn't know how to play those. We listened to our music and saw how different they were. We even watched a really bad horror movie about sharks and tornadoes. It was funny to watch. He even predicted how a character would when she first came onto the screen. It was pretty funny. I actually enjoyed our little bonding night better than Friday night. I did love the oral sex, but there's something about spending quality time that's better.

That night, I was going to sleep on the floor. I laid in bed watching tv him after I said goodnight to my dad. I had my arm around him, and his hand rested on my bare chest. I never slept with a shirt on. It was too hot in my room for that. Oliver place his head into the crevice of my neck.

When it was getting really late, he put his leg over mine and looked up to me. We smiled to each other. I kissed his forehead.

"This is great. I can't think of a better way to spend my Thursday night," I told him.

"Okay, you cheese ball," he replied.

"Alright then. I take that back then," I replied.

"I'm just kidding. I kinda like it when you talk cheesy to me," Oliver admitted.

"Good. Get used to it," I said.

"Hey, where's your ring?" I asked noticing it was missing from his hand.

"I lost it when I got thrown in the dumpster...," he replied with a little sadness behind his words.

"Oh, I'm sorry. I'll get you a new one. Whichever one you want," I told him.

"I want a sold diamond one then," he said with a small laugh.

"Okay," I said with a smile. With that, he picked himself up and hovered over my face. We gazed into each other's eyes.

Next thing I knew, we were making out hard. We got so far as French kissing and feeling each other up again. His hands were all over my chest. Mine were rubbing on his back, pulling him closer to me. He was literally laying on me, and our legs were intertwined. It was so hot.

I ran my hand through his hair. I thought it was so hot when he had to pull away for a breath and came right back to me. After a few minutes, I let my hands slide down his back. I reached down and placed my hands on his ass. He flinched because he wasn't expecting it. After rubbing my hands over his cheeks through his pajama bottoms, I felt more courage come up. I don't know if it was bravery or my horniness. Either way, I squeezed his ass. It made him gasp for air.