By the time AJ woke up the next morning, Ian was already at work in his 'home office', the third bedroom of the duplex they rented together. He cleaned up the apartment and made lunch, then knocked on Ian's door when he heard he was between calls.
It was just like it had always been between them. He'd been so nervous, fretting about how they'd approach one another today, all for nothing. Ian didn't bring it up, and neither did he. He went for his daily run, played video games for a while, made dinner, and then wasted time with Ian.
He'd wanted to bring it up all day though. Every time he opened his mouth he wanted to ask Ian about the night before, but he didn't want to ruin anything, either, so he didn't say anything at all. The stress of it finally had his stomach upset enough that he went to bed earlier than normal.
He couldn't sleep. Ten thirty rolled by, then eleven. He heard Ian getting ready for bed at eleven thirty. Shortly after Ian seemed to settle down he heard something. His first instinct was that Ian was hurt, he was moaning softly, but after straining to hear better, he realized Ian was masturbating.
His face grew hot and his dick hard in the same instant. He held his breath, listening to Ian's soft moans. AJ was so hard he ached, and he wanted to touch himself, wanted to jerk off at the same time as Ian, but he couldn't. Years of self-training wouldn't let him.
Ian's moans grew louder, he didn't have to strain to hear him anymore. Sweat beaded on AJ's face as he listened to his roommate beat off. He imagined what Ian looked like in his mind, it was all too easy now. He laughed once, a manic sort of chuckle, then held his breath so he'd be able to hear every sound Ian made.
It was wrong, he knew it was wrong, he shouldn't be this turned on from just hearing his roommate jacking, but he was. He shouldn't be imagining what he looked like with his hand gripping his perfect pornstar dick rolling up and down his shaft in even, rhythmic strokes. But he was. It was beyond arousing.
And also beyond frustrating. He couldn't bring himself to touch his dick, but maybe he could hump the bed? His face burned as he considered it, then immediately disregarded the thought. It felt childish, and also kinda wrong. Well, more wrong than what he was currently doing, at least.
What he really wanted was Ian's hand on his member, and the realization nearly had him coming without even touching himself.
"Oh, shit," Ian moaned. AJ froze, listening intently. "Yeah, oh, that's good. Right there. Suck it, yeah, suck my dick." AJ closed his eyes. He pictured a girl between Ian's legs, a nameless beauty. She swallowed down his massive wand without issue and he pushed his fingers into her hair on both sides of her head.
"Yeah, look at me, just like that." AJ was the girl now, or rather the girl was gone and he was between Ian's legs, his knees on the floor and Ian's magnificence right in front of his face. "Suck it," Ian urged. In his mind he placed his lips on the cockhead. "Fuck, right there!" Ian's hands pulled his head down his shaft. "Don't pull off, I wanna cum in your mouth... Yeah, coming in your mouth!"
Ian came, he could hear his grunts and moans through the wall, and he came as well, without even touching himself. His whole body twitched as he shot off in his underwear.
It took a minute for what he'd done this sink in, and when it did his stomach went sour. He got up and wiped it off, disgusted with himself. He was going to just change, but his shame forced him to shower first.
They only had one bathroom. He snuck out and tiptoed down the hallway, then slipped into the bathroom as quietly as he could. The water was as hot as he could bear it, scalding his skin as he scrubbed his body clean. He couldn't stop his mind from going around in circles.
Hearing Ian jerk off was hot. He wasn't supposed to find his best friend's private bedroom activities hot. But he did. But he shouldn't. It got him off. He shouldn't have been listening. It felt like he'd violated some unspoken house rule. Like he'd violated Ian's privacy. It wasn't like he hadn't heard it before, but it never affected him like this before. Why was it suddenly so arousing?
He knew why, and he forced the memory from his mind. Or tried to, but it was persistent. He dried off and re-dressed, then re-brushed his teeth.
As he brushed, Ian's words just before he came tonight flittered into his head and filled him with a sudden aching to know what Ian's dick tasted like. What would it feel like if Ian came in his mouth? How would it taste?
Dammit, he was fucked up. There was something wrong with him, and it was all his fault. If he hadn't told Ian about his masturbation thing none of this would've happened. He rushed from the bathroom, ready to throw his shameful ass back in bed, then nearly collided head-on with Ian right outside the door.
"Woah!" Ian exclaimed, jumping back.
It wasn't fair how graceful he was, or how hot he was, or how well hung, or even how he didn't seem to be messed up like AJ was. "Sorry," he mumbled, unable to meet Ian's eyes.
"S'okay," Ian said, stepping back. AJ stepped to the side and squeezed past him, so ashamed he couldn't bear to have his friend see him like this. "You okay?"
"Yea," he grunted, then escaped to his room and slammed the door harder than he meant to. He threw himself in bed, then listened for Ian's movements around the older house. It sounded like he stopped in front of AJ's door, and his heart nearly burst. He both longed for and dreaded Ian's knock.
It never came. He heard Ian moving around the apartment for a few more minutes, then it grew silent. He sighed in relief and hated himself for it, for everything.
The next day he made lunch for Ian, but left it outside the office, knocking on the door then disappearing to his own room to eat. He made dinner, then left for his run, leaving Ian his meal with a note. He couldn't trust himself around Ian, not until he got whatever the fuck was wrong with him out of his system.
He ran farther than he usually did, then ended up having to walk back the last two miles. It wasn't cold, but the cool breeze on his drying sweat had him shivering. He didn't want to go back to the apartment, then felt nearly overwhelming guilt at the thought. It wasn't Ian's fault he was messed up.
He walked around the block twice before he went inside, trying to suppress all of his weirdness deep inside so he could be cool around Ian. The last thing he needed was for Ian to think he was going all gay on him or something. He couldn't bear to lose Ian's friendship, not like this.
Ian was in the living area when he finally came inside. "Hey, AJ. Feels like I haven't seen ya all day."
"I guess." He shrugged. "Went for a run."
Ian nodded. "I can tell. Good run?"
"Eh. Long. Went too far, then had to walk back." He shrugged again. "Whatcha playing?"
"Resident Evil Seven," Ian answered, his eyes returning to the screen.
"Didn't you already beat that game?"
Ian nodded without looking away. "Yeah, but I wanna try for a different ending, and Cyber Punk 2077 isn't out yet. Dinner was good, by the way. I didn't realize, like, I mean, we usually eat together, so I didn't get to tell you tonight. It was weird to eat dinner alone, I mean."
"Oh. Sorry. Thanks. Gonna shower," he said, leaving Ian to play his game.
He showered and dressed in the bathroom, then headed to his room, still too ashamed to go hang out with Ian. He scrolled on his phone for a while, then pulled up a stupid mobile game and wasted some time. He looked at his job search sites for any promising leads, but it didn't seem like there were any new supervisory positions since the last time he'd checked. He'd been an assistant manager at Cinemark, and despite the theatre reopening under pandemic restrictions, he hadn't been invited back.
Every supervisory job in the area had hundreds of applicants contending for a handful of positions. He'd only been called once for the dozens of applications he'd put in only to find it was a robocall telling him he wasn't selected. He couldn't afford to go back to minimum wage, but it also was getting to the point where maybe he couldn't not.
He sighed, more than moderately depressed, then put his phone away and stared at the ceiling.
There was a soft knock at the door, followed by Ian calling his name. He didn't say anything, but his whole body tensed. He wasn't in a good place right now, and he didn't want to contaminate Ian with his gloom.
Ian knocked again, a little louder. "AJ? You awake?"
He exhaled and closed his eyes. "Yeah."
