Rory and Sebastian

-- This is the third installment in the 'Rory and Sebastian' series. I am very sorry it's taken so long. I have been travelling! I hope you enjoy it and thanks to everyone who was so complimentary about the first ones! There'll be more to follow --

I think that it's always a good idea to beat off before a party. Especially if there's going to be someone there that you like. My laptop sat open on my bed and so did my legs. I was fist pumping away, using my prejac as lube. On the screen was a Facebook photo of Rory Masterton on vacation; topless in the Mediterranean. He was smiling into the camera and standing alone. He had green swimming trunks on, just visible beneath the water. I'd realize later how rare those kind of photographs were. He wasn't tagged in it, actually. I'd come across it in the FB album of a mutual friend, Robbie, and thought it was time to get pumping. A light dusting of dark hairs flecked on Rory's tanned chest and there was that hot little twinkle in his eyes. I imagined 69ing him and then flipping him over to fuck him, doggy style, until he couldn't walk for a week.

Only a few days after properly speaking to him for the first time, I had acknowledged to myself that I was crushing on Rory Masterton. Hard. And tonight I'd be seeing him at Robbie's house party -- his best friend and my team mate. I'd also be running into Josh, who would be doing everything in his power to make sure he ended up bouncing up and down on my penis. So the tactical jerk off was necessary to make sure that I didn't either cream myself the moment I saw Rory or get so drunk and horny that I ended up taking Josh out to Robbie's back garden to do him in the bushes like I'd done three weeks ago.

I threw my head back slightly as I came. There was a lot of it; splattering onto my six pack and my happy trail of stomach hair. I lay back for a moment. There was a tiny bit of sweat on my body. That had been a good wank. I smiled at the laptop, logged out of Facebook and closed the screen. I hadn't heard from Rory since bumping into him in the school corridors the morning after I had sex with Josh, but I couldn't stop thinking about him and I know we had chemistry when we spoke at the school playing fields. Maybe I was being dumb, but I thought I could date this guy? At least take him out on a date; a proper date, not a bullshit one or a grope at a house party. Maybe I should ask him out on a date tonight? Maybe. He was cute. And really funny. And I was an arrogant dick -- so why not ask him? The arrogance was part of my charm. Allegedly.

I bounced naked out of bed and headed into my bathroom. I stepped in and turned the power on. It was a strong shower -- or, as strong as you can get in England. Don't get me started... Anyway! The water fell over my body and the cum was washed away. I began lathering up; I love that feeling. I ran the suds over my body and relaxed beneath the spray. It'd been a rough game of rugby today, but we'd won, which meant tonight's party would be a hell of a lot better -- fuck knows our host would be in a much better mood. Robbie took losing badly. In everything. My muscles felt soothed again in the shower and I relaxed. I thought about what I was going to wear tonight and whether to split a taxi or lifts with my friend Daniel. I thought of Rory again and smiled. He really was cute.

*

I got there late, with Daniel. The party was already buzzing and I'd already seen another team mate, Sean, hooking up with Caroline, one of the popular girls he'd been crushing on for a year. I was wearing a rugby shirt with a popped collar, which is significantly less douchebaggy in England than it is in the States and okay if you're 18. At least, that's what I tell myself! Hey -- look, it fitted me well and sat nice on the jeans. You could see a nice line of the Calvin Klein boxers above my dark denim jeans. I felt good and I smelt good. I just hoped I wouldn't open my mouth, stay something stupid and ruin it all with Rory.

I didn't see Rory, or Josh, for the first half hour of the party. Maybe a little longer. I ended up playing some beer pong with a few of the lads from the rugby team and getting the low down on his hook-up from Sean, once he finally removed himself from Caroline's face. I drank a lot, but I did my best not to break the seal. But by 10.30, I couldn't take it anymore. My bladder felt like it was about to burst. I took off to the bathroom and, wouldn't you know, bumped right into Josh. There was a flicker in his eye and a relaxation in his body, which told me instantly that he'd been looking for me. It's what your body silently does when it finds its target. I inwardly groaned, but outwardly smiled politely. As non-committal as I could be without being openly rude. I tried to step past him.

"Hey," he said, blocking my path. It was short and sarcastic -- a kind of "oh, you're just going to walk past me?!" kind of "hey." The kind of passive aggressive "hey" that I really, really hate.

