I apologize again for the great delay in this chapter. Life just has a way of getting away from you. This was a very difficult chapter for me to write. This chapter, as with all my other stories, has its sad moments and happy ones as well. Let it be known now that this chapter has minimal sex in it. So if that's what you're looking for then I apologize now.
As always my disclaimer. This is a long chapter with a lot of dialog. So if you are looking for a quick read then this is not for you. If you are looking for a story with suspense, drama, tears and laughter then sit back, grab a box of tissues and enjoy Chapter 4 of Now or Never: The Final Good-Bye.
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Austin's heart was beating as fast as a freight train rolling down the rails waiting for Ryan to say or do something, anything. The slamming of the door was so forceful Austin could feel the wind rush past him. He wasn't too surprised that Ryan had reacted that way. There was a small part of him that had hoped Ryan would scoop him up in his arms and everything would be okay, but the rest of him expected Ryan to react this way or worse.
Broken hearted, Austin walked back to his car and drove down the long driveway towards the road. He looked at the clock and realized it was getting late so he decided to head back into town and spend the night at the Pine Crest motel.
When he pulled up to the motel, his heart grew heavy. So many different memories happened there. That first night when Ryan took him to the drive in with the famous picnic basket, remembering how excited and nervous he was to have been going out with such a sexy guy. The memory of Eric's attack and how Ryan charged in and saved his life sent a tear rolling down his cheek. He thought that maybe he should head out of town and try to find a different motel to stay at. One without the memories, but he was exhausted from the long drive. More than anything he wanted a hot shower, something to eat and a goodnights sleep. As he got out of the car he figured one more night couldn't hurt anything. So he walked up to the office, he noticed Mrs. Miller working behind the desk and when he entered her face lit up like a Christmas tree. "Austin, I am so glad to see you!"
"Hello Mrs. Miller. How are you doing this evening?" Austin asked as he walked up to the counter.
"I'm doing quite well. What brings you by this evening?"
"I need a room for the night, please."
"Oh, running away again?" She questioned as she turned towards the key board.
"No ma'am." Austin really didn't want to explain that he felt like a complete fool for thinking that Ryan would take him back.
"Here you go sweetheart. Don't worry I didn't put you in the same room as last time." She offered as she handed him the key.
"Thank you, ma'am." Austin said as he tried to take the key from her.
"Austin, if you need anything, please let me know." She gave him a sympathetic look that told Austin she knew what had happen between him and Ryan.
Of course she knew; Austin was pretty sure the entire town knew what had happened. This was a small town and news travels around quickly.
Austin's room was in the back of the motel this time. He wondered if Mrs. Miller was trying to hide or shield him from any danger. This room seemed nicer than the other one. They were identical but this one had a beautiful view looking over a field dotted with magnolia trees.
Even though it was the beginning of November, the air was still nice and warm. After Austin brought in his overnight bag he sat on the edge of the bed and though of what he wanted to do next. The idea of a nice relaxing shower crossed his mind but he wanted to wait until he was ready for bed. He knew it was getting close to the time he needed to take his meds so he decided to find something to eat. The only place he knew that was close by was The Red Barn Deli but he didn't want to take the risk of running into Ryan or anyone else that knew about him. He walked back out to his car, turned on the GPS and searched for places to eat. The nearest fast food restaurant was Bo Jangles, which was only a fifteen minute ride. Austin set the destination in his GPS and headed out to get dinner.
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"What do you mean you just slammed the door in his face?!" Shelly said raising her voice at Ryan.
"He thinks that he can just walk back into my life after what he put me, what he put us through?!" Ryan yelled.
"Ryan, don't yell at your mother." Tom demanded.
"Sorry dad. I'm sorry mom I didn't mean to yell at you." Ryan offered.
"I know. What I don't understand is why you slammed the door in his face. I thought you said you missed him and you wanted nothing more than to have him back?" Shelly questioned as she watched her son pace the kitchen.
"I did or at least I thought I did. I mean, he just walked out on me. He took my heart out and stomped all over it, like it was nothing!"
"Ryan, you know that was not his intentions at all. You know that Austin has been through a lot in his life and he just got scared. I'm sure that he never meant to hurt you like that and I'm pretty sure he is sorry for doing it." Tom said trying to calm Ryan down.
"He has no idea what I've been going through these past few months. The pain and the upset! It's taken me months to stop crying like a fool anytime I would think about him or someone would mention his name. I've lost so much sleep worrying about him, missing him."
"Then do yourself a favor and at least tell him how you feel. If you really want nothing to do with him then that can be closure for you." Tom suggested. "But just remember Austin has been through a lot."
"I don't think I can see him right now, I'm afraid I might lose control of myself and..."
"And what? Hurt him?" Shelly questioned with a worried tone in her voice.
"At this point, I want him to feel the pain that I felt."
"I think he has felt enough for his lifetime." Shelly paused. "You know, you sound just like Eric."
"Excuse me?"
"Did you hear what you said? You sounded just like Eric. I'm done with this conversation. If you want to go and tell him how you feel then fine, but don't go there to make him feel worse than he already does." Shelly said as she left the room.
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By the time Austin had gotten back from getting dinner, the sun had already set and the night air had a slight chill. After he finished eating, he took his meds then turned the shower on and stepped under the stream. For the first time he let his mind relax and start to wonder. This was going to be his first night that he didn't have to fear that Eric was going to beat him or rape him. He stood under the water for 30 minutes before he finally reached down and turned it off. Grabbing a towel he gently dried himself off; taking care around the areas that were still bruised. Since he had no plans of going anywhere else that night he wrapped himself in the towel and laid on the bed. He turned the TV on and flicked through the channels until he came upon an old 80's horror flick, Halloween. Soon he could feel the medicine kicking in and was getting sleepy. Just as he was about to fall asleep, he heard a knock at the door. Immediately his heart began to race as a million different thoughts ran through it. Austin slipped out of bed and made his way over to the door. Of course it didn't have a peep hole so he couldn't see who was on the other side.
"Who is it?" Austin asked quietly.
"It's Ryan."
Austin gasp. "Okay, give me a second."
Austin unlocked the door and opened it, not realizing he was still only dress in the towel, to see Ryan standing there but there was something different about him. He was not his usual happy, charming self.
"Would you like to come in?" Austin offered as he stood to the side.
