Not in That Way

Ch. 06: The day after is a walk in the park for Dustin and Gabe

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The next morning felt like a dream. I opened my eyes, feeling disoriented as the vision set in and I looked around to see where I was. Yeah I'd been in Gabe's bedroom thousands of times- but I've never seen it while laying in his bed like this after the night we had. The posters on the wall and the clothes piled in one of the corners- everything that told a story about him,

I was seeing it from a different perspective.

I was suddenly aware of my near naked state as I clung onto the sheets, feeling a bit too exposed. I turned, seeing him laying next to me, staring up at the ceiling.

"Hey." I said, hoping my voice wasn't dripping in shock or regret.

"I didn't know what to do." He replied, still staring up. "I didn't want to have you wake up and freak out because we were both here." He paused, "But I also didn't want to sneak off and have you thinking that I was trying to hide."

"So I just stayed here, waiting for you to wake up."

I turned and he did the same so we faced each other. "We do that a lot, you know?"

"Do what?"

I smiled, "We're never quite sure how we should act around each other, but we know we can't be apart for too long."

Gabe took my hand, "You're the most important person in my life, Dust." He let his fingers rub against my palm like he was trying to read it. "And I've spent a good chunk of time feeling guilty about how my sexuality has torn my family apart." He sighed, "And I spent even longer trying to deny how I feel about you in fear I'll lose you for good."

He looked, piercing me with those bright blue eyes and holding onto my hands like they were the most valuable thing he had. "This is me telling you that I'm trying. And begging you to not give up on me."

I paused, steadying my heart beat and forcing myself not to get my hopes up. "I need you to be clear about what you're saying."

"I want to be with you, Dust." He said softly, "I know that we can't just forget the past few years and everything we said yesterday, but I think we both owe it to ourselves to give it a chance."

I nodded, feeling way too emotional in that moment. I could feel apprehension creeping over my shoulder, reminding me of all the nights I spent weeping into a pillow because I thought I wasn't good enough for him. Seventeen year old me would be jumping for joy at the thought of Gabe wanting to be with me. But 26 year old Dustin has been burned before. He's cautious and scared, but I'd be lying if I said he wasn't willing to risk it all for Gabe.

He sees me getting choked up and pulls me into a hug, "Nope, no crying! I don't think I can take another emotionally draining day, Dust!" He says as he laughs.

I laugh with him too and wipe away the stray tears that managed to come out. "I'm just happy, Gabe. I've wanted this for the longest time."

"I'm sorry it took me so long." He says as we compose ourselves. We're still in bed, wearing nothing but boxers with his blanket cast off on the floor. This is the most exposed we've ever been- and yet somehow it feels safe.

"I know."

I don't tell him that it's okay it took so long, or show any indication that I'm mad. I just acknowledge his apology and continue to hold onto him. Gabe and I aren't perfect, and I don't want to start whatever this is by shoving all our baggage under the bed.

He gives me a kiss on the forehead and pulls me out of bed. We stand there for a few minutes as he fixes the blanket and I place the pillows back on top. He's clearly checking me out, and the slight smile from his face tells me he likes what he sees. We're almost never in this state of undress- again, it's one of my rules for crushing on your best friend. But neither of us seem to be complaining.

I follow Gabe to the bathroom where he hands me a new toothbrush. We awkwardly pack into the small space and do a little dance of reaching for the toothpaste and using the sink, but eventually we make it work. We make eye contact through the mirror and the both of us start chuckling. It feels weird- but in a good way.

He leads us into the kitchen and takes out two containers from the food that Grace packed for him. I reach for the orange juice in the fridge and bring it to his dining table along with two glasses. Gabe comes over after heating up the food and makes a show of pushing the other chair close to me. I watch as he sits while giving me a wink before revealing a single serving of pancakes with bacon as well as an omelette filled with mushrooms and tomatoes.

We eat as he looks over, "Grace and Andy really outdid themselves. I kinda feel bad for being such a dick to her back in high school."

I shake my head, "The amount of times she'd complain to my mom about you always being at the house."

He laughs, "I don't even know why I messed with her so much. I guess I just figured that's what you were supposed to do-" he shrugs, "annoy the older sister."

I smile, "I'm just glad I don't have to play mediator any more." I say as he holds out a fork for me to take a bite. "Though I'm pretty sure she likes you better now."

