No Regrets

Chapter 7 – Tommy's Story – Closure

Tommy had quickly found work and a place to stay, although it was only a box room in lodgings it suited him. The work he found was at a local food store and he worked there for a good two years before another opportunity presented itself. The newly formed NHS was recruiting and they needed nurses, male and female. The pay was good so he applied and was delighted when he was accepted. He found himself at college training to be a nurse, he really enjoyed it too.

London was a vibrant city with so much going on that no one could possibly get bored night or day. Tommy however rarely went out, spending much of his free time in his room, either studying or just listening to the wireless. By 1951 Tommy had become a fully qualified nurse and was working in one of the largest hospitals in London. He was enjoying a good income too and now that he could afford it he moved to his own apartment.

During the move he found the letters that had been kept at the bottom of his drawers for the last four years. He thought about writing one last letter, to see if it would get to Ryan, maybe it would be worth it. Then it occurred to him that if Ryan had been trying to contact him he wouldn't know where Tommy was now living. How could he have been so stupid. Then in an inspiration he grabbed pen and paper and quickly wrote.

"To the occupier of TurnBull Ranch, Rapid City, South Dakota, USA

To whom it may concern.

I am trying to locate a friend who I lost contact with several years ago. His name is Ryan Monroe and was living at this address. I would appreciate any help you could give me in locating him as he was a very close friend.

Yours Faithfully

Tommy Anderson"

Originally he was going to write it to Ryan but he figured that if Ryan had moved then someone else would now be living there. But if he hadn't then he would open the letter and maybe that's all he would need to prompt him to get back in contact.

That afternoon it was in the post.

Every day for a month Tommy checked his mail box, he was beginning to think that it was just a waste of time when one day he received a letter with an American post mark. He flew into his room ripping it open, as he did so a photograph fell out. He picked it up and saw it was of Ryan holding a baby, next to him was a woman but the photograph was burnt on the edges marring her features. His heart jumped, he hadn't seen Ryan's face for six years, he couldn't believe he had a photograph of him. He took out the letter and began to read.

"Dear Tommy.

My name is Ida Patterson and are the new owners of TurnBull Ranch. We moved in four years ago after it was rebuilt."

Tommy didn't like where this was going, Ryan was no longer there.

"I'm sorry to inform you that the original Ranch was burned down, they had discovered two bodies which they believe was Ryan Monroe and his wife."

Tommy choked, tears filled his eyes,

Ryan was dead?

"They never found the baby.

I have enclosed a photograph that we found when the Ranch was being rebuilt. I'm sure you would appreciate it having been as you said such a close friend.

Again I am sorry for your loss.

Best wishes

Ida Patterson."

Tommy picked up the photograph and cried. He cried like he had never done before, all the years of hope suddenly washed away, he was never

ever

going to see his Ryan again. He placed the photo next to the one of his mother and cried himself to sleep.

* * *

Six years had passed and Tommy was now working in a private clinic, the money was much better and he was a senior nurse. The picture of Ryan was now framed and in pride of place next to his mothers photo, two people who meant the world to him.

He felt like he had moved on from the loss of Ryan but in reality he hadn't. He still hadn't been with anyone else, not even on a date. No one interested him enough to want to go there, instead he would just masturbate to memories of his time with Ryan. He preferred it that way, he didn't want to loose the love he still held for him and going with someone else might just endanger that.

It was a lovely summers day as Tommy walked through Hyde park having just finishing a long shift at the clinic. As he exited the park and turned into the street where he lived a young boy slammed into him, both of them went flying.

"Hey!" Tommy shouted picking himself up. He looked over at the boy, he seemed petrified, tears were streaming down his cheeks.

"Are you ok?" Tommy asked holding out his hand to help the boy up.

Suddenly two more boys came flying round the corner and Tommy realised why he had been running. "You boy's got somewhere else you need to be!" Tommy snarled.

