Editor's note: this story contains scenes of rough, reluctant, dubiously consensual, or non-consensual sex.
*****
My teeth were already clean, but Tanner didn't need to know that. I stood in front of the mirror continuing to brush as he emerged from the shower stall in the hostel bathroom. The water matted down his tawny body hair, plentiful as it was on his chest and belly. Tanner was long and lean, neither chiseled with pronounced muscles nor skinny -- a solid, seductively sinewy 22-year-old with piercing blue eyes, pouty lips, and a strong jaw.
I had known Tanner for a few years by that point; he was my best friend and the object of an all-consuming crush. We had never talked explicitly about our sexuality. At that point I was still mostly repressed, and while my inner circle seemed to tacitly understand that I was gay, I had never come out nor been with a man. Part of this was my own hang-ups about my orientation, and part of it was my being deeply infatuated with Tanner. His understated beauty, unsurpassable intelligence, and endless empathy had gripped me and would not let go. On some level, I think he knew this -- too perceptive for his own good -- and though he wouldn't acknowledge it, we both knew deep down who held all the power in our complicated friendship.
Case in point: there we were in a dilapidated hostel in the heart of Mexico City. When he suggested it for our boys' trip, I knew we would be going, even though I had spent weeks talking about Rome. Wherever Tanner went, I followed. Whatever he asked of me, I gave. I couldn't bear the thought of being separated from him for too long. I needed to be around him, whether that was in Europe or Yucatan.
I kept brushing as I discretely watched Tanner behind me in the mirror. He had a towel wrapped around his waist, rubbing it against his skin to dry his legs and loins. He grabbed his boxer briefs from the stool in the corner and bent over to pull them on under his towel. For just a flash, as he lifted his leg, I could see his cock and balls peek out -- not enough to make anything out, but enough to send an electric jolt through my entire body. God, what I wouldn't give to see Tanner's cock. Sometimes, in the peaks of my frustrated lust for him, I considered asking him for just one nude picture, something to satisfy my unending desire. But of course, that would never happen, and so I relegated myself to near-daily masturbation just to release the tension.
This was not so easy to accomplish in a hostel, and the past few days had been torture.
"Hey, man," Tanner said casually, as if he'd just noticed me in the bathroom with him. "I'm thinking we check out Zona Rosa tonight. I hear the club scene is insane."
"Are you going to ditch me again if we go clubbing?" I asked, immediately embarrassed by how pathetic I sounded. The night before, Tanner had hit it off with a traveler from Germany while we were partying at a rooftop club. An outgoing Berliner with huge tits and a shaved head, Inga had seemed determined to hook up with Tanner that night, and he was more than happy to acquiesce. Not even an hour after we had arrived, they had snuck off together, leaving me alone in a rowdy club in a foreign city. I left soon after and spent the rest of night sulking around Condesa, praying that by the time I got back to the hostel they wouldn't still be fucking in the dormitory. I don't think I could have handled seeing that.
"Sorry about that," he said flatly. "Inga gave me some E and all of a sudden all I wanted to do was fuck something. She was a total freak -- we went three times and I was
still
rock hard by the end of it." Hearing him describe all that, my dick started to stir. It was all too much. "But tonight's about you and me hanging out. I promise."
He left the bathroom to go get dressed, freeing up the shower for me. I stripped down and eyed myself in the mirror: I had gotten a little pudgy over the last year, indulging too much in beer and drunk food and not going to the gym as often as I should. My chest was beginning to show the signs of man boobs; my beer gut and fat padding around my groin making my dick look runty, even in its half-erect state and with my pubes trimmed down close to the skin. Even if Tanner were gay, there's no way he'd want to be with someone who looked like me.
A tan, sexy Brazilian guest came into the bathroom and ripped of his boxers, revealing a thick, uncut cock that was at least five inches soft. He started letting out a massive piss in the urinal and I hurried into the shower stall to hide my shame. At this point I was fully hard. I gripped my dick and started slowly stroking under the stream. I thought of the half-second glimpse of Tanner's junk, the Brazilian's beautiful cock, and my own maddening horniness. Using some shampoo, I began to slowly stroke, making an effort not to make any suspicious squelching noises. I thought back to my favorite sexy memories of Tanner -- the time he wore a Speedo as a joke on a weekend trip to Miami, when he dressed up in all leather for Halloween, every time he'd strutted around in his favorite little boxer briefs. I was getting so close to climax when the shitty shower ran out of hot water, shocking me with an icy blast and causing my dick to near-instantly soften.
I could cry. I didn't know if it was the cold water or sexual frustration that had turned my nuts a shade of purple. I hurriedly finished my shower and got dressed.
***
We spent the afternoon exploring new corners of the city, laughing with each other over street cart tacos, impossibly cheap
cervezas
, and delicious pastries. We saw the Diego Rivera murals, and spoke about them at length. On one stroll, we passed by a group of kids playing soccer, and Tanner stopped to call out some pointers in near-perfect Spanish. In a famous
panaderia
, I gave Tanner a brief lecture on the unique local baked goods while he smiled at me goofily. For a moment, I let myself and indulge and imagine that we were a newly in-love couple, drinking each other in.
We sat on a bench eating some
conchas
, taking refuge in the shade and watching a grand fountain erupt with the hour. "This has been such a good day, dude," said Tanner. "Thanks for agreeing to this. I know you had your heart set on Rome, but I knew we'd have more fun here. I really appreciate this time together... I love ya, bud."
My heart fluttered. "Yeah, of course. This has been better than I thought."
"So, anyway," he went on. "I was talking to the bartender at the hostel and he told me about this club in Zona Rosa that sounds really fun. There's some show tonight so the cover's cheaper, but at midnight it changes back to a DJ/dance thing. And even though it's a gay club, lots of straight girls go, so there'll be easy pickings."
My pulse quickened. "But we're not tryna hook up tonight, right?"
"Well, who knows where the night will take us," he winked impishly.
I felt a rush of anger and had to take a deep breath and an aggressive bite to try and calm down. "You said tonight was about us hanging out."
"I promise not to leave with some chick so early -- we'll hang out all night, that I guarantee. But at the end of the night, if I've found a girl..." he trailed off and grinned.
Of course that's what he had meant earlier. Why would I ask him not to fuck? Maybe he was being willfully obtuse, or maybe I was just delusional.
"Well," I said, as casually as I could muster, "just don't do anything on the top bunk."
He laughed. "We should try to get you someone tonight, dude. I know you've been in a dry spell. I think you need to fuck someone's brains out. That's... that's kind of why I thought we could do Zona Rosa. Lots of, y'know... hot gay dudes."
My stomach sank. I could only look at him blankly.
"I don't care, man. And I think it's been obvious to all of us for a while. Like I just said, I love you, you're basically my brother, and I don't give a shit who you wanna bang as long as you get laid and are happy." He paused, and grinned again. "So there!"
"I don't know what to say," I said, smiling sheepishly. "Thank you, Tanner. That means the world."
He stood up from the bench and held his long, wiry arms open. I got a glimpse of his armpit hair peeking out from his sleeve. I stood up and returned the hug, squeezing tight and reveling in the feeling of his body up against mine. I was falling more in love with him than ever.
***
