Never Give Up!

Reading about it. Seeing all those videos. Thinking. Daydreaming. I closed out the page mid story; sat back in my chair, and said out loud to no one:

"Yeah, I know what comes next. The touching. The kissing. The licks and nuzzles...all leading to..." I shut the laptop cover and sank down in despair.

As a really late blooming gay guy (well over the age of my sixth decade) there was little about gay sex I had not learned of and experienced...at least in my head. A bit of self-consciousness about touching and being touched came from early rejections in the real world. Yet my mind and heart ached for a man. Holding him. Being held. His scent filling me with a calm desire to give in to all of my deepest needs.

I work at a mid-sized picture framing studio. Customers like me. In that setting, I am friendly, outgoing, even gregarious. No one can tell just how sensitive and withdrawn I feel inside. When he came up to the counter with a bag full of old framed artwork, Todd smiled at me. First thing I noticed as I smiled back was the strand of colorful beads circling tightly around his neck. He appeared to be a bit younger than me...but still in the 'ballpark'.

"Found these three Oriental prints while thrifting. I cleaned up the frames, but the mats are gross...can you help me out?" My eyes darted from his deep blue pools to that necklace, and back again.

"Love to. Have you thought about..." And so it went for the next thirty minutes or so. I have a knack for asking the right questions to bring forth what the customer really wants. Then I guide the selection so that they are totally pleased in the end. We settled on a new mat color; and I could see that he was excited. I took a deep breath. Was he just excited about the color...or was there something more? Todd had been checking me out as I thumbed through the stacks of color samples. I could tell that from my peripheral vision. At least that's what I told myself.

"You are really good at this, Tyler." That smile. Those eyes. The beads. What's coming over me?

"You have no idea." I am smiling, blushing, and wishing I could take that back! The silence is deafening. I have nothing to follow through with. Todd is piercing my soul with his focused stare and I just want to run. What makes me keep opening up like this? I am raw. Embarrassed. Angry.

"Is that a come on?" All I can do is fight to hold back the tears starting to well up. It must show on my face. I impulsively just took another chance. Rejection always follows. Here it comes. "Because if it is..." he shifts his weight and leans over the counter... "I am free, very free, tonight."

Part 2 -

We are driving, Todd is driving, us, to dinner. He picked me up at six thirty. That gave me time to clean up and primp for our date. Got to hold back. Can't expect too much. After all, we just met. I am ready for this to spin out of control, but what about Todd? How can I know what he feels, wants, needs?

"What drives you, Todd? What makes you happy?" I need answers, so I might as well ask the right questions.

"Being in love makes me happy. Meeting you sparked a feeling I have not had for...since Josh left me." We have already covered the basics about our histories. Todd was engaged to Josh and they had been together for seven years. Josh did not make it through a bout with the 2019 virus. Todd withdrew into himself. Kind of like me in that regard. I reach over and put my hand on his thigh. He turns his head and gazes at me for a second or two. I need to ask him something more. I have struggled with excessive sorrow over my own past. It prevented me from moving on and living my best life. I will not be with a man who is similarly stuck in his past. Empathy aside, it is way too draining to go down that road again. Some things we have to do for ourselves before we are ready to commit to another.

"Can you move on now, Todd, while still savoring your memories?" My whole body is now turned toward Todd. He is staring straight ahead at the road. I see a Mona Lisa kind of smile start to take over his face. His lips are parting just a bit.

"Yes." It wafts toward the windshield in a whisper. Yet it rings in my ears like a church bell does when only a few feet away. My heart races. Todd pulls into the restaurant driveway. We park. He turns to me.

"You, Tyler Kendall, make me melt like my Josh did. I am not looking for his replacement. Not exactly. But if you and I are compatible, and we can agree on more than just new mat colors...I have a hole in my heart that has room for someone like you." Well said. I cannot resist. Leaning in, I place a swift and gentle kiss on his tempting lips. It lasts longer than I had planned. Good sign.

Part 3 -

Dinner is fun. Really fun. We open to each other, laugh our way through the courses, and hold hands on the way back to his car. Hey, at our age(s) in this accepting community, neither of us has room for fear to dampen our time together. This has been a really good first date. On the drive back to my place, we are both just a bit deep in our own thoughts. Not a bad thing. But the ride back is kind of quiet.

"When can we be together again, TJ?" Dinner revealed his favorite nickname to me. It stands for Todd Jackman.

"Tonight?" Hell yes is what I am thinking. Regarding past advice about 'not rushing into things'...I say fuck that! I can tell that we are both ready for one long and joyful session of getting to know each other.

"Tonight!" Good thing my place is clean and ready...just like me! "I have the weekend off. What about you?" Oops, forgot for a moment - Todd is retired from his thirty year landscaping business. I had my own store for about that long, and lost it to the recession. My savings are almost topped off to start a new venture - a Cafe! Todd thinks the idea is a good one. Maybe we'll hook up with that...as well! LOL

"Ready?" We park. The engine is off. We are facing each other. I nod slightly and smile. Now it's his turn to make a move. Todd leans in. His right hand cups the back of my head - a spot that always turns me on something fierce - and we kiss. His grip is gentle, yet I can feel his strength. My own body is in good shape. Todd still has the densely deep muscle of his landscaping years. It feels wonderful to be held like this. No inhibitions here. I am melting into his mouth. I've read about the moves that a top makes...and TJ is a top, that's for sure. He is commanding me to take his tongue, and I do so with willing ease. Time dilates. So does my body - everything that can is opening up to his ministrations. The windows fog. The sound of heavy breathing fills the car. His left hand has been fondling my bulge, and I am about to burst!