The boys turned and ran leaving Tommy to help the young boy up. He looked no older than fourteen, dressed in a school boy uniform with a maroon blazer and grey shorts. He had jet black hair and was rather skinny, he looked quite frail too. But Tommy was rather surprised at how handsome he was, he'd never looked on boys that way before but there was something about this lad that he found somewhat attractive.

The boy shyly apologised between sobs, "I'm sorry Mr."

Tommy handed him his handkerchief to wipe his eyes, "that's ok, no harm done. What's your name?"

"Thomas."

"Oh, it's not often I meet someone with the same name as me," Tommy states, "but people call me Tommy".

Thomas hands the handkerchief back to Tommy, "thanks."

"Will you be ok?" Tommy asked, the boy nodded.

Tommy then turned to go when Thomas spoke, "Can I buy you a coffee?"

Tommy turned back in surprise. "Er, not sure if I should accept drinks from strange boys," he said trying to make a joke.

"It's only a coffee," the boy replied.

Tommy felt a little embarrassed. He found it odd that a young boy would want to buy him coffee but he figured he had saved the boy from bullies and he was really cute , "Yeah ok, why not."

They headed to a small coffee house just round the corner and after getting their drinks sat in the window.

"So why was those boys chasing you?" Tommy asked.

Thomas stared into his coffee, "I'd rather not say."

"I used to be bullied too," Tommy said.

"I'm not being bullied," Thomas said, Tommy sensed he was lying. The boy paused for a moment studying Tommy. "What did you do?"

"Tried to ignore them. It was difficult though, sometimes they just wouldn't leave me alone."

"Yeah, it's the same for me," Thomas said hanging his head.

"I suppose your father has told you to stand up to them?"

Thomas nodded, "but I can't, there's always more of them and they're stronger than me," he blurted out tears forming in his eyes.

Tommy took hold of his hand, "I know, that's exactly what I used to say, but it wasn't till I had left school I realised that standing up to them was the only way for it to stop."

Thomas didn't seem convinced but he never took his eyes off Tommy.

Tommy changed the subject, "Your accent doesn't seem English, where are you from."

"I was born in America but grew up in London." he replied.

"I knew an American once," Tommy sighed remembering Ryan.

"Anyone I know?" the boy asked.

Tommy laughed, "America's a big place you know."

"I know, it was a joke." Thomas smiled.

Tommy laughed some more, "Well you got me good."

They chatted some more about school and his plans to be an architect and Tommy's career in nursing. They were really getting to know one another when Tommy noticed a look on the boy's face, it was the same look that Ryan had all those years ago. He found himself lost in the young boy's eyes. Feelings he thought had been buried began to resurface and in an instant he was eighteen again, looking into the eyes of his lover.

"That's my father, I have to go, thank you for the coffee," Thomas said standing.

Tommy snapped out of his trance,

What just happened?

Tommy looked out of the window, all he could see was the back of a tall man in a trench coat. Thomas waved goodbye and joined his father. The man never once looked back.

Tommy sat in silence, still reeling from the encounter. How could he be attracted to that boy.

He's only fourteen for Gods sake.

* * *

"Hey you ok?" Tommy asked.

Thomas was crying, "Yeah, I'm fine, it's just such a sad story."

He looked deep into Thomas's eyes, he still had that look that captivated him. He was glad he never mentioned that part in his story. He didn't want it to complicate things.

"Yeah, well you're the first person I've ever told it to."

"And a beautiful story it was too," a voice croaked from the bed.

"Pops, you're awake," Thomas got up and sat by the bed.

"Ah, Mr Richardson, I'm glad you're awake, I need to take your temperature," Thomas said walking over to Donald.

As Tommy leant over and placed the thermometer in Donald's mouth, the dying man spoke.

"I never stopped loving you Tommy."

Tommy was confused, he looked at Thomas who was smiling profusely, then carefully looked at Donald. Suddenly Tommy stood up, it felt like a bolt of lightening had struck him. Emotions overwhelmed him like a tidal wave as he choked out his name.

"Ryan?"