"Hey," I replied. Again, non-committal. I smiled again and raised my eyebrows. I wanted to make him feel a little dumb. I wanted him to realize that standing in my way in the middle of a hallway at a house party when we hadn't come together and I was en route to the bathroom was fucking weird. I wanted him to get out of my way and I didn't want him to start anything.

"Having fun?"

"Taking a piss, actually, dude. If I can."

"Don't let me stop you, then."

"I won't. If you move?"

He wanted me to touch him. He wanted me to physically move him out of the way. He wanted physical contact because he'd told Natalie and Suzanne that I was rough or something. That we had a complicated, passionate relationship. He'd pulled this kind of shit before. I knew what he was up to. The second I touched him, it'd confirm everything that he'd told Natalie and Suzanne. I'd be confirming his lie. See, Josh always thought I was far more stupid than I actually was. I knew the two girls must be somewhere nearby; somewhere in the crowd of people. But I didn't want to look for them. Because if they saw me look at them, then if I didn't behave in the way Josh had told them I would, then he'd be able to say that it was because I'd seen them.

By the way - the only thing that's worse than this complicated kind of high school nonsense existing in the first place is that I actually now understand how it works.

Thanks, Josh.

Just at that moment, Virginia Reilly swept past and even Josh had to step aside. Virginia was so mean she made Regina George look like Mother Teresa. She was also, without doubt, Rory Masterton's best (girl) friend. I saw Josh eye the gap that he'd made when she asked him to move - the second she passed by, he tried to step back into the centre of the narrow hallway, blocking me again. But he couldn't, because, as ever, Rory was following in Virginia's wake. His hand -- those long, elegant, tapering fingers of his -- shot out from nowhere and deftly guided Joshua's torso back towards the wall. Rory now stood in the space that I wanted to get through. A small smile danced on his lips as he regarded Josh and I -- he was looking at us with slightly superior amusement. He was wearing a white shirt and dark jeans. He smelled, as always, absolutely incredible. If I hadn't been about to pee my pants, I'd have jizzed in them. The awkward life of an 18 year-old, I guess.

"Sorry, Josh, I just needed to get past," Rory said, in an impossibly polite tone that I saw instantly made Josh so angry he wanted to swallow his own chin.

"Me too," I said, quickly.

"He needs to pee," interjected Josh, aggressively.

"How fascinating," Rory responded. He was so English it was unreal sometimes. "Well then, I'll let you past first, Sebastian - since it's an emergency."

"Thanks, Rory," I said, as he pressed himself up against the other wall and I squeezed between him and Josh. What I did next was incredibly awkward and it definitely hurt Josh's feelings, but I was 18, I was smitten, I hadn't seen Rory all night and I didn't want him to disappear off into yet another 3 hour bitchathon with Virginia and Caroline. I thought, 'Fuck it,' and spoke, even though Josh was standing, literally, right behind me. Fuck it. "Dude, I'd stop and chat, but there's something I need to take care of."

"Your ankle?" Rory asked, still smiling. Still flirting!

"That'll come later," I winked. Josh couldn't see the wink, but I could feel him getting agitated. Fuck it. Fuck it. Fuck it. "Where'll you be, later?"

"Come find me," he said, easing past me. Little bitch was playing hard to get. That's okay. That's hot. I winked at him. I was feeling cocky. And a little drunk. We parted company and I made it into the bathroom at the end of the corridor before Josh could reinitiate -- or reignite -- conversation. I let out a long stream of piss and groaned. It feels fucking amazing when you empty after that big a build-up.

I emerged from the bathroom and there were people in a line outside; none of them were Rory and Josh. I said hey to a friend from my History class and went off in search of another drink.

*

"Hey, Seb!"

I turned at the sound of Robbie's voice. He was outside, smoking with a few guys from the rugby team. I said hi to them all, but they meandered back inside and I sat down next to Robbie to shoot the breeze.

"Well," he asked, "how's your night? I'm so fucked when my parents get home."

"It's not that messy."

"True, but Mummy's a neat freak. Hit on Josh yet?"

"No," I answered. I sounded a bit harsh, which I shouldn't have been. I felt bad. Robbie was a good friend. "Sorry."

"Rory, then?"

I looked up at him and we exchanged a knowing look. "Alright, you got me."

"I knew it!"

"He's so hot," I groaned. "And he's just ... I mean, Robbie -- help me out!"

Robbie stubbed out his cigarette. "Listen, bro, y'know that Rory's not the kind of guy who goes for one night stands, don't you? He's not like that. I just thought I'd let you know that. As a friend."