"That's impossible." He says quickly, "You're better than me in every sense."

I don't correct him or try to turn it around. The truth is, it's nice to hear Gabe think so highly of me. I lean in and rest on his shoulder for a second as he takes my hand and traces the creases of my palm. There's no kissing or anything inappropriate, but it's intimate, and it's the closest I've ever felt to him.

***

Gabe is off doing the dishes when I get a call from Grace.

"I need a huge favor." She says, emphasizing huge.

I chuckle, "What's up, sis?"

She sighs, "So Andy and I have to meet with this potential Day Care for Mikey and the girls refuse to go to Mom and Dad's-" I can hear stress in her voice as she continues, "they said they'd rather spend the afternoon with you."

"No way" I said, a little surprised.

"Yup. Ella specifically said she'd rather go to her Uncle Dustin's."

I chuckle to myself, feeling a bit proud. I reply, "Of course. I'll take them."

"Are you sure? I can always take them to Mom and Dad's- it's just the last time Lizzie got freaked out at that painting that mom has in the guest room and Ella always complains that Dad never cuts the crust off her grilled cheese-"

"Grace" I say, causing her to slow down and breathe. "It's no problem. I'm just with Gabe right now and I can wait for you to drop them off.'

"Shit, Gabe." She says, realizing the timing of it all. "Are you sure he'll be okay?"

I look over and see him rinsing off the last plate. He may not be one hundred percent, but it's miles better than he was yesterday. I think the two of us have been too invested in our emotions that a fun day with my nieces may just be what we need.

"Yeah, he'll be okay."

"Oh good, they love Gabe." She stops and I hear her talking to someone else, "Andy says we can drop them off in a half hour."

I nod, "Okay that's fine. Text me when you're at my place."

She thanks me and hangs up to get the girls ready. I look over and see Gabe turning off the faucet. He wipes his hands and turns to me- having not heard my conversation.

"So Grace needs me to watch Ella and Lizzie"

He peers his eyes, "So she needs us to watch Ella and Lizzie" he says, correcting me.

It's true- after everything that happened last night, the last thing I want to do is spend the day without him. And since I'm now babysitting two little girls, so is he.

I walk closer and hold onto his wrists, "Look, I know the funeral was just yesterday so you can sit this one out. I'm more than capable of watching them by myself."

He touches me back, "Dust, I love those girls, and I could definitely use the distraction." He nods, "Plus after everything Grace and Andy have done for me, I can help watch their kids, no question."

I hug him in thanks, and as we pull away, there's this moment we're just staring into each other's eyes- like we're anticipating a kiss, but don't follow through.

"I- I should take a shower" He says, pulling away.

I nod, "Yeah, I should run home and get ready too before they come."

Gabe replies, "I'll meet you there" before we both go separate ways. I hurry back to my place and can't help but think what would happen if either of us lingered a second longer. Maybe it just wasn't the right time- with both of us wearing yesterday's clothes and scrambling to get ready before they come.

It'll happen when it happens.

***

A half hour later and Gabe is knocking at my door just as I'm putting on my shoes. We greet each other kindly but get pulled away at the sound of a knock on the door. I open it as Grace sweeps in like a hurricane, with both of the girls getting swept up in her wind.

Ella and Lizzie scream in excitement when they see us, each picking one of us to hug first before switching. Grace sets their bags on the counter and takes a second to breathe.

I make small talk with the girls while she pulls Gabe to the side to express their condolences. He makes it through without getting emotional- apart from the hug between them that left two pairs of misty eyes- usually they're both joking or teasing each other, so it's nice to see them like this.

Grace turns to me and wipes a tear away from her eye before giving me a glare that screams "if you tell anyone I cried, you'll be sorry."

She composes herself, "Hi- thanks again for doing this. The girls already ate and are up for anything. Their iPads are charged and I packed snacks and extra clothes." She looks over at the clock, "Sorry Andy's double parked down there with Mikey. I gotta go or else we'll be late."

Grace leans down and kisses both the girls on the cheek, "You two better listen to Uncle Dustin and Uncle Gabe" she says, getting nods from both of them.

"We got this, sis." I tell her before she gives me an air kiss and leaves in a hurry.

