Nocturnal Creaming

I hope you all have a blessed and fabulous new year!!!!

Happy reading!!!!!

谢谢你的帮助，托尼

Jay

*****

It's no surprise that Chester couldn't get back to sleep seeing as he...had an accident of sorts—that disturbed his slumber. His mind was restless. Thoughts raced through his head at astronomical speeds. Thoughts about John. Thoughts about that deliciously dirty dream.

Sleep also escaped him because he couldn't...relax the tensions of his body. And boy, was there tension. From the moment he woke up from his dream, his penis was hard. It was still hard when he took off his soiled underwear and opted for a pair of black shorts. And it's still hard now. Half an hour later as he lay in bed. Eyes wide open, staring into the darkness of his bedroom.

It feels like there's a brick in his pants.

He knew he had it bad for John, but my goodness! He didn't know he was so far gone. It's so fucked up. Really. John's

HETEROSEXUAL

. He has a family for God's sake. It's so vile to fall in love with a straight man. An unavailable straight man. But Chester can't ignore his feelings. They're there. And they'll always be there.

His heart beats for John.

*****

It's eight in the morning, and Chester busies himself with his work at the bakery. He's not going to let John's body distract him today. He's not going to think about his deep brown eyes. Nor his yummy legs. Not even his infectious laugh. Nope. Nope. Nope. He banishes John from his head all together.

But unfortunately, thoughts of John teleport from the head on his neck to the head between his legs. His black trousers suddenly become uncomfortably tight.

Chester sighs.

How is he going to get any work done with a constant hard on?

Good thing John's not here to see him this way.

Wait. Where is John? Usually, he makes a big show of arriving at work and getting things started before Chester, just to prove that he's the more diligent of the two.

He's very late. He's probably—

"Good morning!"

Spoke too soon.

The hair at the nape of Chester's neck sticks out and his belly flutters at the sound of John's voice.

He didn't even hear the chime of the bells above the entrance door signaling someone's presence in the shop.

Chester sets the frosting bag down on the counter and looks behind him to see John standing in the archway.

"Hey, John."

"Hey. A special someone volunteered to help us out today." John raises his eyebrows and sports a toothy grin that could melt glaciers.

"Huh?" [Chester asks confused]

John snaps his fingers and Jefferson appears from the hallway and hugs his Daddy's left thigh. Eyeing Chester shyly.

"Hi Chester," he squeaks.

"Hello Jeff!"

John explains: "Mommy got called into work and his babysitter bailed at the last minute. So...he's gonna be with me. With us. If that's okay?"

"Sure," Chester beams, "we have tons of work to do anyways. I'm happy you're here buddy."

[Jefferson fist bumps his dad.]

*****

After Chester finishes up with his frosting, he watches John and Jefferson make egg tarts.

They seem to be having fun. Jeff rolls and kneads the dough like a pro. And when it was time for the eggs, all of his breaks were clean. Not even microscopic remnants of eggshells fell into the mixture. It's clear that Jefferson takes it all in whenever his daddy bakes at home. Chester is impressed, Very impressed.

Even more impressed at his customer service skills. All of his regulars were so infatuated with the five year old playing host and some of them stayed longer than they normally do. They ordered a lot more goodies as well, just to have more opportunities to interact with little Jeff. He welcomed all of the attention. He practically basked in it.

When things started to dwindle down around noon, the lads decided it was time for lunch.

"Lunch is on me!" John exclaims. "What are you having, son?"

"Chicken nuggets. And pineapple juice. And chips."

"You got it."

John turns to Chester and asks: "Nuggets for you, too?"

"Uhh—"

"Try them. They're nice," Jeff cuts in.

"Well, okay then." [Chester smiles]. "I'll have the nuggets. And pork lo mein from Burke's kitchen."

"Alright, I'll be back soon. Jeff. You behave."

"I'll try."

John and Chester chuckle at his retort because they both know he's as quiet as a mouse.

With John away, Chester and Jeff tidy up a bit. To start, they load the dishwasher with baking trays and all the other baking materials. Next, they do a bit of sweeping because no matter how careful they are, flour still somehow ends up all over the floor. They then wipe the countertops down and start to put away the ingredients.

When they've finished, Chester watches him do some coloring. The picture depicts a carriage led by two horses.

