Only the Lonely

With inspiration from, and appreciation of, Roy Orbison.

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Nobody really knows the way I feel. Inside. Oh, I am the quintessential good time guy to the world. Then I go home. Hello. My name is Blake. I had the great misfortune of falling in love with my best friend, many, many years ago. Gay was still not a thing back then. Fag. Homo. Those were the terms most of us heard. I was barely 18 at the time, and Adam was a year older than me. We had been friends since early grammar school. He was gentle, kind, and soft spoken. I was ADHD overactive, an underachiever, and without a path to follow.

"No." I once asked Adam to get naked with me.

"Why not?"

"It's not right." He doesn't sound convincing. Heck, I had already jerked off with a classmate friend known to both of us. Jerry was a hit and run young buck. I would hit his orgasm out of the park...and he would run to other pursuits, leaving me high and dry. I just knew that Adam would be different, if only I could get him to first base.

"Then just kiss me."

"I..." His eyes are piercing my soul in search of something. "I can't." Can't. Not won't. Can't.

"It's okay Ad. Maybe it's not right for you like it is for me."

"But you're not a..."

"What I am is lonely, Ad. Dating doesn't do anything for me. I'm either terrified or plain uninterested. I'd rather hang out with guys. With you." His look is a mix of pain and questioning.

Oh, I almost forget to tell you. My underachieving status in school and in social circles came from some emotional trauma I had when I was seven. It left me with a very negative belief system; and an aversion to success. You can imagine, then, the forceful way my teenage hormones are propelling me to make it with Adam, despite all of my hang-ups. Sex is a very powerful motivator; and I am motivated to get into his pants!

"I like you...a lot. We're best friends, Blake." He's setting boundaries, the ones currently dictated by social 'norms.'

"It's okay, Ad. I like you too." Letting him off the hook hurts. Emotionally. And in my swollen balls. This feeling ain't right. It sucks. "Gotta go, bud. See you at school." What I really wanted to say was: I'm going home to my bedroom to rip off my clothes and stroke myself to a massive nut while thinking how wonderful it would have been to do it with you by my side.

"Blake?" Fuck. I am almost there. My dick is harder than ever; and lines of precum are laced all over my sheet.

"What's Up?"

"I got the date with Vicky!" He sounds gleeful. There goes my baby.

"Great. You gonna bang her?"

"Blake!!"

"Oh, sorry. Have intercourse?"

"If I'm lucky." I'm lucky to still be hard with all this good news.

"Keep me posted, my man. Working on a hard problem, so I gotta go, bye."

Part 2 -

I can not get the picture out of my mind of my Adam fucking pert little buxom Vicky. Resorting to pictures in 'Mens Physique' is helping. This one reminds me of Adam. In my bed and on my back, the ceiling is like a movie theater screen to my active imagination. Adam is on his bed. He's stroking. I walk into his room, startling him.

"Fuck, B. You scared me. How'd you get in?"

"The key you gave me last year." My guy is looking fine! We've seen each other in gym and the showers at school. Maybe just a tad excited at times...but this! His dick is a real beauty. Must be eight inches of thick cut meat, with a sweet big wet head topping it off...and, man, is he hard! "Need a hand? - It's the least I can do for a friend." Oh, I can do so much more than that. To my surprise and pleasure the answer is:

"Sure." I stride right up and sit my ass on the edge of the bed, close to Adam's naked body. I am gazing all over the feast of young boy flesh that is splayed out before me. Should I suck him off? Maybe take his cherry? My hand, with a mind of its own, is reaching for his dick. He removes his hand and mine replaces it.

"Oh. Adam. Man. You have one hell of a nice cock." I am fisting his warm flesh pole; and my own manhood is rising proud inside my shorts. There is a large bead of wetness at the slit of his dick. Reaching up and putting a finger on that silky blob gives me a start; as Adam's body jerks and he lets out a long and low moan of excited pleasure.

"Yeah. Like that." His eyes are closed. Good. He'll enjoy this more with just his feelings. Only I need to see what I am doing to his body. One hand is sliding up and down his rigid shaft as slow as I can do it. I need to taste him. Somewhere. Anywhere. Young flesh, tight and supple, scented with testosterone fumes tickling my nose as I bury my face into his bush of long blond cock hairs. Heaven.

"Mmmm." He approves. I know how sensitive my balls get just before I wank; so I have to be careful with his. Lifting them up now to get a look at his taint. Maybe a lick at it. "uh-Ahh" Well said. I am pressing my wet tonge into his pleasure zone with quite of bit of pressure. His squirms tells me he loves it. I am emboldened; on a kind of auto-pilot mission to tease out a huge nut from my friends package. I have never sucked a penis before. Here goes...

"Blake! Fuck, man. That feels amazing. Don't stop!" Stop? His cockhead, all warm and spongy-hard, and tasting of Adam's essence, is the best thing I have ever put into my mouth. My tongue loves this! Circles. Make slow circles around the head, Blake, like you do with your fingers when you play with yourself. It always feels intense with me. "Ooohhhh." Must work on everyone. My thought is to take a breather and tell Adam I want him to cum in my mouth. I lift myself up off his pole, only to see him propped up on his elbows; watching everything I am doing to him.

"You okay with this?" He is nodding his head. I get back to work. This time, I am going for the finish line. My throat is opening; and I am taking his fuck pole deep inside of me.

"B...B...Blake...Man, I can't. I can't hold..." This is it. I am bobbing furiously with his cock in my throat. I love the feeling of his skin rubbing inside of me...of the fullness of his firmly pliable member. His heat is rising. I feel it. "BLAKE! BLAKE! BLAKE!!!"

Ah, the rewards of my labors. His hips begin thrusting upward to meet my bobbing face. There is a swelling of him inside my throat; and he is ready to nut. "Fuck. Take It. Take it. TAKE IT, you goddam fucking FAGGOT!!!" There goes my baby.

"ohahhuhh." As his seed cannons from the lingam lodged inside of me, I feel elation. I also feel great inconsolable grief; and have uttered my own moan of pain. As my belly gladly accepts the gift of his warm and copious semen, my emotions know the truth. There goes my heart.

Part 3 -

Well, Adam is gone forever. He married Vicky a long time ago. They moved out West, and I became an unknown to both of them. We're so far apart. I have been alone and loney since way before I even met Adam; but his friendship did carry me over some real rough spots. I have healed most of my hang-ups from my youth...but not all. Why do I still cry? Can I still find romance? You bet I can. I recently joined a gay dating site for seniors. I may or may not find true love, but I am determined to look for it. It's a chance I have to take. And I have to do something else right now, as well.

"Hello, Is this Adam? It's Blake, Adam. I just need to tell you that my heart still aches; but the sorrow is gone. I had to take a chance, Adam. How am I doing? Okay. I hardly cry anymore. No. Haven't found anyone yet. Do I remember our time together? Of course I do. Memories are all I have now. Who can remember that long ago? The lonely, Adam. Only the lonely."