"I'm not like that, either," I said, defensively. Robbie smirked and looked at me as if to say 'are you serious?' "I didn't like any of those other guys, Robbie. Not really! They were just ... there."

Robbie looked momentarily taken aback. "But you really like Rory?"

"Yeah."

"Really?"

"Yeah! I can't stop thinking about him," I said. I hung my head ruefully and smiled a little. It was cheesy and pathetic, I knew that, but it was true. I was in full crush mode. I couldn't think about anything else. "Has he said anything about me?"

"He has, yeah."

"Robbie? Tell me!"

"Dude, he really likes you, too. He thinks you're funny and you're exactly the kind of guy he says he likes." I felt myself get a little light-headed, which is the point I realized that I must like Rory far more than I'd thought. "But..."

I landed on that. "But what?"

Robbie looked at me with that awkward look between guys when they know it's against the guy code to tell another dude not to be an asshole, but they have to because now it affects someone else that they love. "He doesn't want to get involved in the whole you-and-Josh thing, Seb. I mean, he really, really doesn't. As long as that's going on, he says he won't go near you. He thinks Josh is a psychopath who'll kill him as he sleeps if he goes anywhere near you."

"There is no 'me-and-Josh,'" I said. Even as I said it I knew how lame it sounded, given that you could still see the hicky I'd planted on Josh's neck from three days ago.

"Seb, c'mon."

I put my head in my hands. "Ugh, I know! It's so fucking annoying. Why can't I just keep my dick in pants and out of Josh's ass?!"

Robbie laughed. "He's a hotty, I guess, and he's a total slut. It's bound to happen." I loved Robbie in that moment. So hetero, so bro, so at ease in himself. Such a good friend. He could talk to anyone. He was a good guy. "But Rory's not," he said, "and he needs to be looked after."

His tone had changed. I have a little sister. I knew what the tone change meant; I knew what I was about to get. I was about to get the warning or "the talk" or whatever you want to call it. Robbie cleared his throat and looked at me. He was a handsome guy; especially when he was deadly earnest, like he was right now.

"Seb, Rory and I met when we were four years old and I love him. He's my brother. Not like my brother - that guy IS my brother. And I love him. He doesn't deserve to be hurt and if you're serious about liking him, I think you two would be great together. But don't dick around with him and don't use the fact that you like to have sex as an excuse to keep Josh in the picture. I'm a guy - I feel your pain. I know how that kind of stuff happens. But you have to step up to the plate. He's a good guy, even if he doesn't always act like it. Don't fuck it up."

The breeze was cold and it blew through Robbie's garden. The trees rustled nearby and I sighed. He was right. Rory had a self-possession and an elegance which, even then, I knew was rare in an 18 year old. In the same way, I knew I had height and confidence that was rare, too. He didn't feel like a one night stand or something to drag out into long, annoying confusion like me and Josh. I wanted Rory all to myself. I felt Robbie looking at me and I squeezed his hand. "Thanks, dude."

"Anytime. Now, fuck off and go talk to him."

*

I weaved my way through the party guests and was preparing myself to do the best flirting of my life when, like the ghost of Christmas Annoying, Josh appeared in front of me with an über-belligerent expression on his face. He was too drunk now to keep up the perpetually easygoing façade he'd gone with all week. I was tipsy and determined to get to Rory. It wasn't a good combo for either of us.

"Can I talk to you?" he asked, aggressively. There wasn't anything passive about it this time. I'm not religious, but bumping into him right after Robbie's chat seemed like a sign or something. Better to get it over with now.

"Sure," I answered.

"Come in here," he said, pulling me into an empty laundry room. A couple of half-consumed bottles of Jack littered the drier. Having pulled me in, Josh wasn't letting go of my arm, so I gently extracted it, leant against the drier and crossed my legs.

"What do you want, Josh?"

"You know what." He looked miserable, but determined. I couldn't tell if the misery was real or not. Like the time he'd cried at his 18th birthday party about his friends. I couldn't tell if it was for attention or not. I didn't know, but my gut told me he was just a very good and very selfish actor.

"We're not having sex again, Josh, and we're not going to date." I was being cold and, deep down, I knew that I was also being kind of cruel. But I had to be - this had to end. "You said it could just be casual, but it clearly can't be."

"It can!"

"It can't, Josh!"

"We're so good together."

"Only in sex, Josh," I reasoned. "Only in sex."