"My daddy talks about you a lot." [Jeff says randomly]

"Really?"

"Yep. He keeps mentioning how cool you are...and he said he wants to be like you one day. Not a baker per se, but he said he'd like to own his own business like you. And become his own boss."

"Oh." Chester doesn't know what else to say. He feels all warm inside upon hearing this revelation, but at the same time, he can't wrap his head around a five year old having the phrase '

per se

' in his vocabulary.

"Yeah. Some of daddy and mommy's friends came over on Friday. And they were talking about you then, too."

That's one of the main things Chester likes about kids. They love to volunteer information.

"What were they saying?"

[Jeff shrugs and picks up a brown crayon to bring life to one of the horses]

He suddenly looks uncomfortable.

"What were they saying, buddy?" Chester tries his best to keep the demanding edge out of his tone.

"Just that...well...at first..." [Jefferson sets the crayon down and wrings his hands together] "They were all saying that you're an awesome baker—that everything on your menu tastes fantastic. And then Daddy's friend Paul said daddy spends more time with you than he does them."

"Go on."

"And then...mommy...she put her hands over my ears like this." [Jefferson rests his palms flat against both of his ears]. "But I could still hear everything. She said you and daddy probably 'got it bad' for each other and everybody started laughing."

Again, Chester doesn't know what to say. He guessed a few too many glasses of some fancy wine loosened her tongue a bit.

Jefferson continues: "And then daddy got really mad and started yelling. He kicked everyone out. Then he and mommy argued for hours."

"So when they argued, where were you?"

"I hid in my room. Lately, they argue a lot. I'm used to it." [Jeff starts to color a second horse. This time in white]

Chester's heart breaks for this boy. No child should have to witness first hand his/her parents fighting. Especially at such a young age. Are they mental? Do they not understand how traumatizing it is for a child to see and hear that shit?

"Did you hear what they were saying, Jeff? When they were fighting?"

"Only a little. Mommy said: "You know what, John? At first, I was joking. But now that I really think about it, I should be concerned. You should see the way

Chester the Baker

looks at you. You should see your face whenever you talk about him. It lights up, John. It's so obvious you two like each other but don't know it."

"Oh."

"Mommy sleeps alone. Daddy sleeps in my room. With me."

Oh dear God.

"What's the big deal anyways? I don't get it. You guys are friends right? And aren't friends supposed to like each other? Th-th-that's how people become friends in the first place." [Jeff eyes Chester questioningly]

Before he can respond, the doorbells chime.

Ten seconds later, John walks in and says "I'm back" and sets the food down.

Everyone digs in.

The unsettling silence between Chester and Jefferson for the rest of the day, does not go unnoticed.

*****

Chester's eyes are unblinking as he stares at the TV screen. But he's not paying attention. His mind is elsewhere.

He doesn't know what to think. Someone insinuated that John might be gay. And that John might be in love with him. And he blew up. This could mean two things. Maybe, he's a homophobic bastard and that's...okay. Not everyone has the same views and feelings when it comes to homosexuality. Hell, if he himself were a straight man and someone called him gay, he'd be offended.

It'll break Chester's heart if that's the case; because not only will he lose the one and only man he's ever loved, he'll also lose his best friend. His only friend.

On the other hand, the delusional department of Chester's brain wants to believe that it may be true and he got riled up because other people started calling him out on it. And maybe—just maybe, he doesn't know how to deal with these feelings.

It's understandable. When you're accustomed to living a certain lifestyle and a new awakening manifests within you, your emotions are bound to go haywire. You're going to feel angry. Sad. Confused. Overwhelmed. Chester's been through it all. So he knows.

But in John's case, it's going to be more knotty for him to deal with because he has a family. And in the event he acts on his feelings, it'll be like the final nail in a coffin. He's going to lose everything. His girlfriend. And if she arms herself with a good lawyer, he may lose custody of Jefferson. And all of this for what?

Some man he met less than four months ago? John will never forgive himself.

And Chester will never forgive

himself

for breaking up their union.

Chester lies down on the couch. He knows he should probably go on up to bed because he has a big job tomorrow. A wedding. Weddings bring in big bucks, but the work is too much. Plus, John's not available to work tomorrow. He doesn't know how he'll manage alone. And the ambiguity of that statement scares him a lot more than it should.