Once Grace leaves, I turn around to see Ella and Lizzie just standing there, waiting to be told what to do. Frankly, it's been a while since I'd watched them, and so I don't have the slightest clue as to what kids like these days. I look to Gabe for help and he gestures.

"So girls, how would you like to go to the park?" They have swings and seesaws and a big pond where you can feed the ducks."

Their eyes go wide as Ella says, "I wanna go to the park!"

Lizzie chimes in, "Uncle Dustin, can we please go to the park???" She asks in anticipation.

I mouth a "thank you" to Gabe as I turn to Lizzie, "Of course! Let's get your jackets and we can walk over to the park."

The girls get so excited, they quickly put on their coats before realizing they had switched. We laugh together and head down with the two girls holding hands with me and Gabe on opposite sides.

The walk to the park is nice, and the girls take notice of all the squirrels and people walking their dogs as we make our way there. Gabe suggests we stop at the market to get some drinks and something to feed the ducks. Ella makes a point to teach us that ducks shouldn't eat bread, and instead, reaches for a bag of grapes. Gabe and I look at eachother, partly confused and partly amazed at how she knew that.

We make it to the pond and, sure enough, there are flocks of ducks all floating along the edge. Ella and Lizzie run over and scare a few away but manage to attract more once they present the fruit. Gabe nudges me towards a sign that specifically says everything she said back at the market, and we make a mental note never to question her again.

We find a bench just by the lake, only a few feet away from the girls who run around both feeding and chasing the ducks. I lean into Gabe a bit, wondering if this is too much. And in true Gabe fashion, he reads my mind and wraps his arm around mine. It's subtle- a move that neither the girls nor any passers-by can see- but it's nice and I feel happy being that close.

Thanks for the suggestion- you've always been great with them."

He shrugs his shoulders, "I just think of what kind of things I wanted to do at that age and go with that."

I nod, "What was little Gabe like?"

"Inquisitive" He said with a chuckle, "I had this phase of asking my parents about everything and never being satisfied with them saying that they didn't know. My dad was a no-nonsense kinda guy, but my mom, she always indulged me."

"I also tried to become friends with every person I met, but that became hard because we moved around so much."

I took in his answer, seeing how that side of him has changed over the years. Sure he's nice and friendly to everyone, but I have it on authority that only a few people in the world actually know the real Gabe.

"Can I ask you something? It's kinda been bugging me for years."

He chuckles, "Of course."

"Back in Junior year, you said that Ms. Lee gave you a class roster and you were told to get in touch with someone to get you up to speed." Gabe nodded, "Why did you choose me?"

He smiled, taking himself back to being new in town with no friends whatsoever. "Your name kind of just stuck out to me."

"In what world does Dustin Green stand out on a list of names?"

He chuckled, "I don't know- it just did. It's like one of those word search puzzles where the first word you find is the thing you really want. I scrolled through the list and your name was the first to catch my eye."

I rolled my eyes as he continued, "And then I looked up your profile and you looked happy and you were funny and I don't know..."

"Maybe a part of me back then was starting to feel something, but I just didn't know it."

I leaned into him, "I feel like we wasted so much time."

"We did-" He corrected, "I did."

He turned and we faced each other. "We have a lot of catching up to do, Dust."

I watch as Gabe puts his hands on my jaw and pulls me in for a kiss. It's slow, like he knows this is nine years in the making and he doesn't want to ruin it. I sit in anticipation until our lips touch and he melts into me. I hold onto him too and at this point, nothing else matters.

We chose each other and I'm rewarded with the best fucking first kiss I could have imagined.

Gabe and I are suddenly reminded of our surroundings when we hear a high pitched gasp. We turn to see Ella, watching us with her little jaw opened.

"Uncle Dustin, why are you kissing Uncle Gabe?"

I look around for answers but even Gabe is caught off guard. I try to think of some lie I can make up, but realize that's not really Grace or Andy's style. I've talked to my sister multiple times about my sexuality and how she wants to approach the subject with her kids, and each time, she shrugs and tells me that she'll be honest with them. Grace has never been ashamed of who I am, but I doubt she thought that day would have come so soon.

I lean down as she comes closer, "Uncle Gabe is my boyfriend, Ella" I turn to him, "And that's what boyfriends do."

