Noah's Starship

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*****

+{Noah's Starship}+

-+-[September]-+-

"Your father is not yet comfortable with it, but I know he will be someday soon. I will prove that I can provide for my Noah and then he will come around." Navid nudged my sandwich towards me to indicate I should take a bite. I was shocked and a little confused though.

"You talked to him about it already?" I shouldn't have been so surprised. Navid regularly discussed things with my dad before he even brought it up to me. He was still so traditional and sometimes it drove me crazy. I reminded myself that his culture had different ways, and he had made incredible effort to start including my thoughts in our decisions.

I'm sure it would have been different if my dad weren't so open and comfortable with me being gay. It wasn't something he talked about often, but I was sure he had pinned down Navid and had a very honest yet gentle conversation. It's just who he is. He wasn't the type to just let me have a secret. So in turn, Navid had pursued this as he would have with a girl according to his culture.

In his culture, it was expected that the "stronger one" leads. It wasn't that he didn't care what I thought or wanted. As he had explained, the "stronger one" is supposed to know the heart of the "weaker" and always think of it first when making decisions for the couple. To ask my opinion was admitting that he hadn't figured me out, didn't know my heart.

"Of course! Why would I bring it up to you if is not even possibility? He is your father and still makes the big decisions for you. It is not yet my place to offer such things to you. Please eat, Noah. You will be hungry in class today." Navid pushed my sandwich closer.

+++

We'd started the fall semester last week and were getting into the rhythm of school again. Navid had insisted on me getting brand new textbooks for my classes. I had always had the cheapest used copies I could find online. He also bought new notebooks and nice pens and even tossed in a small stuffed bear with a Tarzana Toros logo on its chest that he'd caught me eyeing in the check-out line.

He also insisted I get new clothes for the semester and took me to the big mall in Warner Center. He liked me in the California skater look, but with a more conservative twist. Tank tops and small shorts were swapped out for long-sleeve tees and jeans that weren't super-fitting. I didn't like spending his money, but he wanted me to have nice things. He said it wouldn't look right for him to have new things while I "dragged about" in second hand clothes. Sometimes his English sounded very European.

Since the weekend in Palm Springs, we hadn't spent many nights apart. My dad had agreed to me staying at Navid's place on weekend nights, while Navid stayed at our place during the week unless he wanted a night alone with his friends. The first few nights, he just acted extra sleepy so my dad would offer again. My dad caught on though and I guess they talked it out, because the third night Navid came over with his gym bag stuffed with clothes.

I cleared a drawer for him and he mixed his boxers in with my briefs. He even bought a new rug to keep in my room for his prayer time. He rolled it up and hid it in my closet when not in use. I think he worried of what my dad would think though my dad knew about his religion and didn't care.

+++

"So... what did my dad say when you asked about us moving in together? He didn't mention it to me," I asked after swallowing a bite of my sandwich. Curiosity got the better of me.

"He is concerned of course because you've never lived away from him. You are still so young and naive. He knows I am to graduate this year and earlier I told him that I might not be able to find a job to stay in California. So he think of course that I may not be here long time... So maybe it does not make sense to him for you to move in with me..." Navid rubbed my leg under the table where we sat in a secluded booth on the second floor of the student center.

"You're leaving California? You can't leave... What about... us?" I asked. It was the first time he had mentioned it and did so casually.

"You will come with me, of course! You can finish your studies wherever we go, but I must find job to stay in the States. Chicago, Phoenix, Miami... I am trying desperately for us. Your leaders will not let me hang out here just for being so handsome," Navid laughed at his joke. I did not.

"Miami? I can't leave California! My dad is here... my school... my friends... my life. This is all I know, Navid. It's my home. I'm not like you. You have been everywhere. I don't even have a passport!" I felt panic smack me at the thought that he could just go like that.

"I will always, ALWAYS provide a home for my Noah... We will make family together wherever we go... But, We don't know what will happen in future. I should not tell you those things when I know you will think on them too much and be upset! I do not want for your worries. Whatever can happen, I will make sure it is best for the both of us to do... together. You will finish your studies wherever we go... I promise," Navid whispered as he leaned towards me.

