Towards the end of the second movie Matt started to become very tired. He leaned closer and closer, almost cuddling up against my shoulder until he finally fell asleep. I carefully adjusted my position so he would lie comfortably against me. Barely could I resist the urge to caress his face and his beautiful body. As he lay there in my arms I could not deny it anymore. I was in love with my best friend. Who had just moved in with me. Well... Fuck.
Without me really noticing, my right hand played with a lock of his long black hair. He moved and opened his eyes a little. "Alex?" he blinked, "what are you doing in my bed?" I quickly let go of his hair and tried to sit straight without pushing him away.
"As you might notice if you opened your eyes again, we are in my room on my couch and we were watching the most epic movies ever recorded, until someone decided to fall asleep after not even two DVDs." Now Matt straightened himself and looked around.
"Oh... Sorry. I didn't mean to. Lord of the Rings is great. I really like it. It's just that I didn't sleep well last night and I'm pretty tired now. Maybe we could continue tomorrow?"
"Sure thing, but I won't let you get out of this easily," I threatened with a smile on my face. "You are going to see these movies, sooner or later. But let's call it a day for now." I mussed up his hair and added: "For your consolation: I didn't make it much longer when I saw it for the first time. Then again, I was nine years old, so I'm not sure if that counts." He stuck out his tongue, wished me a good night and scuffed into his room.
I cleaned up a little and went to bed as well, even though I knew I wouldn't be able to sleep so soon. What the hell was I supposed to do now? How long could I possibly hide my feelings for Matt, when he was around me 24/7? How long could I resist the urge to hug him, kiss him, tell him how much I loved him? My thoughts were churning. I didn't want to lose my best friend; I was so afraid to scare him away. Matt didn't even know I was gay. Maybe that should be the first thing to tell him? On the other hand, he was not homophobic, of course, but almost everyone in our hometown was, and what if that influenced him so he wouldn't want to live here with me anymore if he knew? I felt incredibly helpless. This wasn't fair. I rolled over for the forty-second time. And then I heard Matt scream.
Matt's scream was not a little shriek but an ear-splitting, blood-curdling sound of fear and terror. I had heard him scream like that quite often when we had been children. He used to have the worst nightmares and cry in his sleep, unable to wake up. Without even thinking I stood up, walked into his room and turned on the lights. Matt was tossing and turning, crying and mumbling.
I held his shoulders and shook him carefully to wake him up. "Matt, it's okay! It's okay, I'm here, wake up!" At first he didn't react at all. Then, all of a sudden, he opened his eyes wide. It took him a moment to recognize me. As soon as he did he threw himself into my arms. I held him, caressed his back and head and hummed quietly. Slowly his sobbing and trembling subsided. "I'm sorry," he whispered. "I had one of these dreams again. I was with you, everything was just fine but suddenly everything went black, you were gone and there was blood everywhere. People from our town showed up. They looked dead and completely emotionless. They had knives and they cut me apart. I screamed and tried to run but my legs were hurt too much. They were laughing as they cut my flesh. Then you came and woke me."
He had tears running down his face when he looked at me. I wiped them away carefully. "Hey, I'm here. I won't go away, I promise. I won't leave you alone with all that. Okay?" He nodded. , After a short pause I asked: "Was that the first time you dreamt something like this?"
"It was the first time since I moved here. At home it happened every fucking night." No wonder he had looked so pale and tired when he arrived here, I thought to myself.
Suddenly something else about him caught my attention. Matt wasn't wearing a shirt but that was not what distracted me. What shocked me was that his whole belly was covered in cutting scars, some of them looking not older than two weeks. "Matt..." I whispered, and couldn't help but stare. He winced when he understood what I was so upset about and tried to cover himself with his blanket, but I didn't let him. "Matt, did you do this?"
