Their first semester was ending. Mike and Josh had spent almost every night together and tried hard to be together whenever possible during the day. Josh thoroughly loved this, as he was very much in love with his friend. He didn't let the fact that Mike didn't fully share the feelings he had, but he was worth waiting for. Josh also didn't let his love life outside their relationship wane. He occasionally shared the bed of a few of the girls he had met on campus. His favorite was Jamie, the first girl he had sex here at college. They had become very close friends with benefits. Jamie had continually made it clear that she didn't want to have a relationship with any one person. Jamie had been introduced to Mike at the StuLo and they had even had a threesome one weekend.
Mike, on the other hand, out of lack of time and his mixed feelings for Josh, wasn't quite as successful with the girls. He had an occasional one-night stand, but never felt a connection with anyone. He wasn't attracted to any other guys, either. As a sports science major, he had plenty of opportunities to get to know other guys, especially in the locker rooms, but he always felt ambivalent around them. He watched as other guys formed bonds, sexual and platonic, but he just didn't feel anything.
Mike and Josh had decided to go home for the winter/holiday break. Mike talked with Josh as they were making their plans for the break. Mike had said he felt the need for a break in their relationship. Josh was a little shocked but understood. Josh agreed to keep his distance unless he was called for. Mike promised that he would make sure they saw each other frequently but not for sex, necessarily.
Finals week turned out to be hell for Mike. He had exams nearly every day. He would study late into the night and then leave at first light. Josh's week was not nearly as tough, having only taken Gen Ed classes his first semester. He still hadn't decided on a major. This was something he hoped to resolve while on break.
Because of Mike's schedule, they hadn't slept together all week. Josh hooked up with Jamie one last time before the break. They said their goodbyes and promised to keep in touch.
When Josh came home the next morning, he found Mike asleep at his desk. Mike woke with a start, looked at the clock and swore. He grabbed a towel, ran to the shower then changed into street clothes. He kissed Josh and ran out the door. Josh sat on the bed and sighed. Could he really do without Mike for a month? He was having trouble with just a week. He pulled off his clothes and laid back on his bed. He played with his dick, slowly, thinking about his night with Jamie and what he wanted to do with Mike. It wasn't long until he felt his build. He stroked hard and fast. Minutes later he thrust his hips up and spewed hard, come landing on his chest then his belly and finally dripping down his softening member. He licked his fingers and scraped himself clean, sucking his seed from his hands. He got up, grabbed his robe and towel, and headed for the shower.
Mike didn't have exams on the last two days of the semester. Josh had finished his exams the day before. Mike had shared Josh's bed both nights and they sucked and stroked each other until empty and sated. Josh tried to remember that they would be taking a break. He tried to keep his feelings for his lover at the bare minimum. His heart was breaking, but he knew he could endure and hoped that the break would bring them closer.
They cleaned up their dorm room. They would be returning to it next semester, so they didn't have to take everything down and put them away. In the end, Josh had one bag to take with him. Mike on the other hand had three. Josh laughed but helped his friend down to the taxi that was taking them to the bus depot.
They had a four-hour bus ride to their hometown. They dozed, laughed, and talked. When they finally reached their destination, Josh pulled his lover into a private alcove. He attacked Mike's lips and held him tight. Mike was reluctant at first, but softened and held his lover. When they broke Josh's eyes were wet, but he held the tears back.
"Mike, I love you. You know that. I know that you don't love me the way I love you, and I respect that. But this 'break' (air quotes) is going to be hard for me. I love you." He kissed Mike again briefly and left him standing there. When Mike left the alcove, Josh was nowhere in sight. Mike felt bad. He didn't realize how much he just might miss Josh. Mike saw his dad waiting for him on the curb outside the depot and went to him.
The ride home was quiet. Mike's dad tried to ask about the finals. Mike answered as best he could, but he didn't really feel like talking. His dad asked if he was feeling alright. Dad said that he had seen Josh running off toward town and was surprised he didn't wait for a ride. This just made Mike feel worse. It really wasn't that far to Josh's house, but he felt guilty.