He looked around to see that no one was paying attention to us as we were hidden behind a big table of Chinese students working on a project. He kissed my lips quickly, and then squeezed my thigh and slid his hand up between my legs.

"I just worry that this will all be over someday without any notice," I confessed and lowered my eyes to his chest. He had worn a low v-neck t-shirt today and it showed off his chest hair nicely.

"I know you worry, Noah. But it is my place to do the worries for both of us. Your job is to study hard and let me buy nice things for you. It is why I want us to get a place of our own. I have friend who has beautiful townhomes in gated complex that he is renovating to nice and modern. We could have a beautiful place in a safe neighborhood. We could get furniture and a new bed just for us. We could be naked and together in every room. I wouldn't have to seek anyone's permission to touch you and have you in my arms every night. I wouldn't have to worry about you when you are safe in my nest, little eagle." Navid looked at me with hopeful eyes.

"They are close to my dad?" I asked.

"Of course! They are closer to Ventura Boulevard so we could walk to nice restaurants and shops! We have time. It will not be ready for a few weeks. I can prove to your father that you will be safe with me and I can take care of you. I am ready to start our life together. I need you with me," Navid whispered as he looked right through my eyes as though he could see my heart.

"Now please," he continued, "Finish your sandwich."

+++

That next Thursday I got the craziest news of my life and ran excitedly to meet up with him near the parking garage. He noticed me bouncing happily and a smile spread across his lips. He walked me to his car quickly. We slid in and he leaned over the center console to kiss me.

"What is it? Why is my Noah so happy? What happens to my boy today?" He pulled into the line of cars waiting to exit onto the street.

"Tonight! Can you come for dinner? I want to tell you and my dad together." He never came for dinner. He went home and did his prayers and workout. He ate there before coming over most nights. It was the only 3 hours we spent apart most days.

He took me to the grocery store near my apartment and insisted on paying for the ingredients I picked out for that night's special dinner. I made one of the few special things I knew how to make as most nights my dad and I had the same grilled chicken or fish and vegetables that I prepared when he came home from work.

For that night I got chicken, things to stuff inside it, and bacon to wrap around it along with vegetables for side dishes. Navid requested fresh-baked cookies so he tossed some pre-made dough in the cart. He also bought the expensive beer my dad had said he liked.

He dropped me off at the apartment with a kiss, and said he would be back in a few hours for dinnertime.

+++

"This better not be something crazy. You two aren't getting married, are you?" My dad asked with a raised eyebrow as we sat down to a packed table. Both Navid and I shouted no in unison.

"Wait, you don't want to marry me?" I shot Navid a sad look and saw the deep blush over his almond-skin cheeks.

"Noah, please! Your news! What it is? Focus!" Navid set down his fork with an exasperated sigh.

"Ok! Ok, ok! So my English professor, the one we had this summer for the course. You remember him? I think he has a lazy eye, but the rest of him looks lazy too, so..." I started.

"You made us dinner to celebrate his lazy eye?" My dad interrupted.

"No, no, no. That is just. Ok so he asked me to hang out for a few minutes after class today. He is in charge of the tutoring lab for international students learning English. They are getting a lot of new students from Syria and Iraq," I continued.

"Yes, it is tragic war over there. So sad what is going on," Navid said and shook his head.

"Right! They need our help. So they have new funding to pay for tutors. They need five of them. He recommended me for it and said if I want the job, it is mine. It's just two hours a day for four days a week, but it pays $10 an hour! That's $80 per week! I would be making money and helping refugee students! Plus I'd qualify for cheaper tuition as a student worker! That's even more money!" I bit my lip as I tried to contain my excitement.

My dad and Navid looked at each other like they were deciding which one would go first. I instantly felt the tension rise in the room.

"Noah, you remember a few years ago when you wanted to get the after-school job at the pet store on the corner? I told you I didn't want you working until after you finished college. It's not a good idea," My dad gave me that look that said he knew I didn't like his decision, but he was firm on it.