"Fuck this!" [Chester hisses]

All of this overthinking and overanalyzing is exhausting. From now on, he simply will not think. And the best way to achieve that is to go to a bar and down some alcohol. And pick up a handsome bloke, if he's lucky.

It's eleven p.m. He'll make sure he's back home within three hours. Chester goes to his bedroom and rifles through his closet. He settles on a knitted long-sleeved sweater. It's gray. And a pair of dark blue chinos. He completes the look with his vintage gray 990's.

He gargles some Listerine, sprays deodorant under his arms, applies lip balm and a little cologne. He grabs his phone and car keys and he's out the door.

It's not a long drive. He arrives at 'Hot Skull' in exactly nine minutes. He parks and proceeds to the entrance. The inside is very dim. His nose picks up the scent of cigarette smoke and aged alcohol. The place is packed.

He almost walks back out but he picks out a vacant seat at the far end of the bar counter. Chester feels as though everyone is staring at him.

The bartender doesn't even give him a chance to settle in properly.

"What can I get you?"

"Two shots of whisky, please."

"Make that four shots. It's on me." [Says the man directly next to Chester]

"Oh, you don't have—"

"I want to."

Chester shuts up.

"I'm Scott."

"Chester."

[The men shake hands]

It's so loud in this bar and Chester practically has to shout to hear his own voice.

The bartender sets their drinks down and the men get going.

Scott blatantly checks Chester out but he pretends he doesn't notice.

Suddenly, Scott leans over and whispers in Chester's ear: "I have whisky back at my place. It's quieter there. You in?"

Chester ponders for a moment.

He can't shake the feeling that if he goes home with Scott, it'll be like he's cheating on John. And they're not even together!!! What is that about?

Chester reminds himself that he needs to be realistic. There will never be a Chester and John.

"Sure," Chester responds.

Scott pays and leads him outside. Again, Chester feels like everyone is staring at him.

Chester follows along in his car for twenty minutes. They arrive at a massive apartment complex with underground parking.

Scott's flat is on the ground floor and it has tons of space.

"Nice place"

"Thanks."

Chester sits on the living room sofa while Scott fetches their drinks.

Chester takes a deep breath. He's doing this. He's really going to...have sex. For the first time. At thirty-four.

And it's not going to be with John.

"Here you are."

Chester accepts the whisky from Scott and they sip.

Scott then rests his glass down and Scoots closer to Chester. He leans in and fans Chester's neck with his breath. "Is this okay?"

[Chester nods]

He's relatively new to hook up culture. The only experience he has is from living vicariously through the lives of fictional characters in books or movies.

Shouldn't there be some kind of buildup? Shouldn't the two men get to know one another a bit first before the idea of sex comes up? Ask questions surrounding likes and dislikes, hobbies, occupations, purpose in life and other related topics?

Scott licks and pecks and Chester closes his eyes. Chester turns his head and they kiss. Tongues and all.

Chester's heart hammers away in his chest.

Scott straddles him and things start to get hot and heavy. Scott grinds his bottom all over Chester's crotch while Chester reaches around him to appreciate the plump roundness of his ass.

Scott's prick is on fire. So when he reaches between them to see if Chester's enjoying this as much as he is, he's a bit taken aback when he realizes that Chester is still flaccid.

Scott gets up off of him.

"What's wrong?"

"Dude, we've been making out and dry humping for ages and you're still not hard. I should be asking you that."

"I-"

"What's his name?"

"Huh?"

"The other guy you're thinking about. The one who has you looking so...troubled. Did you guys break up recently or something? Did he cheat?"

"It's—"

"Complicated. Yes. I know all about 'complicated.' Okay, Let's hear it."

[Chester takes a deep breath]. "He doesn't even know I like him. I tried to tell him so many times but there's never a right time."

"Who is this 'him'?"

"His name is John. He's straight. He has a five year old son and a girlfriend."

Scott squints. "You're not one of those deranged types that think you can 'turn' a straight guy, are you?"

"What?! no—"

"Well, I'm not understanding. He's straight. You're gay. It's not gonna happen. So why are you still hung up over him?"

"People seem to think that he's gay. And that he likes me— that way. But he just doesn't know it himself."

"Like who?"

"His girlfriend."

"She told you this?"

"No, his son."

