It had been five years. Five years is a long time. Five years is a long time to go without sex. Five years is a long time to go without any kind of intimate contact. A quick kiss before I head out to work is NOT intimate contact. My wife and I were basically roommates sleeping in the same bed. I had adjusted to the new reality so much that once when she touched my shoulder to get my attention I had flinched, not knowing what her intention was. I now have a large bubble concerning my personal space. I don't like to shake hands or fist bump. I've never been the touchy-feely type and I'm not a hugger. Obviously it's different with my wife. Correction...it was different with my wife. But five years is a long time.
So in regards to my self care I watch porn, but obviously when she's not home. Watching it while she was home would be rude. We work opposite schedules. She works the regular Monday through Friday like most regular people. I work Friday through Monday, ten hour days, and then usually cover at least one more day or more if needed due to call offs, vacations, extra work to fulfill the needs of the customer contract, and so on. So my wife and I do not often have days off at the same time except on major holidays. I know I get on her nerves at times, and vice versa, so our schedules work for us. It helps me relieve my frustrations with the help of porn in the living room instead of holing up in my office in a chair not made for that type of activity.
I must admit, over time the type of porn has changed. For a long time it was simply one guy, one girl type. Over time it started to change. I started watching hentai, femdom, two girls and a guy threesomes, cosplay, cartoon parody, bondage, and so on. I eventually went on a few apps and created "dating" profiles. It had nothing to do with dating. The problem with that was the guilt factor, so I never actually met any of those women. We would talk for a while, but that would fizzle out one by one when we ended up not hooking up. I would not host at my home. That was a "hell no" in my book. I did have a cover story in case it ever got that far. I ride my motorcycle. I'll take day trips out of the city just to ride around. I have taken multi day trips to other states to ride through the scenery. But I had not physically cheated...yet. The longer I went without human contact, the more interested I was in letting it happen though.
On my day off while watching my dose of adult entertainment, an errant click put me firmly into the guys with guys category. Instead of instantly correcting my choice, I ended up watching the clip. Then I watched another...and another. Soon those were as much a part of my viewing repertoire as any other. At times even more so. I was horny as well as fascinated. With women I loved their entirety. It was their hair, lips, breasts, hips, legs, and pussy. It was their soft, smooth skin and general femininity. With guys it was simpler, as guys are in general. With guys it's about their aggression and their cock. I have my own and yet now wanted to play with another.
As mentioned, I already had a few dating profiles. Well, let's classify them as hookup profiles, as that's really what they were. Not that they had been successful thus far. Now I made a couple of new profiles on a couple of different sites. The guilt factor didn't seem like an issue to me. I wasn't gonna to leave my wife to shack up with some other woman. I wanted to have some human interaction with another guy, and that was it.
You tend to learn new things when introduced to terms you thought you knew before, but mean something else entirely depending on the context. For example, she left her purse on top of the car, and the expiration date is on the bottom of the can. When filling out profile details, those words came up...top, bottom, or versatile. I actually had to look up the meaning of those terms in the new context. Then I had to actually determine how I fit into that spectrum. After a bit of self reflection and judging by the videos I now chose, I determined that I'm a bottom. I'm a bottom in terms of I want to be the one holding, rubbing and stroking another man's hard cock. I'm interested in licking it like an ice cream cone, and seeing how that affects the person I'm doing it to. In the bedroom, I tend to be a people pleaser. My wife never complained. Looking at our sex life in those terms, we're both bottoms. In looking at it like that, no wonder it's been five years. There were other medical reasons with her, but both of us being bottoms didn't help.
Once posted, I quickly got some interest. Requests for pics, crude comments about my profile, and offers of "right now" were prevalent. I wasn't interested in any of that. I wasn't looking for a one time thing. I wasn't looking for some anonymous blow and go action. It sounds interesting for a moment, but once that moment is over, it would be back to square one. So I was looking for a FWB. That's much more difficult to find than I expected. I guess the consensus is that blow and go encounters are much more of the mainstream ideals than what I was looking for. Another roadblock was that nobody seemed to be able to host. It looks like almost everyone is in the same boat as I was. Nobody had a place to play. It's one thing to meet and talk in a coffee shop or bookstore, but patrons tend to frown on someone whipping out their johnson to play show and tell in public. They tend to place urgent calls to the authorities. People end up in jail or having to register as sex offenders for that kind of faux pas.
There were constant challenges in trying to meet the right person. Times available, a place to play, only wanting hookups...the list went on. I was getting as exasperated with the guys as I believe women do. I was at work checking the sites when I got a message from someone I had never talked to before. Checking his profile, he lived fifty miles away. Well, that was definitely not too close to home. As I wanted to remain married, discretion was important. So I never had any intention of messing around with my neighbors, or even people in the same part of the city. Fifty miles away was far, but not too far.
"I ride also." his initial message stated. "What do you ride?"
He was addressing the part of my profile where I had mentioned that I ride motorcycles. I replied with my bike's information and he provided his. We both rode big touring bikes. I found out his name was Alan, and he was kind of in the same situation as me. He was married but without sex except on special occasions like his birthday or Christmas. The short messages back and forth were sporadic, sometimes a few in a day, sometimes no replies for a couple of days. I didn't mind this, as I was not rushing into a quick hookup. Eventually we got around to messaging information of a more sexual nature.
"So what is it you're looking for on here?" he questioned.
"I'm not entirely sure. I'm pretty new to this. I guess I'm open to pretty much everything at the moment." I replied.
"Maybe you think that, but you're probably not. Some people are into some extreme stuff that I doubt you would even entertain. My suggestion would be to start with the basics and work your way up."
"And what would you consider the basics to be?"
"If you're new to it all, I would say touching. Just get to know what you like doing with that before moving a little further to oral. Then maybe eventually work your way to fucking. Since you say you're a bottom you would be getting fucked. Maybe you're more versatile and would enjoy giving as well as receiving."
"That's the basics? That sounds like everything."