When Mike and his dad got home, Mike was mobbed by, in order, his mother, his sister, Jenny, and three of his female friends his mother had decided needed to be their when her very eligible son came home. His mother started suggesting that they all remove themselves to the back garden, but Mike said that he was tired and just wanted to rest. He said goodbye to the friends and had his sister and dad help him with his luggage. They lugged the bags up to what was now the spare bedroom. Mike had taken most of his stuff with him, so his mother had turned it into a spare bedroom for guests. The room still had his queen size bed, a dresser, and a desk, but that was about it. It even smelled different. He unpacked his bags and went down to the kitchen.
His dad was sitting at the table, reading his newspaper, and drinking a beer. He looked up from the paper and smiled at Mike.
"Your Mom and sister went to get a couple of things for tonight's dinner. Your mom is hoping, translation strongly suggesting, that you be home tonight."
Mike chuckled, grabbed a soda from the fridge, and sat down next to his dad. "I hadn't planned on going anywhere." Dad returned to his paper and Mike sat quietly. When his dad had finished the section he was reading, he put the paper down and looked at Mike.
"Is everything okay with you and Josh? It's not like him to run off like that," Dad said with concern.
"Ya, ya, everything is great," Mike started, but then he changed his expression. "Actually, Dad, things have been really great this semester with Josh. He and I got really close. So close that we shared a bed nearly every night." Mike paused to see how his father would react. Dad didn't seem fazed at all.
Dad nodded and then looked his son straight in the eye. "Mike, my dear son, I am happy you have found someone to be with. I would be dishonest if I said that it doesn't shock me a little, but then again, I am not really surprised. I thought that Josh might be gay. You, I didn't think you were. Having said that, I think you must make your own decisions in your life and if this is what you choose, I will support and love you."
Mike got tears in his eyes. He had never heard his dad speak such kind and loving words to him. It made him want to jump up, run to Josh and embrace him fully with his love. However, there was still that nagging thought at the back of his mind that made him doubt what he wanted.
"Thank you, Dad. Honestly, I don't know what I want in my love life. I do feel for Josh, but not like he feels for me. I decided I needed a break during the holidays to get my feelings for him in order. Hell, I don't know...."
Dad looked at him sympathetically. He put his hand on Mike's arm to reassure him. "Mike, do you love Josh? I mean romantically?"
Mike had thought long and hard about this lately. "I remember in a high school psychology class," he said after a moment, "we discussed the different kinds of love. I feel like I have Storge or familiar love for Josh, but we have moved quickly through Ludus, playful or flirting love. He is in Eros, romantic love hoping to have Pragma or enduring love with me."
Dad nodded in understanding and waited.
"I feel strongly for Josh, "Mike continued. "I just can't get over some of the stigma that comes with that type of relationship. Josh told me once that he doesn't "give a flying flock of fucking ferrets (sorry) what others think."
Dad laughed at Josh's remarks. "Why do you feel that you can't handle the stigma?"
"Dad, I'm a sports major. I will be working with men all the time. I don't want them to feel uncomfortable around me."
"Are you attracted to other men?"
Again, Mike stopped and thought. He remembered his thoughts in the locker rooms. "You know, I was thinking about that a while back. I see naked men all the time, but I have never really felt any attraction to them. I will occasionally think, oh, that guy's dick is big or that guys built. But I am never turned on by them. On the other hand, when I am with Josh, dressed or naked, I feel very attracted to him. I want him."
Dad smiled and nodded again. "I think your love analysis is very close to what you feel. Now as far as working around other men is concerned, I would have to agree with Josh. You shouldn't give a flying flock of fucking ferrets either."
Mike had only heard his dad use vulgarities on maybe a handful of occasions, usually if mad.
"So, what are you going to do?" Dad said with a more serious tone.
I shrugged. "That's one of my goals this break. To sort out my feelings for him."
Dad nodded again. "You'll do what's best."
Just then Mike's mom and sister came in with several bags each. Mom shooed them out of the kitchen so she could get dinner started. Mike's sister grabbed a soda from the fridge, told him to grab his and then pulled him out to the back garden. They sat on the patio swing.
"How's college?" Jenny said with a smile.
"I like it. I can't say it's really fun, because I am always working on my schoolwork."
"Only schoolwork? No girlfriend?"
"No girlfriend."
"Boyfriend?" she said a little warily.
He didn't answer but smiled.
"You're gay?" she said with surprise.
"No," he said confidently.