"His

son

told you this...?" [Scott asks, slowly enunciating each word]

Chester relays the conversation he had with Jefferson earlier in the day.

"Okay Chester, just go for it. Tell him exactly how you feel. Holding that shit in...it's—it's not healthy. And even if he doesn't like you back; I mean—yeah you'll be sad about it for a little while, but in time, you'll come to accept it and make peace with it and move on with your life. There're so many other guys out there who'll be honored to be with you."

[Chester sighs]

"You've got to stop being such a teddy bear. Man up. Be assertive. Speak up for what you want. And since we're not having sex, I'm kicking you out."

Chester can't help but laugh.

The two men stand and hug for a long time. "Good luck, Chester. And if it doesn't work out, you know where to find me." [Scott smacks his butt]

The men exchange numbers and say goodbye.

*****

Four days later, John returns to work late in the afternoon. Not work at the bakery; work at his regular day job.

He's so tired.

All of that fighting with Sandrine has him fagged out. John can't wait to experience the sweet relief when they finally call it quits on this toxic relationship. Jefferson is the only reason they make an effort to make things work.

John submits his sheet to the secretary and turns to leave.

"Wait!"

John walks back to the counter.

The secretary, Camille, says to him: "Seems like the postman's got mail."

Camille stoops to the floor and when she stands, John's eyes bulge. "Woah! Are you sure those are for me?"

"That's what it says on the envelope, silly. You're the only John who works here."

Camille sets the large bouquet of flowers on the counter. It's filled with sunflowers and daisies. They're so vibrant and beautiful. John feels like he needs sunglasses just to look at them.

No one has ever sent him flowers before.

"Thanks Camille!"

"You're welcome."

John walks to the car park and hops in his vehicle.

"Okaaaay, who are these from?"

The white envelope has the name 'John' in red writing on the back. And it feels like there's a card inside. He turns it around and tears it open.

He takes the card out and when he opens it, a sheet of foolscap falls in his lap. John reads the writing in the card first.

It reads:

Thank you for being the very best friend a person could ask for

.

There's no mention of who it's from.

John figures he has to read the foolscap to find that out then.

He unfolds the single sheet of paper and he immediately recognizes Chester's untidy handwriting. He smiles.

It reads:

Hey, John. Through your eyes, you probably see this big, macho man who's not scared of anything. But deep down, I'm extremely shy. And I'm a coward. Sometimes, I feel like I'm four and not thirty-four. I'm not man enough to tell you this to your face so...that's why you're reading this.

John, I love you. I'm in love with you. There. I've said it.

For a very long time, I went through life feeling numb and alone. I felt like I was just...surviving.

But John, you being in my life is the best thing that has ever happened to me. You make me feel ALIVE. You make me feel things I've never felt before. You give me hope. You bring me joy. You make me feel safe.

It's like you fill this void in my life that I didn't know existed.

The moment I wake up, you're on my mind. And you're the last thing I think about before I fall asleep.

Every time I see you, my heart stops. And when you smile at me, it gets going again.

You're like a breath of fresh air.

These flowers remind me of you, John. The yellow resembles the sun. And John, you're my sunshine after the rain.

I'd climb the highest mountain for you. I'd sail across stormy waters just to have you in my arms.

You're my best friend. And friends can tell each other anything, right? I've kept my feelings from you for so long and holding them inside makes me feel like I'm drowning.

I want you. I want to be with you. And if you don't feel the same way about me; even if we're not friends anymore, at least I got all of this off of my chest.

From your buddy: Chester

John feels a wetness on his face and it takes him a moment to realize he's crying. He wipes his cheeks with his knuckles and drives off.

*****

It's five o' clock in the evening so the bakery is closed. John goes straight to Chester's house. He parks on the curb and hurries out. His heart is throbbing. His legs feel like jell-o. He is so giddy and lightheaded and it's a mystery as to why he hasn't fainted yet.

He's become aware of the conversation between Jefferson and Chester. The lad burst into tears and confessed. It's like he couldn't live with the guilt of what he's done anymore, but John assured him that he did nothing wrong.

And yet, deep down, John was terrified about Chester finding out. He couldn't stomach the idea of facing him. After all, it is true that he had romantic feelings for him.

In light of this letter though, all of his fears and anxieties are laid to rest. This lovely letter legitimizes the attraction the two men felt for each other.