"Todd." I break the kiss for a split second. He will have none of it, and presses his mouth to mine again.

"TODD!!" This time it is too late. He pulls back and watches in awe as my body thrashes about in the car seat. His hand is still on my crotch, probably feeling the wetness now soaking through my bikini briefs (Yeah - I wear them, and look damn hot, too). I am laughing. Part joy, part embarrassment. Catching my breath, I answer his unspoken question. "Yes, Todd Jackman, you just took me over the edge with hardly any effort. Imagine where we will go without clothes on!" Laughter fills the cabin. His tongue fills my mouth once again; and my cycle begins anew.

Part 4 -

We hardly have a chance to get in the door of my place and our clothes are flying in every direction. I may have popped off early, but TJ is just getting going. As his bottom for the night, that's fine with me. I intend to make sure he lets loose; and has a real good time. All that is left on us is our briefs. Mine are still sticky from before. His are tenting. The dark color makes it difficult to tell his size, but TJ is apparently well endowed. If he is a shower then his bulge is impressive enough as it is. If he is a grower...I may be in for quite a night!

"Can I take this off? I want to kiss you there." The beads that caught my attention when we met were a gift from his ex. He grabs my hands and stops me. Todd releases them. He reaches back and undoes the clasp himself. He hands me the beads. I start to cry.

"T...T..J...You don't have to.." I am moved to tears by his gesture.

"I want to. Call it proof that I am ready to move on. You have no idea the effect you are having on me." Oh, I think I do. And for sure he already knows his effect on me!

"You can wear them anytime, TJ." He is smiling. Smiling as we lay down together on my bed. He displays all of the youthful delight that a much younger man would in this situation. I like that in a man. His body is a strong one - nicely muscled, quick to take control, and easy to give in to.

"Can I fuck you?" His words are music to my ears. I am sooo ready for this. We are both ready in every way to blend ourselves together in lovemaking. I nod. TJ reaches for the tube of lube. At our ages, having been recently tested and without partners, we feel very safe with each other. Condoms have their place in lovemaking...just not tonight.

"Guide me, Tyler. The last thing I want to do is cause you ...discomfort in any way." I have yet to know his true size. Todd reaches down to the waistband of his black briefs. He tugs at them and they slip slowly to the base of his manhood. A thick and luxurious man-bush can not hide the girth of flesh I begin to see. Its length is still a mystery.

"I am not a small man, Tyler. No brag. The fact is, you may not want me to..." and with this, he removes the briefs and tosses them to the floor. Not small is an understatement. TJ is nine inches of cut, straight as an arrow, bulbous headed, thick, veiny, precum leaking, big balled top stud. I reach out and pull him closer to me by the club between his legs. He chuckles and squirms toward me as we crash onto my back, his chest and hips pinning me down. His hands are grabbing my wrists and my arms are now pinned above my head. OMG. Licking my pits is driving me wild! I wriggle my arms free and caress his shoulders and neck. He rises up and we stare into each other's eyes.

"Enter my body. Breed me tonight. Make me yours." Besides the moaning and shrieks of pure pleasure, I may not utter another intelligible word until morning. TJ needs no further encouragement.

"Augh!" His raw cockhead is parting my sphincter muscle. It yields to the pressure he is using, in his lustful drive to penetrate and conquer me. "You okay?" I nod. As he sinks his engorged shaft ever deeper into my body, feelings of completeness and warmth flood my mind, pushing aside every other thought. Todd rests himself once his crotch and mine are fully connected. "This is wonderful!" His smile fills me with even more joy. His penis rests calmly within me...but not for long!

"Holy cow! TJ!" His first thrusts in my overly tight ass seem to be tearing the walls of my tunnel to shreds, lube notwithstanding. "More lube...please, ...Todd..." I can barely get the words out. He pulls out ever so slowly, lubes his cock again, and pushes half of the contents up inside of me. This better do it. It does. "Better. Much better." He glides in easily now. He can feel the difference, too. As I nod, he unleashes his full vigor with deep and powerful thrusts that push my entire body toward the headboard as I grab the sheets for some sense of anchorage.

"God, you're tight, Tyler. Feels incredible! Won't last much longer like this!" He has my legs up on his shoulders the way I like them to be. I love watching his body move to the rhythm of his fuck. Touching his bare chest, now warm and sweaty, tracing down to his trail, rubbing his bush...I am in no rush to complete this...but this is Todd's fuck now. He will control us both. But maybe I can help!

"OH. OH! DAMN!" He lurches his head back. I am squeezing the muscles of my ass as tightly as possible, releasing them, and repeating the pattern again and again. His breathing is faster now. Seeing this man tighten up and convulse at the start of his orgasm - wish I could hold this moment forever. Maybe I can.

"Fuck, Tyler. Oh my God. Tyler. TYLER!!" His prick undulates like a snake inside my hole. I feel it pulsate; and the first of many ropes of warm cum start to catapult up my channel. The ring of my entrance stretches and shrinks with each of his strong contractions. His body is shaking and... "Sorry. Sorry." He can hardly catch his breath. He has just collapsed on top of me; my arms holding him tight as he rides out the last of his convulsions; fully nutting his balls into the depths of my body.

As we drift off to sleep, Todd still inside of me, I can't help thinking that my days of living only in my mind are coming to an end. Just when it seemed that life would never stop sticking it to me in a negative way...I found a man who can beat that scenario. In one easy meeting and night of pleasure, I have moved completely past old mental barriers and into a new world of potential joie de vivre. One memory comes to the fore, and I allow it to stay - the line from a movie: "Never give up! Never surrender!"