More twists and turns as the long ride nears the end
8===>
The next several months of my life seemed to just run on automatic pilot.
Classes and the job at the bank kept me totally occupied from dawn to early dusk. Studying and papers filled much of the evening hours. At times I felt as if I needed to schedule sleep and showers.
Any damage created by the Friday night fiasco with Derek seemed to disappear almost instantly on Lacy's return from West Virginia. The three of us quickly resumed the standing home cooked meal dinner date, but I managed to cut it back to every two weeks. Knowing that Derek had been willing to violate his wedding vows with me still made me a little uncomfortable being around him. Even worse, when we were alone together, he acted as if that night in his bed had never happened...or at a minimum had no intention of ever mentioning it. At one point I almost coveted his ability for denial because the incident replayed far too often in my head.
Jeremy and I were hooking up at least twice a week; during the week usually just for burgers or pizza and a good quick boink session. Saturday nights were almost always occupied with renting a few videos and him spending the night for some more intense physical encounters. Other than both of us apparently remaining chaste with others, we seemed to just let the loose relationship wander almost aimlessly. Whether it was by chance or plan, we avoided most talk of the future...or at least one that was jointly shared...and also were very sparing in the use of the love word.
I was well into the fall semester when I simply settled into the predictable ruts my life had seemingly decided to ride in for a while and tried to not let my imagination invent anything more. As much as I hated to admit it, Jeremy was right in saying that our senior year would bring enough stress without us adding a bunch of 'what ifs' to the mixture.
* * * * *
By the time the weather chilled reminding me that the holidays were drawing closer, I accepted that I wasn't dissatisfied with the way things were in my life, but at the same time I wasn't feeling overly happy either. I would soon have only one more semester to go and was questioning if Jeremy saw our shared upcoming graduations as a breakwater point for the tide we kept riding. He had constantly rebuffed my occasional suggestion that maybe I should break off all contact with Derek for a time so he would know it was over, but he also avoided saying much that included the word 'us' in the sentence. I wanted to broach the subject of the future with him, but didn't...letting my insecurities have hope that he would bring it up instead. I finally decided that if he never did, I would after the new year started. I didn't want to declare undying love for each other...just get some direction for my own sanity.
Jeremy had told me he was going home to Youngstown for a long Thanksgiving weekend with his family the week before. Due to my lack of any seniority, I was stuck with working the bank both Friday and Saturday after. Even though I could have driven down to my parent's house on Wednesday night and back Thanksgiving night, I decided to simply treat the holiday as just another day and stay in Kent. Lacy had tried to cajole me into coming with her and Derek to her parents, but I figured a bunch of munchies, a big bucket of chicken, and the TV tuned in to the football games all afternoon sounded more inviting than going through all the family meal crap as the unexplainable third wheel of their marriage. If I was going to be alone all weekend, I decided to get used to it quickly.
When I ran into town to the grocery store just before noon on turkey day, I hadn't even thought about Derek being there. Holiday or not, his position as second assistant manager had destined him to a near full shift and when he walked up beside me while waiting for my chicken to be boxed up, he was anything but happy. "Yeah I am fucking trapped here until 4PM and Lacy was still bitching up a storm about it when I left the apartment this morning. Her mom had planned dinner for 2:00 and Lacy never told her I couldn't be there that early. Of course, somehow that is all my fault," was his explanation for the bad demeanor. "Plus, we had already been arguing last night over a bunch of petty little shit and I am not looking forward to sitting around having her dad take her side in anything she brings up." My mouth had to have flown open with his next comment as he wrapped an arm around my shoulder. "Some best man you were, Brad. You were supposed to have talked me out of getting married, dude!"
I nervously laughed, not sure just how serious that crack may have been. "Well, I did give you an option the night before," slipped out of my lips before I could stop the words.
Thankfully Derek laughed also and gave me a playful fist punch to the chest. "Yeah you did, didn't ya?" came with a grin and wink I wasn't sure how to take. "Tell the cashier I said to give you the employee discount on the stuff from the deli, bro. I've got a minor disaster back in frozen foods to take care of right now," was all he added before spinning on his heels and heading off.
The whole way back to my place, I alternated between chastising myself for letting my barely subtle comment slip out and wondering about the way Derek had reacted to it. By the time I was chowing down on my stand-in Thanksgiving dinner and getting into the first football game, I had put Derek and his idiosyncrasies concerning the two of us out of my mind. To my shock however, when I pounded off in bed later, my mind couldn't seem to keep both Derek and Jeremy from being the visions I had behind my closed eyes as I pulled on myself.
* * * * *
The next day, I got a text mid-morning from Derek telling me to call him when I could. During my lunch hour, I caught up with him. His first words were: "Are you sure there is no way you can come over for dinner tonight, Brad? I may need you to referee."
"Trouble in paradise, buddy?" was my overtly sarcastic reply.
"Big time! You don't even want to hear how things went south at her parent's house and I slept on the couch last night. She was still riding my ass when I headed out the door this morning. Dude, I need you to come over just so she will chill for a few hours."
The last thing I wanted to do was be stuck in the middle of something, but I wasn't going to put it that way to Derek. I managed to come up with enough of a passable excuse to get out of showing up.
"Thanks buddy," he said with a somewhat understanding tone to his voice. "Just do me a favor and don't cry too much at the funeral if Lacy cuts my dick off and I bleed to death...OK?" The little snort of a laugh he added told me he was at least partially kidding.
I finished off the rest of the chicken and deli sides for dinner and planted myself on the couch to veg in front of the TV. After and hour, it was obvious that Friday night television was all garbage, and I finally just clicked on the stereo and worked on a paper that was due the following week. By 10:30 my eyes and brain were tired, and I crawled into bed earlier than usually and found a peaceful sleep quickly.
