Sunday morning's sunrays snuck into their room, but despite the huge success of yesterday, neither had a restful sleep last night. They each had something heavy weighing on their mind.
Jay's situation was the easier of the two to resolve, in the sense that his worries were completely out of his control. Yesterday's scene was probably in the editing room by now, and as each day went by, it would move closer and closer to being finalised for release. He couldn't change his mind about it, he couldn't veto anything, and he couldn't pull out. His friends, his work colleagues and his family might eventually find out what he'd done, but the die was already cast. He was strapped into the pornography rocket and the countdown had commenced.
Rio's situation was different. Whereas Jay was a backseat passenger, Rio was in the driver's seat. He had a choice to make.
Rio opened his eyes and winced as he glanced at the sun. He knew there'd be no more sleep this morning. He threw off the covers, pulled on his underpants, padded to the kitchen, and made a strong pot of coffee. He poured himself a cup and stood near the window, feeling the warmth of the sun. He took a huge slurp as the liquid began to cool.
Jay woke and stumbled into the kitchen, led by his nose which was hot on the coffee trail. He rubbed crusty sleep out of his eyes and looked at Rio's junk. "Morning, dude. Still wearing briefs, I see?"
Rio looked down at his underwear. "You don't approve?"
Jay coughed. "Hey, I'm not complaining. You should know by now that I love watching you wear anything that makes your sexy prong poke out." He remembered the night before they flew to Fiji. "You can wear those tight red Speedos for me any time you like."
Rio laughed. "So ... we don't have a problem?"
Jay walked across to Rio and embraced him. He felt Rio's thick salami pressing against his own dick. "No problem at all." He broke the hug in search of coffee. He grabbed a vessel from the cupboard and poured himself a hot mug of joe from the pot.
"How are you feeling, Jay?" Rio asked. "I mean ... after yesterday?"
"I don't know. I had the best fuckin' day ever yesterday, and it was awesome to meet Flower, but knowing that everything I did is committed to film is the hard part."
"Digital video," Rio corrected.
"What the fuck?"
"Not film, Jay. Video. We shoot to high quality digital video. 1080p resolution, 60 frames per second."
Jay felt frustrated. "I don't care about any of that shit right now," he spat. "You asked me about how I was feeling about yesterday, and it doesn't make me feel any better or worse to know whether we were capturing my stellar debut performance by morse fucking code, so just shut the fuck up for a second with your technical bullshit and let me speak." Rio held his hands up in apology as Jay paused to take a breath. "I've seen enough porn to guess what's going to happen in editing. They're going to make me look as bad as they possibly can, because that's what the scenario requires, but I won't know exactly how bad they make me look until it's published. All I can do is wait to see what happens. I can't change my mind. I signed a form, and whatever I did or said while the cameras were rolling is their property now."
Rio resisted the urge to tell Jay that digital cameras don't roll. "Yeah, I mean, that's what happens when you're new, and that's why they make you sign the form. You'll get paid, but you won't have any influence. They'll send me a rough edit, like they usually do, and I know this sounds harsh, but I doubt if they'll send one to you."
"Why not?"
"First of all, and I mean this with the greatest respect, but they don't know who you are, and they don't really care either. The producer gave me his card to pass onto you, which suggests he sees some potential in you, but potential don't cut it on debut. And secondly, they know that if they ask you for your comments, the only thing they'll hear from you is 'I made a mistake, I'm begging you, please don't release this, you'll destroy my life'. But they wouldn't care because they've probably heard it all before many times. Again, that's why they make you sign the form."
Jay looked at his feet. "Sounds brutal."
Rio couldn't disagree. "It is. It's a business, and just like any other kind of business, it can be brutal." He was beginning to wonder whether he needed to step in on Jay's behalf. The production company wouldn't listen to Jay, but they might listen to him.
Jay looped back to something else Rio had said. He hadn't even thought about money. "Wait a second ... you said I'll get paid?"
"Well ... yeah ... they have to pay you for your time and your performance, but as far as I know, you didn't agree on a fee with them, and you don't have a manager, so they'll probably only pay you a very small amount."
"How much?"
Rio thought. "I'm not sure, but probably almost nothing. It's mainly so they have a record in their accounts that they remunerated you. Like, in case you sued them, or whatever."
"The form didn't ask for my financial details," Jay said. The penny dropped. They'd cut him a check in good faith, but they'd post it to the fake address he gave them. He'd never see it. "Why didn't you tell me about any of this beforehand, Rio?" he asked.
Rio looked a little exasperated. "What would I have said to them? 'Hey, please hire this friend of mine as a personal favour to me, he's never been in front of a camera before and he has no prior experience whatsoever, but hey, give him a million bucks.' They would've said no, and they would've found someone else."
Jay looked back down at his feet. "Yeah ... I see what you mean."
"And you never would've met Flower."
"Yeah."
"And you never would've fucked her fat booty."
"Yeah. That was an amazing twenty seconds."
"So stop worrying, Jay. You had an awesome day yesterday, didn't you?"
"I did. But don't forget, I didn't do it for me. I wasn't looking for a new career or anything, it just seemed like something I could do to support you given you were finding the scenario a little challenging, and everything about yesterday turned out to be a complete surprise for me. Sure, some dollars and cents might've come in handy, but if what you're saying is true, it wouldn't have been much anyway, so missing the check doesn't really matter. But I guess I'm just concerned about how people I know might ... umm ... react ... if they found out what I did. Or, more likely, *when* they find out. I know we talked about this last night, but I'm still worried."
Rio did the mental arithmetic. He knew what question to ask. "OK, Jay, let me ask you this. If it was yesterday morning all over again, and you know everything you know now, and you knew you might feel like this the next day, would you still go ahead?"
Jay stared out the window, deep in thought. "Yes."
Rio knew he didn't have to intervene on Jay's behalf. Shit would work itself out, one way or another.
Rio's conundrum was more difficult. He'd reached a psychological impasse. He stood at a fork in the road, and he could see the direction each road headed in, but not their destinations.
He'd reached a point where he could no longer cope with living two separate lives. One of his lives was spent living in the public spotlight: the life of a successful male pornstar who appeared to be unquestionably straight. The other life was lived in private: he shared an apartment and a bed with a man.
Each of these lives were at least partially fictitious, and he felt the need to reconcile the two halves of his soul.
Rio stared out the window. One fist gripped the handle of his coffee cup, the other hand wrapped around the outside, feeling the warmth of the brew.
Jay fixated on Rio's thick fingers wrapped around his mug. "How are *you* feeling, Rio? I mean, after what you were saying last night?"
Rio looked at the floor. He drained his mug and rested the empty cup on the kitchen counter. He looked at Jay. "I don't fuckin' know what to do," he said, throwing his hands into the air.
"Do you want to talk about it?" offered Jay. He knew Rio's dilemma was significantly more important than his own.
They sat at the kitchen bench. There was a little more coffee left in the pot, so Rio poured half of the remaining liquid into Jay's mug and half into his own.