"I can pay for your tuition, Noah. It is cheap. You do not need to worry about that. You have no need for a job right now. It would be stressful to your studies," Navid chimed in, happy to not be the one shooting down my opportunity. I knew he wouldn't be thrilled about it.

"But I could make money and pay for us when we go out sometimes. Plus I could chip in on stuff around here, dad. You always are worried about bills," I tried to reason with both of them.

"I'm ok, Noah. I got a raise recently and well... I'll be honest. Navid paying for your tuition and books helped out a lot too. I don't think you need to worry about anything other than your grades," Dad said.

"But..." I started to argue as Dad sipped his overpriced beer.

"Look Nik," he interrupted, using my initials as he often did when our conversations got awkward. "I HAD to go to work when I was 15 to help support my family. I didn't do so well in high school. I had to work and support your mom and a baby while we struggled through community college. I've worked hard jobs most of my life and I don't regret it. You are my motivation for getting out of bed most mornings. I did all of that to give you a better chance in life. You have many years ahead of you to work and stress about money."

He set down his fork and raised my face to look him in the eyes, "You are so smart and talented. You are going to be someone successful and make good money. You'll publish a book that will change the world! Then I can retire early and have a bedroom in your big house with my own TV and every cable channel. I plan to spend all day watching sports, playing golf, and goofing around with the grandkids that you will someday give me."

"It could be dangerous too, Noah. They would place you with male students as is their culture. These students come from war areas that aren't stable like Iran. You being alone with them. They don't know boys like... soft boys like you who like other boys. It doesn't sound good. I don't want that for you to be hurt. Is not good," Navid said with a sad look.

"That's a good point. I mean I'm sure they're nice guys, but their culture doesn't exactly condone guys who are into other guys," Dad agreed and went back to his dinner. "Besides, you only have a few years left to be a kid and just focus on school. You will miss this time in your life when it's over. You will miss it so much. Don't rush it."

"Let's enjoy this delicious meal you prepare for us, ok Noah?" Navid said and took a bite.

"It was to celebrate my first job offer..." I was stunned and felt my heartbeat in my ear.

"It is a huge honor! You are smart and you will have many other opportunities. I am always so proud of you! But it is not right for now. Your job is to be a student... But of course, you are an adult now. It is your choice to make," Dad sighed. I knew what he wanted me to choose.

+++

"You are still upset, my Noah? My father not allow me to work in college either," Navid said as he stroked my hair that night as we laid together in my bed with my head on his chest.

"You heard my dad. I guess he's right, but I just thought it could be my chance to help out," I said and rubbed my fingers through his chest hair. He slid his hand down my back and squeezed my butt.

"You have such a good heart. I know you wanted to help out the refugee students and earn some money. You care about helping others, but no one expects you to pay for things right now. It is my honor to provide for my Noah. It make my heart jump when I see you are pleased and fed and have nice things. You will work when it is right for you. Then I can be kept man. I will wear robe all day and play video game. You want that? You be my Sugar-Noah?" Navid rubbed his finger down the center of my ass and kissed my forehead as he laughed.

He used his other hand to tickle me and we rolled around in my little twin bed laughing until he flipped me over and pinned me on my back against the mattress. He was on top of me and slid my arms up to cross my hands above my head. He held me by the wrists with one hand and used the other to caress my cheek as he leaned down for a kiss.

He was so quick with his movements and it reminded me that he was trained for two years in the Iranian army. He so rarely played with me like that since the time he had hurt my arm. It was like he was afraid I would break from the smallest amount of force. If I even hinted that I was uncomfortable he would freeze and look guilty and make sure I was ok.

"I would totally be your sugar daddy," I whispered and looked up into his strong, loving eyes. "I would be anything you want just to spend every night in your arms."

"What do I do in life to deserve the most beautiful boy with kind heart and emeralds for eyes?" His smile faded as though it were a serious question. His eyes narrowed-in to consider me as his lips pressed into a thin line.

