Real Men Suck Cock
That's what my girlfriend Harper thinks. And she's said it more than once too. Where did she ever get this idea? I objected, but not too strongly since it didn't really matter as we weren't a serious thing.
But then gradually our relationship deepened. Until two things happened: one, I was thinking about popping the question. And two, she said it again.
It was silly. We saw this old ad in a magazine that showed a strong cowboy smoking a cigarette and she said, "That's so phallic." I thought she was being derogatory. Then she added, "I love how real men suck cock."
I was adamant, "They DO not!"
She was ready with her answer, but still wrong, "Well, there's that ad and every other ad where a big handsome guy has a cigarette or a pipe or some other penis symbol in his mouth. Then there's all those professional athletes and football players who swing that way, and every gay porn vid is loaded with handsome brutes, and lastly there's my last boyfriend, and even my father. It's just the way it is."
"Well it's not that way with me, Harper."
She looked startled, shocked even. Then after a long moment, "You don't want to be a real man?" She was dead serious. Somehow she really thought I was rejecting masculinity.
I didn't want to be seen as less of a man in her eyes. But she was crazy. And I was crazy in love. I left it at, "I'm all man, Baby."
Some days after, we were at the mall and she was trying to get me to buy two things. The first was a pink shirt. She said that real men were confident enough to wear pink. I hated that it was just so metrosexual. The second was leather chaps. The chaps seemed comically manly. Only cowboys wore chaps.
I couldn't ever see wearing either in public. Thankfully she didn't expect me to wear them together. I was prepared to just hold my ground when she offered me one of her 'special' blowjobs just to buy the clothing. It could hang in my closet forever and I would still have had a 'special' blowjob.
She'd talked about them before: her "special" blowjobs. She talked about a lot of stuff. But I had yet to experience one. Just what made them special? I negotiated for two on the condition that I only ever had to wear the chaps at home or on halloween.
That night she dressed in her sexiest black lace cupless bra and hose. Pushing me back on the couch she shoved a towel under my ass and started sensuously kissing the head of my cock, caressing it with her boobs at the same time.
I hoped the towel indicated it would be a wet sloppy blowjob. And my hopes came true. With spittle running everywhere she fingered my nuts, slathering them in the salivary slickness.
It WAS a better than average blowjob. Pressing on my taint and tugging my balls she stopped only long enough to ask, "Is it everything you dreamed of?"
It was good. But it wasn't what she'd built it up to be in my mind. Her face was so expectant, and she was so proud of herself. I fibbed, "Oh yea, baby, the best ever."
Smiling proudly, she applied herself with gusto, trying to swallow my whole rod, but failing. As I was getting close, I wiggled and squirmed with my impending orgasm.
And just when my balls contracted she plunged two slippery fingers all the way up my virgin ass in one intrusive go.
Jacking me with her other hand she watched my cum flying everywhere with the greatest self-satisfied expression I've ever seen. "The best ever!?" She asked again.
It wasn't! Not at all. I hated it, though you wouldn't know it by how much cum covered my stomach. Throughout all my contractions and after, her fingers stroked my insides pushing out more and more cum. More than I'd ever produced.
I hid my disgust as she beamed, "Wasn't that the best!?"
I feigned total enjoyment, "You weren't kidding when you said it was special." ("Especially awful", I thought.). Weakly, I smiled back as well as I could. Then with a shudder that was both post-orgasmic and horror, I remembered that I was owed one more.
She held up two fingers which I perceived as covered with shit, even though I couldn't see any. Her smile widened in her joy, "They're not as thick as a cock, but it's the best I could do."
Her words forced me to picture a cock up my ass instead of her fingers and I recoiled. Not so much from the thought of the tubular intrusion but from the thought of the hairy beast who would be attached to it.
The following week we went on a roadtrip where we happened to see this old guy in a sporty little red car. Pointing, she commented laconically, "Penis envy."
"Uh huh," I agreed simply and without thinking on it too deeply.
"He wants to suck a cock you know... in that car with that distinguished gray hair... very rugged."
Taken aback, I replied, "I don't think that's quite what penis envy means."
But she had her ridiculous answer, "Yea huh, he wants a bigger cock. He's envious and that's why he sucks them."
She had no proof. No evidence at all. I countered, "But before you said real men suck cocks. Not small dicked men."
"Right! For every small dicked guy who wants to suck a big cock there's a guy with a big one getting sucked."
"Um, so?"
"So he'll wanna return the favor. Real men aren't selfish. You're not selfish?"
I wouldn't let her turn it back on me. "No, I'm not. But it's a good thing I'm dating you. You can suck my cock anytime you want. And I'll gladly return the favor without ever cheating. Nope! No other pussy or cock for me."
Her voice turned cold, "You better NOT ever cheat! Or I'll be mounting your balls on a plack." I cringed visibly at yet another disturbing visual image. Then she warmed, "But it's a good thing two macho guys swapping head isn't cheating. All you real men would be in so much trouble if it was."
This was not developing as it should. "I don't know, Harper. That's not how I roll."