Gabe chimes in, "That's right. Your mommy and daddy kiss too, right? That's because they're also in a relationship."

She still looks puzzled, "But Mommy said people only kiss when they love each other- like when they're breaking a spell!" "

I pause, cursing Grace and her Disney-ass lessons on relationships. Gabe jumps in before I can respond.

"Well, I love your Uncle Dustin so much-" he animates his voice, "Enough to break any spell or end any curse!" He extends his arms and pulls Ella into a hug that has her laughing so loud. She seems satisfied with that answer as I sit there, wondering how I got so lucky.

"Now I need you to do me a big big favor." I say, changing my tone a bit to get her excited.

"I need you to keep this a secret, okay? Uncle Gabe and I want to surprise Mommy and Daddy really soon."

Ella nods her head, making it out to be some game that she can win. Gabe adds, "And if you do keep it a secret, I'm gonna get you a present."

Her eyes get wide and she starts to squeal in excitement. She nods her head again and I tell her to go get Lizzie so we can all get some ice cream. Ella runs off as I fold my arms.

"So, that just happened."

Gabe laughs, "Your four year old niece catching us was not how I pictured our first kiss.' He leans in, "But small child aside, it exceeded my expectations."

I look around, making sure we don't have any audience members before pulling him into another kiss. Gabe is letting go and it takes so much willpower to stop when we do. We both clearly want more- but I don't think either of us can afford any more presents for the girls. I look to see him panting and looking at me with that stupidly boyish grin that tells me he isn't quite satisfied.

The girls come running back before we can discuss it and soon we're all packed up and walking over to the ice cream shop a few blocks away. I nudge him as we walk past the pond and back out to the main street.

"You know, Ella would have kept that secret for free."

He smirks, "I know. But her face lights up whenever I give her something!"

I nod in agreement and reach for his hand. He takes mine and we stay, holding each other like that for the rest of the walk

We get to the ice cream shop and Ella and Lizzie run right up as Gabe and I carry both of them so they can pick out their flavors. The owner lets them try a few flavors before they both settle on cotton candy with some rainbow sprinkles. I watch as she smiles from ear to ear as she hands it to them, and make sure to leave a nice tip as I pay. We settle in at the small booth by the window and the girls dig in. Gabe goes for his classic rocky road and I stick with my usual mint chocolate chip.

Halfway through her ice cream, Lizzie looks up with a confused look on her face. "Uncle Gabe?" She asks, with her lips coated.

"Yes Lizzie?"

"Are you still sad?" top for a second, forgetting how good their memories are. "Daddy said you were sad yesterday, so we wanted to draw you a picture." She takes another lick, "Did you like it?"

Gabe stops himself from tearing up, "Yes, I absolutely loved it. That was really nice of you to make that for me."

He reaches for my hand underneath the table and interlocks our fingers while still looking over at my precocious niece, "And no. I was sad, but I'm a lot happier now."

"That's good." She said with a cute smile that could melt all of our frozen treats instantly. I watch the whole thing in amazement and wait for Lizzie to turn to see whatever Ella's been staring at out the window before turning to Gabe who offers a simple smile.

A little while later, the owner comes by with a stack of napkins, which is perfect timing considering the girls have their mouths covered with colorful melted ice cream.

I thank her as she leans in, "I just have to say, those are probably the cutest little girls I've had here in a long time" She winks, "And you guys make quite a beautiful family." The girls are too lost in their sugar rush to hear and I start to try and correct her, but Gabe chimes in.

"Thank you" he says, pulling out his classic Gabe charm.

"I'm really lucky to have them."

She walks off with a smile and I turn to Gabe and he looks at me as if nothing happened. We finish our ice cream and head back to my apartment just as Grace tells us that they're coming off the freeway and into the city.

We've only been a couple for a few hours and it honestly couldn't have been more perfect.

***

Grace eventually comes and we meet them downstairs to chat with Andy and Mikey for a bit. They pile into the car and I gesture towards Ella, putting my finger in front of my mouth and giving her a wink. She giggles, telling me our secret is safe with her.

Gabe and I go back upstairs and once I close the door, he pulls me in. I feel him gripping at the edges of my sweater as I touch his chest.

"That kiss at the park" he says, "blows every other kiss I've had out of the water."