"What else matters?" he lied. I hoped he was lying. Or being stupid. Or drunk. I hoped, for his sake, he didn't really mean that. I hoped he didn't think sex was all there was.

"Personality, Josh. There's personality. And love. Friendship. A relationship. We can't have that, Josh, because we just don't get along with each other."

"I get along with you!" he retorted. He was lying again, or stupid, or drunk. Again.

"No, you don't! I annoy you more or less all the time. You don't like me. Not really. You think you do, but you don't. And it can never be just sex with you, Josh. You know that. C'mon, dude -- tell me you can see that? Look at us! We don't work." He swayed slightly. He looked upset. Deep down I knew that if there was another gay guy around -- one he actually got along with -- he'd never be doing this. But I was the only one he was crushing on right now. He hated Rory and he had very few gay friends. I was all there was for him to fixate on and I was realistic enough to know that. I wasn't special to him -- I was all there was.

"It can just be fun," he whined. He was trying to be seductive. Sober, he could do it. Drunk, he couldn't. "We could do it now. Let's do it. Fuck me."

I felt mortified for him. I started to blush. For him. "No, Josh," I said, quietly. "I'm so sorry, but I don't want to. Please."

"Why?" he shouted. His eyes brimmed with tears. He hadn't looked this upset when I'd insulted both our personalities, but I realized that Josh was a pretty guy whose whole personality was caught up in being pretty.

"Because I like someone else," I said - stupidly, idiotically and moronically thinking that it would make it better. Obviously, it didn't. Obviously, it made it ten times worse. The second I said it, Josh got a crazy look in his eyes and the word, "Rory?" was out of his mouth almost instantly. I deliberated for a minute. I wondered if telling him was a good idea, but I was feeling confrontational. Like I was proving it to someone and if I told Josh, it would force me to tell Rory tonight. It would spur things on. So I thought.

"Yes," I answered. "Rory. I really like him."

"Are you serious? Why? He's an arsehole!" Josh hit back. His eyes swimming with tears. "He's an ugly, fat, evil, stupid, mean, stuck up shithead! Why him?"

"He is not ugly and he's not fat!" I retorted. Before remembering that 'stupid', 'evil' and 'mean' were things I should also have commented on. "He's none of those things, Josh. You don't even know him."

"Neither do you!"

"Josh..."

"Do you think he's hotter than me?"

It was a terrible question and probably one of the most awkward of my life. The truth was that, objectively, I gotta say that Josh was, and is, actually technically better-looking than Rory. Josh was very, very sexy and, like I said, he had the whole Zac Efron thing down pat. Rory was handsome, sure, but impartially Josh won on the technicalities. And in my idiot head, I thought that if I conceded that point -- if I gave him that -- it might be kinder. It might make it easier. I didn't know it would unleash the seven hells of Rory Masterton on me.

"No," I said. "I don't. You're..."

"See! You think he's ugly. You know he's not hot."

"That isn't what I said," I reasoned. "You're hot, Josh, yeah, but we've nothing in common and Rory ..."

"What?" he sneered.

"Rory makes me smile." I knew I sounded dopey, but I didn't care. He did. And Josh didn't. Josh launched himself at me and kissed me on the lips. I pushed him away and stepped aside. "No, Josh," I said. "I'm sorry, but -- no. I'll see you on Monday."

I walked out of the room and didn't look back. I felt like an asshole, but it was the right thing to do. It was. I think maybe Josh cried when I left -- although knowing him he may just have thrown a hissy fit and run off to find Natalie and Suzanne. Who knows? Anyway, I stepped out into the hallway and looked around. It was empty, but the kitchen was nearby and it was buzzing. I looked in and saw Virginia, Caroline, Judith and Claudia talking together -- the 'mean girls', Rory's friends. He wasn't with them.

"Have you guys seen, Rory?" I asked. As a rugby player I just about had enough social credibility to initiate conversation with them without them spitting cobra venom at me.

Virginia nodded, but didn't really look at me. "He went home," she said. "He wasn't feeling well."

"When?"

"Just now," she answered. Slightly irritably. Repeated questions always riled Her Imperial Majesty.

"Did he get a cab?"

"No. He walked."

I looked towards the front door, grabbed my coat from the rails and walked out. I still had my buzz from the beer and I wanted to talk to him. And talking away from the party might actually be the best thing, actually. Plus, I didn't want him walking home alone on country roads in the middle of the dark. The slightly chilly air hit me as I swung the door open and stepped out into the Kent countryside air. I threw my jacket on and started walking.