I have never had any gay experiences, but sometimes think about what they may be like. For those of you who have had real-life experience in this area, I hope what I have written is a somewhat accurate envisioning of how a first time might go. Any feedback is appreciated.
*****
My heart is beating so rapidly it hurts. It thuds against my chest so powerfully it feels as though it could almost break loose.
I probably shouldn't be here. No, I know I shouldn't be here. A 35 year-old married man with wife, family, public job ... Too much on the line to risk. And yet, here I am. Drawn by a craving as primal as it is powerful. I have to try it. Just this once.
And so I stand outside your door. Palms sweating, mind racing, body aching. As I raise my hand to knock I think briefly of how we met after I finally broke down and stopped just reading the male to male section of the online personals and started writing responses.
You weren't the first to which I responded, but you were the first that I didn't almost immediately regret emailing. Within a few lines of text it was pretty clear that you were experienced enough to be confident, but so experienced as to be scary. I appreciated your supportive and patient tone and was constantly relieved by how you intuitively filled-in some of what I was to shy to say. And so, after many weeks of email and the exchange of a few pictures I felt could take you at your word when you invited me over "just to talk," "no pressure," "as much or as little as you want - leave whenever, no hard feelings."
But now, knowing you and knowing how hard it was for me to get to this point, I knew as my hand made contact with the door, I wouldn't be backing out. I wanted it and you deserved it.
You quickly open the door and I while my pulse didn't slow and my knees were still shaky, I was hit with an immediate sense of ease. You looked just as you had described, just as I had pictured you, with a warm and friendly smile.
"Hey, how's it going," you asked as you stuck out your hand. "Good, good," I responded and actually meant it.
You took a step back and gestured me inward. As I crossed in front of you in the narrow hallway our bodies briefly brushed against each other and that was all it took. I heard you start to say something as you closed the door, but you might as well have been 100 miles away for as little as I could make out of it. My mind was already elsewhere and with a burst of confidence I never would have expected I dropped to my knees and placed my hands on your lower thighs. I didn't come here to talk.
Encouraged by your now widening smile, I reached up and ran my hand along your waistline, back and forth, finally pausing on the small silver buckle of your belt. "Go ahead," you said and gently ran your fingers through my hair. "It's okay to want to do this."
That was all the encouragement I needed and I felt my fingers shake slightly as I slid your belt from its clasp. Not wanting to give myself time to chicken out, I immediately went for the buckle of your jeans which easily popped open.
The zipper was another matter. I realized that your cock was directly behind it and it would be impossible for me to open it without feeling that bulge. Surprising myself I paused just for a moment, just long enough to savor what was about to happen, then I grasped the zipper, tugged slightly, and pulled it down as I let the knuckles of my hand glide across your briefs and across their first cock.
As the zipper released, your pants fell to floor and bunched around your ankles. Immediately I began to caress your cock beneath that thin layer of cloth, marveling at how large it felt under my fingers. You reached out and pulled my right hand away as my left continued to trace your outline - "Let's move into the living room. We can be more comfortable there." As you say that you kneel down next to me and begin to take off your shoes. For that moment we are eye to eye and I can't help but whisper, "Thank you." Again you smile, then stand and turn to walk toward the other room stepping out of your pants as you do.
