-- This part of the story is told from Rory's POV, rather than Sebastian's, like all the others. Which was a bit of a challenge for me. All the main characters are 18 or above --
Maybe I was being stupid, but there was a crease in my school shirt that just would not go away. It was so intensely and profoundly irritating. It was one little flaw that I knew I'd see every time I looked in the mirror that day. I tutted and looked up at my hair; it, at least, looked fine. Which is about as good as I could expect from it, I suppose. My teeth were straight and white – kind of like my embittered, late great-grandfather's vision of the ideal population. I cleared my throat and swallowed.
Getting ready for school was an ordeal at the best of times. Like a vanity-fuelled OCD of constant checking. But it had become ten times worse since realising that I had a boyfriend to impress when I got there. 'No, you don't,' snapped the sensible little voice in my head. 'You don't have a boyfriend. You have a guy who took you out to dinner, once, and kissed you, twice.' That voice then went on to remind me of the less-than-sexy psycho meltdown I'd taken in front of my proto-boyfriend on Saturday night, because some slutty bitch-twink he'd been involved with had called me fat. As bad seductions went, it probably had to rank up there with Adolf Hitler's marriage proposal in the bunker.
Falling so hard for Sebastian had definitely not been intentional, nor had the rapid build-up to our first date. If that's what it was. It is what was, idiot – it was quite clearly a date. I do this; I second guess myself all the time. He called it a date; therefore it was a date. Don't over-think things. Neediness is annoying – do not embrace it. If Sebastian wanted neediness, he'd still be the Whore-Bitch Joshua. The problem with this unexpected crush of frankly epic proportions was that, until sometime last week, I'd held a generally low opinion of Sebastian. When I thought about him at all, which was very rarely, I thought of him as this kind of cocky jock, who seemed totally out of place at an English school, and whose sole interesting feature was that he was the only (openly) gay member of the school's rugby team. I'd spoken to him, maybe, a dozen times in my whole life and never in any great detail. I knew people thought he was really good looking. And he was. Is. He is legitimately stunning, in a sort of rugged, handsome, masculine sort of way. It's his confidence that makes it. Well, that and the muscles, the dirty blond hair and the brown eyes. He's actually a beautiful man. Not beautiful in a pretty boy way. He's a man. He's really... I don't know. He's solid and he's kind and he's infuriating and wonderful, all at the same time. I can say now that Sebastian is the great love of my life and I that felt that about him, genuinely, very early on.
But not, of course, on the day after the first date. Even teenage love moves slightly slower than that. On that Tuesday, I was struggling, a little, with a deep urge to see him and a niggling fear that I didn't want to be his next Joshua. I might even last less time than Joshua had – after all, Joshua was stunningly good looking. Provided that you didn't look too closely at him. If you did, you'd soon realise that there was no light behind the bambi-eyes, apart from the special gleam endowed by his latent insanity. I'm being mean, yes, but I really, really hate Joshua Peterly.
I put my blazer on and forced myself to look away from the reflection. There was no point doing that to myself, not today – this was as good as it was going to get. I might as well just accept what God has given me and work with it. Do not obsess. Do not obsess. Do not obsess... 'do not obsess' is the quiet little mantra of crazy, tapping over and over in my head like a neurotic metronome.
My phone beeped and I looked at it as I walked down the stairs. It wasn't from Sebastian; it was from Virginia. Her dad was about to confiscate her phone (harsh) and I was bringing her in my spare one. Sorry, Papa Reilly – we've outmanoeuvred you on this one!
*
I saw Sebastian as soon as I walked up to the school entrance. He was standing waiting for me outside the foyer. He had one hand in his pocket and he was eating an apple. The second he saw me, he tossed it into the bin and smiled. I thought I saw him jolt forward slightly, as if he was considering walking over to me. But he thought better of it and made me come to him. He liked to play games, which was okay, because I did too. He was clever, which I liked, and slightly teasing and mocking, which I liked even more - even though I never thought I would. I took myself too seriously. I knew that. So did he. He was good for me, in that respect.
'My phone isn't working,' he said, instead of a hello. 'That's why I didn't text you this morning.'
'Oh,' I shrugged. 'I hadn't noticed.'
'Liar,' he smirked. We were standing outside the school doors staring at each other. He really was tall. He smelt nice, too. Freshly-washed; like he always did. 'You're such a little fucking bitch-liar.'
No-one had ever called me something so vile and said it in such an affectionate tone. I smiled at him and put my hand on my forehead to shield my eyes. The sun was blinding today. An autumnal sun - bright, but not too warm. 'You're so charming.'
'I know,' he said. 'So, dinner tonight?'
'Yes,' I answered, without even thinking. I thought he'd tease me about how quickly I'd answered, but he didn't. He just gave a smile and nodded; he was pleased. Clearly and obviously pleased. 'What time?' I asked.
'I'll pick you up at seven.'
'Do you want to maybe go see a movie?' I said. It was more of a reflex than anything else; there wasn't anything I particularly wanted to see. He hesitated for a moment before answering, which I took to mean he hadn't really wanted to see a movie. But he said yes and said he'd check the times. We walked in together and I saw Virginia and Caroline staring over at me, analysing what was going on. They'd known about the date, of course, and I'd already spoken to Virginia last night on the phone about how well it'd gone. They smiled politely at Sebastian, as I fell in with them to go to our registration class. I was relieved they didn't hate him or disapprove. That would've been a nightmare. I handed Virginia over the replacement phone and the conversation turned to her father's clear case of psychosis in his mega-harsh phone confiscation punishment. Caroline called it a 'theatre of cruelty,' which, at eighteen, I thought was a bang-on accurate way to describe anyone who'd try to make someone live without a mobile phone.
*
Robbie grilled me in class that afternoon, asking for every detail. It was easier to talk to him than to the girls and I told him everything about the date. He teased me, a lot, that it hadn't gone further and he called me a cock tease. I laughed and blushed,. 'He really likes you, you know,' Robbie said, earnestly. 'He likes everything about you, Rory.' He reached under the table and squeezed my hand: 'Trust me, he does.'
I smiled weakly and squeezed his hand back. I felt like muttering a silent Hail Mary to prevent myself freaking out. I didn't know where these feelings of mounting panic came from, but every now and then they'd just crash over me, like a wave I didn't see coming. Robbie squeezed again: 'Enjoy this,' he said, firmly. If there was anyone I could ever possibly have loved more than Sebastian, it would have been Robbie. I took a deep breath and nodded. Our hands separated and I returned to listening to what the particularly incompetent teacher at the front of the class was talking about. I steadied myself. There was no reason to feel nervous. Sebastian was a good guy and, even looking at it impartially, I knew Robbie must be right – Sebastian must like me, given the way he was behaving. I shouldn't feel anything but happiness at this; there should be no feeling of panic. The tightness in my chest would go away, I told myself. I just had to concentrate hard enough on making myself relax.