He stroked my cheek and then said, "I have not been good enough to earn someone like you. I ask myself everyday why I am so lucky to hold such a sweet, gentle soul in my arms. Why Allah gives you to me to protect. You are a reward I do not deserve. I have hurt many boys who I didn't care about. They didn't have your beauty or your sweet, gentle charm. It was just sex... a place to drop my seed... and I knew at the start it wasn't what I wanted. I will work hard to be the worthy man you deserve."

He was opening up to me and looked so sad.

"It's ok though, you found me. I don't care about all that. I love you," I whispered, wanting to take away his guilt, his pain. "I can protect you too. You can start over with me."

"You... are my world." Navid leaned down and kissed me, slid his arms around me, rolled over on his back, and held me against his chest.

+++

Thursday afternoon we met up with Erik and Miguel at the mini golf castle in Sherman Oaks. My dad took me there a lot of weekend when I was a kid. They had batting cages and he dreamed of me playing baseball before he figured out I was gay and wasn't getting over my anxiety when hard balls flew at me.

My dad used to stand there for hours yelling, "Come on Noah! You got this, dude! Come on! Hit it!" He'd eventually just get right behind me and cover my hands with his holding onto the bat. He'd hit the ball and then make me try to do it on my own and then get frustrated with me.

We'd do this until I cried and then he'd feel like a huge asshole and cheer me up with some nachos. We'd sit on a bench and watch the LA river flow by and he'd apologize and hide his disappointment. Once he figured out I wasn't going to be his star athlete, we switched over to the mini golf and there were no more tears.

We all met up by the snack shop. Navid and I were early and were sharing a frozen lemonade in the 100 degree sun when Erik and Miguel walked up.

"I don't get why you like this place, Noah. It's old and creepy." Erik hugged me, swiped off his big sunglasses, and then gave an awkward hug to Navid. Everyone was trying to get along for me. I was happy that my friends and my boyfriend cared so much. Miguel hugged me tightly and then offered Navid a handshake.

We got our putters and a cup full of brightly colored balls and then set off on the course. I knew every hole on this course and I had several hole-in-ones. Navid was shocked and a little embarrassed by his score. I know how competitive he is, so I started to throw my game off a little.

"I've played this same course hundreds of times since I was little. I know every little bump," I admitted.

He cheered up at that and said, "Ah I see that. I am used to only play real golf in big fairways." He started to do better after regaining his confidence and we were beating Erik and Miguel who were both more interested in conversation than playing the game.

"So Noah, do you two already have your suits for the Fall formal? I, as your vice president, have secured the hottest little spot in Toluca Lake." Erik said when we took a break and got more lemonade.

"I actually... I haven't brought it up to Navid yet," I turned to look at Navid who eyed me with confusion.

"What is a fall formal?" He asked with one eye opened wider than the other.

"It's for the LGBT student club. All those fundraisers Noah skipped. We were able to get this club owner to give us his party room for the night at a cheap rate. We are going to get all dressed up and make it a special night for the members. I saved two tickets for Noah and his... date. I'm bringing my new guy so you can all meet him!" Erik was excited.

"It would be nice to get dressed up with you and go somewhere nice. You look so cute in a tie," I said to Navid and squeezed his arm.

"We will check the date to see what is planned already, ok?" Navid said to Erik. He turned to me and whispered, "We discuss this later, ok please?"

I nodded and offered Erik a hopeful smile. "We'll see, ok? It does sound fun! We'll try, ok?"

Miguel ended up winning because no one had paid much attention to him. Navid bought him a cookie for his victory at the snack shop. We sat out under the covered patio and talked about goofy stuff. Erik was dating a new guy, an Armenian with a fancy sports car. The guy had taken him up the coast to a little hotel on the beach and Erik got pretty graphic talking about the sex. Navid squirmed uncomfortably and gripped my hand, but he didn't interrupt or pull me out of there. It went well and I was proud of him for trying.

"There will be cameras there," Navid told me when we got back to the car. We'd said goodbye to the guys and Navid gave both of them a more genuine hug this time. Miguel and he had spent the last few minutes bonding over some video game they both liked. It was a moment of hope that my friends would get along with Navid. I pictured us all having dinner somewhere together and going to fun places.