[If I can't find the cure, I'll fix you with my love
And if you say you're okay, I'm gonna heal you anyway
Promise I'll always be there, Promise I'll be the cure -Lady Gaga]
+{Noah's Starship}+
+++
"It wasn't the right time. Soon, my love. I promise," Navid said as he hung up with his parents. I'd perched on a high stool at the kitchen bar watching him the whole time. I don't know Persian, but I understood the happy banter as he paced back and forth looking for an opener. But there had been no tension in their words, no revelation. He hadn't told them. This had been going on for a few weeks. He kept trying to find the right time.
"You really don't have to do it. You don't have to tell them about us, it's ok. What if they hate us? What if they never want to accept me? What if they blame me for it like I brainwashed you? What if I ruin your family for you and they never want to talk to you again?" I felt my leg shaking as I spoke.
"Baby love," Navid said and looked at me with sad eyes. He came towards me and wrapped his arms around my chest to pull me into him. "This is not your doing, my sweet one. You are the most important person in my life and it is time that they knew this," he assured. He buried his nose into my shoulder and kissed my chest as he leaned over me.
"I hate this, Navee. I wish things could be easier. It's so awkward to talk to your dad as if everything is fine. He helped me review for my final last night and then I listened to him talk about the new research he's doing." I sighed.
I'd spent a lot of time this semester getting help from his dad over the facechat on the computer. Mr. Naseri opened up to me about a lot of things. His children were growing up and losing touch with him, no longer needing his help or advice. We talked about anything and everything. He said he liked practicing his English with me, but in reality his was better than Navid's. He'd spent most of his teen years outside of London and held degrees from British schools. Like his son, he was brilliant, analytical, handsome, and charming.
But now with the impending revelation hanging over things, our chats were a little more awkward. He'd noticed. He asked what was worrying me. I could talk to him about anything, but never that. The true nature of my relationship with Navid wasn't mine to disclose. I pretended to be having an argument with Erik about stuff. He'd told me to forgive him, to always be the one to make peace. He said life was shorter than we realize and best friends are life's true gold.
"I know, Noah. I know... It will be done soon. I can't have you worry for this. My father can never be angry with you no matter what. Believe to me when I say this, Noah. My parents will blame me. I am the one who takes your innocence. They know you are too sweet to be the guilt in this. If they become upset, it will direct it for me," Navid assured and kissed my forehead.
"I took yours too," I said and pushed my lips against his neck. He just laughed. He'd never accept that. His parents only saw me as the naive innocent because that's how Navid portrayed me. I really did feel like his child sometimes.
+++
"It is done," Navid said when he got home from work the next day. I'd made dinner for us since he had been stuck in traffic. I guess he had called them on the way home as he inched along.
"What? What happened? What did they say? Tell me everything!" I demanded and jumped off the couch where I'd been napping in a pair of shorts and tank top. It was warming up to summer in the San Fernando Valley. We'd had more hot days than cool. I hate this transition, but it meant the semester was nearly over.
"Is very confusing. I don't think they believe me. There were no tears or yells. It was like I tell a joke that is not funny and everyone just sit quietly." Navid said with a sigh. He set down his work bag and hung his jacket over a dining table chair. He loosened his tie and unbuttoned the first few on his white dress shirt. His toned brown chest sprinkled with black hair came into view. I got weak, needing to touch him, but this wasn't the moment for that.
"What did you tell them?" I asked as I paced around him like a shark. I knew he wouldn't say that he was gay. He didn't consider himself gay. To his culture, homosexuality meant much more than just two men who loved each other. It was considered a disorder, something that needed to be dealt with strongly. There were many layers of cultural and religious pressure on him, layers I hadn't grown up with and didn't understand fully.
On top of that, in Navid's native culture, to be homosexual meant that you were the man who received the other man inside you, the bottom. The one who "seeded" was just doing what men do in their eyes; getting as much action as possible. This went way beyond the idea of two souls in love who happened to be male.
As much as Navid had adapted to my culture and knew that those stereotypes didn't exist here, it was still hard for him to consider himself "gay." I was slowly making progress with him, but we still had a long ways to go. It seemed odd to have to "come-out" in a gay relationship.
Navid had come a long way, but he still had to deal with a deeply traditional culture that held a huge stick of shame over his head.
"I tell them truth, princess. I say that I feel for you like I would feel my wife. I say I want to marry with you and is legal in this country. I tell them you feel same for me, we want to spend our life with together and raise a family. I tell them I love you more than any, that you are my heart." Navid said. His eyes looked a little red, but I knew he would hold back the tears.
"Well that is... um... pretty clear I guess? And they didn't understand it?" I asked. I pushed into his arms as he fished his wallet and keys out of his pocket and tossed them into the bowl on the coffee table. He took off his tie and slipped it around my neck. He liked seeing me in his things.
"I guess it is not so clear. They say it is very nice to have someone to care for and love. They say they know you are very good boy for me and I take care of you as my own child... then they change topic. My mother then says about a girl she met who will be perfect for me and want to study here in America. Is like they don't hear what I say at all!" Navid stripped off his shirt and set it on the chair. He stepped out of his black leather shoes.
"So... wow... I... What does that mean? Do they do that sometimes?" I asked and put my hand on his chest. He leaned down and kissed my cheek and shook his head.
"If only I know what they think. I do not know this, my love. All I know if they know now. We will move ahead with our plans. You will be mine. I will be yours. They will know this," Navid sighed.
